Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[Guillermo54]

Yup can relate exactly.....

It sucks, and at some point I will finally communicate and she will leave me or I spare her the pain and leave.

 

[Surferdude1891]

I have tried to cross the bridge with her to make it more exciting for me but it is very chore like. She just drops her pant and expects me to get hard without real intimacy then she cums and begs me to cum quickly.

 

[Tweedledude]

It sucks, and at some point I will finally communicate and she will leave me or I spare her the pain and leave.

Ya I've come to exactly the same conclusions. Or i just bite my tongue until death catches up.... Crappy options

 

[pinkhighlighter]

Only a couple of fantasies but he fulfills the others
(Edit to add: It's not an invitation for private chats.)

 

[fareed77]

During our courtship and engagement, my eventual ex-wife and I were very open about our sexual needs and desires. That changed dramatically once we were married, though. Other than the rare occasions when she drank way too much, she told me little about her inner sexual thoughts. And, she made it clear she didn't want to hear mine. I tried to stop talking about my desires and needs, but I couldn't. Our marriage fell about after nearly two decades when she sought a divorce. The main cause of our divorce was something else (I screwed up our finances), but the resentment caused by our inability to discuss our needs certainly played a role in her decision to not seek marriage counseling.

So what’s your desires and needs sweetheart? Love to hear from you about them, waiting to hear back from you

 

[fareed77]

Feel free to chat about anything. This is a safe place.

I do ,, and wish to share them with you sweetheart

 

[fareed77]

hi

I was shy before. now no. sometimes i find my needs elswhere. bot not often.

Would love to hear more about your fantasies

 

[Strixaluco]

I met my current partner in a place where I knew I don't have to hide what I need both sexually and otherwise in a relationship. Now that I finally have realised it my self.

 

[Wolset]

From day one, our policy was no secrets from each other. Of course we had some awkward times (like when I asked her if a threesome with her sis would be ok - answer was NO) but I feel really lucky to be with her

 

[Vitriolhack]

It sucks, and at some point I will finally communicate and she will leave me or I spare her the pain and leave.

People, especially those that you have been intimate with for a while, deserve to at least be told why you are leaving. She will be asking why, if you don’t answer, she will be asking herself why.

If sexual incompatibility is the reason you are leaving her, then let her know that, at least you will both leave each other on an honest footing. In my humble opinion, it’s better than the reason of “sparing her the pain”.

This comment is not meant to be a reproach, it is just an observation from my part. Feel free to disregard it.

Be well,

 

[Strixaluco]

People, especially those that you have been intimate with for a while, deserve to at least be told why you are leaving. She will be asking why, if you don’t answer, she will be asking herself why.

If sexual incompatibility is the reason you are leaving her, then let her know that, at least you will both leave each other on an honest footing. In my humble opinion, it’s better than the reason of “sparing her the pain”.

This comment is not meant to be a reproach, it is just an observation from my part. Feel free to disregard it.

Be well,

I have to agree. I only told my first ex a partial reason, because I didn't know how to say the rest (only had a partial idea of it myself back then) and he could feel it didn't quite explain it. So he kept hoping in vain, and hurting, for several years. It didn't spare him any pain.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I have to agree. I only told my first ex a partial reason, because I didn't know how to say the rest (only had a partial idea of it myself back then) and he could feel it didn't quite explain it. So he kept hoping in vain, and hurting, for several years. It didn't spare him any pain.

Oh man, leaving to wonder what happened is a little cruel. Why is communication so hard?

 

[Strixaluco]

Oh man, leaving to wonder what happened is a little cruel. Why is communication so hard?

Well, it's damn hard when you don't even really know what you're looking for - just that you aren't getting it, and a vague idea of what (which wasn't even halfway there. Didn't even come to think of that I would not be vanills.

But when I finally knew myself, I actually told him. 16 tears later.

 

[saintcero]

Well, it's damn hard when you don't even really know what you're looking for - just that you aren't getting it, and a vague idea of what (which wasn't even halfway there. Didn't even come to think of that I would not be vanills.

But when I finally knew myself, I actually told him. 16 tears later.

Do you think he had closure at that point? I hope he was not bitter. Doesn’t seem that you were malicious and I hope he wasn’t vengeful

 

[Strixaluco]

Do you think he had closure at that point? I hope he was not bitter. Doesn’t seem that you were malicious and I hope he wasn’t vengeful

No he wasn't. And we were in good terms even in before that.

 

[Guillermo54]

People, especially those that you have been intimate with for a while, deserve to at least be told why you are leaving. She will be asking why, if you don’t answer, she will be asking herself why.

