for women only?
- Thread starter justgem
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KillerMuffin
Seraphically Disinclined
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I'm not a guy so I can't tell ya what you want to know. However, I can tell you this:
Should be:
"Yes, Sir," I said softly.
Other forms:
"Yes, Sir!" I said softly.
"Yes, Sir?" I said softly.
"Yes, Sir...." I said softly. (three ellipses, one period)
"Yes, Sir--" I said softly. (two hyphens for a dash)
If you really, really want to use a period:
"Yes, Sir." My voice was soft.
As a sort of comparison:
"Yes, Sir," she said softly.
"Yes, Sir!" she said softly.
"Yes, Sir?" she said softly.
"Yes, Sir...." she said softly.
"Yes, Sir--" she said softly.
"Yes, Sir." She said softly.
You can read my earlier stuff for prime examples of how not to punctuate.
Should be:
"Yes, Sir," I said softly.
Other forms:
"Yes, Sir!" I said softly.
"Yes, Sir?" I said softly.
"Yes, Sir...." I said softly. (three ellipses, one period)
"Yes, Sir--" I said softly. (two hyphens for a dash)
If you really, really want to use a period:
"Yes, Sir." My voice was soft.
As a sort of comparison:
"Yes, Sir," she said softly.
"Yes, Sir!" she said softly.
"Yes, Sir?" she said softly.
"Yes, Sir...." she said softly.
"Yes, Sir--" she said softly.
"Yes, Sir." She said softly.
You can read my earlier stuff for prime examples of how not to punctuate.
damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
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KM, a quick question. The first quote is the one which you said is wrong and the second is one which you said is right. Why is the first wrong and the second right? Only the pronoun is different.
PaulX35
Really Really Experienced
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A man's perspective
Justgem,
You asked for feedback from men. Here's one from a man, not claiming any broader validity than this being my personal observation.
Your story offers an intriguing and intimate perspective on the feelings and thoughts of a submissive woman. I think that one of the reasons there are bad male Doms around is in their inability to understand and sense a sub's feelings. Giving up control is - in my humble opinion - not about being shackled or tied up: it's between the ears, very much a mind thing, and it will only pull off if it's as much - and maybe more - between the ears as it is between the legs, so to speak.
I think your story provides a very personal insight in your thoughts and feelings, in your thrills and insecurities. I have always found it a pity that there is so little erotic literature that deals with the Dom-side of this most intriguing part of D/s in a personal and intimate way.
I have vague plans to once write such a thing, but telling you I find that hard maybe also tells that men with a dominant streak are much less able to put the feelings involved in dominating under words in a way that relays the thrill well and honestly.
In that respect your story deserves only compliments. It left me with a question: "Could I write this about myself?"
Paul
justgem said:
Justgem,
You asked for feedback from men. Here's one from a man, not claiming any broader validity than this being my personal observation.
Your story offers an intriguing and intimate perspective on the feelings and thoughts of a submissive woman. I think that one of the reasons there are bad male Doms around is in their inability to understand and sense a sub's feelings. Giving up control is - in my humble opinion - not about being shackled or tied up: it's between the ears, very much a mind thing, and it will only pull off if it's as much - and maybe more - between the ears as it is between the legs, so to speak.
I think your story provides a very personal insight in your thoughts and feelings, in your thrills and insecurities. I have always found it a pity that there is so little erotic literature that deals with the Dom-side of this most intriguing part of D/s in a personal and intimate way.
I have vague plans to once write such a thing, but telling you I find that hard maybe also tells that men with a dominant streak are much less able to put the feelings involved in dominating under words in a way that relays the thrill well and honestly.
In that respect your story deserves only compliments. It left me with a question: "Could I write this about myself?"
Paul
Natural Born Eros
Really Experienced
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Women require emotion, characterisation, plot and atmosphere for a realistic sex scene. Men require a pair of big tits and a blow job.
Now that I have got that clear, (!) let me cover my tracks. It all boils down to the traditional definitions of genre, which are no longer as viable, although there remains (IMHO) some basis in contemporary reality. Female stories (Lucy had a great weight on her heart) are clearly radically different from male stories (Brad was a pilot). Most "literature" can be seen as female writing, because of its focus on characterisation and emotional epiphannies. (sp.?) Now, your story:
Well, I liked it, despite (?) being male. However, several of my stories have been described as "by females, for females," which, as I'm sure you can imagine, I found terribly amusing. [Sighs.] I think that quite a few male writers here also write more "female" type stories.
