Einstein's Jokees

[TE999]

Heinlein: A rocket pilot walks into a bar on the moon...

Milne: A pooh bear, a piglet and a sad donkey walk into a honey bar...

Clancy: An Apache gunship destroys a bar full of terrorists...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

FDR walks into a bar with all his fellow Americans.

 

[Guest]

Dickens: In best of times and the worst of times, a man walks into a bar.

 

[TE999]

Cartland: Cynthia's blood ran hot as Derek strode into the bar, his raw masculinity took her breath away...

Christie: The body of a brown haired young man dressed in a tweed suit wearing argyle socks and hiking shoes lay at the end of the bar...

Seuss: How silly said the Sneeth. I see one car, two cars. One bar, two bars...

 

[slyc_willie]

TV shows:

Ghosthunters: The EVP of a dead Spanish missionary's ghost is heard entering a bar a little after midnight . . . .

Lost: A doctor, a criminal, and a drug-addicted musician walk into a bar and languish there for five years . . . .

How It's Made: A spokesman, a cameraman and a bored scriptwriter walk into a bar and begin describing how the Formica was applied to the countertop . . . .

 

[damppanties]

TV shows:

Ghosthunters: The EVP of a dead Spanish missionary's ghost is heard entering a bar a little after midnight . . . .

Lost: A doctor, a criminal, and a drug-addicted musician walk into a bar and languish there for five years . . . .

How It's Made: A spokesman, a cameraman and a bored scriptwriter walk into a bar and begin describing how the Formica was applied to the countertop . . . .

American Idol: A singer walks into a bar and Simon says, "You suck, get out."

 

[voluptuary_manque]

American Idol: A singer walks into a bar and Simon says, "You suck, get out."

http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii177/1volupturary_manque/lol.gif

 

[NoJo]

bump.

Thanks. God we were all so much funnier and happier then.

 

[rgraham666]

I blame the election and the economy.

 

[oggbashan]

Osma Bin Laden and two potential suicide bombers walk into a modernised Slug and Lettuce bar. After eating the food, tasting warm English beer and listening to the muzac they decide that the patrons are in hell already so leave to find someone, anyone, enjoying themselves.

Og

 

[oggbashan]

English Law

A Morris Dance team prance into a bar, bells jingling, staves thwacking. The Landlord protests that he hasn't got a licence under the 2003 Licensing Act for Music and Dancing.

The Morris Dance leader states that there is no problem. Morris Dancing was specifically excluded from the Act because it is neither musical, nor dancing, nor entertainment.

The Landlord throws them out for proving that the drafters of the Act were depressingly accurate.

The Morris Dancers are replaced by a clog dancing team. The Landlord throws them out for breaching Health and Safety regulations by not wearing the correct safety footwear.

A Pole Dancing team enters. They explain that they are not covered by the Licensing Act because they are both a keep-fit exercise regime and educational.

The landlord lets them stay and his sales increase.

Og

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Three primary grade teachers are sitting in a bar. One says "Jeez, look at the time. The little hand is on the one and the big hand is on the twelve!"

 

[3113]

Tabloid:

http://www.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/brit-large.jpg and http://cache.defamer.com/hollywood/lindsay-lohan-tenslip-s.jpg

go into a bar and wait till you hear what they did in there!

 

[Xelebes]

Richard Wagner: Thor, Loki and Freya walk into a bar...

Richard Strauss: Three tritones walk on a bar...

Alban Berg: Three tritones simultaneously walk on a bar...

Schoenberg: Three discordant tones walk on a bar...

Stockhausen: Three beeps walk into an art gallery...

John Cage: No tones walk in a bar...

Giyorgiy Ligeti: Three counterpoints walk along a bar...

Ritchie Hawtin: A kick, beep and hi-hat walk into a bar...

Mad Mike: Three Detroit black dudes terrorise a bar...

 

[NoJo]

In the passive tense, a bar is walked into by a man

A censor XXXXX XXXX X XXX

A Russian Journalist is shot by XXX XXX XXX

An alcoholic walks into a bar and asks "what have you got for an alcoholic?"

A man walks off a cliff -- the bar was closed

My barber barred Barbara from a bar

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Jack O'Neill: three guys...I got nothing.

 

[jomar]

Marcel Marceau:

 

[gauchecritic]

Amicus: A gay, a pinko communist coward and a woman walk into a bar...

EL: These three really really nice people, who I've never met before and even though they exhibit some really awful habits but towards whom I have no animosity whatsoever walk into my mum's pub...

Rodin: a thinker, a burgher and a couple kissing stand around a vat of molten bronze...

Beckett: two men wait for another man in a bar...

 

[Stella_Omega]

So this guy and this other guy and a nice little doll are walking into Mindy's... Damon Runyon

A pair of beautiful, intelligent and willing young women walk into a bar with me-- Heinlein, in his dotage

 

[Xelebes]

My barber barred Barbara from a bar

Oh, you mean Rhabarberbarbarabarbarbarenbartbarbierbierbarbarbel?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

A Greek: So this barbarian walks into a bar and says "Bar-bar-bar . . . "

 

[damppanties]

Gauche walks into a forum and asks for a writing thread.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Gauche walks into a forum and asks for a writing thread.

Charley walks into a forum and demands a writing thread.


Stella walks into a forum looking for Dampy.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

The Bear walks into a bar for a beer.

 

[john-the-author]

John Cage: No tones walk in a bar...

For four minutes and twenty-seven seconds.

Giyorgiy Ligeti: Three counterpoints walk along a bar...

Haw haw haw haw!!!