Do imperfections really matter?

[ohwhynot77]

I am curious how much the stuff we obsess over as women - stretch marks, soft post-baby bellies, scars, droopy boobs, cellulite - are a real or perceived turn off for men?

 

[CBM514]

I am curious how much the stuff we obsess over as women - stretch marks, soft post-baby bellies, scars, droopy boobs, cellulite - are a real or perceived turn off for men?

100% perceived...none of us are models and we all have imperfections that we see more clearly than anyone else...I can assure you that we men have the same hang ups women do too...I argue regularly with the bride about how amazing and perfect her body is and she continues to see minor things that I don't even notice

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Ladies! Do this!

Go to the mall or the beach or the flea market, and kinda look at couples you see.

For one, most aren't beautiful.

Two, youll see combinations and permutations of couples Noah woulda refused on board The Ark.

Then thank your lucky starz youre a helluva lot better looking than THAT.


PS Have you ever seen some of the Hollywood starz without paint? It aint pretty.

 

[jehoram]

100% perceived...none of us are models and we all have imperfections that we see more clearly than anyone else...I can assure you that we men have the same hang ups women do too...I argue regularly with the bride about how amazing and perfect her body is and she continues to see minor things that I don't even notice

Something Athalia (I think it was her) posted some time ago comes to mind; it's a quote from Edgar Allen Poe:

"There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion."

In other words, beauty is not cookie-cutter perfection, but a variety of characteristics that add up in their own weird way to beauty.

I, for one, think that moderately saggy boobs are a big turn-on. I've heard of guys that are turned on by "baby bellies." It's all good.

I'm reminded of another quote: "I finally found the perfect woman. The trouble was, she was looking for the perfect man."

 

[Edensgarden]

Well apparently I see myself about 4 sizes bigger than I am. I'm still not convinced that's not just lip service or some kind of clothing size glitch. My point is we are our own worst critics.

Imperfections in others don't even register. The more beautiful the personality, the more beautiful the person.

Perfectly said Rainshine!!

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

There are 3 sources if feedback regarding standards of beauty:

1. Friends and family. If they have positive feedback but will tell you when something is amiss, they can be generally trusted. If they are constantly positive, then either you never have a bad day or they are afraid if confrontation and hurting your feelings. If they are always negative, then they are probably a toxic person and shitty regardless of topic.



3. Men. Men like women. Men want to have sex with women. Men know that as women get older and live more life, they take on visual cues showing this. A 50 year old woman sees age spots on her hands. A man looks at those hands and sees hands that cook nourishing meals, handle amazing amounts if multitasking, and can give a handjob that will make him see stars. Things that actually turn off a man are stuff like constant bitching, lack of basic personal maintenance, laziness in general, selfishness, extreme obesity from laziness and over indulgence, angry women, entitlement attitudes, and obsessive vanity. Want any man to think you're pretty? Walk around with a nice relaxed smile and when he opens your door, give him a big smile and say thank you.

 

[RawHumor]

Want any man to think you're pretty? Walk around with a nice relaxed smile and when he opens your door, give him a big smile and say thank you.

I'd agree with this part for sure.

 

[BonBon1976]

Well being thoroughly imperfect myself I can add this to the (for the most part) wonderful things already written.

When you are happy with yourself and relaxed you are beautiful, we all are. I have never seen "perfect" and have never wanted to. I think we all have things that are wonderful about ourselves, sometime through society's skewed viewpoint we forget to look at them... take some time to enjoy your own original version of beautiful!

BB

 

[Bramblethorn]

2. The woman hating homosexuals who control the beauty industry. They put up as the impossible standard very tall skeletal 19 year olds. I'm 43; I haven't looked 17 since I was 25. Ignore them and their little ugly sycophants. Think about it rationally: homosexuals despise women to the point that they don't want to have sex with them, and they have products to sell. You really think they are a reliable source? Women need to listen to men instead of homosexuals.

Let's ease off on the gay-bashing, please.