Conclusion: Its probably a female story. Some men are effeminate enough [sighs again, wipes a tear from his hairless cheek] to enjoy it. I say, what is wrong with that? Lit is clogged with talentless "strokers," erotica meeting the male story. You shouldn't feel guilty for writing a story with a little depth.
Proudly losing my manhood (ugh, what am I writing?)
Eros
Disclaimer: The male-female story divide is NOT a formal or concrete definition. I find it helpful. Feel free to disagree, but there is no need to destroy my pet theory. I already know that it is flimsy.
Now that I have got that clear, (!) let me cover my tracks. It all boils down to the traditional definitions of genre, which are no longer as viable, although there remains (IMHO) some basis in contemporary reality. Female stories (Lucy had a great weight on her heart) are clearly radically different from male stories (Brad was a pilot). Most "literature" can be seen as female writing, because of its focus on characterisation and emotional epiphannies. (sp.?) Now, your story:
Well, I liked it, despite (?) being male. However, several of my stories have been described as "by females, for females," which, as I'm sure you can imagine, I found terribly amusing. [Sighs.] I think that quite a few male writers here also write more "female" type stories.
Conclusion: Its probably a female story. Some men are effeminate enough [sighs again, wipes a tear from his hairless cheek] to enjoy it. I say, what is wrong with that? Lit is clogged with talentless "strokers," erotica meeting the male story. You shouldn't feel guilty for writing a story with a little depth.
Proudly losing my manhood (ugh, what am I writing?)
Eros
Disclaimer: The male-female story divide is NOT a formal or concrete definition. I find it helpful. Feel free to disagree, but there is no need to destroy my pet theory. I already know that it is flimsy.
sirhugs
Riding to the Rescue
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I am fully bearded male, and gave your story a "5".
Because of the POV, it is more accessible to females. But I found myself able to step into imagining myself the male character, and enjoyed it. It was arousing, and sensous. some non-effeminate men do appreciate more than big tits and blow job. Its called literacy.
You do not indulge in the 'over the top'' florid romance novel/ bad knock off of Anne Rice school of wrioting, which is the sort of story I think many of us label as " female", because that style does exclude most males, by cultural training.
However, my reaction may be atypical, because after all, one of my top stories is a crossdressing piece ( and I don't evem usually like that genre), so I'm pretty open minded.
Because of the POV, it is more accessible to females. But I found myself able to step into imagining myself the male character, and enjoyed it. It was arousing, and sensous. some non-effeminate men do appreciate more than big tits and blow job. Its called literacy.
You do not indulge in the 'over the top'' florid romance novel/ bad knock off of Anne Rice school of wrioting, which is the sort of story I think many of us label as " female", because that style does exclude most males, by cultural training.
However, my reaction may be atypical, because after all, one of my top stories is a crossdressing piece ( and I don't evem usually like that genre), so I'm pretty open minded.
amiss
Literotica Guru
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damppanties said:KM, a quick question. The first quote is the one which you said is wrong and the second is one which you said is right. Why is the first wrong and the second right? Only the pronoun is different.
If it's "Yes, Sir," she said quietly. or "Yes, Sir," I said quietly. then they're both fine. (Please ignore the fact that I didn't "quote" those, for simplicity's sake, to avoid double quotations.
) You need a comma rather than a period because it's one sentence. But if it's more like "Yes, Sir." I said it quietly. then that's fine, because the pronoun "it" refers to the previous quotation, and they're separate sentences. Unless there's some sort of special punctuation, like ! or ?, you should always use a comma. Think of it this way, by rearranging it... I said quietly, "Yes, Sir." there's a comma before the actual spoken quotation, so you'd put a comma when rearranging it to "Yes, Sir," I said quietly. Except when it's more like: I said quietly, "Yes, Sir?" in which case you leave that special question mark punctuation.Did I help any, or have I just muddled it up more?
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toffeegyrl
Really Experienced
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Well, I enjoyed the story quite thorougly -- and didn't see anything "lifetime" about it -- unless the network's made some changes of which I am very unaware...
well done.
well done.
damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
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amiss said:
Thanks amiss, but my question was about something else. The last example KM gave -> "Yes, Sir." She said softly. (There's no it in there) - It's sounding wrong. Is it?
