Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

[Ebonyfire]

I read an article today that is the result of a study that said that marriage does not make couples any more happy or satisfied than they were before marrying, and it did not change their outlook on life.

So it got me to think about D/s relationships. Do you feel being in a D/s relationship makes you more happy or satisfied? does it change your outlook on life?

See this link:
Does Marriage Bring Happiness?

I bring this up cause my opinion is that relationships can enhance your quality of life or satisfaction with your quality of life. But in the long run, if you are not happy or not satisfied the relationship will not fill that void.

In short you have to be happy with yourself to be happy with someone else.

Any comments?

 

[Richard49]

I bring this up cause my opinion is that relationships can enhance your quality of life or satisfaction with your quality of life. But in the long run, if you are not happy or not satisfied the relationship will not fill that void.

In short you have to be happy with yourself to be happy with someone else.

Any comments?

I agree and disagree

IMHO
you need your own life before you can share one with another
that means you have your own idenity

However, for me, I am much happier and productive when in a "healthy/happy" relationship with a woman that has her own life and identity ........

As I shared with a freind yesterday .... well never mind that one .....

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I think you have to have a basic level of happiness with yourself, and some self-knowledge, before a relationship can make you happy.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thanks for sharing your opinions on the subject, Johnny and Richard. Maybe others will join in.

 

[kayte]

Eb ~ This is a great thread you have started.

I believe everyone is as happy as they want to be. We all are responsible for that.

In my case I am finding the joys and the challenges of a D/s relationship are quite remarkable and wonderful. It is a lot of work, but worth it. That relationship is adding immensely to my sense of self and well being.

That in turn, pleases my Master even more. He does want a strong sub.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Eb ~ This is a great thread you have started.

I believe everyone is as happy as they want to be. We all are responsible for that.

In my case I am finding the joys and the challenges of a D/s relationship are quite remarkable and wonderful. It is a lot of work, but worth it. That relationship is adding immensely to my sense of self and well being.

That in turn, pleases my Master even more. He does want a strong sub.

Thanks! And thanks for sharing you own insights.

I used to deny that you just said..."I believe everyone is as happy as they want to be".

When I turned 50, I decided that I would be happy, and for the most part I have succeeded. And I have to admit it was a choice I made. I choose to happy, and I am.

Circumstances may make me unhappy, but not for long. If given a choice of feeling bad or feeling good, I choose to feel good.

 

[Richard49]

The three things I need to work on are

1) acceptence
what is is
can not change nothing but the way I think

2) acceptence

3) acceptence

 

[lark sparrow]

I read an article today that is the result of a study that said that marriage does not make couples any more happy or satisfied than they were before marrying, and it did not change their outlook on life.

So it got me to think about D/s relationships. Do you feel being in a D/s relationship makes you more happy or satisfied? does it change your outlook on life?

See this link:
Does Marriage Bring Happiness?

I bring this up cause my opinion is that relationships can enhance your quality of life or satisfaction with your quality of life. But in the long run, if you are not happy or not satisfied the relationship will not fill that void.

In short you have to be happy with yourself to be happy with someone else.

Any comments?

Wouldn't marriage in the nilla world be more like a collaring in the kinky world? The relationship already exists, but marriage or a collar is the formalization of the relationship. If that's so, then I think it would be the same. After the ceremony and the exchange of symbols of the union the honeymoon phase may lessen quite a bit until you find yourself in the same relationship you were to begin with - no magical, permanent transformations because of the formalization.

 

[WillowPuss]

I bring this up cause my opinion is that relationships can enhance your quality of life or satisfaction with your quality of life. But in the long run, if you are not happy or not satisfied the relationship will not fill that void.

In short you have to be happy with yourself to be happy with someone else.

Any comments?

(Eb ... have You been taking lessons froma certain Domme who also asks such 'easy' questions?)


