Defining Love

[GiveawayGirl]

Re: Here is a question,

They say it is better to loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

SCM

It's not the end of a journey that matters, but it's the journey itself that matters in the end.

Look at love as the journey. That is what matters.

Both of these posts spoke to me.

I believe that to have had a great love that is lost is still better than having never taken the journey of that love.

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: Re: Here is a question,

Both of these posts spoke to me.

I believe that to have had a great love that is lost is still better than having never taken the journey of that love.

Never having lost a great love, I cannot speak from personal experience.

However, losing our beloved is inevitable in this life. For that reason, saying that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all can be reduced to this: it is better to love than not.

And who, in his or her right mind, would choose not to love?

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

Never having lost a great love, I cannot speak from personal experience.

However, losing our beloved is inevitable in this life. For that reason, saying that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all can be reduced to this: it is better to love than not.

And who, in his or her right mind, would choose not to love?

Yank, sometimes the damage done by a heart that has been broken by the loss of love is devastating beyond repair for some. To allow oneself to take a chance on love a second time is next to impossible.

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

Yank, sometimes the damage done by a heart that has been broken by the loss of love is devastating beyond repair for some. To allow oneself to take a chance on love a second time is next to impossible.

As always, GG, you managed to speak from the heart and from life at the same time while I was drifting in a cloud of speculation.

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

As always, GG, you managed to speak from the heart and from life at the same time while I was drifting in a cloud of speculation.

Sometimes drifting is all we can do Yank

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

Sometimes drifting is all we can do Yank

As one of my aunts used to say, some people have their feet planted more firmly on the ground. Mine seem to be more in the air these days.

 

[DLL]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

Originally posted by GiveawayGirl
Yank, sometimes the damage done by a heart that has been broken by the loss of love is devastating beyond repair for some. To allow oneself to take a chance on love a second time is next to impossible.

I never lost a love that broke my heart like you speak of...but I would like to think I would always be open to love again...its what makes us all human beings.. that ability to love and be loved GG lifes too short to stay protected..go for that golden ring


I am certainly not one to give advise on love the way I conduct my love life is hardly the norm...but it works for me, my husband, and my lover..just we are all not together at the same time although that would be nice but a completely different thread....

 

[shell seeker2]

I lost who I thought my forever was over a year ago due to a separation. We had been together for over 11 years. At first I thought that I would never allow myself to trust someone and love someone the way I loved him, because that was all I really knew. When things began to unravel for us, I would have never said well at least I have the memories. However, after reading the posts though, I had to reconsider it. Do I miss him? NO. When things were good they were good, and when they were bad, they were bad, real bad. But, we still had many good years, and it is a part of my past that has helped me grow as a person. It helped me to realize what I deserved, needed, and wanted. Without those experiences to reflect on, I don't think I would have made the changes in my life that I have. Slowly, I began to open myself up to possibilities. I met someone 7 months ago who is great to hang out with and who shares a lot of common interests. If I had closed myself off, I would have missed out on an experience. I wouldn't say that I'm in love with him, but I wouldn't say that I'm not (that may not make any sense), but I say this because no two loves are the same, nor are the reasons that you fall in love with somebody.
I recently saw my ex at a friend's wedding. He has still not let go. We danced just once, and he told me how much he missed me and wanted to try again. But I am very happy with my life now, and didn't want to regress to broken promises, and I didn't want to miss out on the experiences I am having now with my current boyfriend. I even told him as much. The conversation we had didn't even phase me. I felt absolutely nothing, no regret, no pain, no anger, nothing.

I don't believe that we are only limited to two true loves, only because true love in each person's eyes are different.
A DJ friend of mine always closed his show with this phrase, and I love it and always will: You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough LOVE SOMEBODY!

 

[Cathleen]

Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

Never having lost a great love, I cannot speak from personal experience.

However, losing our beloved is inevitable in this life. For that reason, saying that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all can be reduced to this: it is better to love than not.

And who, in his or her right mind, would choose not to love?

I think GG responded to this quite well but wanted to as well.

I'm not sure it is a choice not to love for some. Our capability to love is unique for all of us, what is love for one may not be what another terms as love.

There are such pains in the world that would hold one from loving. Although the spirit is quite resilient and able to love, the human mind is not quite so apt to recover. Maybe too many pains build up and clog the pathway.


edited for a typo

 

[shell seeker2]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

I think GG responded to this quite well but wanted to as well.

I'm not sure it is a choice not to love for some. Our capability to love is unique for all of us, what is love for one may not be what another terms as love.