Gay men certainly aren't immune to misogyny - I'd go as far as agreeing that some gay men have developed their own particular brand of misogyny, and it might go some way to explaining the Karl Lagerfelds of the industry.

But they don't have a monopoly; I doubt they even have a majority. There are plenty of influential straight men and women who helped make the industry what it is (and at least one gay woman, if the speculation about Elizabeth Arden is correct). It was Arden's rival Helena Rubinstein who came up with the idea of putting fake scientists in lab coats and telling women they had "problem skin" as a way of selling them cosmetics.

Sad truth is, whether somebody wants to fuck you has very little to do with whether they respect you. There are a shitload of straight men who make a lifestyle out of belittling women and preying on their insecurities as a seduction strategy.

Also, "men instead of homosexuals" makes no sense; gay men are still men.

 

[Touch_72]

I am curious how much the stuff we obsess over as women - stretch marks, soft post-baby bellies, scars, droopy boobs, cellulite - are a real or perceived turn off for men?

People have been so programmed by that "ideal" - and though that happens more with the media and commercial portrayal of women, it does happen with portrayal of "hunky" men, too. Yes, worse with women, I think.

I can't speak for all guys, only my own experience. Yes, there is a physical attractiveness to a lot of models and those "perfect" images. Isn't there for women when they look at some hunky male underwear model? BUT, for and in reality, I like realness. There can be beauty in realness. I'm not physically perfect... I can probably list out things about my own physique that I don't see as being that tall, dark and handsome "ideal."

It's almost like a physical parallel to this: isn't there an intimacy when a partner feels enough of a comfort and connection with you to confess some way that they're really not perfect... to show a fear or admit a flaw? It'd drive me nuts to have a partner who was always 100% "Miss Perfect" like some utopian Beaver Cleaver exception to the rule that everybody is imperfect, never opening up to me to confide and share those quirks and imperfections. I appreciate realness.

In fact, there's a sexiness to having those "imperfections" yet having the confidence to not be hung up on them. When you see a guy who's bald or scarred, but still shows the confidence in himself, maybe shrugging and poking fun at his own baldness rather than shrinking in self-consciousness, isn't there an attractiveness that comes from his attitude about it? His personality and attitude about it may even turn it into something you see as a loveable realness about him.

Personality and attitude are major factors for me, too. Even with something casual, she's got to interest me in some way beyond just appearance. Women don't just go off of the physicals in their interests with men... yet, it's perceived that men do... and I think many don't (even though sometimes we don't do a heck of a lot to show that to be the case).

 

[CBM514]

I'll add to this again and say that when you truly care for someone you don't even see what they call "imperfections"...at least that's been my experience with her, she doesn't see my flaws the way I do

 

[NightL]

homosexuals despise women

Let's ease off on the gay-bashing, please.

Bramblethorn, you were a lot more polite than I was going to be.

GGG, smart may be sexy - narrow minded bigotry and homophobia isn't, actually makes you appear not very smart at all.

 

[fire_breeze]

Let's ease off on the gay-bashing, please.

Gay men certainly aren't immune to misogyny - I'd go as far as agreeing that some gay men have developed their own particular brand of misogyny, and it might go some way to explaining the Karl Lagerfelds of the industry.

But they don't have a monopoly; I doubt they even have a majority. There are plenty of influential straight men and women who helped make the industry what it is (and at least one gay woman, if the speculation about Elizabeth Arden is correct). It was Arden's rival Helena Rubinstein who came up with the idea of putting fake scientists in lab coats and telling women they had "problem skin" as a way of selling them cosmetics.

Sad truth is, whether somebody wants to fuck you has very little to do with whether they respect you. There are a shitload of straight men who make a lifestyle out of belittling women and preying on their insecurities as a seduction strategy.

Also, "men instead of homosexuals" makes no sense; gay men are still men.

And a shit load of women make a career out of belittling other women. Just look at the editorial teams behind major fashion magazines.

