Distance Domination-Support Thread

[myinnerslut]

im back, had a great time, and have the rope marks (well, only one, the rest faded) and all around sore feeling to prove it

i dont mark easily, so while there is one hickey on my breast, there are no other bruises or marks

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Glad you had a great time...

That is what matters.

 

[Ahugreycat]

wannabe

I love this threat, I am quite new and what you guys write sounds really great. I 'd love to try this kind of relationship,it feels easier to commit to it over the distance, and thus probably making it more stimulating.
I can imagine following the orders of a mistress, everyday, being put into nowhere with no answer, all the fun that is possible. I came across this 'contest of denial' on the web, where this german mistress invited subs to perform certain tasks without orgasm and deliver proof pictures, after 2 weeks she would admit the longest lasting slave to be hers. Sounds quite nice. Anyhow, I may find such a mistress, hopefully. it doesn't seem that easy though
Any ideas how to establish that kind of relationship? I probably should put an ad in personals?
cheers

Greycat

 

[minx1]

Hi everyone

I've read this thread with interest foa while and it has become a great source of support for me. I am in a long distance D/s relationship with my Master who lives in Perth, Australia. We met after I 'advertised' for a Master on Lit last September. *laugh* I often joke that I did try to find someone futher away...but it was just impossible! Its been an amazing experience, we talk everyday either via MSN, email or phone and as the months pass our bond grows stronger.

What I want to know, if you can help...is how you deal with misunderstandings or the falling out that occurs in any relationship. Normally I would cuddle my partner tell them I loved them and that I'm sorry, but how on earth do you do that with the distance?
Its so easy to walk off in a huff or bad mood during an argument....bad enough when you are both in the same country, but even worse when you are half a world away.

By the way welcome to ahugreycat I hope you enjoy the thread as much as I do.
What I would say though, is that don't be mislead into thinking that long distance D/s is easy. Far from it...if you are serious about it, it takes an awful lot of commitment, time and effort on both sides to keep it working well, particularly when there are huge time differences involved.

Thanks

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hi everyone

I've read this thread with interest foa while and it has become a great source of support for me. I am in a long distance D/s relationship with my Master who lives in Perth, Australia. We met after I 'advertised' for a Master on Lit last September. *laugh* I often joke that I did try to find someone futher away...but it was just impossible! Its been an amazing experience, we talk everyday either via MSN, email or phone and as the months pass our bond grows stronger.

What I want to know, if you can help...is how you deal with misunderstandings or the falling out that occurs in any relationship. Normally I would cuddle my partner tell them I loved them and that I'm sorry, but how on earth do you do that with the distance?
Its so easy to walk off in a huff or bad mood during an argument....bad enough when you are both in the same country, but even worse when you are half a world away.

By the way welcome to ahugreycat I hope you enjoy the thread as much as I do.
What I would say though, is that don't be mislead into thinking that long distance D/s is easy. Far from it...if you are serious about it, it takes an awful lot of commitment, time and effort on both sides to keep it working well, particularly when there are huge time differences involved.

Thanks

Having had some experience with this (when it was he in The Netherlands, and me in Brisbane, Oz ) all I can say is communication, preferrably by phone as online sometimes lead to even further misunderstandings during an already emotionally charged situation. We found that often the distance was the underlying reason for the ease with which misunderstandings happened, usually with me being the one at fault. He would call me, or ask me to call him, and talking it through, listening with an open heart, and knowing in our hearts we really didn't want to create such pain, worked wonders. Ultimately though, I just could not handle the distance and so it was decided instead of being careful and planning everything out, I would just move there as best I could and take care of the details later.

Catalina

 

[minx1]

Having had some experience with this (when it was he in The Netherlands, and me in Brisbane, Oz ) all I can say is communication, preferrably by phone as online sometimes lead to even further misunderstandings during an already emotionally charged situation. We found that often the distance was the underlying reason for the ease with which misunderstandings happened, usually with me being the one at fault. He would call me, or ask me to call him, and talking it through, listening with an open heart, and knowing in our hearts we really didn't want to create such pain, worked wonders. Ultimately though, I just could not handle the distance and so it was decided instead of being careful and planning everything out, I would just move there as best I could and take care of the details later.

Catalina

Catalina thankyou so much

Somehow you just managed to hit the nail on the head for me! The distance is exactly the underlying reason for the misunderstandings...we then both try to resolve the situation but find ourselves at crossed purposes.

