Story Discussion: December 2, 2024. "In Service of the Queen" by WaxPhilosophic

[WaxPhilosophic]

TLDR; In Service of the Queen is a retro-futurist coming of age tale in 26 chapters over three parts. There are some pretty big chronological jumps between parts. I'm starting this thread as a place where you can ask questions about that in between stuff, get more detail about the story and characters in general, or just leave your thoughts.

* * *

In Service of the Queen

A vision of the future imagined from the perspective of an earlier age. Empyrea is a utopia built on technologies and design aesthetics you might see in a 1930’s World’s Fair exhibition. But does anything utopian ever live up to its lofty ideals? Follow Adelaide, a young woman from the countryside exploring the wonders of the big city with friends and lovers she meets along the way, and find out.

https://www.literotica.com/series/se/in-service-of-the-queen

* * *

I started down this road in response to a writing challenge called "Pink Orchid 2024," which in brief is described as: "sex positivity and women as the subjects of their own lives".

https://www.literotica.com/s/pink-orchid-for-women-centric-erotica-2024-coming-soon

Sex positive women as subjects of their own lives is pretty much everything I write. Sometimes it's goofy, sometimes it's sappy, and sometimes it's bittersweet.

This time it's Dieselpunk: with dirigibles, trains, and a utopia with corruption at its core. It's also a coming of age story: with a young gal making her way to the big city and all the wonder and intrigue she experiences there. But most of all, it's a story about friends: women standing together, supporting each other, through thick and thin, and doing what's right.

Weighing in at 83k words, it's among the longer stories I've written. There's a lot going on, but the focus is on Adelaide, the gal from the commonwealth who moves to the big city to start her career. The story is written in third person, and limited to her viewpoint. As a result, we only know what Adelaide sees and hears.

My main reason for starting this thread is to answer any questions on backstory, supporting characters, and the things that Adelaide didn't see or hear. For example, this question posted by Anonymous on the penultimate chapter:

"This fast forwarding is an interesting technique as far as storytelling goes, but soooo much "good stuff" seems to have been left on the cutting room floor. Will we ever learn more???"

The answer is yes. Ask your questions and I will tell you what I know.

There is one more chapter to go in the series, but my hope is this post will be approved and visible before that, ready for anyone who reads the final bits of the story and says, "yeah, but what about...?"

And if In Service of the Queen is not already on your reading list, you've got some time to get caught up. Wink, wink.

 

[THBGato]

Can't wait until the final chapter is published! Having read a ton of your other work, and loved it, I'm really looking forward to diving into this.... once it's finished!

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

Can't wait until the final chapter is published! Having read a ton of your other work, and loved it, I'm really looking forward to diving into this.... once it's finished!

The final chapter dropped this morning. Hope you enjoy the story!

 

[Lazaran]

So what happened with Group Captain Thorne???

The “Good Queen”???

The “secret Cheese cave”???

Beatrice the Mime???

Claire, the Evil Queen’s "assistant"???

How did the Evil Queen survive???

How did Cordelia become involved with the military wing’s coup??

How did the Mabon priestess (Eniola) get pregnant, and how is she doing now???

Who is leading Empyrea now ???

TIA

 

[toesucker1]

OK, Lazaran beat me to many questions regarding the good queen. I too am curious. Please answer as you can.

Also just a general comment about the "feel" of the series -- the use of friend as a form of address, in particular. I felt it was a subtle way of conveying the difference of an all-female society. Not that all women are inherently good (as you show) but that our natural emotions tend toward friendship and cooperation.

I have other thoughts that I'll post later.

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

So what happened with Group Captain Thorne???

The “Good Queen”???

The “secret Cheese cave”???

Beatrice the Mime???

Claire, the Evil Queen’s "assistant"???

How did the Evil Queen survive???

How did Cordelia become involved with the military wing’s coup??

How did the Mabon priestess (Eniola) get pregnant, and how is she doing now???

Who is leading Empyrea now ???

TIA

I should have imposed a three question limit. LOL!

Group Captain Thorne? I imagine being high up in the military, she was under investigation for a time, but later cleared of any wrong doing. I kind of alluded to this when Adelaide is chatting with Emilia about her last relationship being on trial at The Hague. I always figured after Thorne softened up a bit, she and Adelaide might actually get together. Just for a night, realizing it was probably a mistake, but still ending up in each other's arms.

