Dear X

Dear Quiet:
I appreciate the way you have moved into my house; it's often a welcome change. And I appreciate the way you have been able to fill some of the hours. So, I'm wondering if maybe you'd like to come visit my mind, especially late at night.
The door's always open.
Useless noise

Keep you head up and keep on keeping on JL, it does get better...I know...

If it visits you, please send it my way...My mind is constantly moving and I need quiet...

Hugs sweetie...

Disengaging an overactive mind or slowing down a boisterously busy household is a bit like herding cats. In the end it comes down to proper use of distraction. :)

Dear Garage Sale Customers,

If I have the item marked $15, please don't ask if I'll take $1. Fucking twats.

Signed,

Too old to be dealing with this shit.

Clowns, how many folks did you catch changing prices or trying to swipe stuff? It kills me, everything can be marked down to a steal of a deal and someone has to be a jerk.
 
Dear Uncle Ben,

You had such a great idea with your Boil in a Bag rice packets. How I love the idea of cooking a pre-measured packet of rice that drains itself! 2 cups of your tantalizing grain goes so well with so many dishes...in an entree or a side. Yet your dastardly plan to sabotage every single bag I've cooked from the last 2 boxes has worked in your favor. I see you over there...on the box, smirking cause you know as soon as I lift the bag from the water it will rip open and your tasty rice will spill out back into the water or bottom out in my sink. You just sit there watching...smiling and laughing on the inside because you know I will probably be dumb enough to buy another box with the thought that it couldn't possibly happen AGAIN. Well the jokes on YOU Uncle Ben. I'm buying a rice cooker. :rolleyes:

Signed,
You can't trick me thrice with your rice.
 
Dear Uncle Ben,

You had such a great idea with your Boil in a Bag rice packets. How I love the idea of cooking a pre-measured packet of rice that drains itself! 2 cups of your tantalizing grain goes so well with so many dishes...in an entree or a side. Yet your dastardly plan to sabotage every single bag I've cooked from the last 2 boxes has worked in your favor. I see you over there...on the box, smirking cause you know as soon as I lift the bag from the water it will rip open and your tasty rice will spill out back into the water or bottom out in my sink. You just sit there watching...smiling and laughing on the inside because you know I will probably be dumb enough to buy another box with the thought that it couldn't possibly happen AGAIN. Well the jokes on YOU Uncle Ben. I'm buying a rice cooker. :rolleyes:

Signed,
You can't trick me thrice with your rice.

Dear Tricked,

I've been using this fine product for years, and have never had this problem. Maybe it's you?

Also I have a rice cooker, I will sell cheap. It's several years old and hasn't been used much, but you can have it for practically nothing. Contact me for mailing instructions.

Signed,

The Riceman Cometh
 
Dear Tricked,

I've been using this fine product for years, and have never had this problem. Maybe it's you?

Also I have a rice cooker, I will sell cheap. It's several years old and hasn't been used much, but you can have it for practically nothing. Contact me for mailing instructions.

Signed,

The Riceman Cometh

Dear Riceman,

Perhaps you're related to Uncle Ben and you're trying to trick me as well. Would that make you my cousin?? Hmmm I think I will pass on that rice cooker of yours since I think you are in cahoots with Uncle Ben. Thanks anyway...see ya at Thanksgiving. :)

Signed,

Your suspicious cousin.
 
Dear Riceman,

Perhaps you're related to Uncle Ben and you're trying to trick me as well. Would that make you my cousin?? Hmmm I think I will pass on that rice cooker of yours since I think you are in cahoots with Uncle Ben. Thanks anyway...see ya at Thanksgiving. :)

Signed,

Your suspicious cousin.

Dear Cousin,

Here's hoping you're at least a 3rd or 4th cousin, or this could get really weird ;)

Also, see you at the 4th of July picnic....I'll be the one with most of my teeth ;)

Signed,
Your :kiss:ing Cousin
 
Dear Uncle Ben,

You had such a great idea with your Boil in a Bag rice packets. How I love the idea of cooking a pre-measured packet of rice that drains itself! 2 cups of your tantalizing grain goes so well with so many dishes...in an entree or a side. Yet your dastardly plan to sabotage every single bag I've cooked from the last 2 boxes has worked in your favor. I see you over there...on the box, smirking cause you know as soon as I lift the bag from the water it will rip open and your tasty rice will spill out back into the water or bottom out in my sink. You just sit there watching...smiling and laughing on the inside because you know I will probably be dumb enough to buy another box with the thought that it couldn't possibly happen AGAIN. Well the jokes on YOU Uncle Ben. I'm buying a rice cooker. :rolleyes:

Signed,
You can't trick me thrice with your rice.

