As America becomes more stratified, are we seeing more "throuple" relationships? Should we?

[Mike302]

The top 1% of wealthy people are getting wealthier, the middle class is becoming smaller because many are sliding into poverty.

This trend will continue for the foreseeable future.

More men are living alone, or with parents or friends, because women don't want / need them.

I posted this in another thread but wanted to segway into this thread:

How it is for the 99% of us (The non-super wealthy) in the "Western world". Matriarchy. Only a small percentage of men are truly desired. The rest are workers, soldiers, and some, "acceptable". For the times a woman is without a man the State will take money from the tax flow or directly from the father before he ever sees it. She and the kids will be okay. Many women are more educated and making more money than the men. They don't really need one.

The top shelf of desirable men will be okay, too. They attract and breed the top shelf women and have whatever relationships they want with lesser women, too, if they want.

That huge percentage of less desirable men have to go along with what the woman wants if they want her in their lives. It's cheaper and easier to accept the FLR. However, if you picked a good one, and you're awesome enough that she picks you, or just get lucky and she really cares about you and she's smart there is a good chance you'll be happier and more prosperous, anyway.

But The men who don't adapt to the FLR and engage in the power struggle end up alone and sending her money.

The ones who resist the FLR or simply aren't desirable in many ways will never have a long-term relationship with a woman or breed. This is a quickly rising percentage of young men. Fat, little income, no home of their own, and not much hope.

That seems to sum up men's choices:

1. Be tall, handsome, have wealth, etc. The world is your oyster when it comes to women.
2. Devote yourself to a smart woman so she chooses you and accept her leadership / power (Be "acceptable")
3. Be alone
4. Partner with a man (Yes, I'm serious)

The short list of options for men in America is:

1. Be a "Chad" (You get to breed)
2. Be a cuckold (You might get to breed)
3. Be alone
4. Be gay

Now that you see where I'm coming from, I can get to my supposition and thread title.

There aren't enough "Top Men" to go around. The women end up "settling", typically. They are less inclined to have children. These men, especially younger ones, simply have less to offer.

Additionally, life is increasingly expensive, singles and couples are finding it harder and harder to live comfortably and especially own a home. Perhaps the answer, better than staying with parents, is the "Throuple". Two people can work while the other takes care of the home and kids. Or 3 people working but not all full-time.

Two women, possibly pregnant at the same time, would be a tough situation. Women are usually better at managing a household, there are more young men than women desiring sex / female love and not getting it, and other reasons that I think support two men living with one woman makes the most sense. This is basically an alternate version of #2 I listed above.

Each guy gets sex / love /attention, may get to breed, have a comfortable home, and have his kids taken care of properly because they have time to do so.

The woman gets the safety of two guys to protect her, free time to take care of the kids, house, or work or delegate a guy to do those things, and sex when she wants it. If one or both of the men have some bisexuality it would be even better.

Would these mostly younger men go for sharing a woman if it meant being able to have children, a house, and other things that become available with two or three incomes working together?

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

Okay, I want to start with your prologue. I spent 20 years in a FLR. All I wanted for massive chunks of that time was for my ex to grow up and actually look after myself and our children beyond bringing in an income. I wanted him to do more than just go along with what I suggested. I had children with a man child, and raising him and our kids drove me insane. Effectively, he pushed me away with his inability to adult.

As for the throuple idea. Holy shit. I'm not saying monogamy is for everyone, and it could work for some. It certainly has some logical factors. However, the idea of having to tell 2 guys I have a headache when I am not up for it is enough to give me a headache

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

if you picked a good one, and you're awesome enough that she picks you, or just get lucky and she really cares about you and she's smart there is a good chance you'll be happier and more prosperous, anyway.

As Chris Rock famously said in one of his comedy routines….”Fellas. You were NOT her FIRST choice!”

If you work off that premise, you’ll be much much happier!

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

All joking aside, I think you may see more people engaging in Poly or “throuple” type relationships but I’ve done a little research as we put our toe in the water a few years ago with this. It’s not all it seems and from everything I’ve read, it’s probably not meant to last. Just one mans opinion. I’d love to hear from others that have made it work though.

As MissMaiden posted. In most relationships, one is enough!

 

[LMWM321]

There aren't enough "Top Men" to go around. The women end up "settling", typically. They are less inclined to have children. These men, especially younger ones, simply have less to offer.

Wow.... There's a lot to your post - perhaps too much for me to respond to. ..But as to the above.