The good queen, Danika? Found and reunited with Beatrice. There was no cheese cave. That was simply Beatrice's cover story when she was looking for Danika. Beatrice and Danika are mentioned in the Epilogue as "being at the park" entertaining adoring children. Beatrice was giving acrobatic lessons and Danika was giving hugs (much like the Mabon Priestess would.) Because she's the "good queen", she's mingling with the people and not floating around above them.

Claire and the Evil Queen are probably hiding out in South America somewhere. How did they survive? The same way Bond villains survive.

Cordelia was part of the Air Self-Defence Force and knew Group Captain Thorne. Thorne would have needed trusted people to pull off any coup and Cordelia is like Thorne in that her loyalties are to Empyrea, and not necessarily the queen.

Eniola was pregnant early on. She mentioned that's why she waved off beers at Cosette's football match. It was a deal she struck with the queen. The Mabon Priestess symbolizes fertility and carries the queen's child. It keeps the royal bloodline going. I've actually got some more info on Eniola I will add to a separate post.

Who's leading Empyrea? Danika is the rightful queen, but I am imagining a constitutional monarchy, with Danika as the symbolic head of the government, but the real power being in the hands of the people. I imagine it a bit like the Monty Python bit on "self-perpetuating autocracy" in The Holy Grail: "We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as sort of executive officer for the week."

 

[toesucker1]

"Cordelia was part of the Air Self-Defence Force and knew Group Captain Thorne. Thorne would have needed trusted people to pull off any coup and Cordelia is like Thorne in that her loyalties are to Empyrea, and not necessarily the queen." I think you are quite prescient here, unfortunately.

"Eniola was pregnant early on" -- oooh. It will be good to review everything. Perhaps a close reading with the author's help is cheating... but definitely fun. Now that the whole story is here, I'll want to re-read it. Over a year, it's had to remember everything.

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

OK, Lazaran beat me to many questions regarding the good queen. I too am curious. Please answer as you can.

Also just a general comment about the "feel" of the series -- the use of friend as a form of address, in particular. I felt it was a subtle way of conveying the difference of an all-female society. Not that all women are inherently good (as you show) but that our natural emotions tend toward friendship and cooperation.

I have other thoughts that I'll post later.

Addressing everyone as "friend" was intended to be both soothing and slightly creepy. Monks addressing each other as Brother So-and-So, that's nice. I makes you realize they view each other as family. Citizens constantly addressing each other as Comrade So-and-So, that's creepy. I make you think of indoctrination. If you make everyone call each other comrade, they'll feel equal, even though some are more equal than others. After a while, it's just a habit people get into. So the youth hostel girls say it with love. The rest of Empyrea, it's just automatic.

As far as the difference in an all-female society, what I tried to show was: same shit, different day. There are some differences, but in the end we had one group (Empyrea) marching against its neighbors (Innsbruck, Dresden, Prague, etc.) Even with Empyrea's "utopia", the lust for power drove the queen to commit acts of war. Eventually, it turned into a second world war, just many years later and with different players. (Except the French Resistance. There will always be the French Resistance. It is a universal constant in any timeline. LOL!)

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

Eniola Firist - The Mabon Priestess

*** This post contains spoilers! ***

Eniola is one of my favorite characters. Even though her appearance in the story is brief, she is always there, working behind the scenes.

In the beginning of the story (chapter 4), before Cosette took on the role of Mabon Priestess, it was Friend Eniola who wore the priestess crown. When we first meet Eniola, Adelaide refers to her as the most beautiful woman she has ever seen. She's gracious and smart as a whip.

Her name is West African in origin. Eniola means wealthy in the Yoruba language and Firist means priestess in Hausa. (Both are languages spoken in Nigeria.) She originally came to Empyrea to study particle physics. (You may recall in chapter 8, Eniola left Cosette's football match early because of her time slot at the particle accelerator.)

As the Mabon Priestess, Eniola is betrothed to the queen and carrying her child. This arrangement lets her stay in Empyrea indefinitely, but comes with its own problems. One of those problems is the leverage the queen has over Eniola. Being the ever manipulative villain, the queen uses Eniola's scientific talents to build the dirigible mounted super-weapon.

Later in the epilogue of the story, Friend Cosette, working as a a docent for the Empyrea World's Fair, casually mentions Eniola's name and her invention of the fusion reactor that powers Empyrea City and beyond. Cosette further mentions Eniola's daughter is also a scientist and is at the exhibition answering questions.

So it appears Friend Eniola is still in Empyrea and things have turned out well for her in the end. But it wasn't always rainbows and unicorns. During Empyrea's war, Eniola came to the realization that the queen's sponsorship of her research was a means to building the beam weapon. Once Eniola discovered this, she snuck the weapon's plans to La Resistance. (She is the unnamed source resistance leader Rebecca Brandt speaks of in chapter 15.)