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Octavian
Literotica Guru
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It is wrong.
Yes, Sir." She said softly.
This is wrong simply because of the full stop after 'Sir'. The full stop serves to separate what she actually said from the act of saying it.
You would never see this two word sentence: 'She said' (forget the word softly because that is only an adverb qualifying the verb).
She either said(comma) "something." or "something(comma)" she said.
Therefore the correct way is "Yes, Sir, " she said softly.
As KM pointed out above, an exclamation mark or a question mark or an ellipsis is also acceptable as an alternative to the comma, as these are being used to modify the speech of the person in question. The crucial thing is not to separate the speech from the person speaking. That is why the full stop is wrong and now, taking my life in my hands, why KM's last example is actually incorrect.
Octavian
Bearer of the Silver Rose
Yes, Sir." She said softly.
This is wrong simply because of the full stop after 'Sir'. The full stop serves to separate what she actually said from the act of saying it.
You would never see this two word sentence: 'She said' (forget the word softly because that is only an adverb qualifying the verb).
She either said(comma) "something." or "something(comma)" she said.
Therefore the correct way is "Yes, Sir, " she said softly.
As KM pointed out above, an exclamation mark or a question mark or an ellipsis is also acceptable as an alternative to the comma, as these are being used to modify the speech of the person in question. The crucial thing is not to separate the speech from the person speaking. That is why the full stop is wrong and now, taking my life in my hands, why KM's last example is actually incorrect.
Octavian
Bearer of the Silver Rose
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damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
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Thanks Octavian. I was wondering if I had it wrong.
I was wondering if I had it wrong.
susurrus
Literotica Guru
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Well, even though you thought this thread dead, I stumbled across it and actually read your story.
I don't know if I'm necessarily all that in touch with my feminine side, but I know a little bit of the macho bullshit goes a long, long way with me.
Your story lacks what probably 90+ percent of your typical BDSM story reader expects. It isn't as blunt as a good majority of that category tend to be.
The fact that there's a "softer" feel to the whole story (I don't know how else to describe it. Please don't ask me to try to explain.) I think made your respondent say it was a "female" story.
The difference between "Entering In" and a lot of other BDSM stories is the fact that you establish, and reinforce continually, the fact that these two love each other. It could be labeled as "Romantic BDSM". Oxymoron, no?
If you want some D/s stories from the Dom's point of view, and get into his head a little, try my "Our New Life" stories. They're based, actually, on some episodes in my wife's and my life. (She'd probably kill me if she knew I'd written and posted them.) Here they are :
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=63693
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=68264
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=75265
They aren't tough-as-nails-everything-goes-his-way Dom stories. Big portions of them are taken from "journals" I wrote while the stories were actually happening.
It *is* possible to Dom gently. Gentle does not mean weak.
Is "Entering In" a "female" story? Probably. Does it matter? Not to me, and not to people who can appreciate a well-written story (even though I discovered a few small usage errors, and not t he ones that have been pointed out)
So, even though I haven't read any of your other stories, now that I've enjoyed one, I'll give the rest a try.
I don't know if I'm necessarily all that in touch with my feminine side, but I know a little bit of the macho bullshit goes a long, long way with me.
Your story lacks what probably 90+ percent of your typical BDSM story reader expects. It isn't as blunt as a good majority of that category tend to be.
The fact that there's a "softer" feel to the whole story (I don't know how else to describe it. Please don't ask me to try to explain.) I think made your respondent say it was a "female" story.
The difference between "Entering In" and a lot of other BDSM stories is the fact that you establish, and reinforce continually, the fact that these two love each other. It could be labeled as "Romantic BDSM". Oxymoron, no?
If you want some D/s stories from the Dom's point of view, and get into his head a little, try my "Our New Life" stories. They're based, actually, on some episodes in my wife's and my life. (She'd probably kill me if she knew I'd written and posted them.) Here they are :
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=63693
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=68264
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=75265
They aren't tough-as-nails-everything-goes-his-way Dom stories. Big portions of them are taken from "journals" I wrote while the stories were actually happening.
It *is* possible to Dom gently. Gentle does not mean weak.
Is "Entering In" a "female" story? Probably. Does it matter? Not to me, and not to people who can appreciate a well-written story (even though I discovered a few small usage errors, and not t he ones that have been pointed out)
So, even though I haven't read any of your other stories, now that I've enjoyed one, I'll give the rest a try.
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