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Coming out to spouse

HumanObserver28 said:
My wife told me she couldn’t fault me for what was in my head, but that if I had sex with another man she would consider that unacceptable cheating the same as if I had done it with another woman.
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That is the response that I thought most likely when I told my wife. I was surprised when she told me I should try gay sex. I was even more surprised when I got home she wanted to know what what I did, and even more surprised then she got aroused as I told her.
 
I can FINALLY add to this thread.

After finally accepting and loving my queerness at the ripe old age of 51, I set off to friendly, liberal, legal-weed, lgbtq friendly Madison Wisconsin for a week of training. I decided that Dave wasn't going. David was going. I let down every guard I had and lived as an open gay man for five wonderful days, having a date, a platonic boyfriend, and a steamy fuck with an older guy my first night in town (not to mention the guy who came to my room looking for a threesome, given my room number from someone on grindr, then it turns out he was IN MY class...). It was amazing.
Then I came home. Every anxiety, all the guilt, the shame, the self-hatred....it all manifested, and I was just an asshole to my wife, for no real good reason other than I felt like shit. At some point, I came out to her. I just said, I think that all of the shame and sadness associated with trying to keep this at bay to try and save my family and home, I'm throwing it at you, and it ain't gonna stop until I just come clean and be honest. So that's what I did.
She said, I ruined her life. She'll never find happiness or peace. Why did I marry her 22 years ago if I knew I was gay? I'd probably have the same emotional responses. I'll save you the granular view.....but fast forward to 3am, and we're finally going to sleep after agreeing that it's time to divorce.
I'm really sad and broken right now. I failed as a husband. I do ok as a dad, but this is gonna make the delicate teenage daughter psyche even more strained. I have to hire an accountant and a lawyer. I've got to find us both nice houses to live in. I've cried all day.

But.......that ain't gonna last forever. Boys in my town HAVE been put on notice. Daddy is on his way home.
 
Travler99921 said:
If you have come out to your spouse, tell us how you did it and how it went. Here is a bit of my story.

I came out before my first gay encounter. I did it that way because if she strongly reacted in a negative way l still might be able to resist having gay sex. That was probably a forlorn hope. I had no idea how she would react.

After our initial conversation, many other conversations followed. Most of them were her gaining more information. After about a month, over dinner, she told me I could go ahead and meet with a man for sex. There were some provisos. All them were acceptable to me. Infact I had already included some of them in what I would or would not do

Two of them did surprise me. One was I would meet only with married men. The other surprise was that I would let her know what happened at every meeting.

What is your story?
Click to expand...
My wife found out that I had one night stand with a lady on a business trip. She had me give in excruciating detail what we did. I complied. It led to the best sex my wife and I ever had.
 
wetsawdust said:
I can FINALLY add to this thread.

After finally accepting and loving my queerness at the ripe old age of 51, I set off to friendly, liberal, legal-weed, lgbtq friendly Madison Wisconsin for a week of training. I decided that Dave wasn't going. David was going. I let down every guard I had and lived as an open gay man for five wonderful days, having a date, a platonic boyfriend, and a steamy fuck with an older guy my first night in town (not to mention the guy who came to my room looking for a threesome, given my room number from someone on grindr, then it turns out he was IN MY class...). It was amazing.
Then I came home. Every anxiety, all the guilt, the shame, the self-hatred....it all manifested, and I was just an asshole to my wife, for no real good reason other than I felt like shit. At some point, I came out to her. I just said, I think that all of the shame and sadness associated with trying to keep this at bay to try and save my family and home, I'm throwing it at you, and it ain't gonna stop until I just come clean and be honest. So that's what I did.
She said, I ruined her life. She'll never find happiness or peace. Why did I marry her 22 years ago if I knew I was gay? I'd probably have the same emotional responses. I'll save you the granular view.....but fast forward to 3am, and we're finally going to sleep after agreeing that it's time to divorce.
I'm really sad and broken right now. I failed as a husband. I do ok as a dad, but this is gonna make the delicate teenage daughter psyche even more strained. I have to hire an accountant and a lawyer. I've got to find us both nice houses to live in. I've cried all day.

But.......that ain't gonna last forever. Boys in my town HAVE been put on notice. Daddy is on his way home.
Click to expand...
Hate to kick you when you're down, but weed is not legal in Wisconsin
 
I came out to the woman I ended up marrying shortly after we got engaged. I didn't think it was fair to her not to tell her. She took it calmly and told me that when we had first met she thought I was gay. She worked as a cocktail waitress at the hotel where I stayed for the first few weeks after I arrived in South Florida, and she told me she had noticed that I seemed more interested in the males in the bar than the females. She asked me if I had been with other men while I was dating her and I admitted that I had. She already knew I was fucking other women while we were a couple because I came home drunk once with lipstick on my cock and underwear. I had picked up a hooker on my way home from work. That was quite the scene, but she had forgiven me.

She asked me if I loved her and I said I did. Then she surprised me by saying "You make sure you get all of that shit out of your system before we get married because I won't tolerate it after." I don't think she intended it as an invitation but I took it that way. We got married about 11 months later and I did everything I could to "get that shit" out of my system before the wedding day. I even had a threesome with two of her bridesmaids two days before the wedding and one of my groomsmen fucked me the night before the wedding after my bachelors party. And then I was 100% faithful to her for almost 20 years until she cheated on me twice (that I know of). The first time I forgave her, the second time I filed for divorce immediately.
 
Travler99921 said:
If you have come out to your spouse, tell us how you did it and how it went. Here is a bit of my story.

I came out before my first gay encounter. I did it that way because if she strongly reacted in a negative way l still might be able to resist having gay sex. That was probably a forlorn hope. I had no idea how she would react.

After our initial conversation, many other conversations followed. Most of them were her gaining more information. After about a month, over dinner, she told me I could go ahead and meet with a man for sex. There were some provisos. All them were acceptable to me. Infact I had already included some of them in what I would or would not do

Two of them did surprise me. One was I would meet only with married men. The other surprise was that I would let her know what happened at every meeting.

What is your story?
Click to expand...
I dated quite a few women in my quest to find the one. Similar values, openness and slutty were what I was looking for. I didn't want to get emotionally and fall in love, which makes it difficult to be open and reveal what I sexual desired and be open about my kinks and bi- sexuality. I wanted someone who was bi and kinky as well.

So, this led me to reveal myself on a second or third date, I was thoroughly rejected many times. But, I did meet and get close with those who accepted my tendency toward kinky sex. I eventually found someone who was brand loved sex with multiple men.
 
Came out was more of an admission for me. I was more or less found out by my wife at the time.
 
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