Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[Vitriolhack]

Nope. Never have and never will. We enjoy sharing the details and also planning the hunt.

Must be wonderful.

 

[Britva415]

Are they really "needs" at all if they go un-expressed and un-experienced? Sounds more like "would-be-nice's"

 

[Strixaluco]

Are they really "needs" at all if they go un-expressed and un-experienced? Sounds more like "would-be-nice's"

Some people don't express even their most basic needs, expecting others to just know.

 

[Britva415]

Some people don't express even their most basic needs, expecting others to just know.

Yep, true.

However, that still seems like a "nice-to-have," if they aren't taking action to get it met. Whether that action is talking or something else is a separate matter.

Maybe all we're saying is, sure, it's a need, but they don't need it from their partner. They're getting it met in some other way.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Some people don't express even their most basic needs, expecting others to just know.

Well, you need to have a partner that is willing to listen. And, you need to know how or at least willing to be taking openly about your needs.

Not always easy for -though!

 

[Strixaluco]

However, that still seems like a "nice-to-have," if they aren't taking action to get it met. Whether that action is talking or something else is a separate matter.

Maybe all we're saying is, sure, it's a need, but they don't need it from their partner. They're getting it met in some other way.

I wouldn't say so, as some people rather be martyrs than say aloud that they need something. Especially within older generations. Yes, some get that fulfillment elsewhere, but not all.

Well, you need to have a partner that is willing to listen. And, you need to know how or at least willing to be taking openly about your needs.

Not always easy for -though!

And sometimes the partner who isn't a safe to talk to, is also one who isn't willing to talk about their own needs...

But some indeed shut like clams even when they are offered a safe situation about their wants and needs. After wasting too much many years with someone who isn't willing to even try to learn, I'm not too sympathetic towards such behaviour.

 

[cadman7777]

I have talked to my wife about my sexual needs and she listens but nothing changes so I don't bring them up anymore.....let alone any fantasies that I have

 

[Vitriolhack]

I have talked to my wife about my sexual needs and she listens but nothing changes so I don't bring them up anymore.....let alone any fantasies that I have

Thank you for sharing. Has she ever shared her sexual needs with you?

 

[cadman7777]

Thank you for sharing. Has she ever shared her sexual needs with you?

She doesn't really have many to be honest.....

 

[Michael_Keaton]

I have talked to my wife about my sexual needs and she listens but nothing changes so I don't bring them up anymore.....let alone any fantasies that I have

Join the club, Cadman. I've tried to talk about my needs and wants and I always get the same response: "Yes", "Uh-huh", "Yep", "OK", "we could try that", and nothing new ever happens. "Santa" gave her a Magic Wand and I told her that if she ever wants to try it I'll be there. Six months later it's still in the drawer untouched. I've given up.

 

[MeltedMoon]

Do I think people should hide their desires? No. But I do understand why so many do.

 

[MeltedMoon]

Join the club, Cadman. I've tried to talk about my needs and wants and I always get the same response: "Yes", "Uh-huh", "Yep", "OK", "we could try that", and nothing new ever happens. "Santa" gave her a Magic Wand and I told her that if she ever wants to try it I'll be there. Six months later it's still in the drawer untouched. I've given up.

Totally get where you're coming from. Maybe next time things heat up casually pull the Wand out like you're pulling Excalibur... I mean sometimes we do need a little hands on intro. Worst case? It stays in the drawer. Best case? She surprises you.... Either way, props for being open. A lot of folks just bottle it up. Wishing you clarity and hopeful connection

 

[Highwayczar]

I have talked to my wife about my sexual needs and she listens but nothing changes so I don't bring them up anymore.....let alone any fantasies that I have

Same here Cadman. She has never mentioned hers. Not to me at anyway.

 

[Southernscot21]

Mine always talks about stuff that turns me on but she hardly goes through with them. She mentions how she gets off to it while she’s in the shower but she’s always “waiting for us to be in a good place.” I told her to quit bringing it up to me cuz she knows how much I like it

 

[Mrs_and_mr]

No. We have open communication.

 

[Breastobsessed84]

No way I could ever tell my wife some of the things I'm into

 

[SadieGirl06]

Never. We are intuitive and mutually pleasing

 

[cadman7777]

Mine always talks about stuff that turns me on but she hardly goes through with them. She mentions how she gets off to it while she’s in the shower but she’s always “waiting for us to be in a good place.” I told her to quit bringing it up to me cuz she knows how much I like it

So she gets off by herslf with those thoughts, but not with you?

 

[cadman7777]

Never. We are intuitive and mutually pleasing

Lucky

 

[Southernscot21]

So she gets off by herslf with those thoughts, but not with you?

Pretty much. I’ve been with her for over 10 years and she ALWAYS tells me that but only once came through with it. So it pisses me off that she doesn’t just make it happen if it turns her on so much for me to fuck another woman

 

[cadman7777]

Pretty much. I’ve been with her for over 10 years and she ALWAYS tells me that but only once came through with it. So it pisses me off that she doesn’t just make it happen if it turns her on so much for me to fuck another woman

Seems like it should be an easy fix right? But it never is really