Faked orgasms

[BlackShanglan]

Cheeky sel! I hope you lot do realise that I don't get out a magnifying glass and go Gil Grissom on my partner's chest? I feel a reputation coming on .

The Earl

Oh, I don't know. It's quite an interesting image really. I've heard of stranger fetishes, and sillier I think you should work up an AV with a magnifying glass ... maybe slap on a deerstalker as well.

Shanglan

 

[TheEarl]

Oh, I don't know. It's quite an interesting image really. I've heard of stranger fetishes, and sillier I think you should work up an AV with a magnifying glass ... maybe slap on a deerstalker as well.

Shanglan

Oh, it's so tempting. Maybe a pipe too.

Anyone here got a Sidney Paget fetish?

The Earl

 

[Daisy May]

oooooooooooooooooo

 

[carsonshepherd]

Re: Re: Faked orgasms

Regarding oral sex, that is. Sometimes, a womans gotta do what she's gotta do. Fake it.

Don't fake it. Reach down there and take care of business!

 

[The_Darkness]

I've had two girlfriends admit to faking it "for" me. Both times they initiated sex when they were sick....I was content enough to let them be until they were better. They were sick enough (flu, both times as I recall) that they just couldn't get off, and hell, that happens to everyone....so they faked it. Then told me about it later.

Having a girl tell you she faked an orgasm--no matter what you've done in the past--is like winning the lottery and getting paid in Monopoly money.

 

[logophile]

... winning the lottery and getting paid in Monopoly money.

This is a fabulous line. Do you mind if I use this sometime?

 

[The_Darkness]

This is a fabulous line. Do you mind if I use this sometime?

Go right on ahead, just give me my dues if at all possible.....

 

[minsue]

This is a fabulous line.

It really is!

 

[The_Darkness]

Aw shucks, I'm getting all flattered and stuff.

 

[minsue]

Aw shucks, I'm getting all flattered and stuff.

Is it wrong that I have this evil urge to tell you I was faking it?

 

[carsonshepherd]

Is it wrong that I have this evil urge to tell you I was faking it?

 

[The_Darkness]

Is it wrong that I have this evil urge to tell you I was faking it?

LOL! Now that's just funny!

And no, what would be wrong would be a penguin punching a clown in the ass in the middle of the desert while...well....that's just going wierd places fast.

I really hate my brain sometimes; then there's others: I just put it on auto-pilot and watch the show.

 

[minsue]

Two in one night?!?

I should quit while I'm ahead.

 

[minsue]

LOL! Now that's just funny!

And no, what would be wrong would be a penguin punching a clown in the ass in the middle of the desert while...well....that's just going wierd places fast.

I really hate my brain sometimes; then there's others: I just put it on auto-pilot and watch the show.

I like you. You're fun.

 

[logophile]

Is it wrong that I have this evil urge to tell you I was faking it?

I woke one of my kids with my peal of laughter at this one!

 

[The_Darkness]

I like you. You're fun.

I can but try.

And now I think I am blushing.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Having a girl tell you she faked an orgasm--no matter what you've done in the past--is like winning the lottery and getting paid in Monopoly money.

Alright boys, here's the deal. If some of you weren't so macho and bent on being sex gods, faking would decrease exponentially. It's easy to sit here and say you'd want to know, but then when you get the information something happens. Some switch inside is flipped and the Hoover Dam of doubt opens, allowing a flood of insecurity and limp-itis to rush forth.

You can argue with me if you like and I'm not attempting to lump you all in the same group, but I've gone the honest route. It is much better to fake it and enjoy the time you're having sex than it is to be honest and not get off and then spend the next two hours soothing a bruised male ego. (Two hours, btw, is only for that night. The next many sex sessions include some serious schmoozing to bring the confidence level back up.)

