Distance Domination-Support Thread

[musicfan2009]

If there are any suggestions anyone could give me on good ideas for dominating long distance, I would appreciate it. Also since we are both switches, if there are others who have been/are in that situation, I would appreciate hearing from them.

 

[LearningSub]

deleted

 

[GoldunAngel]

Good evening everyone.
I am extremely new to this, not even with 6 months under my belt.
I do however, find my self to be insecure and doubtful. Any advise on how to NOT let this affect me or "us"? I don't want to seem too needy.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Good evening everyone.
I am extremely new to this, not even with 6 months under my belt.
I do however, find my self to be insecure and doubtful. Any advise on how to NOT let this affect me or "us"? I don't want to seem too needy.

Welcome. It's ok do be needy, but being insecure can be detrimental to a relationship.

I finally realized after a few years (yeah, I'm a little slow ) that it wasn't that I was being needy--in that I needed his attention. It was that I was needing to serve him. At hose times I had a more than normal need to feel his dominance. So now I just tell him "I need to serve you". It has become a code phrase for us that cuts out overly dramatic behavior on my part and sometimes arguments.

He gets the message without me whining. And I usually feel better just knowing that he understands, whether he does anything different or not. Everyday life does often get in the way, especially in LDRs.

Hugs to you

 

[ecstaticsub]

To ecstaticsub and Wench.. thank both of you for your kind words, and assurance that I have done the right thing.

Over the past few days, I have come to realize that yes, I DID do the right thing in ending the relationship and that no, I was not selfish for doing it. Continuing in the manner that we were would have ended disastrously for both of us.

Thanks again!

You are welcome. I hope you are doing ok.

 

[GoldunAngel]

Welcome. It's ok do be needy, but being insecure can be detrimental to a relationship.

I finally realized after a few years (yeah, I'm a little slow ) that it wasn't that I was being needy--in that I needed his attention. It was that I was needing to serve him. At hose times I had a more than normal need to feel his dominance. So now I just tell him "I need to serve you". It has become a code phrase for us that cuts out overly dramatic behavior on my part and sometimes arguments.

He gets the message without me whining. And I usually feel better just knowing that he understands, whether he does anything different or not. Everyday life does often get in the way, especially in LDRs.

Hugs to you

I had NEVER thought about it that way. I am surprised by how much I am "ok" or do desire to do things for him. It's crazy how I look forward to please him and want his approval and his praise. Praise because it means he likes what I did for him, not for egotistical purposes...
I say crazy, because I had never been in this kind of "relationship" before so to feel so at home is unreal.
That's a different perspective and I will have to look into to it and see.
Thanks for the advise!
hugs right back!

 

[ecstaticsub]

I had NEVER thought about it that way. I am surprised by how much I am "ok" or do desire to do things for him. It's crazy how I look forward to please him and want his approval and his praise. Praise because it means he likes what I did for him, not for egotistical purposes...
I say crazy, because I had never been in this kind of "relationship" before so to feel so at home is unreal.
That's a different perspective and I will have to look into to it and see.
Thanks for the advise!
hugs right back!

You're welcome. I hope it works for you.

 

[the captians wench]

Welcome. It's ok do be needy, but being insecure can be detrimental to a relationship.

I finally realized after a few years (yeah, I'm a little slow ) that it wasn't that I was being needy--in that I needed his attention. It was that I was needing to serve him. At hose times I had a more than normal need to feel his dominance. So now I just tell him "I need to serve you". It has become a code phrase for us that cuts out overly dramatic behavior on my part and sometimes arguments.

He gets the message without me whining. And I usually feel better just knowing that he understands, whether he does anything different or not. Everyday life does often get in the way, especially in LDRs.

Hugs to you

Very simular realization with very simular results.

For me, though, my neediness goes to many different levels, most have to do with getting attention from him. I have a need for pain though, and for the longest time I thought it was wrong of me to ask for it. When I finally gat over that, I started getting what I need more often. Jounar expects me to ask for what I need and want, whether that be pain, attention, orgasm, what ever. It is my duity to inform him of what his property needs to function properly.

I still have trouble asking for specific things sometimes. I get very shy still. But when I do, it's always well rewarded.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Very simular realization with very simular results.

For me, though, my neediness goes to many different levels, most have to do with getting attention from him. I have a need for pain though, and for the longest time I thought it was wrong of me to ask for it. When I finally gat over that, I started getting what I need more often. Jounar expects me to ask for what I need and want, whether that be pain, attention, orgasm, what ever. It is my duty to inform him of what his property needs to function properly.

