Distance Domination-Support Thread

[myinnerslut]

I get my collars on Tuesday! I'm so excited! I'll show them to you guys once I get them.

yay yay yay!!!

i cant wait to see the pictures

 

[ChromeCollar]

Littleone,

Do not shut your Master out with emptiness. Or make yourself cold with it either. Everyone else has been eloquent on this so I wont say much, but it is not fair to you or Him to hide within that numbing zone. I know the feelings are painful, and frightening and hard to endure/explore but you will not be able to conquer them until you have confronted them and explored them with your Dominant. Better to live in the blaze and glory of His love for you than hide in the fear and numbing quiet of uncertainty and sadness. When he returns, let him guide you, and you help guide him so that he may not repeat this mistake again and leave his precious treasure in such a cold and lonely place.

 

[ChromeCollar]

Santa baby, put a corset under the tree, for me. With black leather and red straps. *whine* I want!

http://www.geocities.com/chromecollarslave/deloriscorset_med.jpg

 

[Luciden]

Santa baby, put a corset under the tree, for me. With black leather and red straps. *whine* I want!

http://www.geocities.com/chromecollarslave/deloriscorset_med.jpg

*gasp* I love it! *dies* can I have one too, santa? *begs*


That's so hot chrome. ^_^

 

[littleone77]

An update

I would first like to say thank you on behalf of myself and Him. Also thank you to lil_slave_Rose for sharing. I realize how hard that was for you but if it helps, it did give me the extra push to share with Him. He also cut and pasted some of ChromeCollar's phrases which He wanted to drive home with me.

We were finally able to connect last night and although it took a while We worked through it. Step by step, emotion through emotion, insecurities through concerns we got through it. It took until 4 am my time (EST) but it was well worth it. I now have a game plan of sorts so that the next time a Seperation happens I am not completly lost or floundering in doubts.

It was never my attempt at any time to 'shut' Him out. I promised myself a long, long time ago I would never do that to a Daddy and I certainly am not going to start with the One I Love so much it hurts. I had planned on just not telling Him what I had gone through and work through the healing process on my own. And no, I didn't go ahead with that. I just couldn't. So I told Him. He knows me so well it was quickly obvious where my mind had gone. For that I did get a scolding (my av and a self belittling comment I made on my aim profile) but I also got alot of Love and Reassurance. Everything happens for a reason and this happened so I could visibly see how much I Love Him and to bring us closer yet again.

I now have my own litany to recite. "Daddy is not going to leave, He will return....I am not nor will I be a bother, I am Loved."

Strange how some little girl fears never go away.

Thank You

 

[ChromeCollar]

I now have my own litany to recite. "Daddy is not going to leave, He will return....I am not nor will I be a bother, I am Loved."

Strange how some little girl fears never go away.

Thank You

I am so happy for you. May your phrase that you repeat be as helpful as mine was and is. Have a blessed and contented day Littleone.

 

[ChromeCollar]

So. I've been agonizing over something for the last couple weeks. Literally, my brain chews on it in some dark corner of my mind most of the waking time. I have only just recently been able to get my mind around it enough to share it with my Mentor, who is not my Master but a very kindly and friendly Dom who has been gracious enough to guide me and assist me in my growth as a sub.

What happens if you are very attached and devoted to your Master, but you start wondering if he is the right one for you. For some reason, I've been sucking up all the info and literature I can find on the BDSM culture, lifestyle, scene style, whatever I can get my hands on and I thirst for more. That isnt the problem, but when I try to talk to Master about it, he shows no interest and that dissapoints me. I would like him to have an active interest in the local culture and orginizations, as I would want to have. I have a pretty fair guess on how far into this I want to go, but Master flat out refuses to allow me to meet other Dominants and their subs, go to gatherings or play parties or anything like that. He says that when he gets down here he will be more than happy to start looking into it then, but until then he just shrugs it off and drops the subject.

