Distance Domination-Support Thread

[lil_slave_rose]

So I am new to the whole online Dom/sub thing.
Usually play in RL.
So I have purused as much of the pages as I can....and I am wondering...
What types of play are satisfying to perfom online chatting or camming? I just cant imagine directing a sub for instance to flog themselves and it be satisfying for me....the work out is most of the fun for me personally.
And I am not slamming online submission or Domination at all. Involved currently and love it...just wondering outside of banter and a few diectives...like tomorrow you will do xyz...report back...What esle is there to do?
Thanks for the help cause I am totaly stuck here. Would like to hear from both Doms and subs on this one actually please.
The Divine Ms. M

*shrugs* i guess all i can say is you need a very good imagination and if you have that, then anything is possible. sorry i'm not of more help maybe Master or someone else can help you out better

 

[FurryFury]

Now ladies is that a sub thing or a female thing? i have found that even with male subs i average the same even in vanilla chats...LOL

*L*

I find most guys don't want to work that hard to communicate in any way and particularly by typing a lot.

Now frankly, if they can't make that effort then I'm out. If I ever get the feeling that I'm just entertaining them while they do little or nothing that isn't going to work for me. It's got to be a two way street or I feel too lonely.

Yes, I think most females work harder at relationships and communication but I'm all prejudiced like that.

Fury

 

[myinnerslut]

Do any subs ever feel like they *talk* too much during chat sessions? I swear, when I look back thru my archives, it's always me having 5 or 6 lines of text for his every 1.

i do the same thing... which leads me to asak if hes still there... which makes him annoyed... my response is always "but you wernt saying anything, how was i supposed to know you wernt there" .... which gets him more annoyed... which i end up regretting


its a visious yet very predictable cycle

 

[MasterPhoenix]

The distance thing really blows sometimes. *sigh*

There are times when it gets overwhelming.. times I just want to be able to hold her or to smack her... depending on the mood...

I NEED for the distance to be gone... *sigh*

 

[littleone77]

This question isn't really on topic so to speak but it just kinda hit me so ya...when you see other 'couples' on Lit break suddenly do you get a sort of panic? Like it happened to them without warning, could it therefore happen to me? Idk, but sometimes it hits me hard, like a train...the fear of that happening even though there isn't any evidence of it occuring.

How do you deal with that fear?

 

[MasterPhoenix]

This question isn't really on topic so to speak but it just kinda hit me so ya...when you see other 'couples' on Lit break suddenly do you get a sort of panic? Like it happened to them without warning, could it therefore happen to me? Idk, but sometimes it hits me hard, like a train...the fear of that happening even though there isn't any evidence of it occuring.

How do you deal with that fear?

Fear is my number one enemy...

I haven't seen enough lit couples breaking up to have that fear...

 

[littleone77]

Fear is my number one enemy...

I haven't seen enough lit couples breaking up to have that fear...

Thank you for that...one has recently broke up which started mere days after Him and I...it hit hard in a way, although there isn't any reason for it.

And you deal with it how? if I can ask that

 

[catalina_francisco]

This question isn't really on topic so to speak but it just kinda hit me so ya...when you see other 'couples' on Lit break suddenly do you get a sort of panic? Like it happened to them without warning, could it therefore happen to me? Idk, but sometimes it hits me hard, like a train...the fear of that happening even though there isn't any evidence of it occuring.

How do you deal with that fear?

Reading this thread should go a long way to reassuring some...it has plenty of people who met on Lit (and more online), some who have gone on to marriage, and there are also some from this board who have met and married (or are moving in that direction) who have not contributed to the thread.

Catalina

 

[mdavid_1964]

The amount of effort has a lot to do with how much life gets in the way. In my long distance relationships I always invest at least 1-2 hours of my day. May not seem like a lot but in today's busy world it's a lot for me. I do it because I want my partner to feel cherished, treasured, appreciated, wanted, and needed.

The quality of the effort is much more important to me than the quantity. While I love getting attention what matters most is how her attention makes me feel, does it touch me to the core, and does it satisfy my needs.

 

[mdavid_1964]

Life Happens

Sorry got a little off topic with that last post. The breakups that I've experienced have not been sudden. Even when my partners were caught by their husbands there was still contact with me for a while. I think a lot of it has to to with the strength of the bond between the two partners.