I don't think I'm a "Top Man", but I certainly landed an unbelievably awesome woman. ..I will admit that relative to others my age I am quite good looking. Back when we met I was probably average but whereas time has put 30 lbs on most guys my age and taken all of their hair, I've maintained the exact same waist and hairline. These are genetic gifts for which I'm grateful. ..So relative to other guys anywhere near my age, I'm at least 90th percentile in terms of physical attractiveness (yeah, that's an annoying boast, but it is what it is).

But I'm not a great earner. ..I've always had a job and have always done "ok". ..But since our 3rd year after college and through the entirety of our marriage, my wife has ALWAYS earned more than me - at times more than double! Despite this, she adores me. ...Why? Well, for one, I'm not ashamed of it nor apologize for it - I'm a confident man who doesn't act diminished by it. ..Any evolved woman should want career & pay-equity and part of that means not looking down your nose at men who earn less. ..And she doesn't. But more importantly I make her laugh everyday, I express genuine interest in her sometimes painfully long stories and gripes about work and I always have her back. And I praise her beauty every damn day - and I mean it when I do! ..She's beautiful to me and I make damn sure she knows it. And she fell in love with these qualities because she got to observe them up close while we lived on the same dorm floor in college and as we dated afterward.

Unfortunately, these days... too often people use dating apps where a person is reduced to a head shot, captions, and a blurb about themselves. When they mention what they do for a living, they've then given the person looking enough to decide whether to swipe left or right. ..So fucking sad.

My advice these days is stay off the apps. Play pickle ball, golf, tennis...curling, evening classes at community college, whatever! Just go somewhere where other single people can get a better idea of who you are than an App.

So it's not all about looks, and it's not all about money...

 

[LMWM321]

However, the idea of having to tell 2 guys I have a headache when I am not up for it is enough to give me a headache

You're above comment is funny.

And NO ONE compares to Tom Waits. ..So awesome.

There ain't no devil, just God when he's drunk -Tom Waits

 

[Saint_Ann]

I blame the friggin' Mormons.

 

[Mike302]

Okay, I want to start with your prologue. I spent 20 years in a FLR. All I wanted for massive chunks of that time was for my ex to grow up and actually look after myself and our children beyond bringing in an income. I wanted him to do more than just go along with what I suggested. I had children with a man child, and raising him and our kids drove me insane. Effectively, he pushed me away with his inability to adult.

As for the throuple idea. Holy shit. I'm not saying monogamy is for everyone, and it could work for some. It certainly has some logical factors. However, the idea of having to tell 2 guys I have a headache when I am not up for it is enough to give me a headache

Well, I'm sorry the guy you picked didn't support you like he should have.

As for having to tell two guys you're not in the mood, this is why I suggested that if one or both were gay / bi, it would be a better situation!

 

[Mike302]

Wow.... There's a lot to your post - perhaps too much for me to respond to. ..But as to the above.

I don't think I'm a "Top Man", but I certainly landed an unbelievably awesome woman. ..Yes, I'm good looking. In fact, back when we met I was probably average but whereas time has put 30 lbs on most guys my age and taken all of their hair, I've maintained the exact same waist and hairline. These are genetic gifts for which I'm grateful. ..So relative to other guys anywhere near my age, I'm probably 90th percentile in terms of physical attractiveness (yeah, an annoying boast, but it is what it is).

But I'm not a great earner. ..I've always had a job and have always done "ok". ..But since our 3rd year after college and through the entirety of our marriage, my wife has ALWAYS earned more than me - at times more than double! Despite this, she adores me. ...Why? Well, for one, I'm not ashamed or apologize for it - I'm a confident man who doesn't act diminished by it. ..Any evolved woman should want pay-equity and part of that means not looking down your nose at men who earn less. ..And she doesn't. But more importantly I make her laugh everyday, I listen to her (sometimes agonizingly long) stories and gripes about work and I always have her back. And I praise her beauty every damn day - and I mean it when I do! ..She's beautiful to me and I make damn sure she knows it. And she fell in love with these qualities because she got to observe them up close while we lived on the same dorm floor in college and as we dated afterward.

Unfortunately, these days... too often people use dating apps where a person is reduced to a head shot, captions, and a blurb about themselves. When they mention what they do for a living, they've then given the person looking enough to decide whether to swipe left or right. ..So fucking sad.

My advice these days is stay off the apps. Play pickle ball, golf, tennis...curling, evening classes at community college, whatever! Just go somewhere where other single people can get a better idea of who you are than an App.

So it's not all about looks, and not's all about the money...

You sound like a great supporter / consort to your wife! AND she appreciates it!

That's a great way for a man to enjoy a long relationship with a woman today.

