Distance Domination-Support Thread

[lil_slave_rose]

Last night I noticed something which bothers me. Before I met Him, I had some...unhealthy?...views of myself. Through a lot of time and patience on His part, He convinced me otherwise. Since last week when I've had little to no contact with Him, I have noticed my thinking has gone backwards. Its effecting my attitude and I am sorry to say my eating habits have gone down the hill. I am finding myself slipping backwards and I really don't want that to happen. Hopefully this will make sense to someone.

you've probably already read my posts on this thread abuot doing things for Him. instead of taking care of yourself for you, do it for Him. i'm sure He would not be pleased to know that you are not taking good care of His treasured 'property' while He is away. but either way you do it, you do NEED to take care of yourself. as you go about your day, say that you are doing it for Him, because He loves you and you do not want HIm to be disappointed in you. use it as a way to serve Him even in His absence.a dear friend of mine had me do this while i was going through sub drop after Master left in Oct. don't let yourself just 'go' or drop back into that black hole, i know it all to well. i have low self esteem as well, and you have to pick yourself back up and take care of yourself, like i said, do it for Him, if you can't do it for yourself. i hope this makes sense and helps you out a little...

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I want to write something eloquent and perfect for this, but I just cant think up the words. I am so very sorry that you are hurting and unhappy, that is the worst feeling to be so seperated from your Master. All I can say is that he sounds like your rock. If you do not want to take care of yourself for you, then maybe it would be easier for you to think of it as taking care of his precious treasure. He would not want his treasure thinking poorly of herself, or not treating herself well in his absence. He obviously cares a great deal about you, and might be sad to known that your thoughts backslid while he was gone and busy. Just remember his love for you, and your love for him and hang on to it. Use it to help fuel your motivation to continue thinking positive and taking good care of yourself for Him.

*giggles* i guess i should read all the posts before offering one of my own.

 

[littleone77]

you've probably already read my posts on this thread abuot doing things for Him. instead of taking care of yourself for you, do it for Him. i'm sure He would not be pleased to know that you are not taking good care of His treasured 'property' while He is away. but either way you do it, you do NEED to take care of yourself. as you go about your day, say that you are doing it for Him, because He loves you and you do not want HIm to be disappointed in you. use it as a way to serve Him even in His absence.a dear friend of mine had me do this while i was going through sub drop after Master left in Oct. don't let yourself just 'go' or drop back into that black hole, i know it all to well. i have low self esteem as well, and you have to pick yourself back up and take care of yourself, like i said, do it for Him, if you can't do it for yourself. i hope this makes sense and helps you out a little...

Offer away please...as I said a seperation with this degree of feeling for Him is very new for me and I gladly take any and all advice given. It is also nice to know that someone else has been in that 'black hole.' Today has been better yes, ate more, wore my hair down, only cried once and I have reached that blessed state of numbness. One day at a time

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I know our Dom/me miss their subs as much as their subs miss them. It might not be in their personality to say it as much, but we are the yin to their yang. The moon to their sun. I am lucky in the fact that my Master has no bones about telling me exactly how much he misses me. I think he says it more than I do, but that is just his nature.

Sounds a lot like us... I say it more often than she does, but I know that she misses Me bad.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Last night I noticed something which bothers me. Before I met Him, I had some...unhealthy?...views of myself. Through a lot of time and patience on His part, He convinced me otherwise. Since last week when I've had little to no contact with Him, I have noticed my thinking has gone backwards. Its effecting my attitude and I am sorry to say my eating habits have gone down the hill. I am finding myself slipping backwards and I really don't want that to happen. Hopefully this will make sense to someone.

I would share some advice that My first sub gave My rose... Do everything as if you are doing it for him, no matter how insignificant it seems...

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I would share some advice that My first sub gave My rose... Do everything as if you are doing it for him, no matter how insignificant it seems...

She already said it better than I...

