Do Women Need More Reassurance?
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Mellon Collie
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My last boyfriend was really insecure, even more so than me if possible. It was really hard to deal with because I needed to hear those things all the time, not to say them. And because of his insecurity mine was even worse because I didn't have that mentally strong and assured person there to make me feel comfortable.
Though I suppose an insecure man would be fine if I myself weren't the same way.
Though I suppose an insecure man would be fine if I myself weren't the same way.
Fly_On_Wall
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I think BOTH need reasurance fom time to time
some people need it more then others, but both need to hear it.
sometimes I can tell somthing to someone and lift their spirits... then I go ahead and feel bad for the same damn reason even though I Know it's untrue, and I just need to hear someone else say it.
some people need it more then others, but both need to hear it.
sometimes I can tell somthing to someone and lift their spirits... then I go ahead and feel bad for the same damn reason even though I Know it's untrue, and I just need to hear someone else say it.
Dynamite
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There's a line...
between being insecure & hating what people think of you.
My insecurities stem from being picked on a lot in school. Kids can be mean. So, over the years I've "laughed" about myself. Say "fat jokes", "stupid people" jokes, etc.
People then think I'm being demeaning to myself. If I can laugh at myself. It buids my "wall" up and I'm able to fight back.
I've learned to have a "sharp & nasty" tongue. I can make a person cry. It's good to be able to shoot someone back and they don't have a comment to slam back.
between being insecure & hating what people think of you.
My insecurities stem from being picked on a lot in school. Kids can be mean. So, over the years I've "laughed" about myself. Say "fat jokes", "stupid people" jokes, etc.
People then think I'm being demeaning to myself. If I can laugh at myself. It buids my "wall" up and I'm able to fight back.
I've learned to have a "sharp & nasty" tongue. I can make a person cry. It's good to be able to shoot someone back and they don't have a comment to slam back.
Shy Tall Guy
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The need for reassurance of course depends on the person, but in general I think women need more verbal reassurance and men need more demonstrative reassurance.
I need reassurance in a relationship when I see my partner doing something, like flirting with somebody else, which would cause me to have insecurities, or when her behavior changes without explanation (she suddenly becomes quieter, etc.).
I need reassurance in a relationship when I see my partner doing something, like flirting with somebody else, which would cause me to have insecurities, or when her behavior changes without explanation (she suddenly becomes quieter, etc.).
T.H. Oughts
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I think it depends how secure a person is in themselves how much they need to hear how sexy they are or how much they are wanted in your life.
I tend to let people I care about know it..... growing up there was not a lot of verbal good emotion around the place.... so I like to hear words and give them.... but only the truth
I tend to let people I care about know it..... growing up there was not a lot of verbal good emotion around the place.... so I like to hear words and give them.... but only the truth
Mae13
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I don't think it has so much to do with who needs more, but who is more apt to be vocal about appreciating or wanting it. I think it sort of ties in with our society's stance on men and their "warm fuzzy side" or whatever pet name you want to give it.
I think everyone appreciates compliments. I think everyone enjoys being told they are beautiful/handsome/sexy/fun/smart/enjoyable/<insert whatever here>
I personally try to make sure I spread compliments liberally to all those I am in any kind of relationship, friendship wise or more intimately. I am a very touchy, vocal person. I like receiving and giving spontaneous compliments of whatever nature. I don't think it will give anyone a fat head, lol!
And honestly, I've never had a man grin like a fool and usually blush 10 shades of red when I've given him flowers
We all like getting emotional lovin' I think men just don't feel as "allowed" to ask for that or expect it, which I think is sad.
*HUGS to the girls n the boys*!
Mae
I think everyone appreciates compliments. I think everyone enjoys being told they are beautiful/handsome/sexy/fun/smart/enjoyable/<insert whatever here>
I personally try to make sure I spread compliments liberally to all those I am in any kind of relationship, friendship wise or more intimately. I am a very touchy, vocal person. I like receiving and giving spontaneous compliments of whatever nature. I don't think it will give anyone a fat head, lol!
And honestly, I've never had a man grin like a fool and usually blush 10 shades of red when I've given him flowers
We all like getting emotional lovin'
I think men just don't feel as "allowed" to ask for that or expect it, which I think is sad.*HUGS to the girls n the boys*!