Do you feel you have a 50/50 power share or does one of you have a little more?

 

[LMWM321]

Do you feel you have a 50/50 power share or does one of you have a little more?

An interesting question. ..I think my wife and I would each answer that differently but the truth is it probably shifts back and forth depending on the issue. But I will say that she has NEVER thrown in my face the fact that she makes more than I or has used it to pull rank when making important family decisions - about money or otherwise. She knows she's lucky to have me and I feel every bit the same about her.

It bears mentioning that I have at critical times subordinated my career to hers - which served to exacerbate the income gap. ..But it was always a no-brainer. ..Her career was on a higher trajectory in a much higher paying industry which meant - in the long run - we'd make more money as a family if her career was the higher priority.

Over the years I've encountered a few negative remarks from acquaintances and co-workers about her earning more . ..I should let them pass but I usually don't. ..I push back hard saying something like, "if you have a problem with some women earning more than their husbands then you obviously don't believe in career & pay-equity. ..I feel sorry for the women in your life."

With regards to sex, I will say that I usually wait for her to initiate. ..But not because of feelings of inadequacy related to her making more money.. ..The fact is, she knows I'm ALWAYS horny and good-to-go, but she isn't.. If I wait for her to initiate (happens about 2x per wk) the sex will be more exciting. Every once in a while this annoys her as it denies her the thrill of being seduced. ..I've learned to recognize those signs and will of course initiate when I see them..

 

[Britva415]

women end up "settling"

If your thesis is that women will start to double up on guys, isn't that just a different kind of settling?

It isn't any sort of a solution to the perceived problem.

 

[Mike302]

If your thesis is that women will start to double up on guys, isn't that just a different kind of settling?

It isn't any sort of a solution to the perceived problem.

More income for the household (pooling resources) and she may have more free time if she chooses to. The guys get a woman in thier life.

 

[Britva415]

More income for the household (pooling resources) and she may have more free time if she chooses to

Sure, those are benefits. You don't seem to consider "settling for a non-monogamous guy" as any kind of "settling."

The vast majority of women probably would - and settling in a pretty major way.

 

[Mike302]

Sure, those are benefits. You don't seem to consider "settling for a non-monogamous guy" as any kind of "settling."

The vast majority of women probably would - and settling in a pretty major way.

That would be up for the woman to determine whether she wants the guys to only be with her or not.

 

[Kenrychard]

LOL. So my ex wife and I, before we were ex, explored multi partner sex. My experience when single included being with married couples, and I thought 2 men "Into" a woman pleasuring her was really exciting. Woman are after all the true sexual athletes, they can go on long after guys are done.. And this was something my wife wanted to try and I was thrilled to do with her. But... her choice of men and their bad attitudes, especially the last one, led me to dump her. Long story, but in the end, their refusal to play together as three pushed me out and ruined the marriage. The boyfriend also dumped her the same night I did, she tried to commit suicide, I divorced her, they ended up married but broke, I gave them a house I owned to live in free of charge, we all became close friends in the end.
If the ass wipes had done it my way in the first place we could have ended up in the same place without all the fucking heartbreak, drama, fucking financial drain and with a lot of good sex. By the time all the dust had settled( about 10 years ) and we all three were friends, his COPD was terminal, there was NO sex at all for them, and I was their primary financial support beyond his too small retirement check. ( 40 year career and no additional savings, the extremely bright two degree instructor gambled it all) He is dead now, my ex a widow and whining about it, and I just thinking, you stupid fucking bitch, the three of us could have worked this out amiably and erotically 12 years ago if the two of you hadn't been selfish fucking assholes. But I keep it to myself because she is kind of my best friend and we do have 3 kids LOL.

 

[Veeweewee]

Well, we are from Australia, but some of the same dynamics apply.

Our own case may be unique though, certainly for our age group and social strata. We are in our early sixties, wealthy. enough but not super rich or anything. It being my husband and I and a long time lady friend.

Let's call our Lady friend "G"; she was a FWB of my husband way back when they were teenagers/early twenties, before he and I met, which mostly stopped once hubby and I became engaged (It was still happening but far less frequently as I now know).

After we were married we left our state for a number of years and 3 years ago retained to our home state. Upon meeting G and her husband (also a long time friend) again, we discovered our mutual swinging lifestyle and spent many wonderful times together during the first year back.

Long story short, G and her husband separated 2 years ago and G stayed with us as a temporary thing. We soon found that living together worked really well both sexually and logistically. It has allowed both of us to explore our bisexuality to a deeper level, to the obvious delight of my husband.

We even recently had a little ceremony of union with a few close friends in the lifestyle.