Just disappearing, or saying goodbye to someone without trying to explain what is happening is very cruel. If I end a relationship I try to help my partner understand why I'm leaving them. Hurting someone is never pleasant, and always causes me pain and sorrow too.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

The amount of effort has a lot to do with how much life gets in the way. In my long distance relationships I always invest at least 1-2 hours of my day. May not seem like a lot but in today's busy world it's a lot for me. I do it because I want my partner to feel cherished, treasured, appreciated, wanted, and needed.

The quality of the effort is much more important to me than the quantity. While I love getting attention what matters most is how her attention makes me feel, does it touch me to the core, and does it satisfy my needs.

1-2 hours a day? sorry, i dont' think i could feel cherished, treasured or appreciated if i only got to speak to Master for 1-2 hours out of His day, every day. i would just feel like our relationship was a 'play' one and probably wouldn't have grown a bond with Him that we have now......

 

[littleone77]

Reading this thread should go a long way to reassuring some...it has plenty of people who met on Lit (and more online), some who have gone on to marriage, and there are also some from this board who have met and married (or are moving in that direction) who have not contributed to the thread.

Catalina

It did *small nods* and thanks. Its weird how some things just hit you out of the blue.

 

[CutieMouse]

1-2 hours a day? sorry, i dont' think i could feel cherished, treasured or appreciated if i only got to speak to Master for 1-2 hours out of His day, every day. i would just feel like our relationship was a 'play' one and probably wouldn't have grown a bond with Him that we have now......

That's interesting to me, because I look at 1-2 hours a day from the perspective of everything else that has to occur in one's daily Life. I presume an adult has full time employment and/or college, an hour or so a day for personal time (showers/etc), householdy tasks/errands/down time/dinner can take about 2 hours a day, most people do best on 6-8 hours sleep- although some do with only 3-4, working out/exercising is another hour...

Work/college 8-9 hours a day
Shower/bath/etc- 1- 1½ hours a day
Errands/etc- 2 hours a day
Exercise- 1 hour a day
Sleep- 7 hours a night
Total- roughly 20½ hours eaten up by Life

... which leaves 3 hours of "wiggle room" for entertaining the needs of a long distance relationship, presuming one doesn't have a project due at work, didn't get stuck in rush hour traffic going to and from the office, is able to precisely coordinate schedules between the two people involved, and didn't have any other real "down time" on a regular basis, or face to face friends/family/household members needing their share of the person's socialization time... so to *me* 1-2 hours a day of regular contact, within the parameters of a long distance relationship sounds average (not ideal, but average) for two normal, busy, productive adults.

 

[minx1]

Yeah have to say I agree...1-2 hours seems pretty reasonable with other lifes responsibilities. My M and I usually chat for at least 2 hours ever day....sometimes longer, which considering He is in Australia and I am in the Uk I think is pretty impressive! it usually means that He has to stay up pretty late (or early however you want to look at it).

But for me its so much more than the time on the clock...it is the quality of the time we spend together. I think that the nature of the relationship and the fact we also sit down for 2 hours every day and 'concentrate' on eachother makes it quite intense.
I have been in a few long term relationships in RL, including until recently a marriage and I have to say I honestly don't think we spent two hours each night talking to each other in as much depth as I do with Him. People may think thats quite sad (and argue thats why we spli!)...but I would ask honestly how may people actually do, without the distractions of everydaylife...the phone, tv, friends, walking the dog lol....

 

[the captians wench]

1-2 hours a day? sorry, i dont' think i could feel cherished, treasured or appreciated if i only got to speak to Master for 1-2 hours out of His day, every day. i would just feel like our relationship was a 'play' one and probably wouldn't have grown a bond with Him that we have now......

That's where every one is different. I treasure our time very much because we get so little of it together. I'd kill for 2 hours every day. I usually get 1-2 hours about 4-6 days a week depending on our schedules.

When we started out it was 1-2 hours every day, or almost every day. That's was when we were just starting to talk and I was on a fixed schedule. It's very hard, and I'd be lieing if I said I never have any doubts as to the seriousness of the relationship, but they are few, and usually only come up when I haven't had a chance to chat with him in a while.

If he were state side I would most likely feel the same as you. But considering the 5 hour difference, not to mention the rates international phone calls and text charges are, and the fact that we both have some what unpredictable schedules, some understanding has to be in place.