There are such pains in the world that would hold one from loving. Although the spirit is quite resilient and able to love, the human mind is not quite so apt to recover. Maybe too many pains build up and clog the pathway.


edited for a typo

But I really believe that those pains that build up and clog the pathway make the second, third, etc. better than the last. They have helped me to see what I want, need, desire, and deserve. Without those bumps of the past, how can you enjoy the present? While you are grieving for the loss, whether it is from death or separation it is hard to look into the future or even imagine finding happiness again. It's much easier to shut yourself down, and be alone. But that gets old very quickly even when you have wonderful, supportive friends. In my opinion, you need to allow yourself to take a risk and tell yourself it's okay to try something new. IF you don't take the risk, how do you know what wonderful things you might miss out on experiencing?

 

[Cathleen]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

But I really believe that those pains that build up and clog the pathway make the second, third, etc. better than the last. They have helped me to see what I want, need, desire, and deserve. Without those bumps of the past, how can you enjoy the present? While you are grieving for the loss, whether it is from death or separation it is hard to look into the future or even imagine finding happiness again. It's much easier to shut yourself down, and be alone. But that gets old very quickly even when you have wonderful, supportive friends. In my opinion, you need to allow yourself to take a risk and tell yourself it's okay to try something new. IF you don't take the risk, how do you know what wonderful things you might miss out on experiencing?

I believe that as well SS. But also know some pains do inhibit people, the human mind is a crafty place where a lonely life can be acceptable. I do believe love is the reason for our existance and to try to live without it is not being true to our purpose, our soul. But certainly understand how one may wish to avoid the pains.

Good morning to you, nice to see you again. Hope things are well with you.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by GiveawayGirl
Yank, sometimes the damage done by a heart that has been broken by the loss of love is devastating beyond repair for some. To allow oneself to take a chance on love a second time is next to impossible.

Have to agree with GG on this one, having lived through it. Although sometimes we are fortunate, if we eventually reach the point where we realize that the cost out weighs the benefit of remaining 'safe' and we are lucky to find a beloved that opens our heart....we are able to take the risk again to love.


aaahhhh my Turk

 

[shell seeker2]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

I believe that as well SS. But also know some pains do inhibit people, the human mind is a crafty place where a lonely life can be acceptable. I do believe love is the reason for our existance and to try to live without it is not being true to our purpose, our soul. But certainly understand how one may wish to avoid the pains.

Good morning to you, nice to see you again. Hope things are well with you.

Good to see you too! Hope things are well with you. I've been very busy with work lately, and hate that I've been neglecting this thread, because I do enjoy it.
I too, understand how one may wish to avoid the pains and that everyone has their own way of dealing with that pain. I don't like being alone per say, but I am a true people person so it is hard for me sometimes to understand why people would want to be alone. I know for some, it's just easier, and it works for them. As long as whomever is in pain is being true to themself, nobody can tell them they are wrong, or right.

 

[~Dream~]

Have to agree with GG on this one, having lived through it. Although sometimes we are fortunate, if we eventually reach the point where we realize that the cost out weighs the benefit of remaining 'safe' and we are lucky to find a beloved that opens our heart....we are able to take the risk again to love.


aaahhhh my Turk

I agree with you also WW ..and I have taken many chances ..having been married 4 times ( feels like Elizabeth Taylor suddenly ,lol) ..But as safe as safe may feel ,nothing feels as good as finding someone who is True to you and opens up and receives the love you have to give and returns it back to you tenfold..


even tho My marriages ended in Divorce and 2 of them produced children...I still try my best to remeber the good times within them all ..and I'd still take that chance again ,If Brian ever proposed to me...

 

[Cathleen]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

Good to see you too! Hope things are well with you. I've been very busy with work lately, and hate that I've been neglecting this thread, because I do enjoy it.
I too, understand how one may wish to avoid the pains and that everyone has their own way of dealing with that pain. I don't like being alone per say, but I am a true people person so it is hard for me sometimes to understand why people would want to be alone. I know for some, it's just easier, and it works for them. As long as whomever is in pain is being true to themself, nobody can tell them they are wrong, or right.

Of course there is alone and lonely - we all know that. As well as being a "people person", most certainly I am one of those kind too.

However, there is being able to enjoy people and have great social relationships and there is that sharing of the soul. I regret to say I am highly skilled at the art of keeping people out. There is no question that I can socialize and be a friend and develop friendships, but the ability to further a relationship to a romantic loving type is a stumbling block for me.

I suppose the image of the "ten foot pole" would be appropriate for me. I know why I behave this way, I know sometimes I let people get to the "five foot" length, and perhaps one day I will put my pole down.

We all have our breaking points I suppose or a point where the mind says "no, no more". I think it is human nature to survive, physically our bodies fight on in the face of illness but the spirit handles the aches. The spirit, while I know there is a rejuvenating source, does not have the gift of automatic response like the body has with breath.