He just called me, knowing that I would most likely be upset and stressed by our msunderstanding and we are happy once again .
I realise that I need to try and come to terms with the distance or it will keep rearing its ugly head in the form of silly gripes
The way He handles these situations and is sensitive to my feelings makes me realise even more, how lucky I am.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina thankyou so much

Somehow you just managed to hit the nail on the head for me! The distance is exactly the underlying reason for the misunderstandings...we then both try to resolve the situation but find ourselves at crossed purposes.

He just called me, knowing that I would most likely be upset and stressed by our msunderstanding and we are happy once again .
I realise that I need to try and come to terms with the distance or it will keep rearing its ugly head in the form of silly gripes
The way He handles these situations and is sensitive to my feelings makes me realise even more, how lucky I am.

Happy I could help somewhat. LOL, we were just talking about some of these things the other night and how fortunate it was he never actually asked me to marry him, just told me we were getting married, instructions for picking up money he sent to pay for the licence etc., and instructions on what else I had to prepare and organise before he got here to meet, and then marry. Probably if he had asked I would have talked my way out of it or one of us would have gotteen cold feet about the risk we were taking planning to marry someone we had never met. The day he told e we were marrying was after one of our misunderstandings and lots of sorting it out on the phone...perfect solution it was.

Catalina

 

[Sprinkles22]

Hi Minx and Cat

I'll say I identify with you both and having problems occur *because of* the long distance communications. Raven and I Yahoo IM everyday, sometimes for hours at a time when we're both working at our desks for the day. When conversations turn to more serious subjects, we both lose out through online communications. Body language and voice inflections are lost, and both of those can make the difference in a phrase being said in compassion or being said in anger.

Of course, I have the huge problem of interpreting everything at it's worst. The error is that I am *assuming* to know what He meant or was trying to imply. I'm sure you both know what *assuming* does *rolls eyes*; Raven frequently reminds me of that *blush*.

We have learned that anytime we have a problem of a serious nature, we need to discuss it on the phone so we at least have voice contact. I also have a bad habit of closing up and stopping communication when I'm angry or upset; when we're chatting online it is easier to walk away or say good-bye, which infuriates Raven when I do that. At least if we're on the phone, we both know I wouldn't DARE hang up on him. We keep talking until our issue is resolved.

Our final solution is to keep a journal of things that deeply disturb us. We bring those issues out when we are together in person and discuss them face to face, working toward a fix for the problem.

 

[the captians wench]

Hi everyone

I've read this thread with interest foa while and it has become a great source of support for me. I am in a long distance D/s relationship with my Master who lives in Perth, Australia. We met after I 'advertised' for a Master on Lit last September. *laugh* I often joke that I did try to find someone futher away...but it was just impossible! Its been an amazing experience, we talk everyday either via MSN, email or phone and as the months pass our bond grows stronger.

What I want to know, if you can help...is how you deal with misunderstandings or the falling out that occurs in any relationship. Normally I would cuddle my partner tell them I loved them and that I'm sorry, but how on earth do you do that with the distance?
Its so easy to walk off in a huff or bad mood during an argument....bad enough when you are both in the same country, but even worse when you are half a world away.

By the way welcome to ahugreycat I hope you enjoy the thread as much as I do.
What I would say though, is that don't be mislead into thinking that long distance D/s is easy. Far from it...if you are serious about it, it takes an awful lot of commitment, time and effort on both sides to keep it working well, particularly when there are huge time differences involved.

Thanks

I think this is a common problem for LDRers.

my love is in the emerald isles and I'm in the states. That's a huge gap, and a 5 hour time difference. My problems tend to stem from my neediness. I get to feeling lonesome and wish with all my heart I could just be with in 100 miles of him, and so I get a bit....bratty I guess. I really wish some times that this distance wasn't an issue, but for now it is. Tho it does look like it might be a bit less of one soon.

Communication and understanding is the only way we make it thru. He knows I'm needy, and so he showers me with extra attention when ever possible. And I try to understand that he does have a life to lead on the other side of the pond. Doesn't stop me from missing him, but it does make it easier some times.

 

[Sprinkles22]

I think this is a common problem for LDRers.

my love is in the emerald isles and I'm in the states. That's a huge gap, and a 5 hour time difference. My problems tend to stem from my neediness. I get to feeling lonesome and wish with all my heart I could just be with in 100 miles of him, and so I get a bit....bratty I guess. I really wish some times that this distance wasn't an issue, but for now it is. Tho it does look like it might be a bit less of one soon.

Communication and understanding is the only way we make it thru. He knows I'm needy, and so he showers me with extra attention when ever possible. And I try to understand that he does have a life to lead on the other side of the pond. Doesn't stop me from missing him, but it does make it easier some times.

