Does Control mean 100%?

[maddi]

Re; slavery is slavery

I agree with the statement. I was just trying to point out that once the contract is over career change was possible. More similar to today's BDSM slaves than not.

Today, once the master and slave terminate the contract, it is over. The major difference is that punishments including death penalties or payment to end the contract are usually not an issue.

I am also not really speaking of forced slavery. Roman slaves were expensive to keep because they were usually treated well. In my experience I am also treated well and valued to my master and I know I am expensive.

But I am still learning alot and my experience is only that mine.

I was just expressing my opinion.

Maddi

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re; slavery is slavery

I was just expressing my opinion.Maddi

Uh, uh, now you must be punished! LOL

Just kidding!

Please keep posting I am enjoying your posts!

Eb

 

[MissTaken]

Control means whatever it means to you and your partner(s).

As long as everyone is happy with that, there is no wrong answer.

I know I am just reiterating other's posts, but really wanted to jump in anyway!

Some Dom/mes here may find, after spending 24 hours with me that they don't feel I am submissive or submissive enough.

Others may spend the same amount of time with me and feel that I am too submissive, too needy, if you will.

It is all individual perspective and interpretation.

 

[maddi]

Thanks everyone I appreciate the support!

Ebony--

My Dom has been away for a long time (business a time zone away). I would love to be punished or something..anything please? Too bad you only do men.... LOL!

Thanks again for making me feel comfortable here!

Maddi

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thanks everyone I appreciate the support!

Ebony--

My Dom has been away for a long time (business a time zone away). I would love to be punished or something..anything please? Too bad you only do men.... LOL!

Thanks again for making me feel comfortable here!

Maddi

Men! My subs work too much (can't complain) and so they can be gone a while too. Bummer. I watch a lot of Tv, and post online a lot.

Someone told me once to order them to not work so much. No can do. I never interfere with my subs' livelihood, family, and friends. I want them well rounded (and solvent).

Eb

 

[MissTaken]

I was discussing this issue with a dear friend today.

There are areas of my life which can fall under the control of a Dom, then there are areas that must remain under "joint" control or in my possession.

It is for two people to discuss these issues and know one another well enough to make a determination about where and when control begins and ends.

I have always made it very clear to anyone that was interested in me that my children and family should never have an inkling of the dynamics of the relationship. My work cannot be tampered with. Child rearing can be done together, but with me as the leading partner (they are my kids and I am answerable for any faux pas, after all). My body can be offered in submission for total control. My mind/heart can be as well as long as it stays within the parameters above.

Does any of this make sense?

Control is what you make of it.

 

[Ebonyfire]

It makes sense to me

Does any of this make sense? Control is what you make of it.

Making boundaries clear in the very beginning always makes sense.

It has been said that the boundaries of any relationship are set at the beginning.

It is very hard to change them after the fact, when perceptions have been made based on what was said at the beginning of the relationship.

In short, it is hard to take something back or even re-learn a behaviour if it has become ingrained.

Make things clear at the outset. If the other person does not agree, then pass them by, there will be others.

Eb

 

[catalina_francisco]

Another good vintage thread full of great discussion.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

After reading many of the posts that address this subject, I decided to start a thread on this topic of 100% control.

I have read that many Dom/mes say they do not want to have a 24/7 bacause they do not want to be in control 100%.

But is that what 24/7 means, really?

I happen to believe that it DOES NOT mean that the dominant is in control 100% of the time. In fact, if the dominant has planned and chosen correctly he or she has a submissive who has the capability of picking of the slack at any given time.

Dom/mes get sick, Dom/mes get tired. Hopefully the Dom/me has chosen a submissive who has skills and talents that can be utilized to make the life easier for both parties.

What does this mean? It means that the dominant gives direction (a form of control) so that when he or she cannot or does not feel like being in control, he or she can delegate tasks to the submissive. That is quite a another different story.

If the dominant is proactive, he or she has already delegated tasks to the submissive when it is found that the aub has the superior skills in that area.