I want to learn, I want to be taught but how can I learn my limits for (example) a scene involving rope bondage, or horsewhips, if he will not take the time to learn anything about it? I've been wondering the deeper I get, if he is really the right Master. Which then causes the agonizing guilt for thinking such a thing about the man who has the key to my heart and soul. We've talked about it. He says he will learn someday. Am I being to impatient? Do these thoughts make me unfaithful? I am very open with my Master on everything I think, I hide nothing from him. I've had offers from several Dominants around the area to take me under their wing so to speak. People established in groups, in the community with wonderful references, and Master flat out refuses to allow it. I understand his logic to a degree, but I wish he understood mine. Forgive my long rant, and I wouldnt be surprised if I come back and delete this because the feelings make me so damned uncomfortable but perhaps I can share them with the anonymous readers in this thread and get some insight into what I cant see for myself.

 

[myinnerslut]

..........

 

[littleone77]

Not sure if this helps but...

I've been wondering the deeper I get, if he is really the right Master....Which then causes the agonizing guilt for thinking such a thing about the man who has the key to my heart and soul....Am I being to impatient?....Do these thoughts make me unfaithful?

I have a question for you. If you had the chance to erase His disinterest concerning open participation in the bdsm world (I know this is a bad word choice so please forgive me) would you still want to stay with Him? How much is that participation worth for you? Enough to say goodbye and find One would shares your interest?

And no, I hardly think you are unfaithful thinking this. We all have doubts at one point or another. You just need to figure out the answers to the basic questions.

(I am still learning patience btw, there are areas that He hasn't explored with me yet and I am eagerly waiting for those forays to happen)

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I would first like to say thank you on behalf of myself and Him. Also thank you to lil_slave_Rose for sharing. I realize how hard that was for you but if it helps, it did give me the extra push to share with Him. He also cut and pasted some of ChromeCollar's phrases which He wanted to drive home with me.

We were finally able to connect last night and although it took a while We worked through it. Step by step, emotion through emotion, insecurities through concerns we got through it. It took until 4 am my time (EST) but it was well worth it. I now have a game plan of sorts so that the next time a Seperation happens I am not completly lost or floundering in doubts.

It was never my attempt at any time to 'shut' Him out. I promised myself a long, long time ago I would never do that to a Daddy and I certainly am not going to start with the One I Love so much it hurts. I had planned on just not telling Him what I had gone through and work through the healing process on my own. And no, I didn't go ahead with that. I just couldn't. So I told Him. He knows me so well it was quickly obvious where my mind had gone. For that I did get a scolding (my av and a self belittling comment I made on my aim profile) but I also got alot of Love and Reassurance. Everything happens for a reason and this happened so I could visibly see how much I Love Him and to bring us closer yet again.

I now have my own litany to recite. "Daddy is not going to leave, He will return....I am not nor will I be a bother, I am Loved."

Strange how some little girl fears never go away.

Thank You

I am so happy that it worked out for you, and I hope that if it starts happening during a future seperation that you can communicate it to him sooner, so it doesn't get so far.

That was very good news for Me to come home to.

All the best to you and your Daddy

 

[littleone77]

I am so happy that it worked out for you, and I hope that if it starts happening during a future seperation that you can communicate it to him sooner, so it doesn't get so far.

That was very good news for Me to come home to.

All the best to you and your Daddy

*Shy smiles* Thanks again

This was the first time being seperated from Him which is why I took it so badly. It will be 6 months on Friday. The first time is always the hardest, you never know what to expect or how to deal. Now I do. I am still in awe how someone can love someone so much and never have met them. Just lucky I guess

 

[MasterPhoenix]

--snip--
What happens if you are very attached and devoted to your Master, but you start wondering if he is the right one for you. For some reason, I've been sucking up all the info and literature I can find on the BDSM culture, lifestyle, scene style, whatever I can get my hands on and I thirst for more. That isnt the problem, but when I try to talk to Master about it, he shows no interest and that dissapoints me. I would like him to have an active interest in the local culture and orginizations, as I would want to have. I have a pretty fair guess on how far into this I want to go, but Master flat out refuses to allow me to meet other Dominants and their subs, go to gatherings or play parties or anything like that. He says that when he gets down here he will be more than happy to start looking into it then, but until then he just shrugs it off and drops the subject.