*shrugz*

 

[littleone77]

You all think alike *smiles* You all understand *smiles* You also all make me smile, thanks for that.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Offer away please...as I said a seperation with this degree of feeling for Him is very new for me and I gladly take any and all advice given. It is also nice to know that someone else has been in that 'black hole.' Today has been better yes, ate more, wore my hair down, only cried once and I have reached that blessed state of numbness. One day at a time

it is ok to cry, scream whatever you need to do, but do not ignore the emotions, do not let yourself go 'numb' you need to deal with it all head on. there is no crime against crying, but you have to take care of yourself, you have to let yourself feel those feelings and deal with them as they come or you will, go into that black hole and it's really really hard to climb back out of. i DO understand, and am always here if you need an ear, a shoulder, whatever....just hang in there and it will all get better, know that He loves you and remember His voice in your head. that is how i get through some realy tough times, Master's voice is always in my head and i think in terms of what HE would want me to do in that situation, i hear His voice telling me He loves me and that i can make it through this, etc...don't give up, and you've got support here when you need it

 

[BeBe81]

thankies everyone!

I heart this thread...

I've been reading it over and it makes me happy to see that so many people seem to understand things I also feel.......

I'm a new sub and feel very lucky to have found an amazing Master.... I hope to one day be able to do RL... but right now it is online...

So, thankies and hello everyone!

Also, Rose and MasterPhoenix.... it makes me smile when I read your posts about each other... they are so sweet and caring.....

 

[littleone77]

it is ok to cry, scream whatever you need to do, but do not ignore the emotions, do not let yourself go 'numb' you need to deal with it all head on. there is no crime against crying, but you have to take care of yourself, you have to let yourself feel those feelings and deal with them as they come or you will, go into that black hole and it's really really hard to climb back out of. i DO understand, and am always here if you need an ear, a shoulder, whatever....just hang in there and it will all get better, know that He loves you and remember His voice in your head. that is how i get through some realy tough times, Master's voice is always in my head and i think in terms of what HE would want me to do in that situation, i hear His voice telling me He loves me and that i can make it through this, etc...don't give up, and you've got support here when you need it

*Winces* I wondered if anyone was going to pick up on my numbness comment and realize what I meant. Yes, I realize that numbness is not the best but it doesn't hurt as much, in fact it doesn't hurt at all. Right now I feel like a overused emotional rag. That black hole is where I was before Him and yes, it is close again but not quite. I know this isn't true and won't happen but the irrational me thinks it is; he just might not ever reappear in my online buddy list again. Its like I am just waiting for the word. (And no, there isn't no indication of this, just my be prepared for the worst thought process). Truthfully I am not even sure what I would or will say to Him when He does return. And honestly, I don't think He even knows what this week has been for me. When I use to think of Him, I got this warm large feeling in the center of my chest which spread outward...now, there's just an emptiness.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I heart this thread...

I've been reading it over and it makes me happy to see that so many people seem to understand things I also feel.......

I'm a new sub and feel very lucky to have found an amazing Master.... I hope to one day be able to do RL... but right now it is online...

So, thankies and hello everyone!



Also, Rose and MasterPhoenix.... it makes me smile when I read your posts about each other... they are so sweet and caring.....

*smiles* thank you for the kind words, and welcome aboard!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

*Winces* I wondered if anyone was going to pick up on my numbness comment and realize what I meant. Yes, I realize that numbness is not the best but it doesn't hurt as much, in fact it doesn't hurt at all. Right now I feel like a overused emotional rag. That black hole is where I was before Him and yes, it is close again but not quite. I know this isn't true and won't happen but the irrational me thinks it is; he just might not ever reappear in my online buddy list again. Its like I am just waiting for the word. (And no, there isn't no indication of this, just my be prepared for the worst thought process). Truthfully I am not even sure what I would or will say to Him when He does return. And honestly, I don't think He even knows what this week has been for me. When I use to think of Him, I got this warm large feeling in the center of my chest which spread outward...now, there's just an emptiness.

sweet heart, i know it's hard ::hugs:: but you have to NOT let that 'blackness' consume you. the numbness is a bad thing , yes i realize it doesn't hurt as much or at all, and that is NOT a good thing. may i ask the reason for his absence? and when we are left 'alone' alot of irrational thoughts go through our heads but you have to turn them off, by hearing Him, and His words to you, i always curl up with Master's shirt and the letter He wrote me before He left in Oct. i'm not sure what you have that reminds you of Him, but my suggestion is to find it and curl up with it, let yourself cry, let yourself feel that pain and emptiness. and as far as when He gets back, you have to let Him know how you felt this week. He needs to know so that in the future He can do something that will help this not to happen again. do not close up on Him, if your communication is gone, that'll be the end. He NEEDS to know how you are feeling.

