Difficulties coming out as a bisexual person

[big9johnson]

I find it very tough and hypocritical that bisexual people take so much negative heat from all sides. Coming out has not been easy at all. I cry many nights inside and out. I knew I would take some negativity from heterosexual males but the sheer amount of negativity from the LGBTQ community has been shocking. The common theme has been pick a team and stick to it. Sorry if this is to deep for a Sunday. Anyone else dealing or dealt with this issue?

I have done some research and found the following below about what I'm dealing with.


Biphobia and bisexual erasure

According to Wiki, Biphobia is aversion toward bisexuality and bisexual people as individuals. It is a form of homophobia against those in the bisexual community. It can take the form of denial that bisexuality is a genuine sexual orientation, or of negative stereotypes about people who are bisexual (such as the beliefs that they are promiscuous or dishonest.

Bisexual erasure is the belief that bisexuality itself does not exist or deny it's existence.

“Bisexual folks experience stigma not only from heterosexual communities, but also from—even though they’re named in it—the LGBTQ community,” said Jessica N. Fish, a researcher at the University of Maryland School of Public Health. “The stereotypes of confusion, that it’s a phase, that they’re promiscuous, those perpetuate on both sides. That can be really influential on someone’s mental health.” Advocacy groups like the Bisexual Resource Center and The Trevor Project offer resources and support for bisexual people who are struggling.
https://www.sprc.org/news/“double-closet”-why-some-bisexual-people-struggle-mental-health

 

[klippert]

I don’t understand this obsession with Cumming out. Just live your life. And to think that BLT community isn’t bigoted and hateful, that’s a pipe dream. Trust me I know this personally. They are the most vindictive people I’ve ever known. Guys who think they’re women are taking over the BLT and that ain’t going over well.

Look buddy. Stop being so emotional over this. There is no reason to wave a flag, demand a parade or a month to celebrate. Just live your life.
Bisexuality is about sex. Not emotion, same with BLT all together. Avoid that junk and live how you seem fit, don’t force anyone or force them to accept it. As long as you’re keeping it legal. Most people don’t care what you do as long as they don’t have to bow to your demands.
Trust me. Where I work is all testosterone, burly men. To a a man, they don’t care that a guy in the office is a cock sucker. As a matter of fact. He’s cum to realize the stereotype about them, as fag bashers was a lie. We’d thump anyone who picked on our Nancy bio. I’ll bet he’s sucked some of the guys too.
My point is that you’re over thinking this. You’re not a victim. Once you drop that baggage and unhook yourself from the BLT bullshit. You will be much happier and see clearer. I speak from personal experiences

 

[none2_none2]

I too never understood the obsession of coming out.

That being said I do see why some wish they could be a bit more upfront and honest. For instance, I recall how difficult it was to "sanitize" my speech when I was in a support group years ago. I was struggling to share just how devastated I was after being completely rejected by the person I thought was my soul mate. At some point, it slipped out. For the most part, people were ok, but there were a few guys who were disgusted.
This idea that fag bashers don't exist is a bunch of bull. I recall a guy who worked for the rail road. He'd come to town to cruise the parks. (He wasn't a local.) I don't recall if we ever got it on or not, but we did have some good conversations about non-sexual stuff. Note, he wasn't a small guy, nor an effeminate guy... Anyway, he stopped coming to the park -- turns out that he had took some guy home who killed him. He acted, talked, and dressed like a man, but someone felt that a gay man's life had no value and didn't deserve to live.

Anyway, as to bisexuality problems, if you are crying over it, then I think you need to get some counseling. Chatting about it on a forum isn't going to get you the level of help you may require.
Who really knows what the definition of bisexual is. We always here about the extremes -- opposite sex attraction, same sex attraction, and then there is everything else. Thus sometimes it seems like bisexuality is a catch all for all that in-between stuff. Imagine sexuality as colors where on homo/hetero you have black and white, and for all the other colors it is bisexual. Then try to understand some seeing bisexuality as being yellow, but others argue it is blue, or red, or brown, or purple, etc. So it makes it difficult to understand and appreciate something that is a catch all of sexuality.

I always thought bisexuality should be defined as the capability to be attracted AND emotionally interested in another human being regardless if they are same sex or opposite sex. I've known some that seem to fit that boat. All power to them. However, there are also examples of those that fit the negative stereotypes too.

