Do you ever get the feeling ...
- Thread starter Nicole
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you acquire the 'fuck you' attitude.
be happy with who you are... and well... if they have a problem with it. whaaah on them.
be happy with who you are... and well... if they have a problem with it. whaaah on them.
Willing and Unsure
Stuffed Animal Princess
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if i'm around them for long... i treat them the way they're treating me... i hate to feel like that, and i dont like knowing that they are shallow in some way or another
but then again... i'm spiteful enough to make them feel like crap at the same time (or at least do my best to)
but then again... i'm spiteful enough to make them feel like crap at the same time (or at least do my best to)
You know what, being at this place for 17 months has taught me to acquire a "fuck you" attitude, but every now and then someone gets through my "walls" and it hurts when you feel you've done something to hurt or upset them, but you have no idea what.
I would rather someone say something to me along the lines of "leave me alone, we have nothing in common" than nothing at all and leave me wondering.
This person isn't worth it to me, they really aren't, I just wondered how others deal with it. Not everyone has this "Thick Skin" we are so often told to get, some of us take some things either to heart or very personally. Me being one of them, but I'm not about to change my attitude to make others happy, just as I don't expect them to change to make me happy either.
I'm sorry, I'm just bitching, I just wondered how people deal with the feeling of not being "good enough" for someone else.
I would rather someone say something to me along the lines of "leave me alone, we have nothing in common" than nothing at all and leave me wondering.
This person isn't worth it to me, they really aren't, I just wondered how others deal with it. Not everyone has this "Thick Skin" we are so often told to get, some of us take some things either to heart or very personally. Me being one of them, but I'm not about to change my attitude to make others happy, just as I don't expect them to change to make me happy either.
I'm sorry, I'm just bitching, I just wondered how people deal with the feeling of not being "good enough" for someone else.
I never let people make me feel that way. I hold my head up high and stare them down. But I won't associate with them, as I really have a problem with assholes.. I think those that get pleasure out of belittling others are the saddest, and usually loneliest people around..
Angel
Cuntbeans
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Nikki, very very few things really bother me, but when they do at least on the board, it's obvious. I'm a bitch about everything, but when something gets to me, I'm worse. LOL
Such as the unmentionable guest saying unmentionable things about babies. Actually thats the ONLY thing that REALLY gets to me.
Otherwise it's basically fuck the rest of the world, I'm happy with my own personal one
Such as the unmentionable guest saying unmentionable things about babies. Actually thats the ONLY thing that REALLY gets to me.
Otherwise it's basically fuck the rest of the world, I'm happy with my own personal one
G
Guest
Guest
Even the best made walls have a chance of crumbling.
and oh yeah... I have been hurt by people..... but they just seem to thrive on it. And I just push myself away from the keyboard and I ask myself 'Did I do anything to deserve this? Why are they behaving like this' and the answer usually comes back as 'they enjoy it. they get a rush from making me feel like shit'
so you end the rush. Laughter hurts and of course a few well placed comments
and oh yeah... I have been hurt by people..... but they just seem to thrive on it. And I just push myself away from the keyboard and I ask myself 'Did I do anything to deserve this? Why are they behaving like this' and the answer usually comes back as 'they enjoy it. they get a rush from making me feel like shit'
so you end the rush. Laughter hurts and of course a few well placed comments
Never
Come What May
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Hmmm.
I'm glad I turned my aviators on... I don't suppose you have a large version of that Nicole?
Okay, wait, I was off on a tangent. Focus, focus..
In RL, I try not to get into other's heads. If someone is not interested in knowing me I simply assume that I'm not their type of person. I can understand that perfectly, we're all unique and I'm apt to believe that very few people can like ME.
There are many who pretend, who try and be nice, and I respect them for that but it doesn't matter to me either way.
As for the '(bad word deleted) you' attitude, I've always thought that was an ugly way of going through life. A person who dislikes me has as valid an opinion of me as someone who likes me or someone who doesn't.
You see, most people don't see you, in fact no one sees you; they only see a distorted version of themselves. In fact, it's impossible for someone to really -see- or -know- you as they aren't you. The only person anyone ever knows is themselves, and truthfully, we only know ourselves to a poor degree.
