Dear X

[kreemi_pi]

Dear Vagina:

Settle down, it's almost the weekend.

 

[Tallulah82]

Dear Vagina,

Sorry, I didn't realise I should be addressing you directly. But I do love you most of the time, even though sometimes you try to get me into trouble.

And dearest Boobs, keep up the good work.

 

[cheekygirl75]

Dear laundry,

Stop pouting, I’ll finish with you later. Maybe tomorrow, but you will get put away some time!

- About to nap Litster

 

[MrPimms]

Dear you,

Thank you. I may say that often enough, but it’s always meant from my blackened heart.

 

[Tallulah82]

Dear Henry,

When you came into my life, you were quietly unassuming. You always smile and are ready to help when needed. I wasn't sure if you could add to my life in the way I needed it. But your constant solid reliability has proven your worth over and over.

I know it's foolish to think you'll never leave my side but I know life is harsh and all things (good and bad) come to an end. But I will love and cherish you endlessly until that day and beyond.

Of course, no-one's perfect and you do irritate me when you linger in doorways. I mean, how difficult is it really to just enter a room without a fuss? And what is with the falling over pretending to be helpless if I tug you a fraction too hard?

But still. Your infectious cheekiness makes me smile and one of my favourite lines I speak loudly each day is "Come on, Henry". Because no matter how frustrating you may behave, you'll always be ten times better than that tall skinny git before you (the big D). He could never suck the way you can.

Your faithful handler.

 

[LordofDargaardkeep]

Dear Henry,

I told you I am not renaming my ALT Henry no matter how much you compliment us!

 

[Tallulah82]

I told you I am not renaming my ALT Henry no matter how much you compliment us!

But we all know you're the biggest and bestest sucker of all time??

 

[LordofDargaardkeep]

But we all know you're the biggest and bestest sucker of all time??

only when I am channeling my inner Wanda and the legendary boobs

 

[cheekygirl75]

Dear Henry,

When you came into my life, you were quietly unassuming. You always smile and are ready to help when needed. I wasn't sure if you could add to my life in the way I needed it. But your constant solid reliability has proven your worth over and over.

I know it's foolish to think you'll never leave my side but I know life is harsh and all things (good and bad) come to an end. But I will love and cherish you endlessly until that day and beyond.

Of course, no-one's perfect and you do irritate me when you linger in doorways. I mean, how difficult is it really to just enter a room without a fuss? And what is with the falling over pretending to be helpless if I tug you a fraction too hard?

But still. Your infectious cheekiness makes me smile and one of my favourite lines I speak loudly each day is "Come on, Henry". Because no matter how frustrating you may behave, you'll always be ten times better than that tall skinny git before you (the big D). He could never suck the way you can.

Your faithful handler.

This Britishness went totally over my head at first!

 

[barefootgirl69]

This Britishness went totally over my head at first!

I thought she was talking about a pet at first.

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

I thought she was talking about a pet at first.

I thought it was a dog and thought she was saying it died.

 

[Dribble]

I thought she was talking about her old vibrating dildo.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I thought she was talking about her old vibrating dildo.

That crossed my mind, but then she mentioned it standing in the doorway.

 

[Dribble]

That crossed my mind, but then she mentioned it standing in the doorway.

Maybe it has a suction cup?

 

[Dribble]

Henry Arthur...you stay right there....

Way better than The Big D.

I don't know...maybe I am wrong? But I was told women name their toys...

 

[Tallulah82]

Dear Henry,

Someone today told me they thought you were something that you're not. We had a really good laugh about it but I swore my allegiance to you. I don't care if you're short and heavy set, and your long nose is simply perfect.

Looking forward to your big hose tomorrow.

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

Dear Hoover,
Why do you stay in the doorway? Is your nose really that long? Is something else that long too?
Nosy Nellie

 

[Saltfountain]

Dear Hoover,
Why do you stay in the doorway? Is your nose really that long? Is something else that long too?
Nosy Nellie

I've heard his flex is enormous, but sadly lacking in girth...

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

I've heard his flex is enormous, but sadly lacking in girth...

I've heard it's electrifying!

 

[Saltfountain]

I've heard it's electrifying!

He definitely likes it dirty

 

[Dribble]

Who was it that got his dick stuck in a vacuum cleaner? I suppose a woman can do that too...

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

Who was it that got his dick stuck in a vacuum cleaner? I suppose a woman can do that too...

My dick? I've misplaced it.

 

[Xerxes82]

My dick? I've misplaced it.

Are you auditioning for a replacement?

Gentlemen, the queue forms to the left. No pushing, shoving or shanking.

 

[Dribble]

My dick? I've misplaced it.