As to vindictiveness, you can find such in every human group. However, all it takes is some Facebook following of former people I knew in high school as well as such reunions to remember just how verdictive and bullying so-called "str8" people can be. Decades haven't changed their petty, bigoted, stone-cold hearts are. I was a virgin until way past high school. I kept to myself. However, I wore my hair a bit longer to hide a birth defect (a bad ear), so I of course was branded a hippy or sissy -- no matter how I excelled in grades and running.
I really don't care for labels. They are meant for understanding canned goods -- not human beings. They are short cuts for getting to really know another human being. I myself am so much more strongly attracted to certain men -- not boys, not men pretending to be women, etc. I am not turned off by women by any means. I think it is just that I've always found something missing if there isn't a guy in my house hold.
I would also add that it is never just about "sex". I think about sex all the time -- even though I have ED. The only thing that keeps me civilized is having another person who gives a damn about me. It is that which keeps me from going over the deep end. When I had encounters which were just sex (the get off and leave attitude), I just ended up wanting to go at it again. Sex was never meant to be like taking a piss where you unzip, piss, zip up and go about your business. Sex is too powerfully intense to be just that. It was also meant to be a way of bonding with others. Whenever I was inside a man who I cared for and who cared for me, I not only had a wonderful orgasm, but I felt a bit of my restless nature was calmed, and that I no longer felt isolated as I was bonded as one with another man. Again, I have ED now, but the fact that my guy is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before I fall asleep gives me a wonderful sense of serenity.

 

[SweetMasochist]

Feeling this tonight. For the first time ever I spoke aloud to my husband about being bisexual.

I'm a CIS-gendered woman who has only had a serious relationship with males. But I've always thought of myself as bisexual since I was a teen as I watch porn with women - have fantasies and chatted online with women etc. The gender of the person doesn't really matter to me - just most interested in if we click and they turn me on.

I've never been too interested in coming out as the LGBTQ+ community didn't really feel like my identity to claim. But I'm doing some work stuff related to pride, so it was on my mind and I just thought maybe I'd test the waters with my husband. It just didn't feel like a big deal but I guess he is in shock and doesn't understand why I'm telling this to him and just made me feel like fucking shit and I'm really upset..... so here I am venting on this board since I don't have any other person I could possibly talk to about this.... I hate being married to someone so negative and close-minded.

Maybe I should be more sensitive that this could be upsetting for him to hear. I just didn't think it would matter too much - it's not like I'm dying for some pussy or don't feel fulfilled without a woman. I don't feel that way at all - but that is what he made it about?

Sorry I promise to post something a lot more hot and sexy next time I get on this board. thanks for listening to the vent.

 

[Rj_Gallos]

I wish you well in your journey. Hopefully your husband will sort out his own insecurities and be able to have a better discussion with you about this part of you.

Take care and hope to see many erotic posts from you ahead!

 

[beardedwanker]

Reading this thread makes me feel a bit better about my situation. About 3 years ago I accepted I was bi. Suspected something since my teens, but never fully realising or committing to how I feel. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and for the past 3 I have really wanted to tell her I'm bi and that it doesn't change anything. I don't have any desire to try men as I'm serious about my marriage. We don't have a sex life any more. As much as I like sex I've always been a take it or leave it. My wife lost interest years ago, and there's no tension between us at all over it. I think I might be a little asexual. I don't know. It's just another label and getting my head around being bi took me until I was 40, so I think I'll leave the asexual thing as my head will probably explode.

Coming out to my wife is frightening me in case she doesn't take it well. Although I do think she suspects. I can be quite camp at times but naturally, not in a jokey way. She has gay family members, we have gay friends, but I can't help but wonder if she'll freek if I say anything as it is me, the person she has known for 15 years. I also think she might end up coming out to me as well as I think I suspect the same from her too. But, if coming out doesn't change anything and I'm not saying I want to go off and sleep with guys, then is there any point in coming out?

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, it's always on my mind that I want to come out, but also questioning whether there's much point. But this thread has made me more accepting of not saying anything...

 

[Curiousmn]

Reading this thread makes me feel a bit better about my situation. About 3 years ago I accepted I was bi. Suspected something since my teens, but never fully realising or committing to how I feel. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and for the past 3 I have really wanted to tell her I'm bi and that it doesn't change anything. I don't have any desire to try men as I'm serious about my marriage. We don't have a sex life any more. As much as I like sex I've always been a take it or leave it. My wife lost interest years ago, and there's no tension between us at all over it. I think I might be a little asexual. I don't know. It's just another label and getting my head around being bi took me until I was 40, so I think I'll leave the asexual thing as my head will probably explode.

Coming out to my wife is frightening me in case she doesn't take it well. Although I do think she suspects. I can be quite camp at times but naturally, not in a jokey way. She has gay family members, we have gay friends, but I can't help but wonder if she'll freek if I say anything as it is me, the person she has known for 15 years. I also think she might end up coming out to me as well as I think I suspect the same from her too. But, if coming out doesn't change anything and I'm not saying I want to go off and sleep with guys, then is there any point in coming out?

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, it's always on my mind that I want to come out, but also questioning whether there's much point. But this thread has made me more accepting of not saying anything...

Good luck and I hope your wife is understanding when or if you eventually tell her.

 

[Catbit20]

Best of luck to you. Unfortunately so many are judgemental.

 

[beardedwanker]

Thank you

 

[bunny4med]

I was lucky in that I had a husband who told me to explore my tendencies. After he passed, I've lived life as a gay woman.