If you want to be equal to another person that's only your want; you could want to be above them, or you could want to be below them. Likewise, if a person wants to be above them, that's simply their want, there's nothing inherently better or worse about their need than yours.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, dear, that bordered on verbose but I stopped myself just in time.
I'm glad I turned my aviators on... I don't suppose you have a large version of that Nicole?
Okay, wait, I was off on a tangent. Focus, focus..
In RL, I try not to get into other's heads. If someone is not interested in knowing me I simply assume that I'm not their type of person. I can understand that perfectly, we're all unique and I'm apt to believe that very few people can like ME.
There are many who pretend, who try and be nice, and I respect them for that but it doesn't matter to me either way.
As for the '(bad word deleted) you' attitude, I've always thought that was an ugly way of going through life. A person who dislikes me has as valid an opinion of me as someone who likes me or someone who doesn't.
You see, most people don't see you, in fact no one sees you; they only see a distorted version of themselves. In fact, it's impossible for someone to really -see- or -know- you as they aren't you. The only person anyone ever knows is themselves, and truthfully, we only know ourselves to a poor degree.
If you want to be equal to another person that's only your want; you could want to be above them, or you could want to be below them. Likewise, if a person wants to be above them, that's simply their want, there's nothing inherently better or worse about their need than yours.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Oh, dear, that bordered on verbose but I stopped myself just in time.
Never
Come What May
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Blah, blah, blah..
Here I go again.
No, they did not hurt you. Unless they did you physical damage, you hurt yourself.
The fact that someone insults you, uses you, lies to you, or spreads gossip about you has nothing to do with you. Likewise if you feel hurt by their actions that has nothing to do with them.
Here I go again.
No, they did not hurt you. Unless they did you physical damage, you hurt yourself.
The fact that someone insults you, uses you, lies to you, or spreads gossip about you has nothing to do with you. Likewise if you feel hurt by their actions that has nothing to do with them.
Nicole, I kind of know what you mean. Often, if that happens to me, with a person I've become aquainted with, I tend to just blurt out, Why the hell does it seem like you are disinterested....blah blah (whatever fits) ??? and often times, people will either make excuses and get defensive and whatnot cause it is true and that just says they don't respect you, so don't bother, or they say something to the effect of... Oh, actually I thought you saw me in that light...... and it turns out that you were both thinking the same thing. There, I am sure are other reasons, like the amount of time a person has to dedicate to their social life, resulting in a lack of effort due to time, and other stuff.
All I know is, it would take a bulldozer that dug a hole 20 ft deep, that would then scoop you up, and throw you in the hole, before you'd ever be lower than anyone else.
Sorry to see you down. I hope things get better.
All I know is, it would take a bulldozer that dug a hole 20 ft deep, that would then scoop you up, and throw you in the hole, before you'd ever be lower than anyone else.
Sorry to see you down. I hope things get better.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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You know, you've gotten some good advice here. I have only one small bit to add to it.
You are as you are.
When you let other people hurt you, it's a choice you've made - you've given them the power to hurt you.
Instead of a "fuck you" attitude, an attitude that only serves to insulate you against everyone else (the many good ones as well as the few bad ones), perhaps you could arrive at the conclusion that it's thier loss? Perhaps, because you know you're a good person, a good friend, a witty and interesting woman, fun to be with and fun to play with, perhaps you could find it in your heart to feel just a tiny bit sad for them that they're missing out on knowing you.
There are no flip retorts, no last words, no yelling or shouting or posting of trauma necessary. With this kinda mindset, you simply wish that other the person the best and move on to friends who are more trustworthy, more level, more sane - you know?
Additionally, people who stoop to tossing mud at other people are often the ones who look silly in the eyes of any onlookers, not she who maintains her dignity.
As Never said, what other people say about us is just so much dust in the wind. Words have no power to hurt unless you give them that power. Besides, shrugging your shoulders and smiling a goodbye - conducting yourself with diginity - confuses the hell out of most people. That's always fun to watch, too.
You are as you are.
When you let other people hurt you, it's a choice you've made - you've given them the power to hurt you.