OK - to answer the question in the title : Does being in a D/s relationship make you happy?
Short answer - yes!
Longer answer - I am much happier/more content than I was without the D/s element in O/our relationship. It certainly enhanced the relationship R and I had.


Now for the other bits ...

Being happy with yourself to be able to be happy in any relationship ...
Yes, I think so - but long term relationships change shape all the time. To make a relationship work, the partners need to be able to adapt and change with it; to grow with the relationship, as it were.
There must also be communication between the partners, and that is possibly where a D/s relationship will win hands down over many vanilla ones.



(sorry Eb, I am sure there is more I could add - but I seem to be struggling for words tonight!)

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

(Eb ... have You been taking lessons froma certain Domme who also asks such 'easy' questions?)


OK - to answer the question in the title : Does being in a D/s relationship make you happy?
Short answer - yes!
Longer answer - I am much happier/more content than I was without the D/s element in O/our relationship. It certainly enhanced the relationship R and I had.


Now for the other bits ...

Being happy with yourself to be able to be happy in any relationship ...
Yes, I think so - but long term relationships change shape all the time. To make a relationship work, the partners need to be able to adapt and change with it; to grow with the relationship, as it were.
There must also be communication between the partners, and that is possibly where a D/s relationship will win hands down over many vanilla ones.



(sorry Eb, I am sure there is more I could add - but I seem to be struggling for words tonight!)

I think you made yourself very clear Willow.

As for asking hard questions, I have a few uip my sleeve, most of the time I am too lazy to post them.

 

[psiberzerker]

I'm going to have to bring in Abe Maslow on this one. For those of you who've taken Psyche, he's the guy who codified our needs into a heirarchy. At the bottom are the seemingly endless base needs (Get it?) like food, water, oxygen, and so forth. Above those are the less numerous personal needs, like love, and affection. You cannot move on to these untill you've met those below them.
I have to modify his list because for some reason, all those forefathers of personal brain care somehow managed to ignore human individuality. Freud had us all parading through the same hang ups with shit, piss, and milk, while skinner, wel, never mind.
The point of all this, (Yes there is one) is that we all have different needs, and some are the same, but in different order. He placed "Self Actualization" at the top of his pyramid, but that only applies to those who want to be better.
We of the BDSM sexual underground have different needs from the Vannilla Sheeple. We need new things, structure, and/or pain to punctuate our sentance. Some would put happiness at the top of their heirarchy, because that is their ultimate goal. I'm more the Self Actualization type, but that's hardly relavent.
Can Sadomasochism make you happy? I'm sure of it. Most of the happy ones I've seen, however where subs. I guess dominants are too self critical, while subs have someone to do it for them. Switches don't tend to be happy because they're hedonists. They're too busy having fun to dissociate enough to feel happiness. It's not a complaint, or jibe, just a vibe I get off them.
Look into yourself, and see what drives you. Satisfy that, and you can work on happiness.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I'm going to have to bring in Abe Maslow on this one. For those of you who've taken Psyche, he's the guy who codified our needs into a heirarchy. At the bottom are the seemingly endless base needs (Get it?) like food, water, oxygen, and so forth. Above those are the less numerous personal needs, like love, and affection. You cannot move on to these untill you've met those below them.
I have to modify his list because for some reason, all those forefathers of personal brain care somehow managed to ignore human individuality. Freud had us all parading through the same hang ups with shit, piss, and milk, while skinner, wel, never mind.
The point of all this, (Yes there is one) is that we all have different needs, and some are the same, but in different order. He placed "Self Actualization" at the top of his pyramid, but that only applies to those who want to be better.
We of the BDSM sexual underground have different needs from the Vannilla Sheeple. We need new things, structure, and/or pain to punctuate our sentance. Some would put happiness at the top of their heirarchy, because that is their ultimate goal. I'm more the Self Actualization type, but that's hardly relavent.
Can Sadomasochism make you happy? I'm sure of it. Most of the happy ones I've seen, however where subs. I guess dominants are too self critical, while subs have someone to do it for them. Switches don't tend to be happy because they're hedonists. They're too busy having fun to dissociate enough to feel happiness. It's not a complaint, or jibe, just a vibe I get off them.
Look into yourself, and see what drives you. Satisfy that, and you can work on happiness.