LOL ....

Wench, I completely understand. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who gets that frazzled with the distance and sorta goes bratty

 

[the captians wench]

LOL ....

Wench, I completely understand. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who gets that frazzled with the distance and sorta goes bratty

*giggles*

Kinda hard for me to admit I get bratty ever, but I guess that's the best word for it.

 

[Sprinkles22]

*giggles*

Kinda hard for me to admit I get bratty ever, but I guess that's the best word for it.

It would be a bold lie if I said I never got bratty. Not that I'm proud of the brattiness, but I was a spoiled, only child and a Daddy's girl. Now I am a spoiled, dominant wife. The ONLY person I submit to is Raven, and believe me, sometimes it rubs me the wrong way. When you're used to living 24/7 a certain way with everyone else in the world, sometimes not getting my way with Raven brings out my brat.

 

[the captians wench]

It would be a bold lie if I said I never got bratty. Not that I'm proud of the brattiness, but I was a spoiled, only child and a Daddy's girl. Now I am a spoiled, dominant wife. The ONLY person I submit to is Raven, and believe me, sometimes it rubs me the wrong way. When you're used to living 24/7 a certain way with everyone else in the world, sometimes not getting my way with Raven brings out my brat.

*giggles*

I'm not an only child, but I was spoiled and a daddy's girl (step daddy anyway). My mom calls me princess sometimes because I pretty much am, and if we had more income when I was little I'd probabliy be even more so. Jounar does spoil me at times, but he puts me in my place more often. Most of my playmates spoil me as well. So it is hard when I don't get my own way, but I learned quickly how far I can push before not getting my way turns into getting something I don't want.

 

[Sprinkles22]

*giggles*

I'm not an only child, but I was spoiled and a daddy's girl (step daddy anyway). My mom calls me princess sometimes because I pretty much am, and if we had more income when I was little I'd probabliy be even more so. Jounar does spoil me at times, but he puts me in my place more often. Most of my playmates spoil me as well. So it is hard when I don't get my own way, but I learned quickly how far I can push before not getting my way turns into getting something I don't want.

Raven is great about adoring me, making me feel cherished and all that stuff .... but he does NOT spoil me. He flat out refuses to!!

If I am having a difficult, stressful time then he is lenient to a point with me and my attitude. But it's a short point, and woe be unto me if I cross the line!

 

[the captians wench]

Raven is great about adoring me, making me feel cherished and all that stuff .... but he does NOT spoil me. He flat out refuses to!!

If I am having a difficult, stressful time then he is lenient to a point with me and my attitude. But it's a short point, and woe be unto me if I cross the line!

I'm spoiled rotten and I know it....which means it'll probably change soon.

 

[littleone77]

I am sensing a pattern here, lol. I am also an only child to older parents. (For a while they assumed I was a tumor *rolls eyes with a grin*). I was spoiled, but the good kind. I knew how good I had it. When I was really really young before things changed I guess I was a Daddy's girl. Due to decisons on his part that connection is lost which is probably why I need a "Daddy" now.

He does try to spoil me but for some reason I tend to resist, lol. I am one of those easy to please, simple-ish subs. Go figure

 

[minx1]

Happy I could help somewhat. LOL, we were just talking about some of these things the other night and how fortunate it was he never actually asked me to marry him, just told me we were getting married, instructions for picking up money he sent to pay for the licence etc., and instructions on what else I had to prepare and organise before he got here to meet, and then marry. Probably if he had asked I would have talked my way out of it or one of us would have gotteen cold feet about the risk we were taking planning to marry someone we had never met. The day he told e we were marrying was after one of our misunderstandings and lots of sorting it out on the phone...perfect solution it was.

Catalina

Lol nice solution to the problem Cat.

I wish He would just tell me to move! *laugh*

 

[minx1]

Hi Minx and Cat

I'll say I identify with you both and having problems occur *because of* the long distance communications. Raven and I Yahoo IM everyday, sometimes for hours at a time when we're both working at our desks for the day. When conversations turn to more serious subjects, we both lose out through online communications. Body language and voice inflections are lost, and both of those can make the difference in a phrase being said in compassion or being said in anger.

Of course, I have the huge problem of interpreting everything at it's worst. The error is that I am *assuming* to know what He meant or was trying to imply. I'm sure you both know what *assuming* does *rolls eyes*; Raven frequently reminds me of that *blush*.

We have learned that anytime we have a problem of a serious nature, we need to discuss it on the phone so we at least have voice contact. I also have a bad habit of closing up and stopping communication when I'm angry or upset; when we're chatting online it is easier to walk away or say good-bye, which infuriates Raven when I do that. At least if we're on the phone, we both know I wouldn't DARE hang up on him. We keep talking until our issue is resolved.