Dear Uncle Ben.....

One cup rice of your choosing. I use white or yellow Spanish rice

Pour into baking dish

Add one can condensed French onion soup

Top with one stick of butter....yes, one whole stick :)

Cover with foil. Bake at 325 for 30-45 minutes until rice is tender.

Sincerely,

You can thank me later
 
Dear Uncle Ben.....

One cup rice of your choosing. I use white or yellow Spanish rice

Pour into baking dish

Add one can condensed French onion soup

Top with one stick of butter....yes, one whole stick :)

Cover with foil. Bake at 325 for 30-45 minutes until rice is tender.

Sincerely,

You can thank me later

Dear generous chef.

Can I just come over for dinner?
I'll bring a bottle of wine.

Signed,
I can cook too, but yours sounds better.
 
Dear Uncle Ben.....

One cup rice of your choosing. I use white or yellow Spanish rice

Pour into baking dish

Add one can condensed French onion soup

Top with one stick of butter....yes, one whole stick :)

Cover with foil. Bake at 325 for 30-45 minutes until rice is tender.

Sincerely,

You can thank me later

Dear T4T, Thank you for reminding me of that particular rice dish. I've used something similar as side dishes and fooled people into actually believing I could do something more then subsistence level cooking. Now I know what's going on tomorrows supper menu.
 
Dear Uncle Ben.....

One cup rice of your choosing. I use white or yellow Spanish rice

Pour into baking dish

Add one can condensed French onion soup

Top with one stick of butter....yes, one whole stick :)

Cover with foil. Bake at 325 for 30-45 minutes until rice is tender.

Sincerely,

You can thank me later

Dear tasty side dish,

That sounds amazing and I will definitely try it! It will also save me the cost of a rice cooker!
Thanking you for the tip...

Signed,

Mmmmm rice is back on! :cathappy:
 
Dear Rice Cooking Cousins,
I was just throwing chicken bouillon in the water before adding brown rice. It tastes great, but now I think I'm missing something even better.

Your Cousin
Heading to the Grocery Now
 
Dear ricesters,

There are bags of rice that you microwave for a minute 30 seconds, and they are awesome and convenient.

Ricester.
 
Dear Rice Cooking Cousins,
I was just throwing chicken bouillon in the water before adding brown rice. It tastes great, but now I think I'm missing something even better.

Your Cousin
Heading to the Grocery Now

Dear Grocery Store Cousin,

We're related too? Aw, man.....this is gonna get weird. No wonder the family tree doesn't fork :rolleyes:

Signed,
Your banjo playing cousin
 
Dear habitual whiners,

Yes, the majority agree that the license plate design is ugly as a red-lipped bat fish . It's a done deal. (Well, after the redo.)
*shakes head*
Anyways, it's called a speciality plate. Suck it up or look like the rest of us yahoos. You'll be fine, I promise.

Regards,

Future Yahoo
 
Dear Jehovah's Witnesses who keep knocking at my door-

I've told you not to come back more than once. I was nice about it the first time. The second I told you to put me on a "do not visit" list and if you don't have one, make one. The third time I yelled at you and told you not to come back. I don't like people knocking on my door and I told you that.

... And now you're back. And it's the same two assholes as the last time. Now I'm going to put a "No Religious People Allowed" sign on my patio and if you show the fuck up again I'm going to shove that Watchtower bullshit up your asses.

Getting pretty goddamned sick of all your shit,

-A very aggravated and slightly curmudgeonly atheist.
 
Dear Jehovah's Witnesses who keep knocking at my door-

I've told you not to come back more than once. I was nice about it the first time. The second I told you to put me on a "do not visit" list and if you don't have one, make one. The third time I yelled at you and told you not to come back. I don't like people knocking on my door and I told you that.

... And now you're back. And it's the same two assholes as the last time. Now I'm going to put a "No Religious People Allowed" sign on my patio and if you show the fuck up again I'm going to shove that Watchtower bullshit up your asses.

Getting pretty goddamned sick of all your shit,

-A very aggravated and slightly curmudgeonly atheist.

Dear Atheist,

Take off your clothes before you answer the door. I answered the door with a tank and panties (boy shorts) and the two at my door (a man & woman) could not leave my door fast enough. They didn't even give me one of the flyers in their hands.

To my credit I thought it was the UPS guy who drops my boxes and runs so I didn't know there would be someone on the other side of the door.

~Oops
 
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