I still have trouble asking for specific things sometimes. I get very shy still. But when I do, it's always well rewarded.

Yes, I agree to the bolded part. I also have difficulties asking for specific things. Usually because I can't figure out what it is really that I need. I just feel mixture of emotions. That is where simple asking to serve helps out. Giving him what he needs always seems t at least calm me down and make it easier for me to think.

 

[GoldunAngel]

That brings up a whole new issue with me. I think I am being too needy, so I think that by asking for attention I'm actually becoming a nuisance. so I hold back a lot so that I don't become a chore to him or just "something" he needs to do. Its like I'm damaged goods and he might start to see I'm not worth the trouble.

 

[ecstaticsub]

That brings up a whole new issue with me. I think I am being too needy, so I think that by asking for attention I'm actually becoming a nuisance. so I hold back a lot so that I don't become a chore to him or just "something" he needs to do. Its like I'm damaged goods and he might start to see I'm not worth the trouble.

Ask him. Ask him if you are being too needy. Hopefully he will tell you the truth and if it is a problem for him he can help you figure out a solution.

 

[the captians wench]

Ask him. Ask him if you are being too needy. Hopefully he will tell you the truth and if it is a problem for him he can help you figure out a solution.

completely agree.

Again, I felt the same way, that I would be too needy and push him away. I know I'm very needy. I need a lot of attention, it's just apart of me. When I don't get it, I tend to get very depressed and self conscience. My ex husband had also told me that my neediness smothered him and that was one reason he wanted out. And my mother always ended up pushing me away because I was just too clingy for her. When I find friends who will cuddle and lavish attention on me, I tend to hold on to them for dear life. But I was afraid that if I expressed how much I needed Jounar, it would push the self proclaimed loner away. I would send tons of offline IMs and text messages and all sorts of things like that, several times a day, everyday. I felt like I was stalking him a bit too much. I finally got up the nerve to ask him one day. He asured me that I was fine, he didn't mind recieving these things, but that I shouldn't expect replies, and I shouldn't get upset when I don't get a reply for a day or two. I had to learn to cope with my neediness on my own to some degree.

Now I can go 7 days before I get crazy stalker girlfriend on him. It's taken a lot to get to that point, and he apreciates that and knows my limits. Sometimes it's just enough to get a text or offline message just letting me know he's thinking of me as much as I am of him.

It's not easy, but when it gets hard, I tell him. Maybe not on the phone, text, or IM, but at least in a (rather long winded) email. That makes me feel better because I know he'll read it and understand what I'm going through. And he knows when I'm getting close to my breaking point.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I finally realized after a few years (yeah, I'm a little slow ) that it wasn't that I was being needy--in that I needed his attention. It was that I was needing to serve him. At hose times I had a more than normal need to feel his dominance. So now I just tell him "I need to serve you". It has become a code phrase for us that cuts out overly dramatic behavior on my part and sometimes arguments.

Wow. Just wow.

That's exactly how I feel. And didn't know I did until I read this.

 

[monique_minx]

have you considered kids?? want them, don't want them.what kind of education if you do decide to have them...are either of you even remotely religous, and do you want the kids baptised? organ donation, life support in case of brain death or major physical injury, medically assisted suicide, pets, weddings, public play, community involvement, working hours, housework...the lists are endless when it comes to sharing a house and a permanent relationship.

Thanks, wow! Didn't think I would get so much response to this to be honest Let me try and answer a few of those!

Kids - we're both pretty uncertain of this one but we have agreed that is pretty far in the future as we're both still in our 20's though he is five years older than me.

Religion - not really a concern for either of us as we're not really religious at all.

Medical - we haven't talked about that one, thank you! I'll be bringing it up with him

Pets - I have a small dog that I can't leave behind so we have discussed that one, bringing her with me and we're looking into quarantine laws and so forth right now.

Public play - we've discussed our real life limits and that one came up, we agreed that we wouldn't mind watching for awhile and getting used to the scene - munches and clubs etc. Actual involvement is later down the track for us and will involve another conversation

Marriage - We've talked about this one as well and agreed again that it would be a few years from now if at all. I have very big doubts about marriage due to my oh so wonderful parents and their very hateful divorce

Housework and working hours - I would have to get a new job over there so I don't really know about that one yet and housework we have discussed as I have an interest in domestic servitude as well so I guess that's on me, not that I mind!

Hello there, little Minx.

I am truly happy that you have found someone you are comfortable to share yourself with.

As insert____here said, there is a lot to consider. I have a friend who went in the opposite direction, moving from the states down under. The only suggestion I have is...take it slow. Visit more than once. The differences in scenery alone are overwhelming. Come and visit, stay with him for more than a week, see what it feels like.

