Help with a guy tied up

[razorkaren]

The guy I'm recently involved with wants me to tie him up. He likes pain and likes blood. I don't have a problem with that but have never done it before.

Can anyone give me some advice on what to do to maximize his pleasure?

 

[HB1965]

Check out the BDSM library. A lot of good stuff there

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I second CutieMouse's advice on bloodplay. You need to know how to keep it safe and sterile and what to do if something goes wrong before you try it.

Some other advice: -

Get your guy to do the legwork for you by instructing him to write down his fantasies. Be aware that most people fantasize outside of their personal comfort zone because fantasyland is safe.

If you restrain your boyfriend make sure that he can be released quickly if needed. Do not gag him while he is bound, your guy must be able to either speak or gesture if he's not coping with something.

Painplay can involve all sorts of things. clothespins are a good idea, weighting the testicles, pinching, biting, slapping, ice, wax (wax should be uncoloured and unfragranced. test a small area of skin first as the melting point varies) if you have a quick look around you're home you'll find loads of 'pervertables' or household objects that can be used in kinky play.

Work up slowly and give him a safeword or gesture to use when the pain gets too much. Master and I used "amber" to mean that I'm reaching the end of my tolerance to something or I need to pause and adjust. These days the only word I use is "red" which instantly halts the scene. Restraints are removed and play no longer continues until Master and I have discussed what it was I was unable to cope with. On a personal note, I am epileptic so I sometimes need to halt a scene without question or hesitation on Master's part. If your guy has an ongoing health issue like epilepsy or diabetes this should be considered.

I know it sounds like a lot of responsibility but unfortunately that's because it is. Be sure of what you're doing and keep your play safe.

Enjoy yourself

 

[Homburg]

The guy I'm recently involved with wants me to tie him up. He likes pain and likes blood. I don't have a problem with that but have never done it before.

Can anyone give me some advice on what to do to maximize his pleasure?

I like the French Bowline for wrists and ankles. It is secure and won't tighten, which is my big concern.

This is the first time I've seen RJ's hand tie though, and I like the concept of the quick-release. For a first time restraint, that has some very strong advantages. It sounds like you don't know this guy well, and he may like the idea of rope, but not have any experience in it. Some people get widgey when restrained, and a quick release tie may be a good bet on your first go round with him.

Do NOT support any of his weight from any ties until you have experience doing the ropework, and are dead certain that your ties will not tighten or loosen or do anything other than exactly what you expect them to do.

And keep a good pair of safety shears around, just in case.

I can't comment to bloodplay, except to echo what has already been said. Be careful with the rope though. It also does not hurt to have some knowledge of anatomy, so you don't compress various nerves and blood vessels unexpectedly. But as long as you adhere to the 2-finger rule CM mentioned, and don't do any weight-supporting ties, you should be okay.

 

[SweetErika]

I like the French Bowline for wrists and ankles. It is secure and won't tighten, which is my big concern.

This is the first time I've seen RJ's hand tie though, and I like the concept of the quick-release. For a first time restraint, that has some very strong advantages. It sounds like you don't know this guy well, and he may like the idea of rope, but not have any experience in it. Some people get widgey when restrained, and a quick release tie may be a good bet on your first go round with him.

I just tried RJ's cuff on myself, and I'm either doing something wrong, or it's tightening when more tension is applied to the ends. If that's the way it's supposed to work, it's an unacceptable technique for me personally, quick release or not. It seems I tend to attract bottoms who like to test their bonds.

I've learned a lot from this site and favor the French Bowline you mentioned and the cuffs based on a Prusik knot from that site. There are detailed tutorials for both (if I can follow them, just about anyone can - figuring out how things are put together is NOT my strong suit) and a ton of other techniques on that page.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Betticus]

The guy I'm recently involved with wants me to tie him up. He likes pain and likes blood. I don't have a problem with that but have never done it before.

Can anyone give me some advice on what to do to maximize his pleasure?

Lots of hefty lawn and garden bags and duct tape, you can never have too much of either.

*I could not resist*

 

[Homburg]

I like RJ's wrist tie, because my right wrist is screwed up (RSI/carpal tunnel issues)... it goes numb easily, and quickly. I understand the desire to play with a tie that you can't get out of easily, but I tend to approach that argument with "Well then you're just gonna have to trust me to not escape as much as I trust you to tie me up then, aren't ya?"

A properly tied French Bowline will not tighten, and, tied loosely enough, will not compress the nerves in your wrist. Nerve compression is the big reason why I mentioned knowledge of anatomy. Knowing where the radial nerve runs, and avoiding it, saves a lot of trouble in the wrist. And compression can cause more than just numbness. Tight compression of the nerve sheath can cause adhesions, nerve damage, crush trauma, etc. Nasty stuff.

I have RSI in my right wrist as well (much lessened thanks to research and proper exercise program design), and I've tied french bowlines on my right wrist before (practicing the knot with my left hand, and it is freaky hard to tie one of those on yourself) and never had a bit of numbness. I found it eminently more comfortable than leather cuffs I've made too (which generally made my wirst go numb).

Yes, I try everything out on myself that I can.

--

Sweet Erika - My initial thought on the cuff was that it would tighten under pressure. I hadn't tried it, so I was not going to make that assumption. Personally, I don't worry about quick releases, but my particular rope bunny and I have been together for a long, long time, and she and I know each other very well as a result. The only way I'll need a quick release is for an actual emergency, nto because she is having a freak-out, and emergencies are what the shears are for.

As a result, I like secure knots, much as you mentioned. While "v" doesn't struggle, we are working on learning suspensions, and secure knots are a MUST in rigging.

 

[twysted73]

She's very right...

Check out the BDSM library. A lot of good stuff there

\


GREAT resources to be found in the library.

 

[SweetErika]

Sweet Erika - My initial thought on the cuff was that it would tighten under pressure. I hadn't tried it, so I was not going to make that assumption. Personally, I don't worry about quick releases, but my particular rope bunny and I have been together for a long, long time, and she and I know each other very well as a result. The only way I'll need a quick release is for an actual emergency, nto because she is having a freak-out, and emergencies are what the shears are for.

As a result, I like secure knots, much as you mentioned. While "v" doesn't struggle, we are working on learning suspensions, and secure knots are a MUST in rigging.

If you had the same thought, I probably didn't screw it up.

The appeal of bondage for the bottoms I've worked with is knowing they're helpless and can struggle without getting out. With that mentality, I feel a lot safer with secure knots and padded cuffs, as well as a pair of scissors on hand should a split-second release be necessary. They get to struggle if they want, and I get peace of mind with the knowledge they're not going to hurt themselves by over-tightening the ropes.