Graduation is over, Mother's Day is here

[morninggirl5]

Despite my nightmares that some paperwork was screwed up somewhere, i received my Master's Degree yesterday. It should have been a wonderful day, instead i spent the whole day feeling like i was being pulled in three different directions. My family members were here, bringing two separate expectations, and my "best" friend was here with her own bunch of crap.

Now, it's Mother's Day. I've cried since 10:30 this morning when my mother, sister, and nephew left. I always cry when he leaves or i leave his house. He's the closest thing i have to a child (and apparently always will be) and it kills me that being able to be closer to him would mean giving up so much of me.

The one person (X) that i thought might truly care for me just for me, not for what i do or give them, or because of who i am, but just because i'm me, chose this morning to let me know that i was wrong. And i can't even hate him because he was and has always been completely honest with me.

Ten minutes later, my "best" friend shows up with her four kids. She'd been fighting with her husband again and came to me to bitch about him. She's mad at me now because she asked a question about X and i asked her to "leave it alone." She left angry at me. I wanted to scream at her, to get the hell out of my house. She has a husband who truly loves her and four children, can't she ever see how truly blessed she is.

Mother's Day has now eclipsed Valentine's Day as the day i hate most each year.

 

[lilminx]

I'm so sorry to hear that.


I would like to say congrats though, on getting your Master's- it's a huge accomplishment, one I can't wait to finally get done.

 

[Cheyenne]

Would now be a good time to congratulate you on your Master's Degree? That really is a wonderful achievement.

Why would being closer to your nephew required giving up so much of you? I don't understand this stmt. I am in the same boat as you- I love my nieces and nephew as much as if they were my own. I would do anything I could for them. I may not be a mom, but I know being loved by children. Nothing is more honest than that.

 

[morninggirl5]

I live 3 hours from my family now. It's as close as i can get and feel comfortable that i'm not going to be brought back into the constant turmoil that is my family. If i were any closer, i would be dealing with them pulling me in different directions every day. My mother wants one thing for me (a PhD), my father wants something else (me to be the daughter he left when i was 8 instead of the one that grew up without him) and my grandparents want me to be "the good one" who has a job and lives a "virtuous" life(and if i can't do that, i can marry the preacher's son now that he's divorced again). None of them ever bother to think about what i truly want.

I love my family, and i'm really glad i have them, but i can't live near them. The longer i'm there, the more i feel me draining away and their perceptions taking over.