Dear X

[Little_Sister]

Dear Microwave,

Thank you for being the ADHD of cooking. You have turned me into a chef. Why spend 45 minutes baking a potato when I can wrap it in a paper towel and cook it for 6 minutes? Why take 20 minutes to grill a couple of hotdogs when I can open a door and hit 45 seconds and start? Plus you beep to let me know my food is ready thus allowing me to get the condiments and buns ready by the time you finish. You are my cooking soulmate and even though my arteries want to fist fuck you, my lazy ass and lack of culinary skills thank you greatly.

Signed,

BEEEEEEEEEEEP

My corn dogs are done.

Dear Arteries,

I made steamed broccoli in the microwave for lunch. It's the hot dogs that your arteries are cussing not the 2nd best invention ever made. The first best invention being porn of course.

Signed,

Cock Pocket

 

[ShelbyBubbles]

Dear Microwave,

Thank you for being the ADHD of cooking. You have turned me into a chef. Why spend 45 minutes baking a potato when I can wrap it in a paper towel and cook it for 6 minutes? Why take 20 minutes to grill a couple of hotdogs when I can open a door and hit 45 seconds and start? Plus you beep to let me know my food is ready thus allowing me to get the condiments and buns ready by the time you finish. You are my cooking soulmate and even though my arteries want to fist fuck you, my lazy ass and lack of culinary skills thank you greatly.

Signed,

BEEEEEEEEEEEP

My corn dogs are done.

Dear Arteries,

I made steamed broccoli in the microwave for lunch. It's the hot dogs that your arteries are cussing not the 2nd best invention ever made. The first best invention being porn of course.

Signed,

Cock Pocket

L-O-Friggen-L....the both of you!

 

[peekingone]

Dear Arteries,

I made steamed broccoli in the microwave for lunch. It's the hot dogs that your arteries are cussing not the 2nd best invention ever made. The first best invention being porn of course.

Signed,

Cock Pocket

Lmfao you are to much

 

[SomeoneFamiliar]

Dear meatloaf,
You smell divine. I need you to finish cooking so I can put you in my mouth and savor.
Signed,
Starving and salivating


(No, not the meatloaf of the 80's.)

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Arteries,

I made steamed broccoli in the microwave for lunch. It's the hot dogs that your arteries are cussing not the 2nd best invention ever made. The first best invention being porn of course.

Signed,

Cock Pocket

Dear Link Liker,

The only time my 2nd greatest invention steams is when I leave the tin foil on.

Signed,

What the fuck is Broccoli?

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Dear X,

You took your friendship away from me. If you were truly a friend in the first place, you would have taken the time to listen to me and understand my point of view instead of get self-righteous and try to punish me and make me feel bad.

Our friendship meant a lot to me, but apparently you can toss people aside very easily. I can see that your words meant nothing, your actions speak louder than words. And now that you've let it go, quit stalking me on the threads. If you don't want my friendship, you certainly don't deserve to know what's going on in my life, nor do you have the right to comment on it.

Your loss.

Signed, former friend

 

[jameslewis]

Dear landscaping assistant -
Doggone it. You work hard, and quickly too. You probably make more holes, in less time, than any helper I've ever had. Your dogged determination to get in there and make a contribution is remarkable. But really, I'd rather you just laid on the deck and chewed your bone, or your toys.

 

[newbiebabe]

Dear landscaping assistant -
Doggone it. You work hard, and quickly too. You probably make more holes, in less time, than any helper I've ever had. Your dogged determination to get in there and make a contribution is remarkable. But really, I'd rather you just laid on the deck and chewed your bone, or your toys.

lol... I guess this should go in the what made me smile today thread.

 

[Titts4Tatts]

Dear landscaping assistant -
Doggone it. You work hard, and quickly too. You probably make more holes, in less time, than any helper I've ever had. Your dogged determination to get in there and make a contribution is remarkable. But really, I'd rather you just laid on the deck and chewed your bone, or your toys.

