Defining Love

[~Dream~]

Love is forgiving and forgetting.... and moving on.......

Some things are Unforgettable tho ..I choose to remember ALL the Good times...and learn from the bad ..

 

[midwestyankee]

I think that is where I am in my life right now. Like I said before because of things in my younger days I gave up on love and just kind of went through the motions of life, get up, go to work, come home, do what I have to, go to bed and start it all over the next day! Then I realized that I was missing the feeling of loving and being loved and started to let ppl get closer to me and then out of the blue, not looking and not really wanting to be in love I found the most wonderful man and we thought that we had found true love and that we had found our soulmates. We were both very happy and love each other to the core. But he suddenly broke it off with me. Due to situations beyond our control we can not be together anytime soon or maybe never. We will always love each other forever, that much we both know.
Why does love hurt so bad? He has set me free to find someone who can be there for me and to love me and my son. He has offered me his friendship but that is all he can offer me at this time. But I can't let go. I don't want to let go. I love him too much. So what is a person to do?

Toni, I am the last person in the world to offer advice, so I won't.

However, let me repeat something I said in this thread a few months ago: love does not hurt. It is the loss of love, or the fear of losing love that hurts.

I don't think it's necessary to fully let someone go when he or she can no longer give you the type of love you want or need. If that person has earned a spot in your heart, then I suggest you make up a different room for him there and let him stay where he is comfortable. That way, you have him in your heart and yet you still have room for that person who will be able to give you what you need.

I hope this makes at least a little bit of sense.

 

[tonitits]

Toni, I am the last person in the world to offer advice, so I won't.

However, let me repeat something I said in this thread a few months ago: love does not hurt. It is the loss of love, or the fear of losing love that hurts.

I don't think it's necessary to fully let someone go when he or she can no longer give you the type of love you want or need. If that person has earned a spot in your heart, then I suggest you make up a different room for him there and let him stay where he is comfortable. That way, you have him in your heart and yet you still have room for that person who will be able to give you what you need.

I hope this makes at least a little bit of sense.

It does help and thank you so much.

 

[MT_Pitcher]

I think that is where I am in my life right now. Like I said before because of things in my younger days I gave up on love and just kind of went through the motions of life, get up, go to work, come home, do what I have to, go to bed and start it all over the next day! Then I realized that I was missing the feeling of loving and being loved and started to let ppl get closer to me and then out of the blue, not looking and not really wanting to be in love I found the most wonderful man and we thought that we had found true love and that we had found our soulmates. We were both very happy and love each other to the core. But he suddenly broke it off with me. Due to situations beyond our control we can not be together anytime soon or maybe never. We will always love each other forever, that much we both know.
Why does love hurt so bad? He has set me free to find someone who can be there for me and to love me and my son. He has offered me his friendship but that is all he can offer me at this time. But I can't let go. I don't want to let go. I love him too much. So what is a person to do?

It's very hard to move a relationship back to that friendship point, and very few does it succeed. But you have to learn that there are many types of love. Just because you still love him and don't want to let go doesn't mean there is no room in your heart for another. The heart is big and can always find a way to grow if someone comes along. That love for him will change, or fade and you will learn to move on. Maybe not tomorrow, but it'll happen as long as you don't close your heart, believe it or not right now.
You have a big heart, keep it open to possibilities, and they will come.

 

[tonitits]

It's very hard to move a relationship back to that friendship point, and very few does it succeed. But you have to learn that there are many types of love. Just because you still love him and don't want to let go doesn't mean there is no room in your heart for another. The heart is big and can always find a way to grow if someone comes along. That love for him will change, or fade and you will learn to move on. Maybe not tomorrow, but it'll happen as long as you don't close your heart, believe it or not right now.
You have a big heart, keep it open to possibilities, and they will come.

Thank you. My head knows that what ya'll are saying is right, but my heart doesn't want to believe it right now. I appreciate all the words of encouragement. I know in time it will get better but right now it just hurts. I am trying to keep my heart open for possibilities though. I am trying not to just shut it all down again.

 

[Cathleen]

{{{{ Toni }}}} I'm sorry this happened ..........

 

[tonitits]

{{{{ Toni }}}} I'm sorry this happened ..........

thank you. (((((((((Cate))))))))))

 

[~Dream~]

I think that is where I am in my life right now. Like I said before because of things in my younger days I gave up on love and just kind of went through the motions of life, get up, go to work, come home, do what I have to, go to bed and start it all over the next day! Then I realized that I was missing the feeling of loving and being loved and started to let ppl get closer to me and then out of the blue, not looking and not really wanting to be in love I found the most wonderful man and we thought that we had found true love and that we had found our soulmates. We were both very happy and love each other to the core. But he suddenly broke it off with me. Due to situations beyond our control we can not be together anytime soon or maybe never. We will always love each other forever, that much we both know.
Why does love hurt so bad? He has set me free to find someone who can be there for me and to love me and my son. He has offered me his friendship but that is all he can offer me at this time. But I can't let go. I don't want to let go. I love him too much. So what is a person to do?