That's funny, I see the opposite here. I think that the most happy are us Dommes.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

<snip> I bring this up cause my opinion is that relationships can enhance your quality of life or satisfaction with your quality of life. But in the long run, if you are not happy or not satisfied the relationship will not fill that void.

In short you have to be happy with yourself to be happy with someone else.

Any comments?

Hi Eb. I have to agree with you on this one. Although...LOL...It took me a terribly LONG time to figure it out *sigh*. Hitting 40 gave me all this introspection LOL. Having done so, however, it is mighty nice to have the prize, a me that is happy with me!

However, I've found that life is fickle. Seldom do all the parts come together at one time like you want them to *wry grin*. I believe being in a D/s relationship would add to the happiness in my life, yes. I don't believe that it's the magic ticket to my everlasting happiness.

I don't believe that Mr. Perfect Dom is going to come take me away from all of this, No. LOL. I don't want to lose the gains I've made as a strong, independent, can-do woman over the last several years. Eventually I hope that I run across a D/s relationship with someone who suits me, and finds my strengths suitable to him. That may come along eventually, but for now, I think I'll just go along, keep working on myself, and remain the fairly happy sub that I am.

Life is good

~Anelize

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

<snip>I don't believe that Mr. Perfect Dom is going to come take me away from all of this, No. LOL. I don't want to lose the gains I've made as a strong, independent, can-do woman over the last several years. Eventually I hope that I run across a D/s relationship with someone who suits me, and finds my strengths suitable to him...<snip>
~Anelize

You just said a mouth full. I see a lot of blaming of Dom/mes and subs that sometimes shows a lack of introspection.

It is as if the Dom/me or sub has the responsibility of behaving in certain ways to take the responsibility off the individual's back.

My main point is that the main responsibility lies with that person you see when you look in the mirror.

Take some time to think about what you want, as opposed to letting you hormones do your thinking.

If you are unhappy, perhaps you need to fuck less and think more.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

You just said a mouth full. I see a lot of blaming of Dom/mes and subs that sometimes shows a lack of introspection.

It is as if the Dom/me or sub has the responsibility of behaving in certain ways to take the responsibility off the individual's back.

My main point is that the main responsibility lies with that person you see when you look in the mirror.

Take some time to think about what you want, as opposed to letting you hormones do your thinking.

If you are unhappy, perhaps you need to fuck less and think more.

I agree that usally unhappines comes from NOT thinking

However for others they think to damn much
like the submissive that loves pain but suddenly lables it abuse

I better stop
I am "feeling" this to much

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Re: Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

<snip>If you are unhappy, perhaps you need to fuck less and think more.<snip>

Perhaps, Eb, we could go into business? *chuckling* I see this embroidered on a pillow, perhaps a fridge magnet??? LOL I love your particular brand of wisdom....

~Anelize - "working up a business plan"

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

Perhaps, Eb, we could go into business? *chuckling* I see this embroidered on a pillow, perhaps a fridge magnet??? LOL I love your particular brand of wisdom....

~Anelize - "working up a business plan"

With the book tour, and going on Oprah, making her book club, we will be ladies of leisure in no time.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

With the book tour, and going on Oprah, making her book club, we will be ladies of leisure in no time.

*jumping up and down*

I can't WAIT to see you go head-to-head with Dr. Phil!

LOL

Somehow...Oprah...*snickering*


*tossing magnets and pillows into the audience and running*


~Anelize

 

[Angelofsex]

I read an article today that is the result of a study that said that marriage does not make couples any more happy or satisfied than they were before marrying, and it did not change their outlook on life.