All it really takes for me most days is to see a new im box pop up on my screen with his name in it for me to feel cherished all over again. He has his ways of keeping me feeling very loved and well cared for, even in such tight time restraints.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

That's interesting to me, because I look at 1-2 hours a day from the perspective of everything else that has to occur in one's daily Life. I presume an adult has full time employment and/or college, an hour or so a day for personal time (showers/etc), householdy tasks/errands/down time/dinner can take about 2 hours a day, most people do best on 6-8 hours sleep- although some do with only 3-4, working out/exercising is another hour...

Work/college 8-9 hours a day
Shower/bath/etc- 1- 1½ hours a day
Errands/etc- 2 hours a day
Exercise- 1 hour a day
Sleep- 7 hours a night
Total- roughly 20½ hours eaten up by Life

... which leaves 3 hours of "wiggle room" for entertaining the needs of a long distance relationship, presuming one doesn't have a project due at work, didn't get stuck in rush hour traffic going to and from the office, is able to precisely coordinate schedules between the two people involved, and didn't have any other real "down time" on a regular basis, or face to face friends/family/household members needing their share of the person's socialization time... so to *me* 1-2 hours a day of regular contact, within the parameters of a long distance relationship sounds average (not ideal, but average) for two normal, busy, productive adults.

i understand for some it may be fine to have 1-2 hours 'together' for ME however, i need more. Master and i are on the phone ALL of the time and have been pretty much since we started. the only time we are not on the phone is when he is at work, or when we are sleeping. even when He's at work, He calls me on His breaks and lunch. i am unemployed at the moment, but when i was working, we still talked the majority of the day. when i'm doing errands, most of the time, i'm on my cell phone with Him. and while it may be 'average' for two normal busy productive adults (which i believe Him and i are as well) it's not average for Him and i. i just need more.....doesn't mean that's what is right for everyone else, but for US it's what works and the way it needs to be in order to maintain our relationship from such a distance.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Yeah have to say I agree...1-2 hours seems pretty reasonable with other lifes responsibilities. My M and I usually chat for at least 2 hours ever day....sometimes longer, which considering He is in Australia and I am in the Uk I think is pretty impressive! it usually means that He has to stay up pretty late (or early however you want to look at it).

But for me its so much more than the time on the clock...it is the quality of the time we spend together. I think that the nature of the relationship and the fact we also sit down for 2 hours every day and 'concentrate' on eachother makes it quite intense.
I have been in a few long term relationships in RL, including until recently a marriage and I have to say I honestly don't think we spent two hours each night talking to each other in as much depth as I do with Him. People may think thats quite sad (and argue thats why we spli!)...but I would ask honestly how may people actually do, without the distractions of everydaylife...the phone, tv, friends, walking the dog lol....

when i was in a R/L relationship, it was the same thing, i needed more than 1-2 hours of 'time' with my partner and since i was a stay at home mom (He made enough to support us without me having to work) i got way more time than that. *shrugs* as i said, i wasnt' speaking for everyone ..i was speaking for myself and my relationship

 

[lil_slave_rose]

That's where every one is different. I treasure our time very much because we get so little of it together. I'd kill for 2 hours every day. I usually get 1-2 hours about 4-6 days a week depending on our schedules.

When we started out it was 1-2 hours every day, or almost every day. That's was when we were just starting to talk and I was on a fixed schedule. It's very hard, and I'd be lieing if I said I never have any doubts as to the seriousness of the relationship, but they are few, and usually only come up when I haven't had a chance to chat with him in a while.

If he were state side I would most likely feel the same as you. But considering the 5 hour difference, not to mention the rates international phone calls and text charges are, and the fact that we both have some what unpredictable schedules, some understanding has to be in place.

All it really takes for me most days is to see a new im box pop up on my screen with his name in it for me to feel cherished all over again. He has his ways of keeping me feeling very loved and well cared for, even in such tight time restraints.

i agree that this is where everyone differs and if i implied that what i was saying should go for everyone, that is not how i meant it. i meant that i myself do not and could not feel cherished treasured, etc..with only 1-2 hours time 'together'

 

[the captians wench]

when i was in a R/L relationship, it was the same thing, i needed more than 1-2 hours of 'time' with my partner and since i was a stay at home mom (He made enough to support us without me having to work) i got way more time than that. *shrugs* as i said, i wasnt' speaking for everyone ..i was speaking for myself and my relationship

I remember when I was a house wife my ex complained that I wanted too much time with him, he felt smuthered by me. (and I was even content to share my time with him with the tv) And when I wasn't as busy with work and costumes, I remember bugging Jounar a lot more about not getting enough time with him.