Time heals all wounds babe ..and Nothing will ever change your love for him..only You Control that..

yes indeed Love DOES sometimes hurt esp when seperated by Distance ..this I know too well..but as others before me have stated ..you have a very big ,loving and caring heart and there is no way that Love can keep from coming back into your life..however you must be open to it's call..

You can only let go and move on when its YOUR time to do so ..

 

[tonitits]

Time heals all wounds babe ..and Nothing will ever change your love for him..only You Control that..

yes indeed Love DOES sometimes hurt esp when seperated by Distance ..this I know too well..but as others before me have stated ..you have a very big ,loving and caring heart and there is no way that Love can keep from coming back into your life..however you must be open to it's call..

You can only let go and move on when its YOUR time to do so ..

((((((((((((Dream)))))))))))) thank you so much.

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
Love is as love does.
--midwestyankee

I woke early this morning
to the silent sounds of raindrops
Caressing the window
I pulled the curtain to greet the morning
But a fog covered the window
Without thinking I took my finger
And wrote your name in the moisture

Now, it was time to prepare
To face another day
For some reason
Just before leaving
I returned to the bedroom
To look once more at your name
But it too ~
was gone
DLL
Toni I really don't know all that transpired between you and your lover but this seemed fitting..I hope that your heart heals but Time heals every thing...Be strong

 

[tonitits]

I woke early this morning
to the silent sounds of raindrops
Caressing the window
I pulled the curtain to greet the morning
But a fog covered the window
Without thinking I took my finger
And wrote your name in the moisture

Now, it was time to prepare
To face another day
For some reason
Just before leaving
I returned to the bedroom
To look once more at your name
But it too ~
was gone
DLL
Toni I really don't know all that transpired between you and your lover but this seemed fitting..I hope that your heart heals but Time heals every thing...Be strong

Thank you and your poem is beautiful as always and it does some how fit. I am trying to be strong and I know that time will heal all. But today I am just blue and missing him so much!

 

[midwestyankee]

Thank you and your poem is beautiful as always and it does some how fit. I am trying to be strong and I know that time will heal all. But today I am just blue and missing him so much!

Toni, I'm with you. She gave us a haunting image in that poem.

I'm an impatient sort, so I hate to hear anyone tell me that time will heal my wounds - whatever they are. But others much wiser than I have said it, so I tend to believe them.

 

[tonitits]

Toni, I'm with you. She gave us a haunting image in that poem.

I'm an impatient sort, so I hate to hear anyone tell me that time will heal my wounds - whatever they are. But others much wiser than I have said it, so I tend to believe them.

Patience is not one of my stronger traits either!

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by tonitits
I think that is where I am in my life right now. Like I said before because of things in my younger days I gave up on love and just kind of went through the motions of life, get up, go to work, come home, do what I have to, go to bed and start it all over the next day! Then I realized that I was missing the feeling of loving and being loved and started to let ppl get closer to me and then out of the blue, not looking and not really wanting to be in love I found the most wonderful man and we thought that we had found true love and that we had found our soulmates. We were both very happy and love each other to the core. But he suddenly broke it off with me. Due to situations beyond our control we can not be together anytime soon or maybe never. We will always love each other forever, that much we both know.
Why does love hurt so bad? He has set me free to find someone who can be there for me and to love me and my son. He has offered me his friendship but that is all he can offer me at this time. But I can't let go. I don't want to let go. I love him too much. So what is a person to do?

Actually Toni I've been in a very similar situation... In the beginning it hurt like hell (Yank's comment re loss of love)...like my heart had been ripped out...well his too...it pained us to be near each other because we couldn't have the relationship we wanted...it was easier/hurt less to not see each other for a bit...gave us time to mourn our loss...to adjust to what life would be..

but as we adjusted, and a bit of time passed, it started to hurt less...knowing we still loved each other...missing our friendship...eventually we tried to see if we could do as Yank posted and alter our relationship...still love each other but find a different place in our heart for the other...in the beginning I was torn...part of me couldn't stay away from him...another part found it painful...trying to make the adjustment...the part that couldn't stay away from him won out every time...and amazingly each time we talked it hurt a little less and felt a little better...

we finally found that special place we were looking for...I couldn't describe it but I know it exists...we still love each other...would do anything for each other...he will always be 'my Turk'...and yet I know a part of him will never be mine again...I can sit and tell him he should find himself a good wife...have children ...he'd make a wonderful father...and smile when I say it and mean it...he deserves it and so much more.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you how to get from where you are...but if if hurts like hell...embrace it...for a while...you need to mourn your loss...then when you're ready...you'll find a way...