 

[littleone77]

Don't worry, the numbness wore of about 5 minutes ago and the headache returned. Pain, physical and emotional has returned to me. I only wish He had as well.

The absence is due to his job effected by the holidays and different time zones.

His voice or words are not going through my head. The only thing that is going through my head at this point are my own self damning words. Words that belittle yes but harden at the same time. I have yet another night to get through and then another.

Months ago I requested a shirt from him and He sent it. However the USPS lost the package and it hasn't turned up from him. He plans on sending another but both of us agreed not to until after the holiday rush. As for what I have of Him? Nothing. Saved emails and some im transcripts aren't doing anything at this point but add to the hurt, the abandoned feeling.

As for what I plan on telling Him? *small smiles* Nothing...I sent him an email "Get to me when you are able* and other than that I will not be a bother. I refuse to. If He can't figure out what He has unknowingly done to me then I do not see the point in sharing with him. Am I being unfair to myself and Him? Yes but at this point I am beyond caring. Let Him fix it.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Don't worry, the numbness wore of about 5 minutes ago and the headache returned. Pain, physical and emotional has returned to me. I only wish He had as well.

The absence is due to his job effected by the holidays and different time zones.

His voice or words are not going through my head. The only thing that is going through my head at this point are my own self damning words. Words that belittle yes but harden at the same time. I have yet another night to get through and then another.

Months ago I requested a shirt from him and He sent it. However the USPS lost the package and it hasn't turned up from him. He plans on sending another but both of us agreed not to until after the holiday rush. As for what I have of Him? Nothing. Saved emails and some im transcripts aren't doing anything at this point but add to the hurt, the abandoned feeling.

As for what I plan on telling Him? *small smiles* Nothing...I sent him an email "Get to me when you are able* and other than that I will not be a bother. I refuse to. If He can't figure out what He has unknowingly done to me then I do not see the point in sharing with him. Am I being unfair to myself and Him? Yes but at this point I am beyond caring. Let Him fix it.

Holy crap, that sounds exactly like what my baby and I went though my first Christmas together, and it damn near killed out relationship. I was working crazy hours, and we didn't have much time to communicate, and I did not have a computer at that time. Sadly, she shut herself off to Me and was unable to tell Me what she was thinking and feeling and it drove a deep wedge between us that had Me moments away from walking away.

If I may make a suggestion, I would say start a live journal or a blog somewhere aned send him a link every time there is an update. We are not mind readers, and we NEED our subbies to communicate how they are feeling & what they are thinking so that we can provide proper care.

Be careful littleone, because you are on a slippery slope...

My thoughts and best wishes go out to you.

 

[BeBe81]

*smiles* thank you for the kind words, and welcome aboard!

Thank you.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I heart this thread...

I've been reading it over and it makes me happy to see that so many people seem to understand things I also feel.......

I'm a new sub and feel very lucky to have found an amazing Master.... I hope to one day be able to do RL... but right now it is online...

So, thankies and hello everyone!

Also, Rose and MasterPhoenix.... it makes me smile when I read your posts about each other... they are so sweet and caring.....

Thank you as well. I am glad that My slave and I make you smile.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Don't worry, the numbness wore of about 5 minutes ago and the headache returned. Pain, physical and emotional has returned to me. I only wish He had as well.

The absence is due to his job effected by the holidays and different time zones.

His voice or words are not going through my head. The only thing that is going through my head at this point are my own self damning words. Words that belittle yes but harden at the same time. I have yet another night to get through and then another.

Months ago I requested a shirt from him and He sent it. However the USPS lost the package and it hasn't turned up from him. He plans on sending another but both of us agreed not to until after the holiday rush. As for what I have of Him? Nothing. Saved emails and some im transcripts aren't doing anything at this point but add to the hurt, the abandoned feeling.

