"Why am I not getting anywhere?"

[CuriousCat89]

I’m not angry at all.
Perhaps you have an issue reading tone over the posts.

 

[lifeis2short2b]

I’m not angry at all.
Perhaps you have an issue reading tone over the posts.

well sometimes texts, emails and etc can get taken out of context. My intent was just a different side of your post. Not intended to down play your likes/dis likes.

 

[Splendidjane]

I can understand that. But there are plenty of guys here, Ok maybe not plenty, but some guys who do the things she suggests. I for one have no issue with her "suggestions' and unknowingly do them. It doesn't always help. Some guys put a lot of thought and effort when reaching out to women here and get nothing in return.
What's interesting here is. In my personal everyday life I have no problem talking to a woman making her smile and just get along. You would think it would be easier here, but it's not.
I'm not bitching or complaining, I have had some very nice conversations here. But definitively difference experiences for men and women. online and real life.

Totally get it can be frustrating to put a lot of thought and effort into reaching out and get nothing in return. I try to say thanks but no thanks but I don’t think it’s a fair expectation for a woman to have to respond to every unsolicited message. The no response is the response.

 

[lifeis2short2b]

Totally get it can be frustrating to put a lot of thought and effort into reaching out and get nothing in return. I try to say thanks but no thanks but I don’t think it’s a fair expectation for a woman to have to respond to every unsolicited message. The no response is the response.

That's where I get real life and internet life twisted. I understand women here not responding to every unsolicited DM. I'm sure it's relentless at times. I never do that, see profile, that's why it can be frustrating at times.

 

[Mrmphilll2]

It’s like I said in another thread:

I think it’s be yourself and engage with a good chat. If it’s in the cards it will work out.

 

[lifeis2short2b]

As you 2 ladies can see. I'm not disagreeing with either of you. Just

Fair enough-read your profile. You feel to me like an acts of service kinda guy irl-apologies if I’m off on that.

I think sometimes it can be challenging to clearly state when something isn’t working for you. We all have different baggage and whatnot we bring with us-yet with this idea that lit can be somewhere things are different. I just have a clear is kind philosophy.

But I’m also really unwilling to be the holder of random strangers shit. And sometimes it can feel like that -like I’ve come here with my own needs and wants and some guy seems uninterested or oblivious to any of them or just terribly unskillful at managing the convo. I don’t get that vibe from you but I’m not every woman and maybe it’s different on PM.

Some guys try to control the convo-and if I was that into control like that I’d probably it’d probably be in my profile.

Fair enough-read your profile. You feel to me like an acts of service kinda guy irl-apologies if I’m off on that.

I think sometimes it can be challenging to clearly state when something isn’t working for you. We all have different baggage and whatnot we bring with us-yet with this idea that lit can be somewhere things are different. I just have a clear is kind philosophy.

But I’m also really unwilling to be the holder of random strangers shit. And sometimes it can feel like that -like I’ve come here with my own needs and wants and some guy seems uninterested or oblivious to any of them or just terribly unskillful at managing the convo.

Thanks for reading my profile and Your pretty close to how I am as a person. I agree on line stuff like this is tough I'm pretty sure we are all in the same boat with this.
I no longer have expectations on here. Like the previous poster stated. Just be yourself.

 

[Splendidjane]

That's where I get real life and internet life twisted. I understand women here not responding to every unsolicited DM. I'm sure it's relentless at times. I never do that, see profile, that's why it can be frustrating at times.

Fair enough-read your profile. You feel to me like an acts of service kinda guy irl-apologies if I’m off on that.

I think sometimes it can be challenging to clearly state when something isn’t working for you. We all have different baggage and whatnot we bring with us-yet with this idea that lit can be somewhere things are different. I just have a clear is kind philosophy.

But I’m also really unwilling to be the holder of random strangers shit. And sometimes it can feel like that -like I’ve come here with my own needs and wants and some guy seems uninterested or oblivious to any of them or just terribly unskillful at managing the convo.