Thanks my sweet Scarlet! Yeah I've never been over there before so I can't wait! He's going to come here first and get a taste of Australia then I get to go over there sometime next year but we haven't quite worked the details out for that one yet!

Hi.

The first step I would take is finding out what you will need to do inorder to gain a green card, and how you can get a work visa. This will help with other considerations.

The number one fight that couples have is over money, so figuring out how and if you can draw income and how that will effect you both.

I would also bring up issues about religion, children, what area you'll be living in, and the future in general. Will you plan to marry? etc. etc.

But before you start selling off your things and packing I would wait and see how you get on when you're together. Which will be for how long btw? I would plan an extended visit first, something longer than 2 weeks. It takes about that long in order to start letting your gaurds down and be real with each other rather than the politeness of guests.

And trust me, I have all the desire in the world to just drop everything and trapes off to Ireland to spend the rest of my days. But that wouldn't work for us, for some it does. There are those around here who have jumped on a plane and married their loves after just a few months, and have stayed together for years so it can work, but me being the logical thinker I am, would prepare just a tad more

Thanks wench yeah we're looking into visa details and passports right now since I've never had to get one before but my father is very supportive so he is helping me out on that front.

He is coming here for my birthday and staying for 3 weeks (I already wish it could be longer but he has a job he will need to return to ).
He's going to be staying in a hotel and we got an interesting suggestion from a friend that I go stay with him for that time which I don't mind. We both thought it would be a wonderful experience to see how well we work together around the clock and how we handle it.

I'm kinda nervous cause I wanna be perfect

I think that when I go visit him, I should be able to stay a bit longer than he is staying here. Money is a rocky issue for me, he is so understanding about it though - I'm definitely not close to well off and currently unemployed thus sinking further into debt since I lost my job last year. But I am going to job interviews every week and he knows better than anyone that I'm not afraid of hard work

I hope I covered a lot in there, I should mention that my dad is quite agreeable to the whole thing and he's never even met my 'boyfriend' but I reckon he already likes him he likes so few...it's quite shocking!

 

[the captians wench]

It's that "wanting to be perfect" feeling that I'm talking about. Though I know for most of us it's always there to some degree, there is a point when you think about it a little less and let your gaurd down.

Also, when he visits you he will still be on holiday, so it's not quite the same as if he was going to work everyday. I really believe in an extended visit where he'll be seeing you first thing when he comes home. When he comes home all tired and stressed from work, that will be a great indication of how every day life would be. Though again, not perfect.

My US passport will only allow me to stay in Ireland for 90 days. Currently I can't get that much time paid off work, so I don't know if we'll get this step or not. Now if my costumes take off and I can be self employed, I might have a shot at it.

Imigration laws are very strict in Ireland, so the only way I'll be granted a visa is if I marry a citizen. I think this is one thing that holds us back a little. I've been married already, he's never had a relationship last longer than 6 months. *giggles* It's a scary concept for both of us.

 

[GoldunAngel]

completely agree.

Again, I felt the same way, that I would be too needy and push him away. I know I'm very needy. I need a lot of attention, it's just apart of me. When I don't get it, I tend to get very depressed and self conscience. My ex husband had also told me that my neediness smothered him and that was one reason he wanted out. And my mother always ended up pushing me away because I was just too clingy for her. When I find friends who will cuddle and lavish attention on me, I tend to hold on to them for dear life. But I was afraid that if I expressed how much I needed Jounar, it would push the self proclaimed loner away. I would send tons of offline IMs and text messages and all sorts of things like that, several times a day, everyday. I felt like I was stalking him a bit too much. I finally got up the nerve to ask him one day. He asured me that I was fine, he didn't mind recieving these things, but that I shouldn't expect replies, and I shouldn't get upset when I don't get a reply for a day or two. I had to learn to cope with my neediness on my own to some degree.

Now I can go 7 days before I get crazy stalker girlfriend on him. It's taken a lot to get to that point, and he apreciates that and knows my limits. Sometimes it's just enough to get a text or offline message just letting me know he's thinking of me as much as I am of him.

It's not easy, but when it gets hard, I tell him. Maybe not on the phone, text, or IM, but at least in a (rather long winded) email. That makes me feel better because I know he'll read it and understand what I'm going through. And he knows when I'm getting close to my breaking point.

Yep, story of my life. I am VERY...very dependent on people. I am also very protective and possessive of those I love. I tend to smother too I guess.
I have however, figured it out in my head, and I'm keeping a distance that will just allow him to be happy and allow me to give him what he wants.
It's hard, but I know I can do it. Since I am currently single it's hard NOT to give him all your extra time...kwim
I appreciate all the feedback you ladies have been great!
Maybe down the road I can provide some good feedback as well....but I'm sure it'll take a few more months still...

