"Why am I not getting anywhere?"

[ThePullOutKing]

I'd add that relationships in real life are tricky, and especially so on Lit where people can be even more fickle with regards to connecting.

Women have a TON of options on here because of the skewed ratio (read competition you aren't aware of) and maybe the other guy came off better, said the magic thing in chat, or matched what she's looking for more than you did, or just made her laugh.

Things like what you look like, what you write, how you come off and the lack of tone in a written message being interpreted a different way than what you wanted, make this process extra difficult.

An earlier post said there were so many men on here that women could afford to make a list of criteria for a man to meet. I LIKE THAT. This helps me narrow down who I want to talk to as well. You don't want to waste your time with someone who isn't looking for the things that you aren't. You can't force the connection. There doesn't *have* to be a connection with someone. This site is no different than real life. None of us owe anyone anything. I always read profiles first as many women write out what they're looking for. This can save you lots of time/grief if you're the impatient type.

When it comes to messaging in the forums, I don't send a second message until she has replied to the last one. That's my "not interested" sign. I'm a neurodivergent so I need to kind of be hit in the head with a brick if I don't pick up the subtle flirting signs. That and shyness/uncertainty have always been a problem for me.

I find it either happens right away or it doesn't. In chat it's obviously instantaneous the feedback you give each other as the conversation unfolds. The best EVER experiences I've had on here always started with common ground (from the profiles giving you the initial thing to PM) and asking 20 questions but it doesn't *feel* like 20 questions. You'll KNOW IT when it happens. It should not be a slog to drag information out of each other. The next thing you know an hour has gone by. And then it gets really good where you both decide to weave a sexy little story together.

Don't get hung up on someone you don't even know. Try try again. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

 

[CuriousCat89]

RL produced a few changes and I wasn't around for the last three years, but coming back I've noticed a shift in the interactions. Even ladies who would mildly banter back then seem more reticent now. Totally their choice, of course, I'm just agreeing with Jay that things are different.

My gut reaction to that is...how are you approaching the banter? When someone comes to me, I tend to look at their post history and if there's a scent of creepiness, I don't respond. Bottom line: it's not that women aren't responding. It's that we're given very little worth responding to.

 

[LatinaCarmen1980]

I'd add that relationships in real life are tricky, and especially so on Lit where people can be even more fickle with regards to connecting.

Women have a TON of options on here because of the skewed ratio (read competition you aren't aware of) and maybe the other guy came off better, said the magic thing in chat, or matched what she's looking for more than you did.

Things like what you look like, what you write, how you come off and the lack of tone in a written message being interpreted a different way than what you wanted, make this process extra difficult.

An earlier post said there were so many men on here that women could afford to make a list of criteria for a man to meet. I LIKE THAT. This helps me narrow down who I want to talk to as well. You don't want to waste your time with someone who isn't looking for the things that you aren't. You can't force the connection. There doesn't *have* to be a connection with someone. This site is no different than real life. None of us owe anyone anything. I always read profiles first as many women write out what they're looking for. This can save you lots of time/grief if you're the impatient type.

When it comes to messaging in the forums, I don't send a second message until she has replied to the last one. That's my "not interested" sign. I'm a neurodivergent so I need to kind of be hit in the head with a brick if I don't pick up the subtle flirting signs. That and shyness/uncertainty have always been a problem for me.

Don't get hung up on someone you don't even know. Try try again. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Words here on Lit are like an artist's palette. We have Picassos and Rembrandts and we have crayons (sorry US Marines ). How the palette is used is instrumental in how I choose who to respond to. Everything you said though @ThePullOutKing, is spot on!

 

[CuriousCat89]

I'd add that relationships in real life are tricky, and especially so on Lit where people can be even more fickle with regards to connecting.

Women have a TON of options on here because of the skewed ratio (read competition you aren't aware of) and maybe the other guy came off better, said the magic thing in chat, or matched what she's looking for more than you did.

Things like what you look like, what you write, how you come off and the lack of tone in a written message being interpreted a different way than what you wanted, make this process extra difficult.

An earlier post said there were so many men on here that women could afford to make a list of criteria for a man to meet. I LIKE THAT. This helps me narrow down who I want to talk to as well. You don't want to waste your time with someone who isn't looking for the things that you aren't. You can't force the connection. There doesn't *have* to be a connection with someone. This site is no different than real life. None of us owe anyone anything. I always read profiles first as many women write out what they're looking for. This can save you lots of time/grief if you're the impatient type.

When it comes to messaging in the forums, I don't send a second message until she has replied to the last one. That's my "not interested" sign. I'm a neurodivergent so I need to kind of be hit in the head with a brick if I don't pick up the subtle flirting signs. That and shyness/uncertainty have always been a problem for me.

Don't get hung up on someone you don't even know. Try try again. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

If only men knew what it was like to receive the same message over. And over. And over. And over again. And then that same person sending some insult because you don't respond. That sums up Lit for a lot of women. But, i've been very lucky on here so I think I'm an exception not a rule. I've had many lit lives and a few lit loves. It has to be almost an instant connection, to me, or it's not going to happen.

 

[LatinaCarmen1980]

If only men knew what it was like to receive the same message over. And over. And over. And over again. And then that same person sending some insult because you don't respond. That sums up Lit for a lot of women. But, i've been very lucky on here so I think I'm an exception not a rule. I've had many lit lives and a few lit loves. It has to be almost an instant connection, to me, or it's not going to happen.

This!

 

[LostHorizon]

It’s amazing what kind of relationships can develop when one doesn’t try too hard.

And by try too hard I don’t mean being a decent respectful human being, I mean try too hard with thirsty comments.

 

[Live4themoments]

For myself I don't try to find a relationship that is based on sex. I found that it is a slow process, where you both find out each other's compatibilities, thoughts, interests, intimacy. If someone tries too hard mistakes will likely happen, this I don't need. It is fun getting to know the other person for who they are. If something develops in the future great, if not hopefully at least you made a good friend to chat with. There is no timetable, just enjoy the process.