So far so good.

 

[Yarglenurp]

No.

Throuplehood, polyamory clusters, etc… they are all fine and dandy if everyone is making their own money and you don’t have dependents. They all imply a certain degree of self-support so that people can leave at will without harming the greater whole or themselves in any significant way. This is not reality.

IRL, people have children, people lose their jobs, and people get sick. I’d like to believe that a polyamorous throuple (or more) could be happy raising a set of kids, but real life has shown me that even the kindest adults will have a bias towards their own kids. And if one of the earners lose their job, what do you think is the likelihood that they’ll be equally accepted?

So… no. I don’t believe formalized polyamorous clusters will be a thing. Instead, the massive wealth inequality we see today might find greater acceptance towards “traditional” multi-woman, one man polygamy, Elon Musk-style. Dude has 12 kids, and assuming he wants to leave a $5M inheritance to each of them, I imagine he’s got plenty left in the sperm bank for withdrawals. Dude probably has plans to build a “Musk villa” just to park his children, aristocrat-style.

 

[Pabiporffor]

OK girls simple question, were any of the dozen guys you slept with last week millionares? Nope, thought not.

It's amazing how ordinary everyday guys with regular jobs who aren't 7ft tall with 9 inch dicks ever find girls or wives for that matter. If only the top 1% is breeding then either I'm missing out on some serious cash or the world is full of sex starved women waiting their turn with these top men.

 

[Yarglenurp]

OK girls simple question, were any of the dozen guys you slept with last week millionares? Nope, thought not.

It's amazing how ordinary everyday guys with regular jobs who aren't 7ft tall with 9 inch dicks ever find girls or wives for that matter. If only the top 1% is breeding then either I'm missing out on some serious cash or the world is full of sex starved women waiting their turn with these top men.

The issue is that ordinary guys literally are finding fewer prospects. I’m not basing this on my own sentiments but on at least my interpretation of economic and demographic data.

I’ve been out of the dating game for a while. I’m willing to recognize, however, that it was a shit game when I was playing, and it only seems to have gotten harder since I won and found my special someone. I think data shows that younger generations are actually having less sex, in the conventional sense.

The key thing is that people these days don’t feel like they must be attached. It’s not like a guy who falls below a woman’s standards makes the woman change their standards. They’re just willing to stay single. And, as income inequality exacerbates, the standards get skewed unreasonably higher and higher.

Like, OP was saying how economics would be a driver of throuplehood, and my point is that this is based on the flawed idea that coupling is preferred over non-coupling for most people.

 

[Mike302]

The issue is that ordinary guys literally are finding fewer prospects. I’m not basing this on my own sentiments but on at least my interpretation of economic and demographic data.

I’ve been out of the dating game for a while. I’m willing to recognize, however, that it was a shit game when I was playing, and it only seems to have gotten harder since I won and found my special someone. I think data shows that younger generations are actually having less sex, in the conventional sense.

The key thing is that people these days don’t feel like they must be attached. It’s not like a guy who falls below a woman’s standards makes the woman change their standards. They’re just willing to stay single. And, as income inequality exacerbates, the standards get skewed unreasonably higher and higher.

Like, OP was saying how economics would be a driver of throuplehood, and my point is that this is based on the flawed idea that coupling is preferred over non-coupling for most people.

Yes. Most women are not settling as much anymore.

They are waiting out that top 10-20% guy. If they can get him and have the kids, great. If they can have sex with him, want his baby, get it, but lose him, oh well. The government will make him pay for the kid and collect from everyone else, too. If she only gets the sex but no kid because she doesn't want one then or he won't give her one, she can keep trying.

The 10-20% guy enjoys the sex with whatever woman he wants, and chooses which to have a baby or family with.

Those other 80-90% of guys? Well, more of them are willing to settle. But many won't breed or have much sex. Many have stopped trying.

The men, especially young men, have it extremely tough these days.

 

[Yarglenurp]

Yeah, I think it’ll balance out in the long run, but in the short run, I’m sure it just kind me of sucks.

 

[LMWM321]

Sorry to reawaken an old thread but an alert that someone liked one my contributions set me to reading much of it again...

To the guys who grumble about women's disinterest in them... Can I ask a tough question? ..Are you maybe setting your sights too high w/ respect to the appearance of the women you're trying to strike up a relationship with? ..Are you maybe allowing our beauty obsessed culture to lead you to define beauty too narrowly?

I know a few guys who are endlessly searching for partners.. What I find interesting about these particular guys is they are always aiming their sights at women who are, well...not to be too objectifying, "Hot." ... Or at least way higher on the "Attractiveness Scale" than they are.

