Here's a hypothetical situation regarding dating someone who has kids:

[lilminx]

Say that you're single, and casually dating someone. You find out a month or two after you meet this person that he or she has two kids with an ex.

1) Does it bother you that he or she waited until things were a little more involved between the two of you before telling you about the kids?

2) How long do you think is an appropriate time to wait before meeting the children?

 

[Aquila]

Say that you're single, and casually dating someone. You find out a month or two after you meet this person that he or she has two kids with an ex.

1) Does it bother you that he or she waited until things were a little more involved between the two of you before telling you about the kids?

2) How long do you think is an appropriate time to wait before meeting the children?

Doesn't bother me.
Don't meet the kids unless your ready to put some effort into the relationship though.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Say that you're single, and casually dating someone. You find out a month or two after you meet this person that he or she has two kids with an ex.

1) Does it bother you that he or she waited until things were a little more involved between the two of you before telling you about the kids?

2) How long do you think is an appropriate time to wait before meeting the children?

1) Do you reveal EVERYTHING about yourself with every prospective dating partner?

2) If you are just casually dating, what does it matter?

 

[Monazwx]

They should tell straight away that they have kids.
Why waste time with someone who isn't ready for kids in a relationship? I would feel betrayed if I wasn't told. You should ask right off the bat. An ex plays a big role in a relationship that has kids. It's more crucial to know about the ex rather than the kids sometimes.

Once they've gotten over the initial shock, I'm thinking maybe a month or two. Don't want to spring everything on the poor guy (or girl) at once.

 

[kotori]

1) I would never wait to tell anyone about my kids--they're too big a part of my consciousness not to.

2) I guess that would depend a lot on where the relationship was going. I must say, it's never come up for me, but then i haven't exactly been dating either.

 

[freakygirl]

Re: Re: Here's a hypothetical situation regarding dating someone who has kids:

1) Do you reveal EVERYTHING about yourself with every prospective dating partner?

2) If you are just casually dating, what does it matter?

My thoughts exactly. So instead of repeating it, I just quoted Bob.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[lilminx]

Re: Re: Re: Here's a hypothetical situation regarding dating someone who has kids:

My thoughts exactly. So instead of repeating it, I just quoted Bob.

Yes, I do understand where Bob is coming from- that's why I wanted to know what other people thought.

Oh, and it does matter (at least to me) if you're casually dating, but things might progress into something more serious, don't you think? I mean, I understand that person not wanting their "friend" to meet the kids right away, but if things start to get more serious, I think that they should meet. I'm asking though- how long befor ethey do? Someone told me "a year or two". I told him he was out of his fucking mind.

 

[Summery]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Here's a hypothetical situation regarding dating someone who has kids:

. I'm asking though- how long befor ethey do? Someone told me "a year or two". I told him he was out of his fucking mind.

I think that is beyond extreme, a year or two! As a single mom, I am upfront from the very beginning about having a child. I usually wait at least a month of dating someone steadily before making plans for the person to meet my child. If you know, it's going to become something more serious than a casual date here and there, I rather like to see how this other person and my child interact together.

 

[freakygirl]

I guess I really can't answer your questions. I have never casually dated.

I married my first boyfriend. The second boyfriend already knew about my kids. He had been a friend before he was a boyfriend. So they already knew him. Third boyfriend (the current one) already knew about the kids.. and I knew about his. Because again, he was a friend before he was a boyfriend.

 

[Ishmael]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Here's a hypothetical situation regarding dating someone who has kids:

Yes, I do understand where Bob is coming from- that's why I wanted to know what other people thought.

Oh, and it does matter (at least to me) if you're casually dating, but things might progress into something more serious, don't you think? I mean, I understand that person not wanting their "friend" to meet the kids right away, but if things start to get more serious, I think that they should meet. I'm asking though- how long befor ethey do? Someone told me "a year or two". I told him he was out of his fucking mind.

If the person I was dating was the custodial parent I'd want to know "up front". If they weren't, then it wouldn't be that important in the beginning.

A custodial parent that didn't mention the children right off the bat would be starting with a couple strikes against them.

Ishmael

 

[Soblue]

I can't imagine knowing anyone who wouldn't already know I have kids. I talk about them too much

I think it should be up front, but I wouldn't introduce them right away, until it was getting serious.

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

Hello Ish. I agree with you on that point.

When are you going to start a good new thread?