I want to learn, I want to be taught but how can I learn my limits for (example) a scene involving rope bondage, or horsewhips, if he will not take the time to learn anything about it? I've been wondering the deeper I get, if he is really the right Master. Which then causes the agonizing guilt for thinking such a thing about the man who has the key to my heart and soul. We've talked about it. He says he will learn someday. Am I being to impatient? Do these thoughts make me unfaithful? I am very open with my Master on everything I think, I hide nothing from him. I've had offers from several Dominants around the area to take me under their wing so to speak. People established in groups, in the community with wonderful references, and Master flat out refuses to allow it. I understand his logic to a degree, but I wish he understood mine. Forgive my long rant, and I wouldnt be surprised if I come back and delete this because the feelings make me so damned uncomfortable but perhaps I can share them with the anonymous readers in this thread and get some insight into what I cant see for myself.

I am going to break this up into tow parts, because I think that My perspective could help quite a bit.... I know that I would not want My rose going to play parties or getting involved in a local group until I am around, and that sounds like what He is saying to you. Obviously, I do not know the parameters of the relationship that you and your Master have, but I know that I would not feel right with rose playing with another even just to get the expierence. It sounds to Me that your Master is thinking along the same vein. It sounds to Me like he is the one who wants to be the one who sees what you can take, and how you should be pushed.

As for the second part, I believe that if in your heart you feel that HE is the Master for you then you have to have patience. It is up to Him to decide which way He wishes to train you. I would say all in due time. A perfect example of that is that rose wanted a rape scene when I was back there a couple months ago. I had told her well before I went there that we would not be doing one. I explained that there were too many possible after effects and I would not feel comfortable going there on My first visit when I would have to leave and could not BE there if something came up a couple of days later. She was disappointed, but understood.

cc, if you trust he is the one to guide you, let Him guide you.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

*Shy smiles* Thanks again

This was the first time being seperated from Him which is why I took it so badly. It will be 6 months on Friday. The first time is always the hardest, you never know what to expect or how to deal. Now I do. I am still in awe how someone can love someone so much and never have met them. Just lucky I guess

That sounds so much like us on that first Christmas season... we had been together around six months at that time...

I am sure that he hated being apart from you as much as you hated it...

It killed Me that rose and I could not talk during that time, and it was made worse by her being distant when we did get a chance to talk. *sigh* That was so long ago it seems like another lifetime.

I know that submissives need extra reassurances from their Doms as opposed to 'nilla couples... and I hope that he can find a way to give that to you even when he doesn't have much time to give you.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I would first like to say thank you on behalf of myself and Him. Also thank you to lil_slave_Rose for sharing. I realize how hard that was for you but if it helps, it did give me the extra push to share with Him. He also cut and pasted some of ChromeCollar's phrases which He wanted to drive home with me.

We were finally able to connect last night and although it took a while We worked through it. Step by step, emotion through emotion, insecurities through concerns we got through it. It took until 4 am my time (EST) but it was well worth it. I now have a game plan of sorts so that the next time a Seperation happens I am not completly lost or floundering in doubts.

It was never my attempt at any time to 'shut' Him out. I promised myself a long, long time ago I would never do that to a Daddy and I certainly am not going to start with the One I Love so much it hurts. I had planned on just not telling Him what I had gone through and work through the healing process on my own. And no, I didn't go ahead with that. I just couldn't. So I told Him. He knows me so well it was quickly obvious where my mind had gone. For that I did get a scolding (my av and a self belittling comment I made on my aim profile) but I also got alot of Love and Reassurance. Everything happens for a reason and this happened so I could visibly see how much I Love Him and to bring us closer yet again.

I now have my own litany to recite. "Daddy is not going to leave, He will return....I am not nor will I be a bother, I am Loved."

Strange how some little girl fears never go away.

Thank You

i'm glad you did let Him know how you were feeling and that all worked out well for you both and that you now have something in place in case it happens again. and i'm glad my sharing my experience somehow helped a little. good luck to you both

 

[CutieMouse]

I know that submissives need extra reassurances from their Doms as opposed to 'nilla couples...

