Give me some bad advice

[ReadyForMore22]

I have a blind date Friday night. Y’all tell me the worst advice you can, and we’ll see if I’m smart enough to use or not use any of it to my benefit or demise.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

If she seems upset at any point, tell her to calm down. Works every time.

 

[ReadyForMore22]

If she seems upset at any point, tell her to calm down. Works every time.

Should I incorporate the word ‘Honey’ into that too?

 

[Cuckwannabe111]

When a woman is upset, tell her she is acting like her mother. She will see the logical comparison and immediately calm down

 

[Speshul91]

If she's angry lay a napkin across her shoulder and say there, now you're super angry, she might laugh, she might kill you.

 

[Broken_paladin]

When youre finished eating say "bitch get the check while I go powder my balls so you can suck me on the way home" hopefully she dont get lockjaw

 

[Ingenue844]

Ask for the server’s phone number and availability for a date the next night. Girls like a guy who keeps his options open.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

Tell her things in really simple terms. If she asks why you are doing that tell her it is called "mansplaining" so she will understand.

Then explain what mansplaining is.

They love it when you make things easy.

 

[ReadyForMore22]

Ask for the server’s phone number and availability for a date the next night. Girls like a guy who keeps his options open.

Serious or sarcasm?

Kidding I know that was the first bit of serious advice given

 

[ReadyForMore22]

Tell her things in really simple terms. If she asks why you are doing that tell her it is called "mansplaining" so she will understand.

Then explain what mansplaining is.

They love it when you make things easy.

You’ve got a gift sir. Keep ‘em coming

 

[Broken_paladin]

Tell her you loved the way she handled that footlong hotdog she just basically deepthroated and that only her mother did a better job on your date with her last weekend

 

[SilentSometimes]

A friend of mine went on a date and the guy did the following things:

1. He announced to the server that it was their first date
2. Then stood up from his chair and announced it even louder
3. Asked her what her last name was then demanded she prove it by showing him her drivers licence
4. Told her that she looked thinner in her driver’s license photo and she should probably get back to that.
5. Asked if she had any food allergies (she does: onions) then he order a plate of onion rings after finding out
6. “Forgot his wallet” so she paid for the date
7. Went to the bathroom when the bill came and was gone so long she assumed he left.
8. Caught up with her outside and tried to invite himself over to her place because he was “staying with a friend” and didn’t want them to be “interrupted”.

She got in a cab without him and told everyone his name so we could all avoid him forever.

So I’m sure any of those would be bad ideas. But maybe don’t order food that she’s allergic to because that’s actually terrible. I’m this case, I don’t think he knew onions could be a legitimate allergy.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

Ask for the server’s phone number and availability for a date the next night. Girls like a guy who keeps his options open.

This is not a good plan. You don't plan for tomorrow. You live in the moment.

Ask the waitress if she wants to join you and your date later that night.

 

[Broken_paladin]

A friend of mine went on a date and the guy did the following things:

1. He announced to the server that it was their first date
2. Then stood up from his chair and announced it even louder
3. Asked her what her last name was then demanded she prove it by showing him her drivers licence
4. Told her that she looked thinner in her driver’s license photo and she should probably get back to that.
5. Asked if she had any food allergies (she does: onions) then he order a plate of onion rings after finding out
6. “Forgot his wallet” so she paid for the date
7. Went to the bathroom when the bill came and was gone so long she assumed he left.
8. Caught up with her outside and tried to invite himself over to her place because he was “staying with a friend” and didn’t want them to be “interrupted”.

She got in a cab without him and told everyone his name so we could all avoid him forever.

So I’m sure any of those would be bad ideas. But maybe don’t order food that she’s allergic to because that’s actually terrible. I’m this case, I don’t think he knew onions could be a legitimate allergy.

And everyone thinks I am the bad one.. shit this dude is of legendary status

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

Don't forget to send her a dick pic before the date. She will want to know what she's dealing with.

Don't ask first. Send it unsolicited.

 

[ReadyForMore22]

Don't forget to send her a dick pic before the date. She will want to know what she's dealing with.

Don't ask first. Send it unsolicited.

Come on, I’m not a complete newbie, THAT advice is so obvious even I knew it.

Just hope my picture doesn’t eat up her Wi-Fi bandwidth

 

[Broken_paladin]

Sit next to her instead of across from her with your zipper undone. Grab her hand and put it your lap while waiting for your appitizer and tell her get busy it isnt going to touch itself

 

[ReadyForMore22]

Sit next to her instead of across from her with your zipper undone. Grab her hand and put it your lap while waiting for your appitizer and tell her get busy it isnt going to touch itself

 

[ReadyForMore22]

That will probably be my luck

 

[Milflvr13]

Invest all your money in cryptocurrency

 

[Acktion]

Wear a Go-Pro on a head mount.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Establish dominance. Order her meal for her. But make sure you get something you think she wouldn’t like. Big ass ribeye, cooked blue. Truffle butter. Crabmeat topping. Shrimp on the side. I don’t care if she has a shellfish allergy.

Do this and you are the boss forever.

Oh yeah, don’t forget to tell her that she has to ask permission for when she wants to go to the bathroom.

 

[Taegul]

Stick your finger in an electrical socket for that sexy and irresistible Weird Al Yankovic hairstyle. Chicks love his hair.

 

[Bookaddict72]

Stick your finger in an electrical socket for that sexy and irresistible Weird Al Yankovic hairstyle. Chicks love his hair.

I mean, his curl game is strong.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

Don't tip toe into the interesting stuff. Tell her you kinkiest fetishes right from the start.

Women HATE it when a man takes his time and slowly builds up to stuff.