We, our "heart" if you will, must keep pushing on. There is the crux of the dilemma in my life. I say this not to frustrate the discussion, nor for a personal response, but as an example of someone that is capable of wonderful relationships, quality and loving ties with some but one that also knows why that "pole" exists, sees the pole, and will make a life whether that pole stays at ten feet or one foot.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by ~Dream~
I agree with you also WW ..and I have taken many chances ..having been married 4 times ( feels like Elizabeth Taylor suddenly ,lol) ..But as safe as safe may feel ,nothing feels as good as finding someone who is True to you and opens up and receives the love you have to give and returns it back to you tenfold..


even tho My marriages ended in Divorce and 2 of them produced children...I still try my best to remeber the good times within them all ..and I'd still take that chance again ,If Brian ever proposed to me...

Dream I agree being loved and loving someone is preferrable to not. It's just that after we've been hurt by someone we love (even if it's just by their death) when we are able to be open to love again differs from person to person, from love to love. Sometimes it takes a bit longer. That was the point I was trying to make.

 

[wicked woman]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Here is a question,

Originally posted by Cathleen
Of course there is alone and lonely - we all know that. As well as being a "people person", most certainly I am one of those kind too.

However, there is being able to enjoy people and have great social relationships and there is that sharing of the soul. I regret to say I am highly skilled at the art of keeping people out. There is no question that I can socialize and be a friend and develop friendships, but the ability to further a relationship to a romantic loving type is a stumbling block for me.

I suppose the image of the "ten foot pole" would be appropriate for me. I know why I behave this way, I know sometimes I let people get to the "five foot" length, and perhaps one day I will put my pole down.

We all have our breaking points I suppose or a point where the mind says "no, no more". I think it is human nature to survive, physically our bodies fight on in the face of illness but the spirit handles the aches. The spirit, while I know there is a rejuvenating source, does not have the gift of automatic response like the body has with breath.

We, our "heart" if you will, must keep pushing on. There is the crux of the dilemma in my life. I say this not to frustrate the discussion, nor for a personal response, but as an example of someone that is capable of wonderful relationships, quality and loving ties with some but one that also knows why that "pole" exists, sees the pole, and will make a life whether that pole stays at ten feet or one foot.

Good point Cate. The distinction between the love of friendships and being sociable and a romantic love.

Don't have much to add except to say 'I understand'. Sometimes I kick myself for how long it took me to open myself up to romantic love again. It was waaaayyy too long and from here seems such a waste. But then I tell myself...well that's just how long it took me. *shrugs shoulders* That's me. I wouldn't be me if it took less time...wouldn't be comfortable in my own skin with where I am. I think it's unreasonable to say everyone should be raring to go after x amount of time.

Your time to let down your guard will come when you're ready for it. Just let yourself be open to the possibility. Then enjoy.

 

[Cathleen]

Good point Cate. The distinction between the love of friendships and being sociable and a romantic love.

Don't have much to add except to say 'I understand'. Sometimes I kick myself for how long it took me to open myself up to romantic love again. It was waaaayyy too long and from here seems such a waste. But then I tell myself...well that's just how long it took me. *shrugs shoulders* That's me. I wouldn't be me if it took less time...wouldn't be comfortable in my own skin with where I am. I think it's unreasonable to say everyone should be raring to go after x amount of time.

Your time to let down your guard will come when you're ready for it. Just let yourself be open to the possibility. Then enjoy.

Perhaps one day, my friend.

 

[Sioux City Male]

Dream I agree being loved and loving someone is preferrable to not. It's just that after we've been hurt by someone we love (even if it's just by their death) when we are able to be open to love again differs from person to person, from love to love. Sometimes it takes a bit longer. That was the point I was trying to make.

For me, it's not just being open to love or to be loved, it's that part of you that has been taken and a deep hole left in the heart that will never be filled again.

When Kristen was with me, there was a different way that I viewed the world. Now, it's back to the same way as it was before.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Cathleen

Perhaps one day, my friend.

I'm hoping for you

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Sioux City Male
For me, it's not just being open to love or to be loved, it's that part of you that has been taken and a deep hole left in the heart that will never be filled again.

When Kristen was with me, there was a different way that I viewed the world. Now, it's back to the same way as it was before.

ah I didn't mean to suggest that the loss of a beloved didn't alter our heart...it does. Personally I think a beloved will always have a place in our heart.

 

[Cathleen]

I'm hoping for you

Thanks - but yet again you'll need to find the house cleaner for your PM box

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Cathleen
Thanks - but yet again you'll need to find the house cleaner for your PM box

Damn is she being negligent again!