My life has become a lot fuller in the past year. And while I still which we had more time together, I don't dwell on it as much. Maybe it's just that I'm busier now and don't notice as much that we aren't spending time together.

Now, maybe this isn't what you are doing. But think back to how much time you did actually spend when you were working. Was it signifficantly less? Were you still just as satisfied?

I think life has a way of distracting us a lot. So when there isn't as much going on in life, then there's a lot more time to think about how much we miss our other, and the opposite would be true as well. So I would think that if one is less occupied with life then they may need a bit more support from their other. That's not to say that they miss their other more, just that they notice it more.

I'm not trying to chastice you rose, these are just my thoughts on the matter.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I remember when I was a house wife my ex complained that I wanted too much time with him, he felt smuthered by me. (and I was even content to share my time with him with the tv) And when I wasn't as busy with work and costumes, I remember bugging Jounar a lot more about not getting enough time with him.

My life has become a lot fuller in the past year. And while I still which we had more time together, I don't dwell on it as much. Maybe it's just that I'm busier now and don't notice as much that we aren't spending time together.

Now, maybe this isn't what you are doing. But think back to how much time you did actually spend when you were working. Was it signifficantly less? Were you still just as satisfied?

I think life has a way of distracting us a lot. So when there isn't as much going on in life, then there's a lot more time to think about how much we miss our other, and the opposite would be true as well. So I would think that if one is less occupied with life then they may need a bit more support from their other. That's not to say that they miss their other more, just that they notice it more.

I'm not trying to chastice you rose, these are just my thoughts on the matter.

when i was working there was a significant difference in our time 'together' we took our break at the same time so we could chat while on break.. i got off work and then hour after i got off He got off and we spent the night talking until about 7:00 in the morning. i do see what you're saying, but at that point it was still more than 1-2 hours..and i don't feel chastised at all, i understand we are all different and what works for one doesn't work for everyone

 

[CutieMouse]

i understand for some it may be fine to have 1-2 hours 'together' for ME however, i need more. Master and i are on the phone ALL of the time and have been pretty much since we started. the only time we are not on the phone is when he is at work, or when we are sleeping. even when He's at work, He calls me on His breaks and lunch. i am unemployed at the moment, but when i was working, we still talked the majority of the day. when i'm doing errands, most of the time, i'm on my cell phone with Him. and while it may be 'average' for two normal busy productive adults (which i believe Him and i are as well) it's not average for Him and i. i just need more.....doesn't mean that's what is right for everyone else, but for US it's what works and the way it needs to be in order to maintain our relationship from such a distance.

Rose, honestly this response sounds a bit defensive... in an earlier post you said:

1-2 hours a day? sorry, i dont' think i could feel cherished, treasured or appreciated if i only got to speak to Master for 1-2 hours out of His day, every day. i would just feel like our relationship was a 'play' one and probably wouldn't have grown a bond with Him that we have now......

I read that as implying that a top who "only" gave his LDR bottom an hour or two a day, couldn't possibly mee the criteria of "cherishing" or "treasuring" her, which made me do a mental run down of what an average adult has to juggle over a 24 hour period, and go "Huh- yeah, 1-2 hours a day sounds doable, barring random chaos... how the hell does someone get everything done, give a LDR more than 2 hours a day, and still get enough sleep at night?" I would love to chat with someone in particular more than I do; I would love to spend hours on the phone, rather than see 15-64 emails a day in my inbox, or have a few spare minutes here and there on the phone throughout the day, with an exhausted chat at 1am after we've both tucked in bed, but that isn't my reality, and it would get in the way of leading a productive balanced life. I honestly don't understand why a couple of 5 minute conversations over the course of the day to be reminded he was thinking of me or I of him, because either of us had 5 minutes to spare, was somehow less a sign of treasuring a Loved one, than spending an entire evening on the phone... I guess I'm okay with quality over quantity, and you need quality plus quantity.

It's probably one of those pesky issues of online communication not carrying any vocal inflection or tone.

 

[newsouthernsub]

New sub... don't know where to begin

*phew*
I do not know where to begin... I am a new sub. I didn't even mean to be (scratches head) but here I am... I met my new Master in a chat room. He has completely taken me over, my life and my thoughts. We are long distance. I have never been a sub, I actually know so little about this life. But I seem to be unable to stop thinking about him or seeking him whenever i have even a moment.