I think some men are capable of learning and do care enough to ...hrm, try harder isn't what I mean... um...hone their craft? Whatever. The point is, while all men want to know how to get a woman off, some just don't have it in them. (This I'm pretty solid on, as I've physically drawn a map to the good ole G-spot, described in detail how to recognize it and what to do once it was located... Yeah. Nuthin'. Additionally, I tend to believe that grabbing two fistfulls of hair and forcibly guiding the pointy tongue to just the right spot on one's clit, moaning like a mad-person that YES that was it to be more than enough guidance/instruction. It wasn't.)

We're complicated creatures and while starting a man's fire is as typically as simple as striking a match, a woman's fire is like being Tom Hanks in Castaway...equipped with some old wood and dry leaves. Trust me, if women had been given a choice, they'd likely rather have an 'ON' switch than an entire motherboard of circuits that must be wired correctly and powered up in a particular order.

I'm not sure about everyone else, but it's not a real fun statement to make (for me) when I say I was damn good at faking it. It's guilty, embarassing and just a plain old let down. I'd much rather shout to the heavens that my world is coming apart at the seams and mean it than shift into actress mode so that the inevitable therapy session doesn't need to take place.

~ ~ ~

As for RGraham's questions about whether or not lesbians fake it or can tell, I'd say sure. I think it's just as likely that they do, in order to remove any unpleasantness or hurt feelings from the equation, but I also think it's a bit harder to hide. Any woman that's actually had an orgasm knows what goes on inside and probably has a better chance of identifying it than a man, but that's pretty subjective too. Every woman is different/unique. And here's the real pickle for men: most women experience a variety of different orgasms.

For instance, some women can orgasm just from nipple stimulation. The orgasm this brings on is hugely different from one brought on by clitoral stimulation. One more thing that sucks for guys, is that most of the women that I've spoken with have said it's nearly impossible to get off with nothing more than insertion. At any rate, each time is unlikely to be the same, in which case it just takes time and a keen awareness about one's partner.

~lucky

p.s. Sorry to have to do this, but blotchy chest is not a sure-fire indicator.

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

Re: The easy way

Originally posted by The_Darkness
Okay, here's the easy way to see if your girl is having an orgasm or not. Date a squirter.

When she soaks through the goddamn mattress into the bed springs or when the linolium gets so slick you slip and fall, that's a goddamn orgasm!

BTW, guys can only fake a climax. Show me a guy who can fake an orgasm and I'll show you a man with a testicle or two hidden up someplace strange. Ewww.

I can draw my testicles back into my body at will and crack my penis like a knuckle.

I'm a lot of fun at parties.

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

Re: Re: The easy way

I can draw my testicles back into my body at will and crack my penis like a knuckle.

I'm a lot of fun at parties.

You're joking, right?

 

[The_Darkness]

I cracked my penis once....girlfriend was riding me and she came up and I came out and she came down and then there was the snapping and the going limp and the curling up.

Let me summarize this in one word. OWWW!

 

[logophile]

I cracked my penis once....girlfriend was riding me and she came up and I came out and she came down and then there was the snapping and the going limp and the curling up.

Let me summarize this in one word. OWWW!

I can't even imagine. Can I ask you how long it took to recover from this?

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I cracked my penis once....girlfriend was riding me and she came up and I came out and she came down and then there was the snapping and the going limp and the curling up.

Let me summarize this in one word. OWWW!

Eeeep!

That sucks.

~lucky

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

Re: Re: The easy way

Originally posted by Joe Wordsworth
I can draw my testicles back into my body at will and crack my penis like a knuckle.

I'm a lot of fun at parties.

Dead serious.

 

[The_Darkness]

I can't even imagine. Can I ask you how long it took to recover from this?

All of about 5 minutes. She was good with her tongue.

Lucky, some of us strive to do nothing but improve...and if the first girlfriend was to be believed, I was a natural talent with the tongue and fingers.

 

[logophile]

Re: Re: The easy way

I can draw my testicles back into my body at will and crack my penis like a knuckle.

I'm a lot of fun at parties.

That just can't be healthy...