As for what I plan on telling Him? *small smiles* Nothing...I sent him an email "Get to me when you are able* and other than that I will not be a bother. I refuse to. If He can't figure out what He has unknowingly done to me then I do not see the point in sharing with him. Am I being unfair to myself and Him? Yes but at this point I am beyond caring. Let Him fix it.

you cannot tell Him nothing, you yourself said that he UNKNOWNLING did this. He has no idea what you are going through. He cannot fix something that He doesn't know is broken. there was a time, a couple of years ago when i was feeling this same thing you are right now. Master works retail and our first christmas we did not have a cell phone, no computer, we had no way to communicate, and i had to sit and wait all night long for Him to come home to me, sometimes, many nights that we did not get to talk at all. and i, like you, shut myself off. i stopped feeling because it didn't hurt that way, He would call me when He got home from work (usually at about 5:00 in the morning my time sometimes more like 7:00 or 8:00) and i would play the game on the computer instead of really talking to Him. i withdrew from Him, became distant, and He had no clue what was going on. i saw it as Him hurting me and He had no clue as to why i was being the way i was. i wouldn't talk to Him about anything, didn't really talk much at all the times we did actually get to use the phone, because at the time His sister was on the phone alot too. it hurts me now typing all of this because i hurt Him terribly. He was a step away from ending 'us' because He just didn't understand. that was not His fault, it was mine for shutting myself off to Him. Please do not do that to your Sir. You say let Him fix it, He cannot fix it if you don't tell Him there's something wrong. He needs you to tell Him. and i understand that His voice is not going through your head right now, but you need to force it to.

it hurts, i know. you think He should know you are hurting without you having to tell Him, i know. but the truth is, there is NO way He can know that. He is your Master, but in no way is He perfect, or a mind reader, and if it's work that is keeping Him away from you, there's not much He can do about that either, but you cannot shut yourself off, you will end up destroying something beautiful. if it had not been for Master and i's dear friend, during this time, we would not be together today. she had spoke with me, and i had said some things that really really concerned her, so she told Master that there was a problem and He needed to talk to me , to pry it out of me, though she would not tell Him anymore than that. at first i felt as though she had betrayed my trust, but in reality she had saved Master and i's relationship because things would have continued on the way they were, and i would have lost Him. as i said typing this out hurts me, even though its been 3 years, i'm almost in tears as i type but i am willing to share this if there is even a small hope that it will save you from what i went through, and save your Master from what mine went through. you have to talk to Him little one. you said in an earlier post that He is your rock, then let Him be that rock and tell Him what it is you're feeling, you will not be BOTHERING Him, He needs to know. trust me, He NEEDS to know and will WANT to know as well. don't let a good thing slip away because of foolish pride, and hurt feelings. talk to Him, be open, honest, and let Him comfort you. it is not for Him to fix, it is for both of you to 'fix' as a couple. ::hugs:: and please PM if you need to talk.....

 

[myinnerslut]

.......

 

[lil_slave_rose]

wow. that was very well said. im gonna jump in on this since ive been there too. i feel hurt and lonely and far away and sepreate from hiim and everthing. i hate it so much that i shut part of myself off. i decide that im not going to call him untill he calls me, im not going to say i love you untill he says i love you, or im not going to say anything until he figures out why im upset. and it never makes naything better. lucky for me these phases dont last long. unlucky for me they come back. Sir most of the time doesnt help becuase he doesnt know whats wrong. he tries, but he isnt a mind reader. im going to do something very difficult for me and send what i am typing now to him, to take a step in the direction of figuring things out and not talking myself into backing into a corner and hiding there from everything.

*smiles* communication is key and as i said in my earlier post, He cannot fix it if He doesn't know it's broken. and i do understand being bitter about it, and it's terrible because it's not His fault, the problems, the feelings i had that made me go inside myself and hide, had nothing to do with anything He had control over, when it first started, i SHOULD have talked to Him, but instead i didn't want to burden Him with my 'foolish' feelings so i let it go, plus work was Killing Him and i didn't want to be yet something else that was putting stress on Him, but in the end, i put MORE stress on Him and US by not talking to Him, not being honest with Him. and it was almost too late. i would to see any relationship ruined like this. it saddens me and i hope that little one will talk to her Sir, email Him if that's what helps or as Master said, start a journal. i have one, i'm not sure i'm allowed to post the link on here..i'm going to and if it's not supposed to be there..someone please let me know and i'll take it down....but my journal will give you a HUGE idea of how i feel from time to time. i have not updated it in a long time, but i really should *grins*..anyway, here it is..... http://lil-slave-rose.livejournal.com/

 

[myinnerslut]

.........

