Defining Love

[midwestyankee]

perhaps whisper in my ear what it is you want me to dicuss....

The question on the table is right there, just above here.

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
The question on the table is right there, just above here.

 

[DLL]

[No message]

 

[midwestyankee]

Lust.you know.Its like a piano falling on your head,but real love...thats a whole other animal.Real love has stamina.It stretches beyond the fact that you cant keep your hands off each other and (ohmyyyygod) love the same movies and food.
When your happy in love, you morph into an even better version of yourself.You're funnier,smarter,nicer- all of your best qualities are magnified. More than that your inspired and energized by each other . And as a bonus...this positivity spills over into every aspect of your life...


thats love defined by me

I'm glad you gave us such an energetic definition. I like the idea that loving helps bring out the best in us. I think that is quite true and a terrific side effect.

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
I'm glad you gave us such an energetic definition. I like the idea that loving helps bring out the best in us. I think that is quite true and a terrific side effect.

 

[midwestyankee]

oh man the rangers just lost in OT...they suck

So...does this post tell us - since it's clearly not you at your best - that you aren't currently enjoying the fruits of fine love?

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
So...does this post tell us - since it's clearly not you at your best - that you aren't currently enjoying the fruits of fine love?

 

[midwestyankee]

i think i am enjoying the fruits of fine love ..just not fine hockey...LOL

are you truly in love yank??? is there a special someone for you??

Yes...for many years.

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
Yes...for many years.

 

[midwestyankee]

but we just met...LOL

You really are incorrigible I think.

 

[Shoshisexy]

Y'all are silly.

DLL, I like your definition of love. You are right in that it makes you a better person...because you know there is someone to lean on when you need them...so you don't have to most of the time.

 

[SouthSkyEyes]

Lust.you know.Its like a piano falling on your head,but real love...thats a whole other animal.Real love has stamina.It stretches beyond the fact that you cant keep your hands off each other and (ohmyyyygod) love the same movies and food.
When your happy in love, you morph into an even better version of yourself.You're funnier,smarter,nicer- all of your best qualities are magnified. More than that your inspired and energized by each other . And as a bonus...this positivity spills over into every aspect of your life...

thats love defined by me

DLL ...

Yes, beyond the "ohmyyygod." I'm laughing, once again, reading this portrayal of the "puppy-love" struck. That's because I recognize having felt this way - but as most have over time I've come to see it as having been sweet-stirred naive.

And yes, morphing into an even better version of yourself ... I do say this is what can happen. It has happened to my wife and I through our relationship. I believe it is through cultivating trusting love based relationship, as we dare open up, reaching and touching deeper into the truths of our love stirred hearts and joyful feelings, through this those hidden pieces of our selves are stirred up. The pieces pleading in the shadows to be honored: the wounds, our victories that were unkindly dismissed and those we took unjustly, our shame, our fears, our abandoned dreams.

Yes, the deeper we dare open to expose our genuine selves the more opportunity to bring forth all we are - even those broken pieces. It is the trusting love based relationship that offers us the gift of honoring all we are because it is not possible to do this alone (and therapy inherently scratches at the surface of these matters). Through this, we are liberated to discover and claim our selves including deep passion and joy.

Thanks.

Sky

PS: And I think to share this here. I am moved to tears once again as I read it:

"On Love" from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran:

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

 

[midwestyankee]

Y'all are silly.

DLL, I like your definition of love. You are right in that it makes you a better person...because you know there is someone to lean on when you need them...so you don't have to most of the time.

Sometimes even a crusty old yankster can appreciate some silliness.

You make a good point here, that in a loving relationship sometimes simply the presence of our beloved gives us the strength to be more than we think possible.

 

[midwestyankee]

Sky, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and that of Khalil Gibran as well.

 

[TantaLiza]

Hey Yankee!! Things are lookin up!!! Just thought I'd let ya know!!!

 

[midwestyankee]

Hey Yankee!! Things are lookin up!!! Just thought I'd let ya know!!!

Glad to hear it, Liza.

Have a great weekend.

 

[midwestyankee]

To what extent are we willing to expose ourselves, our true selves, to our beloved early in the game when we fear his or her disapproval? Or even later - after the relationship has progressed to a higher level - don't we sometimes feel that losing the beloved is a much greater risk? Are we then willing to risk a more devastating loss?

I know in my own case this has been an issue. In some ways I could be very open with my beloved from the very start but in other areas I found myself holding back. We all make assumptions about what our beloved might find objectionable and thus censor ourselves accordingly. It is a defense mechanism, a quite natural one, and yet on some level we know it ought not to matter.

Several pages ago I spoke of taking the first big risk when I said this: "If you can say to your beloved, I want to love you, then you have stripped your soul bare and risked it in the fire. When she cradles your soul above the flame and cools it with her kiss, you have stepped into eternity."