Out of guilt over the weapon she has unwittingly created, Eniola attempted suicide. She still carries the scars of this attempt. But, through the support of her friends and her devotion to her daughter, Eniola pulls through. Her invention of the fusion reactor is her atonement for the beam weapon.

 

[toesucker1]

Ahh. I tried to look up Enolia but only got as far as chapter 3. I remembered her because of her particle physics. Yes, a very good point about exploitation of genius by evil. There are a lot of threads in this "novel" that are worthy of development. Maybe not even within Lit -- but unlike publishing, Lit has a public group of readers to give feedback. ;-)

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

Ahh. I tried to look up Enolia but only got as far as chapter 3. I remembered her because of her particle physics. Yes, a very good point about exploitation of genius by evil. There are a lot of threads in this "novel" that are worthy of development. Maybe not even within Lit -- but unlike publishing, Lit has a public group of readers to give feedback. ;-)

Maybe someday I'll do a spin off or two, kind of like the Tales from the Stream Special Event stories. And you're right about the feedback. I'm fortunate to have you and others here who leave comments. That doesn't happen with ebook publishing. The only feedback is measured in volume of sales, which I then convert to a number of tacos, because really, you gotta focus on what's important.

 

[Lazaran]

Full disclosure: I originally formed my queries before the final chapter, and I somehow missed the epilogue. I believe it’s because I went to look up “Nourris Ton Couer” (beautiful line btw) that was written on the note outside Adelaide’s and Tiara’s door at the very end of the main story, and then I got distracted and jumped to the comments when I returned to the page. When I saw that there was a discussion thread, I figured I would try to get “filled in” on the missing details (which the epilogue did a fairly solid job of doing.) My bad.

I appreciate the extra bit of back story on Eniola. That was a very nice touch.

I did kinda want to know how Danika was rescued from "The Secret Cheese Cave". (yeah, I know the cheese cave wasn’t really a cheese cave) and if Beatrice was involved in the rescue.

Also:

I was surprised to find out that group Captain Thorne was the "relationship" Adelaide was referring to when she said her girlfriend was on trial for war crimes at The Hague (I thought Adelaide was referring to her relationship with The Evil Queen.) - I was doubly surprised to find out that The Evil Queen escaped justice. Boo!!!

Now, having read the epilogue and the additional backstory on a few items of interest, I am beyond satisfied with the “completeness” of this epic story.

Bravo, Wax!!!

 

[toesucker1]

Maybe someday I'll do a spin off or two, kind of like the Tales from the Stream Special Event stories. And you're right about the feedback. I'm fortunate to have you and others here who leave comments. That doesn't happen with ebook publishing. The only feedback is measured in volume of sales, which I then convert to a number of tacos, because really, you gotta focus on what's important.

 

[toesucker1]

Haaa. Tacos. Yeah, most writing is not very remunerative. Online is still evolving, so keep up your good works.
I still keep thinking about this work this as a hopeful alternative evolved version of our current situation.

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

Full disclosure: I originally formed my queries before the final chapter, and I somehow missed the epilogue. I believe it’s because I went to look up “Nourris Ton Couer” (beautiful line btw) that was written on the note outside Adelaide’s and Tiara’s door at the very end of the main story, and then I got distracted and jumped to the comments when I returned to the page. When I saw that there was a discussion thread, I figured I would try to get “filled in” on the missing details (which the epilogue did a fairly solid job of doing.) My bad.

I appreciate the extra bit of back story on Eniola. That was a very nice touch.

I did kinda want to know how Danika was rescued from "The Secret Cheese Cave". (yeah, I know the cheese cave wasn’t really a cheese cave) and if Beatrice was involved in the rescue.

Also:

I was surprised to find out that group Captain Thorne was the "relationship" Adelaide was referring to when she said her girlfriend was on trial for war crimes at The Hague (I thought Adelaide was referring to her relationship with The Evil Queen.) - I was doubly surprised to find out that The Evil Queen escaped justice. Boo!!!

Now, having read the epilogue and the additional backstory on a few items of interest, I am beyond satisfied with the “completeness” of this epic story.

Bravo, Wax!!!

Speaking of nourris ton coeur, did you notice Vivienne and Cosette's exchange of greetings in the Epilogue? Vivienne is quite fluent in French. Just a tiny hint that they're still together and more than just friends.

