Distance Domination-Support Thread

[the captians wench]

So, today was my first experience of subspace, and it was an entirely awful one. I did it completely by accident, naturally, and the second it hit I knew there was something that had gone seriously wrong. I felt like a real cunt, both for letting it happen and for letting it happen when I wasn't actually there to help ease my girl out of it. And while it was nice to be able to reassure her and be caring, I shouldn't have let it get that far to begin with.

Hrm.

I actually enjoy these moments with Jounar, but I think it freaked him out at first too, and he doesn't let it happen too often any more, he keeps me talking so I don't "go all zoney".

But snuggling up in a blanket while I listen to him tell me how proud he is of me and how he would cuddle and kiss me right then is usually enough to bring me down.

I don't think there's a need to beat yourself up over it. Just be sure she comunicates what she's feeling and where her head is after it happens and maybe even a few days after that. Some people react differently to the drop. I used to take it a lot harder, depressed for a day or two. Now I'm just the opposite and I'm all giddy for a week *giggles*

 

[Trixabell]

So, today was my first experience of subspace, and it was an entirely awful one. I did it completely by accident, naturally, and the second it hit I knew there was something that had gone seriously wrong. I felt like a real cunt, both for letting it happen and for letting it happen when I wasn't actually there to help ease my girl out of it. And while it was nice to be able to reassure her and be caring, I shouldn't have let it get that far to begin with.

Hrm.

Why are you avoiding subspace? I always look at it as a positive and a pathway to deeper levels of submission. Just curious.

 

[MisterSir]

Why are you avoiding subspace? I always look at it as a positive and a pathway to deeper levels of submission. Just curious.

'Cause I wasn't there. I don't doubt subspace can be great, but when a lady in the process of submitting to me is in tears and I'm not there, it gets a little unnerving.

 

[Trixabell]

'Cause I wasn't there. I don't doubt subspace can be great, but when a lady in the process of submitting to me is in tears and I'm not there, it gets a little unnerving.

Understood.

When I hear the word subspace it evokes positive feelings for me and is a place I strive to get to with My Master.
I once had an subspace session go bad and it was devastating so I do understand your feelings. It was physically exhausting and trying to recover alone in my room was heartbreaking. It is an experience we learned a lot from through and after many conversations on the topic we have been successful in avoiding it since.

I hope you and yours can experience the joy that comes from subspace.

 

[the captians wench]

okay I totally feel like I am the odd man out now. Jounar and I usually work to get tears. It is very cleansing for me. I have a hard time letting things go. So him bringing me to tears is how I release everything

 

[Trixabell]

okay I totally feel like I am the odd man out now. Jounar and I usually work to get tears. It is very cleansing for me. I have a hard time letting things go. So him bringing me to tears is how I release everything

The want or need for tears is not odd at all. So much of what we experience through our journey in bdsm is consumed with emotion and release so tears at the conclusion of a scene are normal for a lot of subbies and as long as your Dom knows how to handle the tears/emotion these can be your greatest bonding moments together.

The tears in my situation were not 'good' or 'cleansing' tears, they came from letting my Dom down and not being able to complete a scene. We were both surprised by the turn of events and how quickly the night went from great to tragic in an instant. In that case the tears were bad.

 

[the captians wench]

The want or need for tears is not odd at all. So much of what we experience through our journey in bdsm is consumed with emotion and release so tears at the conclusion of a scene are normal for a lot of subbies and as long as your Dom knows how to handle the tears/emotion these can be your greatest bonding moments together.

The tears in my situation were not 'good' or 'cleansing' tears, they came from letting my Dom down and not being able to complete a scene. We were both surprised by the turn of events and how quickly the night went from great to tragic in an instant. In that case the tears were bad.

I can understand that.

 

[the captians wench]

*sigh* The vontage makes it easier, but october still seems a long way off.

 

[malstroem]

Hugs wench. For everyday that passes by without him you get one day closer to being with him again.

 

[the captians wench]

We might have a snag. Not a huge one, but it could effect how long I am able to be over there.

 

[scarletnym]

The want or need for tears is not odd at all. So much of what we experience through our journey in bdsm is consumed with emotion and release so tears at the conclusion of a scene are normal for a lot of subbies and as long as your Dom knows how to handle the tears/emotion these can be your greatest bonding moments together.

Is it normal to be afraid to let go like that?

 

[Trixabell]

Is it normal to be afraid to let go like that?

Not at all! I think once you were able to let go that much once it would come much easier. Not everyone reacts with tears, some never, but for others when a scene is full of emotional highs and lows the end can mean a round of cleansing tears. The fear to let go is normal, it is not an easy thing at all to leave yourself so emotionally vulnerable. It can be easier for us subbies to give of ourselves physically but the emotional side comes with time.

 

[scarletnym]

Not at all! I think once you were able to let go that much once it would come much easier. Not everyone reacts with tears, some never, but for others when a scene is full of emotional highs and lows the end can mean a round of cleansing tears. The fear to let go is normal, it is not an easy thing at all to leave yourself so emotionally vulnerable. It can be easier for us subbies to give of ourselves physically but the emotional side comes with time.

I think for me it's more...a fear of disappointing my Master. I want to give him everything but I'm afraid that it won't be good enough. Which I know is ridiculous but I can't seem to break myself of it.