 

[Aquila]

Its not really fair to the kids to be introduced while casual.. what if you get attached to the little gremlins? what if they get attached to you? and things go south with the mama.

 

[ma_guy]

I don't know that I'd put a time limit on it but something should be said by the time the 3rd "date" is finished IMO. At that point you are pretty much "dating" and things like this are things that most people would think are pretty significant.

Meeting the kids should be held off until things are a little more serious but there isn't much excuse to hide their existance.

 

[lilminx]

Its not really fair to the kids to be introduced while casual.. what if you get attached to the little gremlins? what if they get attached to you? and things go south with the mama.

I agree with you there, but don't you think that waiting a year or two is extreme?

Ish, I agree with you too.

 

[MissTaken]

Since I have two children, I mention them almost from word one.

As a single mom with two children, I want to know if my potential date or long term partner has children, especially if he is the custodial parent.

I don't date casually, so anyone I date is someone I am considering for a long term relationship.

They have a right to know.

In terms of when it is okay to meet the children? When there appears to be a sense of commitment or exclusivity between my date and I.

AS the children's dad has a girlfriend, they understand men adn women sharing time together and not living together.

What they don't need though, is anyone else to pass through their life only to leave. Unfortunately, there are no crystal balls to tell the future,

 

[ExLimey]

I'd like to think it wouldn't change anything. BUT, realistically I'd probably be wondering what else I'm not being told about.

 

[fgarvb1]

I would have asked to start with. If she took two months to tell me the truth i would vanish in a puff of smoke.

 

[Ishmael]

Hello Ish. I agree with you on that point.

When are you going to start a good new thread?

Oh any day now LTGR, any day now.

Hope you've been doing well?

Ishmael

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

I was going by the fact that this was casual dating...to me, that means nothing serious, just dating someone and getting to know them.

I myself would tell the person up front, but I don't think that it's something required if the dating is just casual.

 

[christophe]

if you are just in a casual dating relation at first....it may not be that important unless you specifically asked the individual if they had children or was ever married....if you did and they denied the facts i might take issue to that especially if the relationship evolves into something more serious.

if the person waited to tell you then i would take it as a compliment that they enjoy your company and want to be upfront before progressing.

so far as meeting the kids...well depends on you...their ages and if you are comfy with the whole idea!

 

[WaxNWane]

Say that you're single, and casually dating someone. You find out a month or two after you meet this person that he or she has two kids with an ex.

1) Does it bother you that he or she waited until things were a little more involved between the two of you before telling you about the kids?

2) How long do you think is an appropriate time to wait before meeting the children?

1 - Sure it does. The ex isn't a big deal, but kids aren't just like any other little facet of you that will be revealed in good time. Whether one has children isn't like some odd hobby you have that you'd like to keep secret until you know the person better. It's too relevant to dating.

2 - Subjective to how the dating's going.

 

[HeavyStick]

Re: Re: Re: Here's a hypothetical situation regarding dating someone who has kids:

My thoughts exactly. So instead of repeating it, I just quoted Bob.

ditto what the freay chic said.

 

[The Heretic]

Say that you're single, and casually dating someone. You find out a month or two after you meet this person that he or she has two kids with an ex.

1) Does it bother you that he or she waited until things were a little more involved between the two of you before telling you about the kids?

Yes. Not because the person has kids, but because the person obviously withheld something non-trivial about their life from me. To tell me that she had kids is not releasing any personal info that I could use to do her any harm, or to spread around, yet it is something that a person does need to communicate right off the bat. Dating is usually done with the ultimate goal of finding a mate, whether for a night or for the rest of your life. If that person is going to be your mate for more than one night, then you will probably also be entering into a relationship with the children of that person - and that is something you need to know.

If I am even remotely interested in someone, I communicate to them a number of things about me:

a) I do have a child. She is married and on her own, but I have a child whom I love and that I have a relationship with.

b) I do not wish to concieve any more children. Becoming involved with someone who already has children is a related but different issue that I would handle on a case by case basis, but I do not wish to be the biological father to any more children. Step-father maybe, biological father no.

c) I am divorced. My marriage didn't work out because both of us (me ex and I) were very immature and I was somewhat selfish. I am not like that anymore.

I will tell people quite a lot more if I feel it is relevant. A lot of these things are just best to know up front before becoming too involved emotionally.

2) How long do you think is an appropriate time to wait before meeting the children?

That depends on the person and the children.