As far as how Danika was rescued, I don't have a lot of detail on that. Though I'm sure Beatrice was there. I kept Danika "lost in the cheese caves" until the end, because I wanted Empyrea to be saved by a group of people coming together and working for the common good, rather than a hero (the rightful queen) showing up to restore order and save the day.

I went back and forth on Thorne or the evil queen being Adelaide's past relationship. In one version, I had Thorne betraying Adelaide's involvement in La Resistance and delivering her into the hands of the queen as a way for Thorne to get herself a promotion. In the end, I scrapped it and made them allies, fighting for the same thing using different methods. In the end, I think they respected each other's commitment to doing what's right for Empyrea.

The relationship between Adelaide and Thorne was a brief one. Probably one night of sharing a bed in search of comfort and then realizing it was a mistake. I kind of wanted Adelaide to ask Thorne why she was so obsessed with her this whole time, but alas, I never got there. Thorne's answer would have been, "Because you said no. No one has ever said no to me before."

Thanks for the kind words on the story.

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

Deus Contra Machina -- Friend Tiara's band

*** Mild Spoilers Ahead ***

The gals of the band Deus Contra Machina are woven throughout the story. After Friend Tiara's deportation, the remaining members stay in contact with Adelaide and do their best to help her through the tough times.

The name Deus Contra Machina is Latin for God Against the Machine. The name is a play on the phrase Deus Ex Machina and the band Rage Against the Machine. The band itself is an amalgamation of Band-Maid, The Warning, The Pretty Reckless, and Iron Maiden, with some 2000s emo influences thrown in.

The two amazing bassists from Band-Maid and the Warning combine to give us Tiara's stage presence and musical ability. The scene with her lying on the floor trying to play, because she's drunk out of her mind, comes from a story about Motown bassist James Jamerson recording Marvin Gaye's What's Going On. The story is the producer dragged him out of a bar, into the studio, and he was so drunk he couldn't stand up to play.

Danielle, the band's guitarist is pretty much Dani Villarreal's (The Warning) shredding and vocal ability with a bit of purple hair dye thrown in.

Taylor, the lead singer is basically modeled off Taylor Momsen of The Pretty Reckless, right down to the blonde hair and dark roots.

Camina, the band's drummer is kind of like Kate Schellenbach (Early Beastie Boys, Luscious Jackson) with a name taken from one of my favorite characters in the sci-fi show The Expanse: Camina Drummer. Her laid back attitude is modeled off Spinal Tap's Nigel Tufnel.

The songs the band plays are mostly hard rock and groove metal with some emo influences. They covered Birth, School, Work, Death, by The Godfathers (Fae Godmothers in the story) and also Iron Maiden's Hallowed Be Thy Name, among others. Adelaide's bump-ba-da-bump galloping bassline is totally Steve Harris of Iron Maiden, though as played by Carina (Cici) Powell (Aramantus, Von Strangelove.)

The band's emo influences mostly come from Dashboard Confessional and Mayday Parade. Screaming Infidelities (Dashboard Confessional) for when Adelaide and Tiara were apart and found themselves in other girls' beds. Miserable at Best (Mayday Parade) for the general experience of being apart.

The band's Emo ballad Empty Spaces is an original composition. (Using copyrighted lyrics in fiction is not covered by fair use laws, so I wrote my own.) If it were ever recorded, I would dedicate it to departed fellow authors Maonaigh and TrueMort, both of whom have left empty spaces in my heart.

Oh, and Friend Tiara's joke about "nobody loves the bass player" is a reference to the Kids in the Hall skit.

 

[FranziskaSissy]

So what happened with Group Captain Thorne???

The “Good Queen”???

The “secret Cheese cave”???

Beatrice the Mime???

Claire, the Evil Queen’s "assistant"???

How did the Evil Queen survive???

How did Cordelia become involved with the military wing’s coup??

How did the Mabon priestess (Eniola) get pregnant, and how is she doing now???

Who is leading Empyrea now ???

TIA

Absolutely written with my pen, all those fabulous and notso fab characters like the evil queen are in need to get a ending too or?

 

[FranziskaSissy]

Eniola Firist - The Mabon Priestess

*** This post contains spoilers! ***

Eniola is one of my favorite characters. Even though her appearance in the story is brief, she is always there, working behind the scenes.

In the beginning of the story (chapter 4), before Cosette took on the role of Mabon Priestess, it was Friend Eniola who wore the priestess crown. When we first meet Eniola, Adelaide refers to her as the most beautiful woman she has ever seen. She's gracious and smart as a whip.