Yet after taking such a risk, it's still possible (maybe even likely) that we fear revealing our truest self to our beloved. I'm sure others have had this same experience, suffered this same fear.

This I can say, though. That same hand that kept your soul from the flame before will hold you safe yet again if you just have faith.

A shameless bump to get the latest question for thread regulars back onto or near the first page.

and to all of you for continuing to support this thread with your hard-earned beliefs and experiences.

 

[TantaLiza]

Alas, perhaps I spoke too soon... ~sigh~


I shall visit again another day...

 

[Shoshisexy]

To what extent are we willing to expose ourselves, our true selves, to our beloved early in the game when we fear his or her disapproval? Or even later - after the relationship has progressed to a higher level - don't we sometimes feel that losing the beloved is a much greater risk? Are we then willing to risk a more devastating loss?

Okay...I had to think about this one. I guess I am a strange duck. I am completely open and honest with people...as much as possible at least. When Swain and I first started talking...he and I both told each other things that could have been relationship breakers...And the same is true with Damsel.

Beyond that...I guess I have a harder time with this than most when I am with family. I have the hardest time hurting those I love. But I -have- cut loved ones out of my life when they are doing me damage in some way.

I know I have a hard time telling people to leave me alone, although I usually try and find a subtle way to do it. The ignore button is a hard one for me, though. *LOL*

Did any of that make sense?

 

[Shalin671]

Okay...I had to think about this one. I guess I am a strange duck. I am completely open and honest with people...as much as possible at least. When Swain and I first started talking...he and I both told each other things that could have been relationship breakers...And the same is true with Damsel.

Beyond that...I guess I have a harder time with this than most when I am with family. I have the hardest time hurting those I love. But I -have- cut loved ones out of my life when they are doing me damage in some way.

I know I have a hard time telling people to leave me alone, although I usually try and find a subtle way to do it. The ignore button is a hard one for me, though. *LOL*

Did any of that make sense?

I've found that as long as you're open and honest with people (especially online) that lines of comunicatoin are easier to keep open, and when something bad does happen, it's easier to still remain friends and keep talking with someone if you've been honest. So, it just helps in general.

 

[midwestyankee]

Alas, perhaps I spoke too soon... ~sigh~


I shall visit again another day...

It's a journey, isn't it? Of course you'll visit another day.

We know you will.

 

[midwestyankee]

Okay...I had to think about this one. I guess I am a strange duck. I am completely open and honest with people...as much as possible at least. When Swain and I first started talking...he and I both told each other things that could have been relationship breakers...And the same is true with Damsel.

Beyond that...I guess I have a harder time with this than most when I am with family. I have the hardest time hurting those I love. But I -have- cut loved ones out of my life when they are doing me damage in some way.

I know I have a hard time telling people to leave me alone, although I usually try and find a subtle way to do it. The ignore button is a hard one for me, though. *LOL*

Did any of that make sense?

Of course it made sense. We are all different in our capacity to reveal ourselves. And, of course, I may have revealed more about myself with my question than I intended. You could take your willingness to be open as a gift, you know. Because it is a gift to be so open. It's a gift in the sense of a special ability, and a gift you give to others.

 

[midwestyankee]

I've found that as long as you're open and honest with people (especially online) that lines of comunicatoin are easier to keep open, and when something bad does happen, it's easier to still remain friends and keep talking with someone if you've been honest. So, it just helps in general.

It does indeed help to stay open and honest. I think, though, that some of us get fearful of revealing what we think of as weaknesses. And this can lead to further problems in a developing relationship.

 

[Shalin671]

It does indeed help to stay open and honest. I think, though, that some of us get fearful of revealing what we think of as weaknesses. And this can lead to further problems in a developing relationship.

Sure, everyone has fears. Hell, that's part of being human. But, in a good relationship it shouldn't be too dificult to share those fears with someone because you trust them. Granted, it could also be construed as handing someone a weapon to hurt you with later, but you're not going to get anywhere or learn anything by keeping it bottled up inside and never trusting anyone.

 

[TantaLiza]

Hey Yankee!!


To answer your question... I've always been an honest person. I tend to be too honest if the truth be known! I may have even said this previously...

On a couple occasions here at Lit even, I've gone so far as to tell the person who seems to be interested in me how to use the search mode so they can make sure I've not done something they're put off by... it's easier rather than getting way interested to be put to pasture, so to speak.

I love meeting new and interesting people... even letting them into my life enough to "love" them to an extent... truth be known tho, I've learned the hard way a couple times that a long distance relationship isn't for me because I want and need everyday contact... phone calls and online play just doesn't fulfill me!!!

I've been alone for so very long that I've quit lookin... only prob now is that if it's offered, sometimes I'm a bit too eager...

*kickin myself* I need to learn... ~sigh~

-sense or senseless... lol