Our final solution is to keep a journal of things that deeply disturb us. We bring those issues out when we are together in person and discuss them face to face, working toward a fix for the problem.

*smile* I react pretty much the same Sprinkles and I know I do and struggle trying to stop myself! We also MSN everyday for a few hours. On a couple of occasions things can be said that I have 'misread' and that have at the time upset me. I do usually at this point seek clarification, but as you say its such a difficult medium sometimes and how something is sounds in your mind doesn't always translate like that on the screen to the other person.
When this happens, I go quiet too and withdraw. The thing is I know I do it too lol. I just don't seem to be able to stop myself. When one person does withdraw MSN obviously really emphasises this and those moments seem to last an age. I often wonder what He is doing...probably looking at the screen fustrated I guess...trying to tease more than one word answers out of me.

Its not that I am being petulent, honestly. I'm just so caught up in whats been said that I am distracted going over it in my mind, else I just don't know how to react....so I don't

Now I at least try to say something even if its as glaringly obvious as 'Sorry, I just feel like being quiet!' *laugh*

 

[the captians wench]

*smile* I react pretty much the same Sprinkles and I know I do and struggle trying to stop myself! We also MSN everyday for a few hours. On a couple of occasions things can be said that I have 'misread' and that have at the time upset me. I do usually at this point seek clarification, but as you say its such a difficult medium sometimes and how something is sounds in your mind doesn't always translate like that on the screen to the other person.
When this happens, I go quiet too and withdraw. The thing is I know I do it too lol. I just don't seem to be able to stop myself. When one person does withdraw MSN obviously really emphasises this and those moments seem to last an age. I often wonder what He is doing...probably looking at the screen fustrated I guess...trying to tease more than one word answers out of me.

Its not that I am being petulent, honestly. I'm just so caught up in whats been said that I am distracted going over it in my mind, else I just don't know how to react....so I don't

Now I at least try to say something even if its as glaringly obvious as 'Sorry, I just feel like being quiet!' *laugh*

If I go more than a min with out typing something he asks me what's wrong. *giggles* I type pretty quickly, and I always have lots to say, even if we've just chatted an hour or so ago. So if I'm quiet, he knows something's up.

 

[minx1]

If I go more than a min with out typing something he asks me what's wrong. *giggles* I type pretty quickly, and I always have lots to say, even if we've just chatted an hour or so ago. So if I'm quiet, he knows something's up.

Yeah same here wench *smile*. I normally never shut up...so when I'm quiet it must be quite noticable I guess!

 

[Sprinkles22]

Yeah same here wench *smile*. I normally never shut up...so when I'm quiet it must be quite noticable I guess!

Do any subs ever feel like they *talk* too much during chat sessions? I swear, when I look back thru my archives, it's always me having 5 or 6 lines of text for his every 1.

 

[minx1]

Do any subs ever feel like they *talk* too much during chat sessions? I swear, when I look back thru my archives, it's always me having 5 or 6 lines of text for his every 1.

Yeah Sprinkles, I for one always think i talk too much....I'm always really giddy when I'm on to Him and want to tell Him about anything and everything!

I often apologise and say sorry I'm talking too much... but He professes to like it! *laugh*

 

[the captians wench]

Do any subs ever feel like they *talk* too much during chat sessions? I swear, when I look back thru my archives, it's always me having 5 or 6 lines of text for his every 1.

Wow he talks that much!

With Jounar it's like my 10-15 for his every 1. And most of his ones are "lol" *giggles*. He laughs at me a lot actually. On the phone too come to think of it.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

So I am new to the whole online Dom/sub thing.
Usually play in RL.
So I have purused as much of the pages as I can....and I am wondering...
What types of play are satisfying to perfom online chatting or camming? I just cant imagine directing a sub for instance to flog themselves and it be satisfying for me....the work out is most of the fun for me personally.
And I am not slamming online submission or Domination at all. Involved currently and love it...just wondering outside of banter and a few diectives...like tomorrow you will do xyz...report back...What esle is there to do?
Thanks for the help cause I am totaly stuck here. Would like to hear from both Doms and subs on this one actually please.
The Divine Ms. M

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Wow he talks that much!

With Jounar it's like my 10-15 for his every 1. And most of his ones are "lol" *giggles*. He laughs at me a lot actually. On the phone too come to think of it.

Now ladies is that a sub thing or a female thing? i have found that even with male subs i average the same even in vanilla chats...LOL