Her name is West African in origin. Eniola means wealthy in the Yoruba language and Firist means priestess in Hausa. (Both are languages spoken in Nigeria.) She originally came to Empyrea to study particle physics. (You may recall in chapter 8, Eniola left Cosette's football match early because of her time slot at the particle accelerator.)

As the Mabon Priestess, Eniola is betrothed to the queen and carrying her child. This arrangement lets her stay in Empyrea indefinitely, but comes with its own problems. One of those problems is the leverage the queen has over Eniola. Being the ever manipulative villain, the queen uses Eniola's scientific talents to build the dirigible mounted super-weapon.

Later in the epilogue of the story, Friend Cosette, working as a a docent for the Empyrea World's Fair, casually mentions Eniola's name and her invention of the fusion reactor that powers Empyrea City and beyond. Cosette further mentions Eniola's daughter is also a scientist and is at the exhibition answering questions.

So it appears Friend Eniola is still in Empyrea and things have turned out well for her in the end. But it wasn't always rainbows and unicorns. During Empyrea's war, Eniola came to the realization that the queen's sponsorship of her research was a means to building the beam weapon. Once Eniola discovered this, she snuck the weapon's plans to La Resistance. (She is the unnamed source resistance leader Rebecca Brandt speaks of in chapter 15.)

Out of guilt over the weapon she has unwittingly created, Eniola attempted suicide. She still carries the scars of this attempt. But, through the support of her friends and her devotion to her daughter, Eniola pulls through. Her invention of the fusion reactor is her atonement for the beam weapon.

@WP all the details the fragments the finery the importance we had been waiting for while reading all the chapters would had given you another ten chapters time to explain this and us readers more smiles tear’s happiness fear about empyria and the final last chapter …. You are real a great excellent artist and im happy to have found you and becoming drugged by your pen

 

[THBGato]

I kind of alluded to this when Adelaide is chatting with Emilia about her last relationship being on trial at The Hague.

See, I'd thought she had been referring to the Queen, and the Queen was on trial. Kind of gutted to hear that a) the Queen got away and b) Adelaide gave into Thorne, who totally didn't deserve her.

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

What happens between Part II and Part III?

*** Contains Spoilers! ***

At the close of Chapter 23, a tender dirigible crashes into Elysium, sending the queen's dirigible back to earth. Before that, La Resistance has blown up the hyroelectric power plant, Empyrea's main source of electricity, thinking that would prevent use of the beam weapon. (Through false information, they believed the weapon to be rail mounted.)

So Empyrea City is in darkness. The trains and trolleys aren't running, and the queen is no longer in power.

This is the time when Camina's off-grid farmhouse takes center stage. Daphne organizes a soup kitchen to help keep the citizens fed. Chloe starts the very first "Chloe's Closet", a clothing exchange, starting with a box of mis-printed T-shirts in she's been keeping (the ones with the band name as Deus Ex Machina instead of Deus Contra Machina.)

Cosette organizes youth football clubs.

These ideas catch on and spread. Citizens band together, helping each other through the dark times.

Meanwhile, the military refocuses its mission on relief efforts. Cordelia comes up with the idea of Empyrea Corps and begins offering aid to the victims of Empyrea's sabre rattling. Thorne helps, but international pressures soon result in the arrest of high-ranking military officers and a warrant for the queen. The queen is never found, but most of the officers are sent to stand trial for Empyrea's crimes.

And somewhere, somehow, Friend Viviene gets her hands on an old steam engine and coach cars. LOL!

The queen, being the slippery character she is, makes her escape on a steamship to South America. Why? Why not? Her given name, Eva, is an allusion to Eva Peron and the musical Evita. The scene with her Mabon address to the crowd was inspire by Eva Peron's speach from the balcony of Casa Rosata. So maybe the queen's living in Argentina. Maybe Paraguay, a place where, according to the musical, washed up dictators can find "job satisfaction".

Anyway you slice it, the queen has escaped justice. But she's no longer calling the shots.

With the military reforming and the queen's hold dissolved, rumors begin to resurface about the rightful heir, Danika. Beatrice and friends follow up on each one. Eventually Danika is found. Not imprisoned, but fed lies about Empyrea's downfall after her mother's death and kept isolated from the city and the truth.

Danika is reunited with Beatrice and publicly proclaims she's denouncing the throne to spend her life catching up with her lover and soulmate. The citizens of Empyrea beg her to reconsider. Eventually Danika agrees to take a symbolic role as head of state on the condition that actual gonvernmental power is in the hands of the people.

That's what's rattling around in my head anyway.