Any other viewpoints?

Ebony

I agree. I'd hate to have to attempt to control someone 100% or for them to try that on me.

Fury

 

[Ebonyfire]

Damn this is an old chestnut.

 

[Netzach]

After reading many of the posts that address this subject, I decided to start a thread on this topic of 100% control.

I have read that many Dom/mes say they do not want to have a 24/7 bacause they do not want to be in control 100%.

But is that what 24/7 means, really?

I happen to believe that it DOES NOT mean that the dominant is in control 100% of the time. In fact, if the dominant has planned and chosen correctly he or she has a submissive who has the capability of picking of the slack at any given time.

Dom/mes get sick, Dom/mes get tired. Hopefully the Dom/me has chosen a submissive who has skills and talents that can be utilized to make the life easier for both parties.

What does this mean? It means that the dominant gives direction (a form of control) so that when he or she cannot or does not feel like being in control, he or she can delegate tasks to the submissive. That is quite a another different story.

If the dominant is proactive, he or she has already delegated tasks to the submissive when it is found that the aub has the superior skills in that area.

Any other viewpoints?

Ebony

Yuh huh.

I could add more but you said it so well there's no point.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Dayum I'm good!

Bump!

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Bump!

You're always good! And it's always good to "see" you!

As for the thread... Oh my gosh, I could just copy and paste my original post again only change His name to Daddy. LOL.

 

[ownedsubgal]

as a slave my Master has complete control over my life, however that does not mean that i am microcmanaged and cannot vacuum a room or cook a meal without his explicit command. i have been his slave for a long time...i know what's expected of me, and i know the consequences for not living up to those expectations. being a houseslave, everyday there's cooking, cleaning, organizing, etc. to do. as long as everything's done by the hour he has specified, then he's happy.

if he is ill, i am not expected to "take up the slack" and start taking care of the things he normally handles (bills, driving, etc.). there are other people he has delegated to take care of those things if he is ever that ill. my job is to take extra diligent, attentive care of him in the ways that he feels are proper...keeping him well fed, clean, entertained, rested.


there are no areas of my life where my Master has no control or where we have "joint" control. if there is something i desire just for me (meaning it has nothing to do with serving him), then i come to him and ask him about it humbly and respectfully, and maybe he will allow it, maybe he won't. this situation came up when i discovered suddenly that my grandfather was dying of cancer, and i wished to see him before it was too late. i have no contact with family or anyone else without my Master's permission and involvement, and there was a time when i was not permitted to see anyone from my unowned life at all, relatives included. He decided to be merciful and drove me down to see my grandfather, and i will forever be grateful for that. there have been similar situations where he has refused my requests. that is his right and something i fully accept as part of being owned and controlled by another person.

 

[Trajal]

Having complete control does not, for me, mean that I don't want to know her opinion. I make the decision but I like to hear her suggestions and thoughts.

The day to day running of things is based on a set series of rules which were arrived at over a gradual period. I introduced a new rule when she had gotten the one rule down properly as habit, and now we're in a position where she has a set routine. There's no need for micro-managing anything, she knows what she has to do for the basics and each time she does her task, on time, to perfection, she knows she is pleasing me.

Sometimes I will surprise her somehow, anything from leaving her favourite cheesecake in the fridge when she goes to clean it, through to leaving flowers under the towels for her to find when she goes to do the laundry.

I do have complete control however, it's a 100% TPE but I don't want a robo-sub who needs instructions at every 20 minute interval. I like an intelligent, assertive and imaginative girl who chooses to submit rather than submits because she can't look after herself.

When I'm sick, she cares for me, when she's sick I care for her. I believe it's the responsibility and duty of the owner to care for, feed, clothe and protect their slave.

Doesn't work for everyone, but we have a good life and love one another very much. We argue just like any other couple of course, but it's rare. So long as you're both comfortable and happy doing what it is that you are doing then I don't think it matters what anyone else thinks.