I had a friend in college who didn't get laid ONCE during his four years because he always sought girls who were thin, busty, beautiful and well-dressed. ...And he was, well... kinda short, overweight and dressed rather frumpily. And he never once confronted this fact. He was witty, smart and a decent dude and figured that should be enough for ANY girl, including the "hottest" ones. And since it wasn't, he fumed that ALL the thin, pretty girls at the school were shallow for not being into a short, heavy guy. And maybe he was right, perhaps they were kinda shallow and maybe they did define attractiveness too narrowly - but so did he and he had a huge blindspot regarding his own shallowness.

 

[Yarglenurp]

Sorry to reawaken an old thread but an alert that someone liked one my contributions set me to reading much of it again...

To the guys who grumble about women's disinterest in them... Can I ask a tough question? ..Are you maybe setting your sights too high w/ respect to the appearance of the women you're trying to strike up a relationship with? ..Are you maybe allowing our beauty obsessed culture to lead you to define beauty too narrowly?

I know a few guys who are endlessly searching for partners.. What I find interesting about these particular guys is they are always aiming their sights at women who are, well...not to be too objectifying, "Hot." ... Or at least way higher on the "Attractiveness Scale" than they are.

I had a friend in college who didn't get laid ONCE during his four years because he always sought girls who were thin, busty, beautiful and well-dressed. ...And he was, well... kinda short, overweight and dressed rather frumpily. He never once confronted this fact. He was witty, smart and a decent dude and figured that should be enough for ANY girl, including the "hottest" ones. And since it wasn't, he fumed that ALL the pretty girls at the school were shallow and interested only in the most popular guys or guys who came from wealthy families. And maybe he was right - they were kinda shallow and they also defined attractiveness to narrowly - but he had a huge blindspot regarding his own shallowness.

Eh, I think it’s tough to apply large demo data to singular life experiences. The dude you’re talking about might very well be like your friend in college, or maybe might be a totally different kind of animal, and it wouldn’t matter either way to how the dating scene is shaking out for the “kids” today.

The apps have changed how both men and women perceive each other in the dating market. Hell, it’s basically created a global auction market, where once it was more akin to local vendors selling their wares to the neighborhood. Before, it was just guys in your social circle. Now, it’s hundreds or thousands of guys in a 25 mile radius. That is bound to bring some warped perspectives.

 

[LMWM321]

The apps have changed how both men and women perceive each other in the dating market.

No argument here - you're absolutely righ about that. ..I'm just saying that the arrival of Apps hasn't necessarily changed some people expecting a degree of physical perfection in their app-matches that they don't possess themselves. Perhaps it's precisely because they can cast a net so far and wide - using apps - that they convince themselves they can land a Scarlett Johansen girlfriend despite looking like George Castanza (I'm revealing my age with that one).

I did hear a social psychologist pitching a book on one of the morning shows a few weeks ago comment that young heterosexual women today are growing more and more frustrated over the fact that they can't find a life mate to raise a family with because young men today are only interested in one-night hookups - perhaps because Apps have made it easy to find just that.

 

[Yarglenurp]

No argument here - you're absolutely righ about that. ..I'm just saying that the arrival of Apps hasn't necessarily changed some people expecting a degree of physical perfection in their app-matches that they don't possess themselves. Perhaps it's precisely because they can cast a net so far and wide - using apps - that they convince themselves they can land a Scarlett Johansen girlfriend despite looking like George Castanza (I'm revealing my age with that one).

I did hear a social psychologist pitching a book on one of the morning shows a few weeks ago comment that young heterosexual women today are growing more and more frustrated over the fact that they can't find a life mate to raise a family with because young men today are only interested in one-night hookups - perhaps because Apps have made it easy to find just that.

Hmmm… I think it runs deeper than that. With incomes for “average” people running stagnant, and costs of housing and general living expenses having run year over year, it becomes infeasible to raise a family.

People haven’t changed, but the systems they live in do. I’m reminded of that study involving mice who were forced to live in extremely cramped, high stress conditions. At some point, a lot of them just gave up on trying to do regular mice things, like scurrying or breeding. They’d just sit, eat, and sit some more. I know humans aren’t mice, but I feel like there’s something relatable there. If you’re working for $12/hr and an apartment costs $1300/month, and you’ve got one or two major debts keeping you down (e.g., car, medical, student loans)… there’s just not much left in the tank for extracurricular activities. I suspect a lot of them would want settle down and have a family, but they’re not going to be able to bring a lot to the table, economically.