 

[boundtoHimalways]

Wow... Really cool thread to stumble upon.

Due to circumstance right now My slave rose & I are stuck far apart.

I just have to say that above all, trust and love is what made us presevere.

Master Phoenix, I as well find myself apart from my Master now due to circumstances beyond my control (as if I have any control at all). Although I am striving to be a patient and accepting sub it is quite taxing on me. Needless to say I am not the most patient and have been corrected on this in the past.

Any advise for a wayward sub that does not want to anger her beloved Master?

bound...

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I should mention that my dad is quite agreeable to the whole thing and he's never even met my 'boyfriend' but I reckon he already likes him he likes so few...it's quite shocking!

Fathers have a way of knowing when their little girl is happy, and appreciating the man that is making her happy, and somehow knowing that she'll be taken care of... even if they don't (and sometimes shouldn't!) understand the mechanics of the relationship.

 

[monique_minx]

It's that "wanting to be perfect" feeling that I'm talking about. Though I know for most of us it's always there to some degree, there is a point when you think about it a little less and let your gaurd down.

Also, when he visits you he will still be on holiday, so it's not quite the same as if he was going to work everyday. I really believe in an extended visit where he'll be seeing you first thing when he comes home. When he comes home all tired and stressed from work, that will be a great indication of how every day life would be. Though again, not perfect.

My US passport will only allow me to stay in Ireland for 90 days. Currently I can't get that much time paid off work, so I don't know if we'll get this step or not. Now if my costumes take off and I can be self employed, I might have a shot at it.

Imigration laws are very strict in Ireland, so the only way I'll be granted a visa is if I marry a citizen. I think this is one thing that holds us back a little. I've been married already, he's never had a relationship last longer than 6 months. *giggles* It's a scary concept for both of us.

Yeah I'm hoping that when I go visit him, I can stay longer than he could here and then we'd both get a real taste of what it will be like for us!

Fathers have a way of knowing when their little girl is happy, and appreciating the man that is making her happy, and somehow knowing that she'll be taken care of... even if they don't (and sometimes shouldn't!) understand the mechanics of the relationship.

Well I hope he's thinking like that then cause I gotta say, he is very picky! He has liked one out of about 20 boyfriends I have ever had!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Master Phoenix, I as well find myself apart from my Master now due to circumstances beyond my control (as if I have any control at all). Although I am striving to be a patient and accepting sub it is quite taxing on me. Needless to say I am not the most patient and have been corrected on this in the past.

Any advise for a wayward sub that does not want to anger her beloved Master?

bound...

i'm not MP (obviously) however, i am "rose" that He spoke of in that post. wow, that's an OLD post! MP and i have been broken up now for quite some time. anyway, i just wanted to chime in and say welcome first of all and second of all my biggest piece of advice is COMMUNICATION is KEY. if you are having concerns of any kind, tell Him about them. whatever it is and if he's not willing to listen or understand then i would re-evaluate the situation. good luck to you.

MP doesn't get on here much anymore, but maybe he'll pop in and can give you better insight than myself.

 

[musicfan2009]

Sometimes I have trouble asking for what I need, and it helps to know there are other people who have that problem, too.

 

[GoldunAngel]

I have to agree with that...COMMUNICATION is definitely very important. The best thing that I feel has helped me and Master is me explaining the why's behind my madness. If I am wrong I'm sure he'll step in and correct me. Just explain your feelings and he'll most likely understand or come to a happy medium. Best of luck!

 

[boundtoHimalways]

I have to agree with that...COMMUNICATION is definitely very important. The best thing that I feel has helped me and Master is me explaining the why's behind my madness. If I am wrong I'm sure he'll step in and correct me. Just explain your feelings and he'll most likely understand or come to a happy medium. Best of luck!

Thank you for the well wishes, everyone, you described it perfectly, it is a bit of a madness that runs through my mind when we are apart. I will just have to learn to be more patient and trust in him.

 

[musicfan2009]

I agree that communicating is really important.

 

[MisterSir]

So, today was my first experience of subspace, and it was an entirely awful one. I did it completely by accident, naturally, and the second it hit I knew there was something that had gone seriously wrong. I felt like a real cunt, both for letting it happen and for letting it happen when I wasn't actually there to help ease my girl out of it. And while it was nice to be able to reassure her and be caring, I shouldn't have let it get that far to begin with.

Hrm.