 

[lil_slave_rose]

well, i showed him

he was unhappy that i was feeling this way sometimes and a little hurt that i was hiding from him. i would do anything to never hear that hurt voice that he used when he called me. but he told me he wasnt upset with me. knowing that hes not mad at me for how i felt makes me feel so much better. i also hope littleone talks with her Sir. and its hard to bring up something like that. but i think it will be worth it. i dont want to see it hurt my relationship in anyway.

*smiles* i am glad you let Him know how you were feeling,though He wasn't exactly happy about it im sure He would have been much more upset had you not let Him know and something really bad had come of it, I.E. splitting up. i know it's really hard to 'burden' our Sir's with our feelings sometimes, and atleast for me, it feels like i'm being selfish and that He doesn't need the added stress of my 'lame' feelings, but in reality, He does need to know how i feel at all times and if i can't express my feelings to Him then i should not expect that He is just going to know. that is a hard thing for me, because before Him, i was not one to ever show my feelings, if my feelings were hurt etc.. i would hold it all in and just go on, dealing with everything inside of myself. i can't do that anymore, in order for Him to guide me, and have the Control i've given Him, He has to know my feelings, no matter how hard that is for me. forgive me if i'm rambling, it is 5:30 in the morning and i've not yet made it to bed, headed there now.....

 

[MasterPhoenix]

well, i showed him

he was unhappy that i was feeling this way sometimes and a little hurt that i was hiding from him. i would do anything to never hear that hurt voice that he used when he called me. but he told me he wasnt upset with me. knowing that hes not mad at me for how i felt makes me feel so much better. i also hope littleone talks with her Sir. and its hard to bring up something like that. but i think it will be worth it. i dont want to see it hurt my relationship in anyway.

I am glad it worked out for you.

It gets hard sometimes... we read through My little one's journal together, and it brought back a lot of memories, and not all of them good.

I hope littleone talks to her Sir as well. We NEED to know these things.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I am glad it worked out for you.

It gets hard sometimes... we read through My little one's journal together, and it brought back a lot of memories, and not all of them good.

I hope littleone talks to her Sir as well. We NEED to know these things.

*nods* some of those journal entries were down heart wrenching and even still hurt me to read but they also show how far we've come.....and yet we still have so much further to go *grins* i love taking this journey with You *smiles* now, how about goin to bed? Please Sir?

 

[subfem1963]

Holy crap, that sounds exactly like what my baby and I went though my first Christmas together, and it damn near killed out relationship. I was working crazy hours, and we didn't have much time to communicate, and I did not have a computer at that time. Sadly, she shut herself off to Me and was unable to tell Me what she was thinking and feeling and it drove a deep wedge between us that had Me moments away from walking away.

If I may make a suggestion, I would say start a live journal or a blog somewhere aned send him a link every time there is an update. We are not mind readers, and we NEED our subbies to communicate how they are feeling & what they are thinking so that we can provide proper care.

Be careful littleone, because you are on a slippery slope...

My thoughts and best wishes go out to you.

Wise words, MasterPhoenix, I use to go into sulks with My Master, if he had not been in touch for a few days, Instead of talking to him about how i felt. I use to say things to him, like "if you want me to back off a little i will" If i wrote an email, i always expected a reply. I didnt realise how unfair i was being to him.
He said to me one day "just because i never reply to all your emails, i do enjoy receiving them, and i learn so much about you from reading them" And to be fair, we do now have some form of contact daily. He didn't realise how much i missed him and needed his reassurance at the beginning of our relationship. So yes Communicate as much as you can because as you said none of us are mind readers.

 

[Luciden]

Collars

I get my collars on Tuesday! I'm so excited! I'll show them to you guys once I get them.