 

[dcraz]

I lost who I thought my forever was over a year ago due to a separation. We had been together for over 11 years. At first I thought that I would never allow myself to trust someone and love someone the way I loved him, because that was all I really knew. When things began to unravel for us, I would have never said well at least I have the memories. However, after reading the posts though, I had to reconsider it. Do I miss him? NO. When things were good they were good, and when they were bad, they were bad, real bad. But, we still had many good years, and it is a part of my past that has helped me grow as a person. It helped me to realize what I deserved, needed, and wanted. Without those experiences to reflect on, I don't think I would have made the changes in my life that I have. Slowly, I began to open myself up to possibilities. I met someone 7 months ago who is great to hang out with and who shares a lot of common interests. If I had closed myself off, I would have missed out on an experience. I wouldn't say that I'm in love with him, but I wouldn't say that I'm not (that may not make any sense), but I say this because no two loves are the same, nor are the reasons that you fall in love with somebody.
I recently saw my ex at a friend's wedding. He has still not let go. We danced just once, and he told me how much he missed me and wanted to try again. But I am very happy with my life now, and didn't want to regress to broken promises, and I didn't want to miss out on the experiences I am having now with my current boyfriend. I even told him as much. The conversation we had didn't even phase me. I felt absolutely nothing, no regret, no pain, no anger, nothing.

I don't believe that we are only limited to two true loves, only because true love in each person's eyes are different.
A DJ friend of mine always closed his show with this phrase, and I love it and always will: You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough LOVE SOMEBODY!

I have been reading through the thread this morning and feel my heart has been touched by many of the posts. But much of what Shell Seeker spoke rings true with me as well.

First, let me explain that I have been blessed to have NEVER known true heart ache. I have so many things going for me that perhaps I am not qualified to offer contructive thoughts in this thread. Though many of my friends are here.

For me it comes down to how we aproach life. The pain we feel from a loss cannot be ignored. But neither should the love and the good times. Pain will, and should ease with time. But like the body moves on, as Cate mentions, so too should our hearts. If we aproach every day with an attitude to look for thepositives, to look for hope and love, we will find it. Remember, I have never felt true loss. But I look forward to everyday. That is why I posted previously how I am happy, but always looking for me and pushing myself.

I cannot remember the last time Iwas bored. Tne years at least. It is also why I never get enough sleep and find it hard to truly relax sometimes. BecauseI am ALWAYS yearning for more. More knowledge, more experience, more love with those that are close to me. And more friends too. I get depressed once in a while. But on any given day, you will find me with a smile onmy face rushing to experience everything life has to offer. I want to learn new things, get better at things I already know and meet as many people as I can. Because I think I grow everytime I do.

If we choose to be open and moving forward, looking ofr opportunities of happiness, we will be much more likely to find them. Reminds me of a coaching term. You are either ripe and rotting or green and still growing. I hope to be green for a long time to come.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by dcraz
I have been reading through the thread this morning and feel my heart has been touched by many of the posts. But much of what Shell Seeker spoke rings true with me as well.

First, let me explain that I have been blessed to have NEVER known true heart ache. I have so many things going for me that perhaps I am not qualified to offer contructive thoughts in this thread. Though many of my friends are here.

For me it comes down to how we aproach life. The pain we feel from a loss cannot be ignored. But neither should the love and the good times. Pain will, and should ease with time. But like the body moves on, as Cate mentions, so too should our hearts. If we aproach every day with an attitude to look for thepositives, to look for hope and love, we will find it. Remember, I have never felt true loss. But I look forward to everyday. That is why I posted previously how I am happy, but always looking for me and pushing myself.

I cannot remember the last time Iwas bored. Tne years at least. It is also why I never get enough sleep and find it hard to truly relax sometimes. BecauseI am ALWAYS yearning for more. More knowledge, more experience, more love with those that are close to me. And more friends too. I get depressed once in a while. But on any given day, you will find me with a smile onmy face rushing to experience everything life has to offer. I want to learn new things, get better at things I already know and meet as many people as I can. Because I think I grow everytime I do.

If we choose to be open and moving forward, looking ofr opportunities of happiness, we will be much more likely to find them. Reminds me of a coaching term. You are either ripe and rotting or green and still growing. I hope to be green for a long time to come.

All good points dcraz...I think if we go back to one of Yank's earlier comments though, about love not hurting but the risk or actual loss of love hurting...it's that point that sometimes takes people who have had their heart broken a while to get over...to feel strong enough or ready enough to take that risk again. I'm not sure anyone would argue that if they could have a painless perfect love (if such a thing ever existed) that they would choose to be on their own instead. But then again maybe I'm wrong.