Instead of a "fuck you" attitude, an attitude that only serves to insulate you against everyone else (the many good ones as well as the few bad ones), perhaps you could arrive at the conclusion that it's thier loss? Perhaps, because you know you're a good person, a good friend, a witty and interesting woman, fun to be with and fun to play with, perhaps you could find it in your heart to feel just a tiny bit sad for them that they're missing out on knowing you.
There are no flip retorts, no last words, no yelling or shouting or posting of trauma necessary. With this kinda mindset, you simply wish that other the person the best and move on to friends who are more trustworthy, more level, more sane - you know?
Additionally, people who stoop to tossing mud at other people are often the ones who look silly in the eyes of any onlookers, not she who maintains her dignity.
As Never said, what other people say about us is just so much dust in the wind. Words have no power to hurt unless you give them that power. Besides, shrugging your shoulders and smiling a goodbye - conducting yourself with diginity - confuses the hell out of most people. That's always fun to watch, too.
Firstly I didn't say someone had "gotten" to me, I said that I feel that I have done something to a certain someone, I have realised this person, to me, isn't worth it. I feel that they don't seem to see me as someone that is "good enough" to be in their life. So be it, it really is their loss, because had they taken the time to get to know me they would see that I am a worthwhile person that just wanted to be friends, nothing more ... I dunno maybe that was the problem, maybe not.
I agree that if we let someone get to us, that is our own fault, I've done it in the past and no doubt somewhere in the future the very same thing will happen, I KNOW how to deal with that. In fact just in the last few weeks I've done a lot of soul searching and changing ... in my eyes for the better.
Like I said earlier, this particular person isn't worth it as far as I'm concerned, they may be the nicest person out there, but to me, they are just not worth the time and effort.
What I ask of people is that if you talk to someone online treat them with the same respect that you would if you were face to face. Maybe to you they just aren't worth getting to know, TELL them that, that way they don't waste their time worrying if they have done something to upset you.
Respect people .... I think we would all like that.
On a side note, Mensa, thank-you for your kind words, you and I will always be friends, even if we only talk on occasion.
I agree that if we let someone get to us, that is our own fault, I've done it in the past and no doubt somewhere in the future the very same thing will happen, I KNOW how to deal with that. In fact just in the last few weeks I've done a lot of soul searching and changing ... in my eyes for the better.
Like I said earlier, this particular person isn't worth it as far as I'm concerned, they may be the nicest person out there, but to me, they are just not worth the time and effort.
What I ask of people is that if you talk to someone online treat them with the same respect that you would if you were face to face. Maybe to you they just aren't worth getting to know, TELL them that, that way they don't waste their time worrying if they have done something to upset you.
Respect people .... I think we would all like that.
On a side note, Mensa, thank-you for your kind words, you and I will always be friends, even if we only talk on occasion.
Nicole said:
Ohhhhh,,, just about every other day it seems.
How I deal with it depends on my current mood and whether or not my ego has already been beaten up enough for the week.
Mostly though, I shrug it off and figure that life goes on.
Cheyenne
Ms. Smarty Pantsless
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Nicole said:
Oh, Nicole. Sometimes we are so much alike it is scary, even if we are also so very different. When I read your second post, I focused on this sentence:
Nicole said:
To me, it is the communication issue. It is okay if you don't like me. It is okay if you don't want to know me. Not everyone is going to be interested. BUT, if you've given me any indication at all that you ARE interested in knowing me, don't leave me hanging and disappear without a word. Tell me the truth. Most likely I didn't do something to upset you (although I always assume I have.) And it probably isn't an issue of not being good enough for you either, although I always wonder. (Especially if I've just sent you my picture, and that's when you choose to disappear.) Most likely you are busy in RL, or just don't place the same emphasis on keeping in touch frequently as I do. Or, you really are indifferent to me and I'm wasting my time trying to nurture a friendship with you. No matter which option it is, just tell me. That's where the "respect" issue comes in. I'm worth at least that much of your time.
End of rant. I'm not sure if I hit your issue exactly, Nicole, but I suspect I'm close. It isn't the people on the board that get to you, because those are easy enough to adopt the "fuck you" attitude with. And to ignore. It is the people you've come to know somewhat away from the board that can get to you.