 

[midwestyankee]

Actually Toni I've been in a very similar situation... In the beginning it hurt like hell (Yank's comment re loss of love)...like my heart had been ripped out...well his too...it pained us to be near each other because we couldn't have the relationship we wanted...it was easier/hurt less to not see each other for a bit...gave us time to mourn our loss...to adjust to what life would be..

but as we adjusted, and a bit of time passed, it started to hurt less...knowing we still loved each other...missing our friendship...eventually we tried to see if we could do as Yank posted and alter our relationship...still love each other but find a different place in our heart for the other...in the beginning I was torn...part of me couldn't stay away from him...another part found it painful...trying to make the adjustment...the part that couldn't stay away from him won out every time...and amazingly each time we talked it hurt a little less and felt a little better...

we finally found that special place we were looking for...I couldn't describe it but I know it exists...we still love each other...would do anything for each other...he will always be 'my Turk'...and yet I know a part of him will never be mine again...I can sit and tell him he should find himself a good wife...have children ...he'd make a wonderful father...and smile when I say it and mean it...he deserves it and so much more.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you how to get from where you are...but if if hurts like hell...embrace it...for a while...you need to mourn your loss...then when you're ready...you'll find a way...

See what I mean, toni? I listen to people who are much wiser in these matters than I am. I think you should too.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
See what I mean, toni? I listen to people who are much wiser in these matters than I am. I think you should too.

Not sure it's wiser Yank...just experienced.

 

[tonitits]

Actually Toni I've been in a very similar situation... In the beginning it hurt like hell (Yank's comment re loss of love)...like my heart had been ripped out...well his too...it pained us to be near each other because we couldn't have the relationship we wanted...it was easier/hurt less to not see each other for a bit...gave us time to mourn our loss...to adjust to what life would be..

but as we adjusted, and a bit of time passed, it started to hurt less...knowing we still loved each other...missing our friendship...eventually we tried to see if we could do as Yank posted and alter our relationship...still love each other but find a different place in our heart for the other...in the beginning I was torn...part of me couldn't stay away from him...another part found it painful...trying to make the adjustment...the part that couldn't stay away from him won out every time...and amazingly each time we talked it hurt a little less and felt a little better...

we finally found that special place we were looking for...I couldn't describe it but I know it exists...we still love each other...would do anything for each other...he will always be 'my Turk'...and yet I know a part of him will never be mine again...I can sit and tell him he should find himself a good wife...have children ...he'd make a wonderful father...and smile when I say it and mean it...he deserves it and so much more.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you how to get from where you are...but if if hurts like hell...embrace it...for a while...you need to mourn your loss...then when you're ready...you'll find a way...

Thank you so much. I know that I will get there, I just don't know how long it will take. I wish nothing but the very best for this dear man. Hopefully, that would include me, but if it can't than I hope for him nothing but the very best and all the happiness he can find. Right now I feel as if it is like he died and I am mourning that loss, but this somehow hurts even more, because I know he is alive and just can't be with me. Right now I just feel so empty inside. I feel like a zombie just walking around, not sure what I am supposed to do. But I will survive. I learned a long time ago no matter how hard or tough a situation that I am a survivor. I love him so much! Thank you all for your input!

 

[tonitits]

See what I mean, toni? I listen to people who are much wiser in these matters than I am. I think you should too.

I am sweetie!

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by tonitits
Thank you so much. I know that I will get there, I just don't know how long it will take. One thing I've learned is I don't get there til I'm ready to be there....and there is no telling how long that will take...sometimes very little time...sometimes ages...I sometimes think it took me too long...but who am I to say?...it worked when I got there...sure I can say I should have gotten there sooner, but hey I didn't...and if I had maybe it wouldn't have worked... I wish nothing but the very best for this dear man. Hopefully, that would include me, but if it can't than I hope for him nothing but the very best and all the happiness he can find. Right now I feel as if it is like he died and I am mourning that loss, but this somehow hurts even more, because I know he is alive and just can't be with me. That makes sense to me...he didn't literally die, but all the hopes and dreams you had have died...there is reason to mourn. I hear you about it being more difficult because he's still alive...I felt that way when I got divorced...only thing is I've had a lover die suddenly...in an accident...all those things left unsaid...he's the one that still tugs at my heart... Right now I just feel so empty inside. I feel like a zombie just walking around, not sure what I am supposed to do. But I will survive. I learned a long time ago no matter how hard or tough a situation that I am a survivor. I love him so much! Thank you all for your input! :firebrick:

 

[midwestyankee]

Not sure it's wiser Yank...just experienced.

After Aristotle, experience is the best teacher.

 

[MT_Pitcher]

See what I mean, toni? I listen to people who are much wiser in these matters than I am. I think you should too.

They say that with age comes wisdom.
Don't believe it, the wrinkles only make ya look like Yoda!!!

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by MT_Pitcher
They say that with age comes wisdom.
Don't believe it, the wrinkles only make ya look like Yoda!!!

what? you look like Yoda???

 

[MT_Pitcher]

what? you look like Yoda???

What? Ya don't like little green guys??

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by MT_Pitcher
What? Ya don't like little green guys??

well.....green is a fav colour....but..................................................nope

 

[MT_Pitcher]

well.....green is a fav colour....but..................................................nope

Guess I'll have to use the "force", whatever the hell that is