Edit v2

[barefootgirl69]

That sounds worrying! Why does he scream?

Don't worry... not all screams are bad!

 

[Hornblende]

Don't hurry... I like to scream when I'm bad!

I know. I shall assemble the equipment.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I just don't know how I shall assemble the equipment.

Why don't you try reading the instructions?

 

[Hornblende]

Why don't you try writing the instructions?

OK fine. Instruction one - take off all of your clothes.

 

[Stillstiff]

OK fine. Instruction one - please, do not take off all of your clothes. I've never been with a woman before.

I don't think she would hurt you.

 

[wildebird]

I don't drink tea without you.

This is so touching...

 

[Hornblende]

This is bringing on itching...

I recommend the application of a topical cream.

 

[MichaelinChina]

I tend to have copulation dreams.

Which end up with the sheets all sticky I guess.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Which end is up on this do-hicky, I can't guess.

There's a big arrow and two letters.... U. P.

 

[LWulf]

There's a big "M", followed by an "i", then two crooked letters, another "i" then two more crooked letters, a third "i", two hump backs, and ending with an "i"
I got that directly from from a college level grammar dictionary on how to spell it.

Aha. Was that a postal college course?

 

[barefootgirl69]

Aha. Was that a post-coital course?

Sure was! The next one is tomorrow...will you come?

 

[Hornblende]

Sure was! The next orgy is tomorrow...will you come?

Is it open to all, er, cummers?

 

[barefootgirl69]

Is it proper to use, er, Oxford commas?

Of course! Anything else is simply not acceptable!

 

[Hornblende]

Anal with elves is simply not acceptable!

That seems to be a very specific restriction.

 

[barefootgirl69]

That seems to be a very pointed restriction.

Their ears and shoes, as well as, my restriction aren't the only things pointed!

 

[Hornblende]

My ears and shoes aren't the only things painted!

Shoes? I thought you never wore shoes!

 

[barefootgirl69]

Booze? I thought you never drank booze!

Sometimes I have a bourbon. Less often tequila or wine.

 

[Hornblende]

Sometimes I have a beard on. Less often moustaches are fine.

Sounds hairy! HairyBarefootGirl.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Oh, God, don't start that!!!!

Sounds sexy! SexyBarefootGirl.

It depends on how much wine you've had!

 

[Hornblende]

I descend when I've had too much wine!

Yes, me too. Up to a gallon is fine, though!

 

[LWulf]

Yes, me too. I've cum up to a gallon, though!

That's actually pretty prodigious, truth be told. Did you get there using zinc?

 

[Hornblende]

I'm actually pretty promiscuous, truth be told. And I get there using zinc!

Ah, but can you manage without additives?

 

[tomboners]

Ah, but can you masturbate without additives?

Does spit count as an additive?

 

[Hornblende]

Does Lit count as an addiction?

If it does, what is the best treatment?

 

[LWulf]

If the rash does spread, where can I get the best treatment? Do I have to go to a dirty clinic in the Philippines?

Let me guess, that's where you also got the rash to begin with?