Back to the OP's question, for me it's the so-called 'imperfections' that I find attractive. Too perfect of a look is actually a turn-off. What society deems as imperfections give character, in my not so humble opinion.

I love my all's cleft chin, his slightly hooked nose and his smallish teeth (which, honestly, I don't see or ever notice, but meh. It bothers him). I love the small scars, his moles. It makes him him, as much as his other inner qualities and faults.

 

[SmileyGirl]

I think who you are and what you are on the inside is far more important than the exterior. Afterall there isn't much kudos points in being beautiful if you're ugly on the inside. Noone is perfect, it's what makes us individual but we all have our insecurities. I always felt 'bigger' than all my friends when I was younger. I have an hourglass shape and I know I'll never be a size zero but I kinda like my curves now. Perfectly imperfect people It's the way to go!

 

[sereneone4u]

Tossing Hollywood and glossy magazine images aside, don't we all have a different vision of what is perfect?

A person's strong and weak points combined is what makes them, "them".

So they are perfection in their own way.

That is how I see it anyways.

 

[Mindfondler]

I think who you are and what you are on the inside is far more important than the exterior. Afterall there isn't much kudos points in being beautiful if you're ugly on the inside.

This reminds me of a quote from Roald Dahl (The Twits) which I've always liked:

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.

.

 

[sereneone4u]

This reminds me of a quote from Roald Dahl (The Twits) which I've always liked:




.

Thanks for sharing that, MF. I love it.

 

[WomanInProgress]

I am of the opinion that most women are way too critical with themselves. No body is perfect, and even these "perfect" pics of models are photo shopped by experts.

So, Ladies, accept yourself for the way you are, exuding happiness and a healthy confidence is far more sexy than flawless beauty!

 

[shiny5437]

For whatever imperfection go to google and type:

<imperfection> porn

 

[MeekMe]

According to an article I read, most men don't see anything past a naked woman. So if you're worried about being naked in front of a man, chances are he has no clue there's an "imperfection". Something in the brain turns off details and they just see nude. ^_^ Hope this helps.

 

[Emerson40]

*

How much richer and wonderful would life be if we all not only had those "A-HA" moments, but then learned from them, changed the way we think about things and people, and behaved and treated others accordingly?

The world is so heartbreakingly full of beauty, beauty that is often missed and passed over because it is not immediately apparent, or because it does not meet traditional archetypes of beauty which are mostly superficial, manufactured, fleeting, and ridiculous.

Some of the most beautiful people I know will never turn heads, would not recognize a designer label or handbag if it smacked them in their unremarkable faces, and are reminded daily by media and by the way others treat them, that they don't meet "the" beauty standard. But my world is all the more colorful, rich, full, and amazing because they are in it, and share their beauty with me.

A few steps in another's shoes.



*posted a few months back, in "Blurts". Thought it'd be a good fit in here

 

[satindesire]

Self-love is something that is so vital to our character growth and development as human beings. It's a hard struggle, even the most confident people in the world sometimes falter. But it's a journey and not a destination.

We are always our own worst critics.

 

[rosie1972uk]

Yes...

I think that imperfections are important.

There is no such thing as really perfect.., close to it perhaps but not spot on.

Perfection could be described as a "Barbie doll". And after all who wants a clone? Very few I imagine.

Imperfections of any kind promote originality, and give an interesting depth about a person. I have deep operation scars, but I consider these my battle wounds and would not be here today if I wasn't for the op.

There is something was way way more sexy in a person that accepts their imperfections what ever they may be, then a person who complains and tries to hide them. It shows personality and strength. And strong is sexy isn't it?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

According to an article I read, most men don't see anything past a naked woman. So if you're worried about being naked in front of a man, chances are he has no clue there's an "imperfection". Something in the brain turns off details and they just see nude. ^_^ Hope this helps.

Very true.

We mask flaws of people we esteem, and magnify flaws of people we dislike.

 

[Lovetolisten]

Lots of true statements here...
Anyone feeling anything less than beautiful have only to post pictures here... an uplifting experience to be certain.

The quote "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." says it all.