I am sure I am probably missunderstanding what you are saying here, but the verbage you use, seems to imply that a submissive partner is more emotionally fragile, than a partner in a non-BDSM relationship...

 

[lil_slave_rose]

So. I've been agonizing over something for the last couple weeks. Literally, my brain chews on it in some dark corner of my mind most of the waking time. I have only just recently been able to get my mind around it enough to share it with my Mentor, who is not my Master but a very kindly and friendly Dom who has been gracious enough to guide me and assist me in my growth as a sub.

What happens if you are very attached and devoted to your Master, but you start wondering if he is the right one for you. For some reason, I've been sucking up all the info and literature I can find on the BDSM culture, lifestyle, scene style, whatever I can get my hands on and I thirst for more. That isnt the problem, but when I try to talk to Master about it, he shows no interest and that dissapoints me. I would like him to have an active interest in the local culture and orginizations, as I would want to have. I have a pretty fair guess on how far into this I want to go, but Master flat out refuses to allow me to meet other Dominants and their subs, go to gatherings or play parties or anything like that. He says that when he gets down here he will be more than happy to start looking into it then, but until then he just shrugs it off and drops the subject.

I want to learn, I want to be taught but how can I learn my limits for (example) a scene involving rope bondage, or horsewhips, if he will not take the time to learn anything about it? I've been wondering the deeper I get, if he is really the right Master. Which then causes the agonizing guilt for thinking such a thing about the man who has the key to my heart and soul. We've talked about it. He says he will learn someday. Am I being to impatient? Do these thoughts make me unfaithful? I am very open with my Master on everything I think, I hide nothing from him. I've had offers from several Dominants around the area to take me under their wing so to speak. People established in groups, in the community with wonderful references, and Master flat out refuses to allow it. I understand his logic to a degree, but I wish he understood mine. Forgive my long rant, and I wouldnt be surprised if I come back and delete this because the feelings make me so damned uncomfortable but perhaps I can share them with the anonymous readers in this thread and get some insight into what I cant see for myself.

i know how hard it is to 'wait' i've been there, and had an offer to go to some local munches and things with a Dom and His subs, Master said no way. i don't think i would have been comfortable with either, but i understand why Master wouldn't let it happen if i had wanted it. Master wanted to be the one to see how much of what i could take. do the thoughts make you unfaithful? no i don't think they do at all. we all 'wonder' we all 'doubt' at times but in the end our Sir's are the ones we gave that control to, and we wouldn't have done that had we thought they didn't know what was best for us...right? so you have to trust that what He's doing is in your best interest. and i'm sure He does understand your logic on it all, but it's just not something He's willing to do. He would be sharing you, and it doesn't sound like that's what He wants at all. i hope it all works out for you and you figure it out. i would say trust Him to guide you, and of course speak with Him about your concerns, ask Him questions, etc...good luck to you....

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I am sure I am probably missunderstanding what you are saying here, but the verbage you use, seems to imply that a submissive partner is more emotionally fragile, than a partner in a non-BDSM relationship...

Maybe it didn't come out as clear as I would have liked, but what I meant was that in a Dominant submissive relationship by giving that control the sub makes him/herself more vulnerable to their Dominant than one would in a 'nilla couple. And being that the sub is more vulnerable, they need more reassurance.

 

[littleone77]

I am sure I am probably missunderstanding what you are saying here, but the verbage you use, seems to imply that a submissive partner is more emotionally fragile, than a partner in a non-BDSM relationship...

Actually I agree with MasterPhoenix on this, or at least it is true with me. I am so immersed, so wrapped up in Him that it is impossible for me to tell where I end and He begins. I am His, completly, totally and absolutely. Does this make me needy? Most def. I need that daily assurance, I need to be contact with Him and by doing that in contact with myself. Its a bit more complicated with us because He does fulfill more than just a Dom role but I am sure that is the same for many.

I am fragile. *Grinz*

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Actually I agree with MasterPhoenix on this, or at least it is true with me. I am so immersed, so wrapped up in Him that it is impossible for me to tell where I end and He begins. I am His, completly, totally and absolutely. Does this make me needy? Most def. I need that daily assurance, I need to be contact with Him and by doing that in contact with myself. Its a bit more complicated with us because He does fulfill more than just a Dom role but I am sure that is the same for many.

