Do you need to mentally feel secure to enjoy pain?

[NuclearFairy]

I was talking over a story I'm writing with my SO, this story is about one female and a bunch of different males. Only one of which is a sadist. And I was talking about the kinds of conflicts that might be going through the sadists mind and my SO offhandedly remarked, "Well she doesn't enjoy pain, so it'd really be best if he didn't have an active sexual role with her."

Which honestly had me slightly dumbfounded. I mean yeah, she didn't enjoy the nipple biting and pinching her first time, and she was a bit scared an hour later when they talked about going into her back door. But... I would've reacted the same in those circumstances. It was her first time, she was in unfamiliar surroundings, and she was still very much worried about getting those closes to her to believe some very big truths.

I enjoy pain, but I also have to be in the right head space to do so, if I'm worried and anxious I'm not going to enjoy it. He's always known that I'm a bit of a slow start as far as the pain goes, and so knows to work me up first. But my SO not knowing that it can be so closely linked to emotions, and that someone who is really into the sex still might not be able to let go enough to enjoy the pain, has me wondering, how common is that?

 

[HyposMuse]

Totally common. For many of us, pain flips from nope to want only when the right switches are on. Safety. Trust. Arousal. Choice. Pacing. Headspace changes the meaning of sensation. If I feel safe, wanted, and tuned to my partner, pain reads as intensity and connection. If I am anxious or rushed, the same touch reads as alarm or falls flat.

Also it is your story. Your character can be exactly who you want her to be. For reassurance, lots of us only flip to OMG YES YES YES when certain conditions are in place. In the wrong headspace the body reads pain as danger. In the right headspace it reads as devotion. First time, unfamiliar space, big truths in the air. Of course nipple bites landed as fear. That does not mean she is not into pain. It means her green brain was not online yet.

And with the right Dom, (@Hypocrites ) I've learned that even a previous trigger or limit can become a craving.