 

[Trixabell]

I think for me it's more...a fear of disappointing my Master. I want to give him everything but I'm afraid that it won't be good enough. Which I know is ridiculous but I can't seem to break myself of it.

Your tears are part of that everything my dear! Are you worried about how He may react to you letting go that much? I think most Doms see this type of release as a positive - a sign of a real emotional bond.

 

[scarletnym]

Your tears are part of that everything my dear! Are you worried about how He may react to you letting go that much? I think most Doms see this type of release as a positive - a sign of a real emotional bond.

It seems silly...I guess I'm more worried about ruining the moment. I...I don't know how else to discribe it.

 

[Trixabell]

If its a natural reaction then its not ruined - it may only be ruined if it were not to your Master's liking but I have heard form so many Doms that the aftercare that comes from a tearful ending is an opportunity to strengthen the bond. Its all in the way you look at it and of course the cause of the tears - maybe that is what worries you?

 

[CurlyKat]

So, today was my first experience of subspace, and it was an entirely awful one. I did it completely by accident, naturally, and the second it hit I knew there was something that had gone seriously wrong. I felt like a real cunt, both for letting it happen and for letting it happen when I wasn't actually there to help ease my girl out of it. And while it was nice to be able to reassure her and be caring, I shouldn't have let it get that far to begin with.

Hrm.

Yeah, I know this was a while ago, but whatever. I'm going to side with you on this one. Even with the distance stuff, I DO NOT like getting anywhere near the whole spacey issue without at the very least having him talking to me with ample time to essentially catch me as I come back down. Obviously the preference would be having him physically present, but hey, we don't always get what we want.

I have come to realize that for me, this is slightly more than just a desire to have him there, it's closer to a need. If he's not and I get there (even just slightly spaced out or overloaded) by assignment or whatever, once I've gone through the whole post-play initial recovery, I get very depressed, and then that depression turns to anger. It really is about a two day cycle. It's not fun for me or anyone around me, so it's much better to avoid it all together by just having a little more calming down from him.

 

[scarletnym]

If its a natural reaction then its not ruined - it may only be ruined if it were not to your Master's liking but I have heard form so many Doms that the aftercare that comes from a tearful ending is an opportunity to strengthen the bond. Its all in the way you look at it and of course the cause of the tears - maybe that is what worries you?

Yes...I think it might. Now it's just figuring out how to let go and accepting it, I suppose.

 

[taborgirl]

It was quite by accident that I stumbled upon this thread. When I saw it, I thought, "This is perfect." Just wanted to say, "Hi all." I'm just beginning to work things out with my...I have yet to call him Sir or Master. The trust is there, but I just can't make myself do it. I want to, I've written texts and gone back to delete "Sir," but once I call him Sir or Master (my choice) I belong to him. I don't know if I'm ready to belong to him or not, does that make sense? I spent an hour on the phone sobbing after telling him the most horrible secret of my life and he managed to talk his hysterical girl down. I trust him, he offers a wisdom and experience that I admire, but I just can't submit fully.

I did come just to say, "Hi," but then I realized ya'll would understand what I'm feeling being away from him and how to cope with the questions that I have, but don't know how to ask.

Hi!
TG

 

[Trixabell]

...................

 

[the captians wench]

I love that he's started calling me more. I have always worried about bugging him with mass texts, or emails, and how often is too often to ring him, even after he's told me not to worry about it. Him ringing me just lets me know that he misses me and has that need to feel like I'm close as much as I do for him.

I know it's a little thing, but it feels like a big thing, and it wouldn't have been possible too long ago, hell it wasn't possible for until just a year ago.

 

[scarletnym]

That's the one thing I never had a problem with...he's my Master, I don't call him anything else. Even though I know his name...even in my mind, it's Master. It's strange how I can even feel him pull without even hearing his voice. There's never a question as to whether I obey or not...I just do. The only thing I wish sometimes...is that he was more demanding of me. Sounds odd as I type it. blushing

 

[ultramarineblue]

I do not know how those of you who are in relationships where you get very little physical contact face to face do it. I only get to see him every couple of weeks (at the absolute very most 5 weeks) and I'm really struggling with it. I'm pretty intolerable to be around the first day or two after he leaves. The most frustrating part is that I know it's something that can't be helped. I've been trying to think of ways to make an easier transition so I'm not so cranky. I'm just drawing a complete blank right now though. The only thing I can think of is making myself really busy but my brain isn't awake enough to do that early in the morning.

I'm definitely in awe of those of you who don't get to see your person very often at all.

 

[taborgirl]

sighs

I just wish He had more time for me now. I need that consistency and discipline, but He doesn't have the time right now to spend with His girl. I call myself girl, because due to bad memories and being called "pet" by another, I have made it off limits for Him to call me that. So far, that has been the only thing I've put my foot down on. I know you'll find that odd, that simply being called "pet" is something I won't put up with, but you'd understand why if you knew the story. If things had gone as planned, I'd have been curled up in His arms right now. After an eight hour drive, after a day that started at 6AM, to get to Him, there's no way I could physically or mentally handle anything more then a nice soak in a warm tub. I want to sit as His feet where I belong.

 

[KoPilot]

The 10 month wait will finally be over soon... I see him in 3 and a half weeks! It feels so surreal, just thinking about being with him in person again.