 

[Live4themoments]

Interesting topic. For me it boils down to there is no correct response since it varies between each person. Each person views Lt differently and what they want to get out of it. Is it to relieve boredom, to get excited, for ideas, to educate others, to date, to find a spouse, for a fwb, etc.? That determines how they will respond and what quality it is. I don't "expect" anything from people I don't know and even if they do. Remember everyone is a complete stranger at first and little should be expected. Just enjoy the opportunity and activity, and if something were to develop later on it's a bonus.

 

[LostHorizon]

I have some pretty extensive experience with lit relationships. I have been very lucky - dare I say, spoiled! I have noticed some trends with my time back here that I thought I would share so men looking for women - serious women, not bots of OF pages - can have some real world advice from someone who has had a few successful lit encounters including in person.

1) Be original and authentic. When you send the same message to every possibly-female litster, we can tell. What made you want to send her a message? What interests you about her? Tell her about yourself, what you're genuinely looking for, and what non-sexual stuff about you makes you interesting and worth talking to.

2) Be worth talking to. Your one word replies don't keep us interested (the same goes for us, I know).

3) Take a hint. If we don't reply, don't come back over and over again.

4) Be aware of your post history. If your post history reads like a creep, we'll think you're a creep. If we think your posts are funny and creative, you're probably funny and creative.

5) Be available. When you message for a week or two, and there's some mutual interest or rapport, but you log off for a week without letting her know, what is she supposed to think? Share your level of communication ability, and consider moving to a non-lit app for more accurately timed chatting. Every relationship I've had on lit had blossomed much more off-lit. RIP Skype, but there are many other options that help you retain your privacy.

6) Be self aware. If you start talking and have that rapport, don't keep posting creepy drooling posts all over lit. She sees your bread crumbs. If you only want fun and flirting, be clear about that and if you're on the same page, great. Too many people do not communicate clearly what their own preferences are for their time on lit.

7) Be honest. There are ways to be honest and protect privacy as well.

I hope this helps some people understand why they're not getting the traction they're seeking on here.

Good luck!

All good points

I have been on and off Lit for a long time and learned a lot.

in that time I have learned not to try so hard to find relationships, just let them develop on their own.

 

[Thomas_Hardy]

I’m new here, so I’m not really sure what a “lit relationship” means. Could someone explain what I should picture when people use that term or maybe even send me a message? Hasn’t happened yet… unless “I got hard reading your story” counts as an opening line?

Pretty much means simmly 'relationship' and it takes all forms imagineable and workable, online and offline and in all permutations. Just like any social media platform with depth (of audience and characters). Do feel free to PM for more details from my own experience (which is limited to mostly various forms of bdsm relationship, alongside a few and dear platonic friends).

 

[jay49in25]

I've been on lit off and on since 98' or so and the "advice" and tips in this post are very useful I would recommend new members check them out and use them.

one thing I've noticed that over the past 3 years women seem less interested if that makes any sense. Maybe there are just less women here? Getting noticed for lack of a better word is more difficult these days.

 

[CuriousCat89]

Pretty much means simmly 'relationship' and it takes all forms imagineable and workable, online and offline and in all permutations. Just like any social media platform with depth (of audience and characters). Do feel free to PM for more details from my own experience (which is limited to mostly various forms of bdsm relationship, alongside a few and dear platonic friends).

in my specific case, I've had several relationships on lit that are "offline". As in, spending a week together every few months if we live far away.

 

[CuriousCat89]

I've been on lit off and on since 98' or so and the "advice" and tips in this post are very useful I would recommend new members check them out and use them.

one thing I've noticed that over the past 3 years women seem less interested if that makes any sense. Maybe there are just less women here? Getting noticed for lack of a better word is more difficult these days.

From my POV, with the same timeline, the entitlement of men has increased. They get pissy if you don't respond, they expect you to act like free only fans.

 

[jay49in25]

Another good point indeed. Guys should remember we aren't entitled to even a crumb!

 

[BillyWalrus]

From my POV, with the same timeline, the entitlement of men has increased. They get pissy if you don't respond, they expect you to act like free only fans.