If sexual incompatibility is the reason you are leaving her, then let her know that, at least you will both leave each other on an honest footing. In my humble opinion, it’s better than the reason of “sparing her the pain”.

This comment is not meant to be a reproach, it is just an observation from my part. Feel free to disregard it.

Be well,

I appreciate the feedback thank you. Telling my spouse that she is making everyone miserable is a pretty difficult message to hear. Her happiness is too dependent on other people’s behavior (like too many tv or gaming hours - which btw isn’t a lot) and she does nothing for herself or her own well being. Everytime I try to lovingly point out that I am worried and that she needs to drop her expectations of others, she blames me for not caring enough and if I did I would be miserable too. I wish it was as simple as me wanting more sex.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I appreciate the feedback thank you. Telling my spouse that she is making everyone miserable is a pretty difficult message to hear. Her happiness is too dependent on other people’s behavior (like too many tv or gaming hours - which btw isn’t a lot) and she does nothing for herself or her own well being. Everytime I try to lovingly point out that I am worried and that she needs to drop her expectations of others, she blames me for not caring enough and if I did I would be miserable too. I wish it was as simple as me wanting more sex.

It’s never easy when we expect others to behave like we would in specific situations. That’s a recipe for a lifetime of disappointment. Complaining daily about it, won’t help either.

Hope things turn around for both of you.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I used to. But my sexual addiction got out of control. My wife cant help it but she understands my needs after I admitted my sex drive. Shes not happy about me mtg other men and Im trying to curtail my addiction. Im finding it extremely hard to give up.

Have you thought of getting help for it?

When you say addiction, does it interfere with your work and everyday life?

 

[Strixaluco]

I appreciate the feedback thank you. Telling my spouse that she is making everyone miserable is a pretty difficult message to hear. Her happiness is too dependent on other people’s behavior (like too many tv or gaming hours - which btw isn’t a lot) and she does nothing for herself or her own well being. Everytime I try to lovingly point out that I am worried and that she needs to drop her expectations of others, she blames me for not caring enough and if I did I would be miserable too. I wish it was as simple as me wanting more sex.

Ouch. You do care about her, though, that's obvious. Does she even border on martyrlike behaviour?

She would indeed need help to get more balanced but it's difficult if not impossible to help someone who refuses to see she needs help.

 

[Guillermo54]

Ouch. You do care about her, though, that's obvious. Does she even border on martyrlike behaviour?

She would indeed need help to get more balanced but it's difficult if not impossible to help someone who refuses to see she needs help.

Yes she does border on martyr like behavior!

 

[fareed77]

Would love to hear more about your fantasies

Talk to me please

 

[Dirtyoldhornyman]

I’m 68 and feel more sexual than ever before. My wife is nearly sexless. Doesn’t care about my fantasizes or spicing anything up.
I’ve had more deeper and meaningful sexual conversation on Lit with total strangers than anyone in my life, including my wife.
It’s refreshing and wonderful. The ladies, and men, all share it-it seems like.
Sexual honesty.
So, Lit and porn are my secret life where I can somewhat live out my fantasies to my liking.
It’s better than nothing!

 

[Vitriolhack]

I’m 68 and feel more sexual than ever before. My wife is nearly sexless. Doesn’t care about my fantasizes or spicing anything up.
I’ve had more deeper and meaningful sexual conversation on Lit with total strangers than anyone in my life, including my wife.
It’s refreshing and wonderful. The ladies, and men, all share it-it seems like.
Sexual honesty.
So, Lit and porn are my secret life where I can somewhat live out my fantasies to my liking.
It’s better than nothing!

A good part of sexual activities involve the mind imagining new and different ways to fuck.

You are correct, talking about it to other like minded people here, feels like group therapy, enjoy the talks.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

we are an extremely open couple, that's why we are on here together. Sometimes our experiences and our fantasies shock each other, but they always lead to good sex.

Yes same here. My hubby introduced me to here and yes, for the original poster I found Lit incredibly liberating in letting me explore my wants and desires but we are always very open about what we’re exploring.

And yeah, makes the sex great.

 

[Ashesh9]

I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here are in the same boat I am in?

Some of our Sexual Needs overlap and we are quite open about such Overlapping or Common/Mutual Fetishes.
But there are certain Fetishes which R exclusively mine , which She feels repelled by and refuses to converse about: I do share such fetishes with like minded peeps here on Lit and feel erotically fulfilled by sharing my deepest thoughts and hearing about other folks' deepest desires too!!!
I really don't mind my wife's refusal as we reside in a free world where individual liberties do matter!!!