Mae
erosman
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Hi sis,
My S.O. isn't really that insecure, and she's less emotional. The verbal reassurances don't seem to cultivate much.
For me, the words only mean something when they are backed up with actions. Kind of what STG said about demonstrative reassurance. I'm not sure if it has to do with insecurity or perhaps just a higher emotional metabolism, that needs the connection. The older I get the more I tend to believe in the latter.
My S.O. isn't really that insecure, and she's less emotional. The verbal reassurances don't seem to cultivate much.
For me, the words only mean something when they are backed up with actions. Kind of what STG said about demonstrative reassurance. I'm not sure if it has to do with insecurity or perhaps just a higher emotional metabolism, that needs the connection. The older I get the more I tend to believe in the latter.
Re: Hi sis,
Hey, Bro...
I like to hear words. LOTS of them!!! It has nothing to do with me being insecure. It is just the fact that I WANT to KNOW what the hell is going on inside his head. I am always curious as to what he is thinking. Especially about me.
So someone who is vocal whether in person or on paper wins me over much more quickly than someone who expects me to read his mind about how much he wants me.
Cassidy
erosman said:
Hey, Bro...
I like to hear words. LOTS of them!!! It has nothing to do with me being insecure. It is just the fact that I WANT to KNOW what the hell is going on inside his head. I am always curious as to what he is thinking. Especially about me.
So someone who is vocal whether in person or on paper wins me over much more quickly than someone who expects me to read his mind about how much he wants me.
Cassidy
erosman
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well Cass,
I have painted murals on the walls of our intimacy with word pictures of a thousand sunsets of melded hearts. Gentle word strokes brushed across her face with whispering lips. Hungry songs of passion thrust from the palette of deep desire and spread out in a banquet of life's dancing senses.
I give what I would like to receive. She....
She can actually drift to sleep in its midst...maybe I am that boring? Am I whining? LOL
I have painted murals on the walls of our intimacy with word pictures of a thousand sunsets of melded hearts. Gentle word strokes brushed across her face with whispering lips. Hungry songs of passion thrust from the palette of deep desire and spread out in a banquet of life's dancing senses.
I give what I would like to receive. She....
She can actually drift to sleep in its midst...maybe I am that boring? Am I whining? LOL
Re: well Cass,
Uhhh..yea..bro... that is pretty boring, sorry.
Words I like to hear:
You're my hot sexy bitch.
I am so fucking hot for you.
Make me cum
Fuck me.
Sexy wench.
Suck my cock.
Get the idea??
Of course when all else fails...
I love you does sound nice
Cassidy
erosman said:
Uhhh..yea..bro... that is pretty boring, sorry.
Words I like to hear:
You're my hot sexy bitch.
I am so fucking hot for you.
Make me cum
Fuck me.
Sexy wench.
Suck my cock.
Get the idea??
Of course when all else fails...
I love you does sound nice
Cassidy
Both
No question about it . . . both need to hear it at various times. I do think that one thing that does make relationships go sour is when we think the other person doesn't care about us in a physical or emotional sense anymore.
We, as humans, need love.
Which reminds me . . . have you heard the new Elton John song "I need Love"? or is it "I want Love"?
Both!
No question about it . . . both need to hear it at various times. I do think that one thing that does make relationships go sour is when we think the other person doesn't care about us in a physical or emotional sense anymore.
We, as humans, need love.
Which reminds me . . . have you heard the new Elton John song "I need Love"? or is it "I want Love"?
Both!
Re: Both
When we think???
Doesn't that little line play havoc in a relationship. All that thinking and nobody saying anything. Things get blown way out of proportion and misinterpeted.
HAVE to keep those lines of communication OPEN! Say what you are thinking and feeling!! Sometimes we lose that person because we are so stubborn and won't declare our emotions to them.
Cassidy
fallon2 said:
When we think???
Doesn't that little line play havoc in a relationship. All that thinking and nobody saying anything. Things get blown way out of proportion and misinterpeted.
HAVE to keep those lines of communication OPEN! Say what you are thinking and feeling!! Sometimes we lose that person because we are so stubborn and won't declare our emotions to them.