I stumbled in here trying to be "educated." I totally understand and agree with those who say the attention issue is huge! I find myself wanting his constant attention.

There are lots of things that i need to learn, but the 2 areas i would welcome ANY and ALL advice are:

Language - I seem to say all the wrong things... as the saying goes! Is there a "cheat sheet" a dictionary ??? of acceptable words i may use? should use? I follow his lead but I still get it wrong sometimes!

Expectaions: What is in the future? I believe this will be an online only relationship, at least for the new future. So for anyone in that type of relationship, I would welcome any advice.

This thread as been so helpful, if only i had enough time in the day to read all the back pages!

Thanks!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Rose, honestly this response sounds a bit defensive... in an earlier post you said:



I read that as implying that a top who "only" gave his LDR bottom an hour or two a day, couldn't possibly mee the criteria of "cherishing" or "treasuring" her, which made me do a mental run down of what an average adult has to juggle over a 24 hour period, and go "Huh- yeah, 1-2 hours a day sounds doable, barring random chaos... how the hell does someone get everything done, give a LDR more than 2 hours a day, and still get enough sleep at night?" I would love to chat with someone in particular more than I do; I would love to spend hours on the phone, rather than see 15-64 emails a day in my inbox, or have a few spare minutes here and there on the phone throughout the day, with an exhausted chat at 1am after we've both tucked in bed, but that isn't my reality, and it would get in the way of leading a productive balanced life. I honestly don't understand why a couple of 5 minute conversations over the course of the day to be reminded he was thinking of me or I of him, because either of us had 5 minutes to spare, was somehow less a sign of treasuring a Loved one, than spending an entire evening on the phone... I guess I'm okay with quality over quantity, and you need quality plus quantity.

It's probably one of those pesky issues of online communication not carrying any vocal inflection or tone.

i was not implying anything of the sort, which is why i said *i* would not feel cherished, treasured, etc....it seems on this forum if you do not put 'in my relationship' 'for myself' or 'in my opinion' everyone assumes you are making a 'general truth' and that is NOT at all what i was doing , i was simply saying that FOR ME..1-2 hours a day is not enough to make me feel cherished and such. i'm sorry if it seemed as though i was implying the same was true for everyone, though re-reading my post i don't see where i made it seem that way as i did say *i* through the whole thing....as for being defensive, i wasn't doing that either, i was trying to explain what i was saying better, although it seems i failed at that as well...lol

 

[littleone77]

Expectaions: What is in the future? I believe this will be an online only relationship, at least for the new future. So for anyone in that type of relationship, I would welcome any advice.

This thread as been so helpful, if only i had enough time in the day to read all the back pages!

Thanks!

As simple as it may sound just take it one day at a time. You never ever know what may come of it so its best just to greet every minute with your master with a smile and wonder what it is in store for the both of you. Mine started out as an 'online only' but it grew into something neither one of us planned for. I can personally tell you that worrying will get you nothing except for a case of paranoria and a large bottle of pain meds. 10 months ago if some one had told me where our relationship would be now, I wouldn't believe them.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

*phew*
I do not know where to begin... I am a new sub. I didn't even mean to be (scratches head) but here I am... I met my new Master in a chat room. He has completely taken me over, my life and my thoughts. We are long distance. I have never been a sub, I actually know so little about this life. But I seem to be unable to stop thinking about him or seeking him whenever i have even a moment.

I stumbled in here trying to be "educated." I totally understand and agree with those who say the attention issue is huge! I find myself wanting his constant attention.

There are lots of things that i need to learn, but the 2 areas i would welcome ANY and ALL advice are:

Language - I seem to say all the wrong things... as the saying goes! Is there a "cheat sheet" a dictionary ??? of acceptable words i may use? should use? I follow his lead but I still get it wrong sometimes!

Expectaions: What is in the future? I believe this will be an online only relationship, at least for the new future. So for anyone in that type of relationship, I would welcome any advice.

This thread as been so helpful, if only i had enough time in the day to read all the back pages!

Thanks!

as far as the 'language' you need to go by what he tells you. none of us will be able to tell you what the right things to say are, as we do not know him or you or what he wants from you. you will not always say the right things. i've been in this lifestyle for 3 years and i STILL get things wrong, it's called being human.