Depression. It's a silent killer.

Depression is a bitch some that I have gotten really close to on here knows about the shit I go through. Today I woke up and the first think my eyes went to was knife and all the pills sitting on my shelf, and I am gonna be completely honest the main thing that stopped me was my dog and it was like she was looking at me and telling me how her and I made it through me having my car stolen, me getting robbed at gun point, my son and my ex leaving me for dead when I was laying on the couch with a 103 degree temp and then them getting married. So because of my dog I am able to be posting this right now.
There are days when the only thing that gets me through is my dog. I’m all he has. I can’t leave him to what would happen if I wasn’t here.
Hang on and follow your relief. We’re here if you want to talk.
 
It’s been a few days since I posted on this thread, though I have been on sporatically. Been doing okay, we’re all adjusting.

I’ve been writing again, I decided to release the next two chapters together to make up for lost time. It wasn’t originally my plan, but it works out since they are a two-part duo. This way, readers won’t have to wait two weeks to find out what happens in Part 2. They’ll only have to wait a day or two.

Writing has become my passion, my purpose, what keeps me here. While I don’t have a massive following, I’m writing the stories I want to write and at least a few people seem to enjoy it, that’s enough. It’s my escape from the real world and its problems. I hope to provide an escape for someone else, even if it’s only for a few minutes.
 
Looks like there’s some big changes coming up this summer at the house. I’m not sure where I’m going to be at the end of the season.
Be safe out there.
Love you.
 
So here's an admission. I am Starseed. I posted two personals reaching out to any other Starseed who happen to use this site.

What happened?

"Dude, if what you say is true you don't need a Lit woman. You need serious professional help."

One I reached out to Starseed, of any gender/orientation. They know who they are. And we need each other because only WE understand what WE go through.

And with respect to serious professional help. They have NOT helped me, nor will they. They are clueless about Starseed reality.

Connection with someone else who knows and feels the Starseed reality DOES help.

And where I am at now was why I posted what I did.

I deleted both posts because what I needed did not turn up.
 
I fear I’m going to have to move from here before winter this year. The stress of living here with the changes happening may be too much for me. Damnit. I was just getting settled into this space and making it mine.
Due to PTSD it takes me a long time to get comfortable in my living space. Time to pack up and move again.

Be safe out there.
Love you.
 
I think in my case is that my Asperger's has anxiety as a comorbidity which triggers depressive episodes. At the moment I am seeing a lot less of someone I really like as due to her work commitments, etc., and that has somewhat set me off. It also made me realize that I was falling in love with her which would be a case of right woman; wrong time.
 
I fear I’m going to have to move from here before winter this year. The stress of living here with the changes happening may be too much for me. Damnit. I was just getting settled into this space and making it mine.
Due to PTSD it takes me a long time to get comfortable in my living space. Time to pack up and move again.

Be safe out there.
Love you.
Sorry you have to move. Moving always sucks :(
 
This week is kicking my ass. Would they even miss me?
Yes they would even if you think they wont.ive known a few people that have passed from it and are missed deeply by there family.me I don’t have friends i have work friends but that’s as far as it goes,I think everyday if i had just one friend to do stuff with and talk to it would be better.my wife is my best friend but can’t always talk to her about everything,i could but sometimes my words come out wrong and upsets her.that makes it hard and makes me feel week.ive always been able to pull out of the dark on my own but the last few months i seem to get deeper and darker.the only thing that’s keep me going is my wife,kids,grandson i could never make them feel that kinda hurt.what makes it worse on me is being alone so much my wife is a nurse and works 12-14 hour shifts,my kids are grown im from Texas and oldest son is in Missouri,middle son is in Virginia Beach,and youngest my daughter is moving next month to Pittsburg for next 4 years of school and will be just me and wife here.
 
And just like that! The whole of what we had planned is sideways. At least I’m needed to take care of my grandson. Having something/someone to focus on pulls me out of the deep end.

Be safe out there
Love q
 
I have to have surgery on May 7th. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, but I'm really hoping this procedure will help me regain some control over my body and maybe even help with my depression. I've really been struggling lately.

Hope you all are doing ok out there. Give yourself a moment to feel all your feelings, positive and negative.
 
It’s amazing how much things can change in a blink of an eye.
My grandson’s mom is currently in Hospital and undergoing tests. They don’t know what her condition is.
I went from feeling useless and redundant to being the caregiver of my grandson while his dad is supporting his mom.

Be safe out there.
Love you.
 
^ Gosh, I know that has to be hard for your family. Hoping for good news soon!

I have to have surgery on May 7th. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, but I'm really hoping this procedure will help me regain some control over my body and maybe even help with my depression. I've really been struggling lately.

Hope you all are doing ok out there. Give yourself a moment to feel all your feelings, positive and negative.
And to you as well, best wishes for an improved quality of life!
 
Well my grandson’s mom was released yesterday evening. Doctors have no clue what’s wrong with her. I suspect it’s a woman’s issue and those aren’t studied enough. Still in hurry up and wait mode.

Be safe out there
Love you.
 
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