I am fragile. *Grinz*

i agree, and i am fragile as well *grins* you are not alone

 

[CutieMouse]

What happens if you are very attached and devoted to your Master, but you start wondering if he is the right one for you. For some reason, I've been sucking up all the info and literature I can find on the BDSM culture, lifestyle, scene style, whatever I can get my hands on and I thirst for more. That isnt the problem, but when I try to talk to Master about it, he shows no interest and that dissapoints me. I would like him to have an active interest in the local culture and orginizations, as I would want to have. I have a pretty fair guess on how far into this I want to go, but Master flat out refuses to allow me to meet other Dominants and their subs, go to gatherings or play parties or anything like that. He says that when he gets down here he will be more than happy to start looking into it then, but until then he just shrugs it off and drops the subject.

I want to learn, I want to be taught but how can I learn my limits for (example) a scene involving rope bondage, or horsewhips, if he will not take the time to learn anything about it? I've been wondering the deeper I get, if he is really the right Master. Which then causes the agonizing guilt for thinking such a thing about the man who has the key to my heart and soul. We've talked about it. He says he will learn someday. Am I being to impatient? Do these thoughts make me unfaithful? I am very open with my Master on everything I think, I hide nothing from him. I've had offers from several Dominants around the area to take me under their wing so to speak. People established in groups, in the community with wonderful references, and Master flat out refuses to allow it. I understand his logic to a degree, but I wish he understood mine. Forgive my long rant, and I wouldnt be surprised if I come back and delete this because the feelings make me so damned uncomfortable but perhaps I can share them with the anonymous readers in this thread and get some insight into what I cant see for myself.

Stepping outside your primary relationship for the sake of gaining knowledge, may be seen as lightly walking down the path to polyamory, as there can be quite a few emotions zinging all about when one egages in various phsicual activites- even non sexual ones. Therefore, if your partnership is a monogomous one, it makes sense your partner would limit your BDSM experiences, to those between the two of you.

I understand the dissinterest in having you experience things with another; I have a harder time understanding the issue with attending munches, lectures, seminars, etc, or getting to know people locally, or his apparent lack of interest in gaining knowledge, for himself.

As for the dissinterest in being active in the local community/etc- you have to decide how important that is. Is it an issue of him not wishing to be a part of the local community, period? Or is it an issue of not wanting to be a part of the local community, yet? The former would be at odds with your personal goals; the latter would simply require patience.

When you say he won't take the time to learn about something you are interested in- does that mean he has no desire to do XYZ activity, which is something you consider a possible *need*, or does it mean that he isn't ready to learn such things, but is willing to- at some point (within a defined timeline)?

BDSM is a symbiotic relationship- he is as equally responsible for considering yoru desires and needs, as you are of his. If you feel you really want to explore a particular activity, and consider it to be on your *needs* list (or are curious enough that you want to try it to determine if it really is a *need*, and he has no interest- I'd say odds are y'all will have compatability issues at some point... just as you would, if he had a *need* you were unwilling or unable to fulfill.

 

[ChromeCollar]

or his apparent lack of interest in gaining knowledge, for himself.

I think that nails it on the head. I am most frustrated with his lack of learning. About much of anything. The more I explore, the more things I find I want to explore and I would dearly love to explore them together. He has no interest however, he is content with his methods and things the way they are.

I will however be patient, and maybe a face to face chat in january will stress things to him that I cant seem to communicate well enough over the phone. I know that if I put something on a needs list, he will make an effort to explore that with me and I appreciate you saying that. I should go through my want/need list and update it, and go over it with him again. He is a generous man, and a giving man and perhaps I do not give him enough credit, being the impatient brat that I am. I will try and make the knowledge I am accumulating into a positive thing and gift him with it, so that we might learn the path together when he is ready.

New mantra, patience brat. Patience brat. Thank you A/all for your advice, the thoughts will be put to good use.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I think that nails it on the head. I am most frustrated with his lack of learning. About much of anything. The more I explore, the more things I find I want to explore and I would dearly love to explore them together. He has no interest however, he is content with his methods and things the way they are.

