deleting threads

[satindesire]

Thank you for the all caps. That's helpful. I'm glad to see that you aren't rude or nasty. You (general you, not specific you) can be a bitch by being passive aggressive, you know?

But I'll try to clarify it for you, ONE MORE TIME. If you are mean to someone who is being a bitch, you aren't behaving the same as someone who is mean to someone who is not being a bitch. You may think that such behaviour isn't nice, which is fine. But you are comparing apples and oranges. So don't speak condescendingly as if people here are being inconsistent.

I disagree.

Also, it's pretty funny that you're complaining about me being condescending while being condescending yourself.

This whole thread is just rife with hypocrisy today.

Satin, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. I didn't berate anyone who was responding to Keirst, just pointing out that we can disagree with what she did while having compassion for her and her situation.

And as Pmann pointed out, not all offenses are equal, and the circumstances have to be considered in each case. Obviously we're not privy to many of the details, but based on what has been said publicly, I believe the "outing" thread here in How To is the least of the three offenses given the circumstances. That thread shouldn't have been posted. However, since it was, people should have tried to be more compassionate in their responses or held their tongues. The onslaught of harping and cruelty towards a woman who was clearly in pain was unnecessary. The member who was the subject of that thread absolutely should have behaved better before, during and after the whole mess; hopefully she'll see how she contributed to another woman's heartbreak and try to make amends.

That's pretty much all I have to say. I call things as I see them, and if you want to deem my honest thoughts 'hypocrisy' or make a big stink over my belief that we should be compassionate AND people are bitches/assholes when they knowingly seriously hurt others, that's fine.

I call things like I see them too, and I think my honest thoughts are just as worthy as yours. If you want to tell people to be nice while not being nice yourself, that's perfectly fine, I just hope you understand that a person like myself sees that as having unfair double standards. *shrug*

 

[Lord Pmann]

I disagree.

Also, it's pretty funny that you're complaining about me being condescending while being condescending yourself.

This whole thread is just rife with hypocrisy today.

Note to self... SatinDesire has absolutely no sense of irony.

 

[NightL]

Someone's glaringly obvious pain shouldn't be sport.

...but many here will keep kicking - I've witnessed that in all its ugliness.

Been a hell of a thread to read from end to beginning. Where did this all come from? Oh, that's right - now I remember.

Beck31 has been certainly doing her bit to promote discussion lately but the quick turn of this thread must have surprised her.

This thread brings back memories of watching three siblings taking their argument from room to room leaving people in their wake scratching heads and saying WTF?

I wonder if Beck31 would like to delete this thread

 

[KierstH12]

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[satindesire]

I owe you all an apology. I should not have brought my personal problems here.

It is difficult because although I should not have aired my dirty laundry, I do not feel guilty about making the community aware of what Ellapure is capable of.

I did not have the proof for a long time, but I was able to put the pieces together. When I knew I had the proof, I wanted everybody to know who she is. It was wrong and I accept that. I will take the ridicule for posting the threads.

She knows the heartache she has caused, she simply does not care. I know she does not care, because she has not stopped her relationship with my husband.

Maybe you should stop your relationship with your husband, then.

No judgement. Just a suggestion.

 

[southern_gal]

Maybe you should stop your relationship with your husband, then.

No judgement. Just a suggestion.

I seldom feel like I have much worth saying but I have followed along here and do feel bad for KH12. She got hurt in a way I hope I never feel and if I did, more than likely all hell would break loose. I also feel for how she was treated with ridicule. It is sad that we as a society have lost most of our compassion. It should be possible to disagree with someone even to the point of not being able to empathize but to ridicule someone over matters of the heart? All one has to do is read the comments on yahoo news stories and even the ones that should bring positive remarks still get several wise cracks. Having said all of that I will also say this, I would have to see an immediate and I do mean immediate and absolute turn around in my husband before any trust could be re established. If that cannot be accomplished then I would have to agree with satindesire. Good luck and best wishes.

 

[bailadora]

I owe you all an apology. I should not have brought my personal problems here.

It is difficult because although I should not have aired my dirty laundry, I do not feel guilty about making the community aware of what Ellapure is capable of.

I did not have the proof for a long time, but I was able to put the pieces together. When I knew I had the proof, I wanted everybody to know who she is. It was wrong and I accept that. I will take the ridicule for posting the threads.

She knows the heartache she has caused, she simply does not care. I know she does not care, because she has not stopped her relationship with my husband.

In case it wasn't clear, I wasn't ridiculing you. I just wanted to point out a flaw in your logic WRT the deletion of threads/posts.

FWIW, I'm very sorry for the anguish you're going through. Based upon your own words, it doesn't sound like this is the first time he's cheated and it doesn't seem like he's interested in changing his ways. Given all that, I'm with the others in that I think you should seriously question why you're staying with a man who obviously has so little regard for you. I'm not trying to come across as judgmental, but I also think you've been around here long enough to know that you're going to get honest opinions, even if they're not necessarily what you want to hear.

I wish you strength and clarity of sight as you decide where you want to go from here.

 

[Emerson40]

Holy thread derailment Batman....

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7q1hzEGLD1r3b51oo1_1280.jpg

I know how to close one out by editing but how do I get them deleted off the site itself?

There are posts out there that talk of sending a PM to moderators, and writing compelling arguments for removal of the thread. For the most part, unless there is something really life-affecting (pics of you and the kids, your home address, your boss's home number) that is potentially threatening to your situation in R/L, the thread will not be deleted.

It looks like you got the idea of editing your posts in a thread. Just in case you don't, SweetErika explains it beautifully here:

Can I Delete a Post?

The best cure for not having to worry about deleting threads is prevention. As Smokey The Thread Bear says - "Only you can prevent posting senseless, redundant, or shitty threads". Seriously though, if I am considering a thread topic, even a silly or fun one, I first check to see if there is already 1 or 7 similar threads (Search is your friend) in the forum, and then consider what, if any, value (info, entertainment, opinion, etc) the thread will bring to the board / forum. Sometimes great thread ideas are not-so-great thread ideas an hour later.
Most times, what you need to say or write would be a fine post in an existing, topical thread, and may not require starting a new thread at all.

 

[NightL]

Hold out a hand in support.

Holy thread derailment Batman....

...the train is still running strong even if derailed - grabbing your popcorn and jumping on the last carriage

One way to look at the boulder placed on these tracks is that when someone is desperate enough to vent in public about pressures that have been overwhelming them, they are probably not going to respond very well to strangers in all their logic saying "You are contributing to your own problem, just walk away from it."

Initially that is probably the last thing they want to hear. They already know the problem is excruciatingly overwhelming. Likely they will respond negatively if they are reminded about this over and over again. To walk away is not the solution they want. They just achingly want things to go back the way they were before. In fact in their desperation for that they may well believe even half measures will be better than walking away, compromising their previous morals and standards just to get some of it back.

The observer logic and the logic of anyone going through such an event is extreme in being poles apart.

The memory of love is a stronger pull than venturing off, feeling heartbroken and betrayed, into a land of unknown.

The decision to leave a spouse or give up on a marriage is not something that can be imposed by a group of strangers. The very suggestion can feel highly insulting even when a person is starting to realise that it could be the best thing. It is the extreme they have been desperately trying to avoid while holding on to the dream that all can be fixed and forgiven. Any logical advice that does not have "back to how it was before" in it may even result in anger and lashing out from the person in distress.

Hold out a hand in support. Stand firm that destructive behaviour can not be condoned, but deliver that message with care. Ultimately a victim needs to find their own strength to walk away. Help them gain that strength, don't yell at them in frustration. They have had enough yelling already.

 

[KierstH12]

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