Have you ever known anyone..

[SweetCherry]

who came out to you or someone you know as bi or gay, and then "changed their mind", so to speak? Where, in a conversation where they tell you that they're straight, when they thought they were gay or bi? How did it make you feel? What did you think of what they said? Did you think they really were just confused before and had come to see themselves for what they truly were inside or was it more of a betrayed feeling that you felt like they were not being true to themselve or to you, for whatever reason?

 

[buggawugga]

i had a friend who was very obviously gay. we played in the same section of the orchestra i was with and from our positions near the back, he would make comments about all the boys in the orchestra and in the audience or even about people from his school. i was the first to hear about his first boyfriend and he was so excited. the problem was that he was very strictly catholic and went to a catholic school so he was really torn between his sexuality and religion. He didn't ever backtrack and deny being gay but he would go through these really unhealthy self-depricating streams of thought where he would angrily quote bits of scripture to himself or just get really distressed about going to hell... followed inevitably by periods of trying to convince himself that he could be straight... which usually involved trying really hard to make smutty comments about girls. It was kind of sad, but i know a lot of people who would be so much happier if they just came to terms with their sexuality...

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have a very dear friend, more like a brother in many ways, who has me in a position I do not know exactly what is best to do. He has been exclusively and actively gay since he was 12 years old (and is now 38). His family have accepted him, but in varying degrees never his sexuality. His life has been devoted to living in the gay community openly and proudly, raising money for various gay related causes, owning and running gay businesses, politically advocating for legal changes to the law, organising and participating each year in the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras, counselling others with gay related issues, and a fiend to everyone.

Just over 18 months ago after a series of events in his life he had a nervous breakdown. He hit rock bottom and ended up back in the family home where his mother began working on the religious message she believes is true that being gay is evil and inviting the devil to take your soul. The result is he is now enmeshed in her world to the point of attending fulltime bible study in the hope of becoming a minister.

While I have no problem with this despite his families fanatical views, I am saddened to see him now denounce his sexuality and claim it was the devil's work. I initially reminded him how he had felt about such statements in the past, and in an effort to snap him out of it I challenged him on why if he was suddenly 'cured' he hadn't shown any interest in relationships with women. Of course he said he was too immersed in the Lord's work to allow himself a relationship.

I am all for respecting choice of the individual, but in this instance I feel he has been victimised while at his most vulnerable with illness, no money, no place to go. I struggle between letting it go and hoping it works out for him in the end, and being the friends we have always been and try to find a way to break through the barriers he has surrounded himself with. It is now like talking to a zombie his answers and conversation is so well rehearsed and distant. Anyone who has any thoughts would be most welcome.

Catalina

 

[SweetCherry]

Catalina, things like that sadden me. I have no issues with religion, in general, just with those that try to "cure" homosexuality. It makes me wonder what other things they're teaching.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Catalina...

I think the hardest thing to do...is to just be there. But sometimes that is all You can do. I have spent an inordinate amount of time dealing with people like your friend's family. I can understand his need to feel accepted and loved...especially when he was hurting and beyond all hope. If you care about him at all, all you can really do is open your heart to him and make yourself available...honestly bouts like this never last...and if he were to *backslide* i don't think he could honestly deal with it...without coming apart at the seams.
JMO...but i hope things work out...
PET

 

[Svenskaflicka]

A Swedish female singer, who belongs to a really weird Christian sect, said in an interview that she believed that gay people could be cured if you prayed hard enough for them.

I wonder if she would also be able to get cured from her religious mania if people fucked enough..?

 

[SweetCherry]

A Swedish female singer, who belongs to a really weird Christian sect, said in an interview that she believed that gay people could be cured if you prayed hard enough for them.

I wonder if she would also be able to get cured from her religious mania if people fucked enough..?

Only if it's girls fucking her.

 

[Noor]

I think some people who are very confused about their sexuality and want desperately to belong somewhere to some group will make decisions that they are straight or gay and switch between them from time to time. I think they really believe what they say when they say it, they may just be bi or not have a strong sexually orientation.

I know several women who are bisexual but are in the gay community as lesbians because being bi can be very unpopular. i suspect there are many bi people who are seemingly invisible because they have found their life mate.

I, for myself, do not believe in such labels as straight, gay or bi. I believe that people have relationships with those they like, love or are drawn to and the nature of the relationship is between those individuals and not bound by a societal definition.

A person's sexually identity is only important to me if I am interested in them as a sexually partner and then only if it includes me.

 

[BlueSugar]

I'm there for all my friends, whatever floats their boat and as long as its not causing harm to them or others we're all a great bunch. So when we all turned gay or bi or stayed straight our friends of friends went through a "i'm bi too!" stage ... it didn't bother us, we loved them too.. but then they "changed their minds" and said we were freaks and unnatural (those of us that were bi or gay) ... and I find that upsetting. Different strokes for different folks ::shrugs:: I'm happy they tried things out and tried to be open minded but oi, they stopped calling the whole nine... i dislike those people.

 

[waterhousefan]

Yes, we all must love whom we love and does the gender or our gender really matter? While I have not had any friends turn back, I have sat through the struggles of many friends who come to terms with their own sexuality.

I feel that the more different sides of ourselves we can accept, the more we understand ourselves and others around us.

Thoughts,
Waterhouse