Cassidy
erosman
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Cassidy , you crack me up!
I couldn't believe that you sided with my wife.LOL. I actually took it quite seriously. It bothered me all day. I guess I am too sensitive...too insecure. LOL.
And then I got home tonight and read some PMs, and reflected on the ladies that I have met here, and decided that I might be undesirable and boring for half...even, three-quarters of the women in the world. Hell, maybe 99.9 % wouldn't give me the time of day. The trick, I guess, is to ask the right 0.1 %
Thanks for the reflection, sis.
I couldn't believe that you sided with my wife.LOL. I actually took it quite seriously. It bothered me all day. I guess I am too sensitive...too insecure. LOL.
And then I got home tonight and read some PMs, and reflected on the ladies that I have met here, and decided that I might be undesirable and boring for half...even, three-quarters of the women in the world. Hell, maybe 99.9 % wouldn't give me the time of day. The trick, I guess, is to ask the right 0.1 %
Thanks for the reflection, sis.
Re: Cassidy , you crack me up!
You took ME seriously??? LMAO
NEVER do that, bro.
I will tease you till forever and then some.
Do communicate with her. Whatever level you are comfortable at. As long as you are talking and telling her the truth. Don't tell her what she wants to hear, unless of course you are wanting to fuck.
Kisses,
Cassidy
erosman said:
You took ME seriously??? LMAO
NEVER do that, bro.
I will tease you till forever and then some.
Do communicate with her. Whatever level you are comfortable at. As long as you are talking and telling her the truth. Don't tell her what she wants to hear, unless of course you are wanting to fuck.
Kisses,
Cassidy
MidnightAngel
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My current thought is that men definitely need more. At least some of them do.
I don't consider myself someone who needs reassurances about a relationship. Not much, anyway. I guess I'm the sort that accepts things on face value......if I'm not getting what I want/need from a relationship, then it's time to move on.
I don't consider myself someone who needs reassurances about a relationship. Not much, anyway. I guess I'm the sort that accepts things on face value......if I'm not getting what I want/need from a relationship, then it's time to move on.
MidnightAngel said:My current thought is that men definitely need more. At least some of them do.
I don't consider myself someone who needs reassurances about a relationship. Not much, anyway. I guess I'm the sort that accepts things on face value......if I'm not getting what I want/need from a relationship, then it's time to move on.
I just like to talk about things. Keep things out in the open. Not that I necessarily need reassurance, just keeping things where I can see them, so to speak.
How long do you work at a relationship before you move on? When do you know it is over, MA?
Cassidy
WhiteRose
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Both need to hear it from time to time
There are so many ways to SHOW you care about the other person, but expressing it in words is also just as important and sometimes more so. I need to hear it, and often, BUT only if you truly mean it, otherwise it's just words, and yes, I can hear that.
Most of the guys I've known haven't been very open about what they're thinking or feeling even when asked. They brush it off as unimportant. I want to know if I'm doing a good job, or if you're thinking you'd rather be elsewhere, and why. I want to know what you're thinking, what your opinions are, because I know you have them. I want to know if something is upsetting you, so that together we can try to find a way to make it better. Sharing your thoughts and feelings is one of the best reassurances, because you're showing that other person that you need them and want them in your life. That they have value to you.
That being said, even the smallest things can act as proof of your feelings. A look, a touch, a smile, an acknowledgement. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money. All it costs is a little effort.
There are so many ways to SHOW you care about the other person, but expressing it in words is also just as important and sometimes more so. I need to hear it, and often, BUT only if you truly mean it, otherwise it's just words, and yes, I can hear that.
Most of the guys I've known haven't been very open about what they're thinking or feeling even when asked. They brush it off as unimportant. I want to know if I'm doing a good job, or if you're thinking you'd rather be elsewhere, and why. I want to know what you're thinking, what your opinions are, because I know you have them. I want to know if something is upsetting you, so that together we can try to find a way to make it better. Sharing your thoughts and feelings is one of the best reassurances, because you're showing that other person that you need them and want them in your life. That they have value to you.
That being said, even the smallest things can act as proof of your feelings. A look, a touch, a smile, an acknowledgement. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money. All it costs is a little effort.