 

[eastern sun]

Sometimes I want to be micro-managed, so I will not have to risk making mistakes in judgement. Or take responsibility for my sometimes careless actions.

But it is when I act in accordance with my husband's wishes without being directed to - when the condition of our house and our children and our social activities and our relationship reflect his deepest values - that he is truly pleased.

I can pretend when he is at work not to know what he wants me to do, but in fact I always know what will please him. Then, as Francisco pointed out years ago, it is the way in which I use my free will to do the things that would make him happy that makes him feel well-served.

And I have the deep satisfaction of knowing I did the right thing.

 

[Ebonyfire]

You're always good! And it's always good to "see" you!

As for the thread... Oh my gosh, I could just copy and paste my original post again only change His name to Daddy. LOL.

I am always glad to read your posts!

 

[Bandit58]

After reading many of the posts that address this subject, I decided to start a thread on this topic of 100% control.

I have read that many Dom/mes say they do not want to have a 24/7 bacause they do not want to be in control 100%.

But is that what 24/7 means, really?

I happen to believe that it DOES NOT mean that the dominant is in control 100% of the time. In fact, if the dominant has planned and chosen correctly he or she has a submissive who has the capability of picking of the slack at any given time.

Dom/mes get sick, Dom/mes get tired. Hopefully the Dom/me has chosen a submissive who has skills and talents that can be utilized to make the life easier for both parties.

What does this mean? It means that the dominant gives direction (a form of control) so that when he or she cannot or does not feel like being in control, he or she can delegate tasks to the submissive. That is quite a another different story.

If the dominant is proactive, he or she has already delegated tasks to the submissive when it is found that the aub has the superior skills in that area.

Any other viewpoints?

Ebony

Because Master Gil has health issues, and some of the time He does not feel well at all, I have to "take charge" as it were. I have to decide when to be pro-active in checking vitals (blood pressure, blood sugar levels) and what to do according to those readings.

I also manage our finances. He has given me His PIN number so I can get money out of the ATM for Him. I pay our bills through internet banking and He gives me His share in cash. I have the credit card and the control of its use.

I'm more computer savvy. I know how to set out letters and I type faster. He has a learning disability (a form of dyslexia) that I picked up on after having worked with children as a teacher's aide. So I am His spell checker and proof reader

He is always my Dom and I'm always His submissive. We both bring different skills into the relationship. I see my assistance in this way as making His life easier so He can concentrate on trying to stay as well as possible.

 

[graceanne]

K is not in control 100% of the time. For one thing we share control of the kids. For another he's national guard, he's gone for sometimes weeks at a time, and is supposedly going to be sent to Afghanistan in 2009. I darn well better be able to take control.

 

[Ebonyfire]

But my whole point in starting this thread is that 100% control may not mean physical control.

Eb

 

[ecstaticsub]

I am in a LDR so it is impossible for my Dom to have hands-on physical control 24/7. I do however still consider our relationship 24/7. There are some aspects of my life that he has 100% control over 24/7 even from 200 miles away.

 

[graceanne]

But my whole point in starting this thread is that 100% control may not mean physical control.

Eb

Maybe I'm just exhausted, and being dumb, but what do you mean?

 

[Arden]

imho...100% is a myth, although some would like you to believe they are capable of it

control is not about physical ownership, mental manipulation, or the micro-management of one's life, finances, family or friends. it's not about wearing butt plugs or nipple clamps while sitting naked in front of the cam, or having phone sex until your head spins while screaming "for You, Sir!"

complete control... is simply focus. having the ability to focus on one's Dominant, and His/Her desires at any given time.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Maybe I'm just exhausted, and being dumb, but what do you mean?

Well there is mental control. If you have mental control, you really do not have to be there. A submissive knows his or her place (because they have consented to be there) and they have their marching orders. Physical control (in person) may not be necessary.

Rituals, rules, and protocols can be thought of as a type of mental control.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Well the use of 100% is really relative.


Do parents have 100% control of their children? Nope!