Cheyenne said:
Yep you hit the nail on the head, as per usual.
Seems that although we differ in some things, we understand each other so well.
Thanks for understanding Cheyenne
But like I said, just take the time to respect as you would in your everyday dealing's ... it doesn't take that much effort, and I'm pretty sure the other person will respect you back for letting them know.
teresafannin
One who hears the Music
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I think Cheyenne hit it on the head, she is a smart lady. Nicole, I think you are one of the nicest people I have "met" during my time online. I am not around much, but I think of you often. Honesty is the best policy, but I think sometimes people don't realize that the person on the other computer is real. I think open, honest communication is very difficult for some people. I know that I have let people into my life, then they disappear with no goodbye or anything. Take care, you know I wish you all the best.
doctor_insanus
Splendid Isolation
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You just can't please everybody...
Screw 'em!
And that's my deep thought for the day!
Screw 'em!
And that's my deep thought for the day!
G
Guest
Guest
Oh Nicole, that was the story of my life and I ended up an overachiever just to be equal to others. I used to need to be the very very best just to be equal in my eyes with anyone else. I guess with some time and maturity and my own personal success, I don't have that "feeling" anymore. When I do, I mentally tell myself that the feeling is just that, a "feeling". Feelings are in no way truth, does that make sense?
unusuallyconfused
BLUE EYED BABE
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Uh, that was me, I am feeling like a loser now, however, lol!!!
Mistress
Lit's Original Mistress
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I have low self esteem, I've been through many, many rough times in my life to get that way too. The only thing I do say is, they are no better then I am, and maybe I'm even better then them for once. I admit I do get caught up in the emotions when someone is out to get me, I'm still human, thats a natural reaction. And some times I even fire back, but I lose interest quick. To hell with them, it hurts but I'll eventually get over it.
There are alot of people around here, that post only to hurt others. They are vile creatures and what gets me, is some people actually think its funny when its not. If your friends with one of those 'creatures' how in the hell can you stand them?
In my eyes, those who constantly belittle and spew vile and rude comments aren't worth the air they breath. One day maybe they will wake up and realize how much of a fucking asshole they are. And then again maybe they wont, but acting like that gives them no honor, and soon enough it will all come back to them if not in this life time then in their next.
Don't worry about it hon, they aren't worth it, and if it makes you feel better then tell them that. I have a few times.
There are alot of people around here, that post only to hurt others. They are vile creatures and what gets me, is some people actually think its funny when its not. If your friends with one of those 'creatures' how in the hell can you stand them?
In my eyes, those who constantly belittle and spew vile and rude comments aren't worth the air they breath. One day maybe they will wake up and realize how much of a fucking asshole they are.
And then again maybe they wont, but acting like that gives them no honor, and soon enough it will all come back to them if not in this life time then in their next. Don't worry about it hon, they aren't worth it, and if it makes you feel better then tell them that. I have a few times.
Ticklish Girl
Bloody but unbowed
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Cheyenne said:
I agree 100% with Cheyenne here. I've had this happen to me, and it can be very puzzling and even hurtful. It made me re-examine the conversations I had with the person, sifting and searching for any clues to what went wrong, or what I might have done wrong. I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out what it was about me that was pushing these people away -- and then I finally decided that I couldn't afford to do that anymore. These days, I just try not to invest so much emotional capital in these online friendships. I just concentrate on chatting, occasionally cybering, and having fun. If a deeper relationship happens, then that's lovely. But I don't go looking for deep relationships anymore. It's not easy for me to hold back emotionally, but I have to do it in order to protect myself. If I don't give the other person the power to hurt me, he can't do it.
And now back to Nicole's original question. There was a time when, if a person gave me the "You're not good enough" treatment, I would have knocked myself out trying to please that person. I finally realized a few years ago that I was only making myself miserable. So if a person gives me that treatment now, I simply cross him off my list and avoid him. If I can't avoid dealing with him, I treat him as coolly as possible and then get rid of him. Life is too short to let other people humiliate you at will. It took me way too long to learn that lesson.
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