So it got me to think about D/s relationships. Do you feel being in a D/s relationship makes you more happy or satisfied? does it change your outlook on life?

See this link:
Does Marriage Bring Happiness?

I bring this up cause my opinion is that relationships can enhance your quality of life or satisfaction with your quality of life. But in the long run, if you are not happy or not satisfied the relationship will not fill that void.

In short you have to be happy with yourself to be happy with someone else.

Any comments?

A person in a relationship makes it happy when you have the other one doing it too........Sometimes getting that piece of paper does change everything......sometimes that happy feeling doesn't stay......Yet in a D/s relationship I think both work at it at the same time.....so both are happy.

I will be turning 50 soon and am tired of being unhappy......so now with my Dom, I am smiling again.....he makes me smile and be happy.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

A person in a relationship makes it happy when you have the other one doing it too........Sometimes getting that piece of paper does change everything......sometimes that happy feeling doesn't stay......Yet in a D/s relationship I think both work at it at the same time.....so both are happy.

I will be turning 50 soon and am tired of being unhappy......so now with my Dom, I am smiling again.....he makes me smile and be happy.

angel it is nice to see you

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

*jumping up and down*

I can't WAIT to see you go head-to-head with Dr. Phil!

LOL

Somehow...Oprah...*snickering*


*tossing magnets and pillows into the audience and running*


~Anelize

I have only a few words to say to Dr. Phil..Bend over and spread 'em!

 

[Richard49]

I am more productive when in a relationship

 

[MoonduskSub]

Hell yeah! Opps. Sorry. I got a little ahead of myself there. Yes, I believe that you do have to be happy with yourself to be happy with others. No one, no relationship will truely make you happy unless you are happy with yourself first. It is hard to believe, but it is true.
Does being in a D/s relationship make me happier? Yes. Why? Being in a nilla relationships is beyond fantastic. Being in a D/s relationship is the icing, sprinkles, and lit candles on the cake. I like being in both, but all my "needs" are meet in a D/s relatonship where they are not in a nilla one. Because of my incredible urge to serve I struggle with nilla relationships. Neither one necessarily changes my outlook on life. I do learn from both constantly. Mistakes, pluses, etc. If that is improving the quaility of my life...than by all means it does.
But to be able to accept and learn I had to find happiness in myself to understand. If that makes any sense? One of my favorite quotes is,
"Don't mistake pleasure for happiness." A tough lesson, but one that has helped me decide Id much rather be happy than just pretend. It helps me grow, in ANY situation, especially relationships.


Moonie

I read an article today that is the result of a study that said that marriage does not make couples any more happy or satisfied than they were before marrying, and it did not change their outlook on life.

So it got me to think about D/s relationships. Do you feel being in a D/s relationship makes you more happy or satisfied? does it change your outlook on life?

See this link:
Does Marriage Bring Happiness?

I bring this up cause my opinion is that relationships can enhance your quality of life or satisfaction with your quality of life. But in the long run, if you are not happy or not satisfied the relationship will not fill that void.

In short you have to be happy with yourself to be happy with someone else.

Any comments?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

Thanks for posting MoonduskSub.

 

[s'lara]

Uncertain

i used to think having a D/s relationship would provide simple answers to the missing parts in my life.

Now i honestly don't know.

While on one hand, i could spout rhetoric about how each person must learn to be strong and happy on their own, i don't think that is what Ebony was asking for.

In a nutshell, the following bullets should sum up my answer:

- i function well, happier and with a sense of security when i am in the control of Another.

- i am unhappy when i feel at loose ends or in a position where i do not have that control.

- i am fully capable of existing outside that spectrum, but would rather reside in the structured life of D/s.

- i do feel a calmness in a D/s relationship that i have never felt elsewhere.

- my happiness isn't fully dependent upon being in a D/s relationship, but it is a fact that i need and want it. And we can all agree that getting what we need and having what we want gives us a sense of happiness ... whether it is a false or not.