Feedback, please! Short and spicy: "A Dinner Party"

[HarlotsWeb]

Hi! This is my second attempt at writing short, explicit, erotica. I would love feedback of any kind! Thank you. https://literotica.com/s/a-dinner-party-2

 

[AlinaX]

Hmm. You write very well, and yet I never really engaged with the story. Perhaps I'm just in the wrong headspace.

Or maybe it's that you have a present tense narrative that focuses on the details of what is actually happening rather than what you want.

 

[HarlotsWeb]

Hmm. You write very well, and yet I never really engaged with the story. Perhaps I'm just in the wrong headspace.

Or maybe it's that you have a present tense narrative that focuses on the details of what is actually happening rather than what you want.

Thanks, that's a really good note.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Yes, it was short, explicit, and well written.

Flash fiction has its place, but it's tricky for erotica, because it's read in a few minutes, which sort of defeats the purpose, sometimes. As a fuck scene it was okay, but 1500 words is not long enough for arousal, and the characters were there just for the body parts. So I read it, but found there's not much to say. It's a bit like a drink before dinner, but no dinner.

You can write, though, so keep writing .

 

[HarlotsWeb]

Yes, it was short, explicit, and well written.

Flash fiction has its place, but it's tricky for erotica, because it's read in a few minutes, which sort of defeats the purpose, sometimes. As a fuck scene it was okay, but 1500 words is not long enough for arousal, and the characters were there just for the body parts. So I read it, but found there's not much to say. It's a bit like a drink before dinner, but no dinner.

You can write, though, so keep writing .

I really appreciate it. I kept worrying it was going to be too long and boring, so I kept trimming it shorter. I'll definitely try to keep that in mind for the next one!

 

[ElectricBlue]

I really appreciate it. I kept worrying it was going to be too long and boring, so I kept trimming it shorter. I'll definitely try to keep that in mind for the next one!

It's a tricky one!

Lit stories/chapters seem to hit their sweet spot at around 2 - 3 Lit pages, which is 7k - 10k words (rule of thumb, 3750 words to a Lit page). Essentially, time to get aroused, with the story long enough, hopefully) to get a result, if that's what the reader wants.

Your 1500 words would do well as a central sex scene in a longer story, so don't be afraid to expand on the story itself, develop your characters, develop more of a plot, give readers someone to identify with.

Keep an eye out, too, for the 750 Word collections (now an annual event), where writers really take on the challenge of the very short piece. Readers aren't so keen on them, but they're a really good writer's exercise, to see what you can do in only 750 words (the minimum story length, on Lit).

The very short piece can obviously be expanded - these links are to the first parts of two of mine, which continue in two different ways (shameless self-promotion):

A Girl on the Bus

Brooke Works at the Hardware Store