Dear Landscaping Litster

I can't imagine any assistant. Or anyone for that matter who wouldn't give it their all to please you. Just to hear you say "good girl" over a job well done

Signed : jealous of a pup litster

 

[ydahecnot]

Dear Landscaping Litster

I can't imagine any assistant. Or anyone for that matter who wouldn't give it their all to please you. Just to hear you say "good girl" over a job well done

Signed : jealous of a pup litster

Dear Jealous Litster,

Sounds as if someone else wants a bone.

Litster

 

[jameslewis]

Dear Posters that only use lower-case letters:
We are the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Sincerely,
Capital letters

 

[barefootgirl69]

Dear Posters that only use lower-case letters:
We are the difference between helping your uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Sincerely,
Capital letters

Dear Capital Letters,

You mean 'Uncle Jack' - right?

Sincerely,
Willing to Risk a Spanking

 

[jameslewis]

Dear Capital Letters,

You mean 'Uncle Jack' - right?

Sincerely,
Willing to Risk a Spanking

Dear Willing:

You May Collect At Your Convenience. Thank You

Grammatically Impaired

 

[starrynightin64]

Dear Posters that only use lower-case letters:
We are the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Sincerely,
Capital letters

Dear Capital Letters,

You mean 'Uncle Jack' - right?

Sincerely,
Willing to Risk a Spanking

oh dear... trying not to laugh.
since I'm typing with 1 hand due to the sling....
but I don't have an uncle jack....
am I in trouble too?

 

[barefootgirl69]

oh dear... trying not to laugh.
since I'm typing with 1 hand due to the sling....
but I don't have an uncle jack....
am I in trouble too?

Dear Laughing Litster,

If your hands are busy
but they are only doing good things
and not REALLY good things,
I'd say 'YES, emphatically YES...
you are in trouble, indeed!'

Sincerely,
Don't Know Jack Litster

(I keep getting these two threads mixed up! )

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Bitch,

You can look at me like this all you want, but you're the one who farted and woke yourself up. Don't blame your paint peelers on me. They're foul. Oh and by the way, you need to work on that Bitchy Resting Face. Try smiling every now and then.

Signed,

Needing a gas mask

 

[BlackCashmere]

Dear Bitch,

You can look at me like this all you want, but you're the one who farted and woke yourself up. Don't blame your paint peelers on me. They're foul. Oh and by the way, you need to work on that Bitchy Resting Face. Trying smiling every now and then.

Signed,

Needing a gas mask

Ha ha ha ha ha...

 

[IhateClowns]

Ha ha ha ha ha...

Pretty much

 

[TongueLust]

Dear Mom,

I miss you so much.

 

[EroticRomanticMan]

Dear Blue Grass State litster. I'm waiting to here how the date went that you had to wear cute panties on. Did they come off? Were they totally unnecessary and you could have just worn old white ones? Inquiring minds are waiting!!!

 

[ydahecnot]

Dear Ero,

Old white panties are never necessary.

Litster

 

[pfflyerhot]

Dear neighbor,
Just know that whenever you hear me say "shit" when I'm out in my yard, I'm actually not swearing. I mean it literally.
Cleaning up the Dog Crap Litster

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Dear Blue Grass State litster. I'm waiting to here how the date went that you had to wear cute panties on. Did they come off? Were they totally unnecessary and you could have just worn old white ones? Inquiring minds are waiting!!!

Dear Obsessed with My Date Panties Litster,

Let's just say that the panties ended up on the floor at one point. Now whether that was at the end of the night when I was undressing for bed, or during some hot rough sex - well, that's above your pay grade

Sincerely,

Litster dating in the Bluegrass State

 

[Minalick]

Dear neighbor,
Just know that whenever you hear me say "shit" when I'm out in my yard, I'm actually not swearing. I mean it literally.
Cleaning up the Dog Crap Litster

Dear pooper-scooper,
I feel ya, doing the same.

 

[DarkSimian]

Dear Obsessed with My Date Panties Litster,

Let's just say that the panties ended up on the floor at one point. Now whether that was at the end of the night when I was undressing for bed, or during some hot rough sex - well, that's above your pay grade

Sincerely,

Litster dating in the Bluegrass State

Dear BlueGrass Dater,

I'm just going to make up a story about your panties any way. Just so you know...

Sincerely,

Fantasy Loving Litster