Exactly right. To hell with them.

 

[LoneMilf]

I've been on lit off and on since 98' or so and the "advice" and tips in this post are very useful I would recommend new members check them out and use them.

one thing I've noticed that over the past 3 years women seem less interested if that makes any sense. Maybe there are just less women here? Getting noticed for lack of a better word is more difficult these days.

The main change I've noticed over the last couple of years (on adult platforms in general, not just Lit) is a desire for much more cam interaction than before. I regularly see posts on here saying that people expect to progress to voice or video calls once they get to know someone. In my experience, this is something mostly desired by men and less so by women, which I guess might contribute to the feeling that women are less interested..

 

[jay49in25]

The main change I've noticed over the last couple of years (on adult platforms in general, not just Lit) is a desire for much more cam interaction than before. I regularly see posts on here saying that people expect to progress to voice or video calls once they get to know someone. In my experience, this is something mostly desired by men and less so by women, which I guess might contribute to the feeling that women are less interested..

I have been guilty of mentioning in some of my past posts that I like pics and voice. I think an uptick is due to all the cam sites and the OF's. We should remember just because there is a somewhat growing number of people that like that....it's still not everyone's cup of tea.

 

[BillyWalrus]

In my experience, this is something mostly desired by men and less so by women, which I guess might contribute to the feeling that women are less interested..

All the guys want to do is jerk off. To hell with them.

 

[LoneMilf]

All the guys want to do is jerk off. To hell with them.

That was not what I said at all. There is nothing wrong with a little .. assisted masturbation
But the desired method of interaction isn't always a match

 

[Noor]

I've been on lit off and on since 98' or so and the "advice" and tips in this post are very useful I would recommend new members check them out and use them.

one thing I've noticed that over the past 3 years women seem less interested if that makes any sense. Maybe there are just less women here? Getting noticed for lack of a better word is more difficult these days.

The number of men on line seems to have multiplied faster than the number of women over the years, so does the number of unsolicited pms. .
Getting noticed by fun threads and posts on lit seems to work better than pms. Lightly Flirt on the forum.
Posting an ad of exactly what you are looking for can also help provided someone is looking for the same thing.
Also remember that for most women here, they are on other sites too and they can see your public posts there too.
also if you are having a serious or sexual discussion in pm, chat or voice, dont post at the same time. Women notice these things.

 

[MrAnderson360]

Yes, you are right. Probably not the majority but in this day and age, that's a good thing. The majority of people in this country (guess which one) are FUCKING idiots who can go fuck themselves.

the ones that don't agree with your opinion is my guess

 

[BillyWalrus]

That was not what I said at all. There is nothing wrong with a little .. assisted masturbation
But the desired method of interaction isn't always a match

If it's ok with you, that's fine. For myself, I have lost all patience with most of the porn obsessed men here.

 

[MrAnderson360]

I’m not angry at all.
Perhaps you have an issue reading tone over the posts.

Anger doesn't always have a tone. Perhaps you have issue expressing. Why so self-righteous with your words?

 

[CuriousCat89]

The main change I've noticed over the last couple of years (on adult platforms in general, not just Lit) is a desire for much more cam interaction than before. I regularly see posts on here saying that people expect to progress to voice or video calls once they get to know someone. In my experience, this is something mostly desired by men and less so by women, which I guess might contribute to the feeling that women are less interested..

I'm very interested in voice chat if I'm comfortable with someone and there's chemistry, but I think the advent of social media bots and OF makes men think normal women move faster at that stuff and they get frustrated when it doesn't work that way. That's the entitlement I sort of mean.

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

one thing I've noticed that over the past 3 years women seem less interested if that makes any sense. Maybe there are just less women here? Getting noticed for lack of a better word is more difficult these days.

RL produced a few changes and I wasn't around for the last three years, but coming back I've noticed a shift in the interactions. Even ladies who would mildly banter back then seem more reticent now. Totally their choice, of course, I'm just agreeing with Jay that things are different.