I will however be patient, and maybe a face to face chat in january will stress things to him that I cant seem to communicate well enough over the phone. I know that if I put something on a needs list, he will make an effort to explore that with me and I appreciate you saying that. I should go through my want/need list and update it, and go over it with him again. He is a generous man, and a giving man and perhaps I do not give him enough credit, being the impatient brat that I am. I will try and make the knowledge I am accumulating into a positive thing and gift him with it, so that we might learn the path together when he is ready.

New mantra, patience brat. Patience brat. Thank you A/all for your advice, the thoughts will be put to good use.

cc, i know for me, before i met Master face to face, we were kind of a 'stand still' with how much further we could go. though i had needs to try different things, He wasn't here to show them or explore them with me. maybe when you're face to face those things will be easier to explore. maybe it's not that He doesn't want to 'learn' new things or however you put it..but that He just wants to wait to do them together? *shrugs* again, good luck to you

 

[JMohegan]

Maybe it didn't come out as clear as I would have liked, but what I meant was that in a Dominant submissive relationship by giving that control the sub makes him/herself more vulnerable to their Dominant than one would in a 'nilla couple. And being that the sub is more vulnerable, they need more reassurance.

Phoenix,

There are two problems with absolutes.

1 - They are rarely, if ever, true,

and

2 - They irk people who feel they are being misrepresented.

The idea that all submissives make themselves more vulnerable to their partners than all non-kinky people is ridiculous.

The idea that all submissives need more reassurance than all non-kinky people is ridiculous too.

As a matter of fact, the idea that all submissives make themselves more vulnerable to & need more reassurance than all Dominants is also inaccurate. I'll use myself as an example to prove my point.

By showing my real self to a partner (the part of myself that no one else sees), I make myself very vulnerable indeed. Her acceptance of who and what I am is truly wonderful; but it can only happen if I first expose myself in a very vulnerable way.

And by falling in love with my partner, I make myself as vulnerable to her as one human being can possibly be to another.

Do I need reassurance in a relationship? Hell yes, I do. The mode in which I receive reassurance may differ from the style in which I give it, but the reassurance still works both ways.

I have also never had a partner who would describe herself as fragile, either emotionally or physically.

In my relationships, the vulnerability & reassurance factors have always been roughly equal. Your relationships may be different; no problem.

But since our relationships and our partners are clearly so different, I would appreciate it if, in the future, you would avoid absolutes in referring to whatever it is that you do.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Nothing I say is ever meant to be the absolute word in anything. I am just Me, and Mine is not words cast on stone from a Mountain. If it will help everyone, I will put a disclaimer on My sig that reads: *The preceding was solely the opinion of Master Phoenix from his experiences, and was not meant to be taken as an absolute last word on anything except what MP is thinking at that moment.*

I have made Myself quite emotionally vulnerable to My rose as I am in love with her. Are there times I need reassurance? sure, I am a human. By the same token as a slave it is rose's prime desire to please Me, and as such she needs the reassurance that she is doing just that.

 

[JMohegan]

Nothing I say is ever meant to be the absolute word in anything.

Okay. That's great.

If it will help everyone, I will put a disclaimer on My sig that reads: *The preceding was solely the opinion of Master Phoenix from his experiences, and was not meant to be taken as an absolute last word on anything except what MP is thinking at that moment.*

That disclaimer actually would not help (at least, from my perspective). I understand that you are only stating your opinion about all submissives relative to all non-kinky people. In contradicting your statement, I am saying: My opinion is that you're wrong.

That's what we do here. Exchange opinions.

Perhaps this is a syntax issue, which could be easily resolved by inserting the word "some" in strategic places. Because without that word (or a synonym thereto), the statements quoted below read like absolute assertions to me.

I know that submissives need extra reassurances from their Doms as opposed to 'nilla couples...

Maybe it didn't come out as clear as I would have liked, but what I meant was that in a Dominant submissive relationship by giving that control the sub makes him/herself more vulnerable to their Dominant than one would in a 'nilla couple. And being that the sub is more vulnerable, they need more reassurance.