Gay Men and Emotional Intelligence

[whiteasianlvr]

I deal with mostly heterosexual men and find the vast majority seem to be totally immature when it comes to emotional intelligence. I measure this in terms of having a capacity to care and show empathy. I found many in the health care sector to be different as well as some working in the hospitality sector. I'm curious if gay men or perhaps receptive partners do a bit better than our hetero counterparts? Any thoughts?

 

[DaddysSissySlut24]

I would give an answer, if only emotional intelligence existed. It does not. It is not a useful construct. It is more of a mixture of agreeableness and extraversion, two constructs both fundamental in the current model of personality, the Five Factor model (OCEAN). Why invent a construct that is unnecessary? I don't need to ever assess EI, I simply need to assess agreeableness and extraversion, both which have assessment tools that are reliable and, well...I'd say "valid" but assessments are not "valid"...validity is a property of the assessment + the sample/population + the use/purpose. The WAIS intelligence test battery is NOT valid for the purpose of assessing, say, one's driving skill. Or cock sucking skill!

 

[GentlemanJedi63]

I deal with mostly heterosexual men and find the vast majority seem to be totally immature when it comes to emotional intelligence. I measure this in terms of having a capacity to care and show empathy. I found many in the health care sector to be different as well as some working in the hospitality sector. I'm curious if gay men or perhaps receptive partners do a bit better than our hetero counterparts? Any thoughts?

I don't think it's a matter of orientation or sexuality. It's how we're wired. I am an empath, and have gotten much more comfortable with the fact that I am sensitive. Not delicate or fragile, but caring and empathy are two characteristics I have learned to embrace.

 

[Britva415]

"Empathy" can be both innate (nature) as well as conditioned (nurture).

I don't believe there's any reason to propose any innate difference between queer and straight men's capacity for empathy, but I can easily propose a conditioned reason for major differences.

Queer men already subvert the social conditioning around what's expected of men, in so many different ways. I think it's completely natural to expect that the conditioning they absorb regarding empathy is also different from the stereotypical straight male conditioning.

So yeah, socialization and conditioning are unsurprisingly going to produce queer men who at least act like they have more empathy than the stereotypically-conditioned straight men in general.

I couldn't say whether the "empathy" concept works for people who don't believe in "emotional intelligence."

 

[GentlemanJedi63]

Frankly, I think that some, but not all, men are more empathetic and caring than they are willing to show. I think that is because they have been conditioned to think that being caring and empathetic is showing weakness or being less than masculine. I think that some men who are considerably less empathetic may be hiding their own homosexuality by being that way, very much like the super-masculine man who makes sure everyone knows he is masculine.

 

[ZacharyFagg]

The average message I get from top gay men is "Wanna fuck?"
So no. Not really.

 

[2wayroad]

A rough childhood, on many levels, combined with PTSD has made it difficult my whole life to have much in the way of empathy, or even to care what others thought. It took awhile to overcome it, and at times I backslide. Many think I’m aloof, suspicious, or an asshole, when in fact I have gone out of my way many times to help others.

It’s hard to be cheerful or empathetic towards others when those very emotions or sentiments are nearly void in yourself. I’ve often been told I have a vacant and/or hard look in my eyes. For these reasons I go out of my way to avoid festive gatherings, and especially funerals. It makes me happier and those who would be around me happier. I’ve at least learned that I am the problem, took me awhile longer to figure out why.

So, cheerful, empathetic, highly sentient people are just wired that way. Perhaps they’ve had more positive than negative in life, or at least got really good help from an excellent mental health professional.

 

[DaddysSissySlut24]

Hmmm, if only emotional intelligence was real, and not simply a mix of extraversion and agreeableness, two constructs that are two of the five dimensions of personality as instantiated by the Five Factor model (OCEAN).

 

[SPARTAN047]

This is probably true. Straight men don't seem to have much emotional intelligence, but gay men can be so dramatic and turn molehills into mountains all the time.