Dear X

[Wings27]

Dear Me, Myself and I,

This lonely thing has to stop. So, let's continue trying hard to contain your craziness. Apparently what's going on with you at the current moment is working well. Stop second guessing it and just embrace it. Them. It. Right then.

Good luck.

 

[red_lynn]

Dear X,

That Karma sure is a bitch isn't she!? Maybe if you'd pull your head out of your ass she'd leave you alone.

Your less than sympathetic former friend

 

[someoneyouknow]

Dear Life,

This Saturday will probably be the last time in a long while that I will get to relax and have people do what I tell them without them asking stupid questions, not follow simple directions or argue with me about what I told them to do.

Don't screw it up. I don't want to hear excuses about why you had to put a five mile traffic jam in front of me, why the trains weren't doing what they do every other day except the day I'm there or any other reason why you saw fit to screw me over (again).

I still have that butter knife at the ready to flay your sorry ass if you even think about doing something stupid or trying to push my buttons.

Are we clear?

Me

 

[EnglishRoseFox]

Dear Big Smoke

Look out! I got a funky new hairstyle, some hot new gear and cash to buy plenty more in your fine retail establishments this weekend. I also intend to behave very badly in some of your most exciting eating drinking and merriment venues and maybe in other places too!

Be prepared.....be very prepared.....I'm back in town!

You can take the girl out of.......

 

[NattyBumppo]

Dear Pompous Author,

It's a book about baseball stadiums, for heaven's sake. Was it really necessary to use the word triptych? And prosopopoeia...twice?! At over five hundred pages long, you hardly needed to pad the book by showing off your vocabulary. A page and a half dedicated to yourself? Well, to quote a very learned scholar who doesn't possess nearly the vocabulary that you do, that's just lame...

Bob Costas probably regrets writing the forward now.

Disappointed I Paid As Much As I Did For This Book

 

[Jekyll87]

Dear Boss,

You think you own me on the pittance you give me ? You actually had the audacity to suggest that I work on sunday when I'm actually working on saturdays without any extra pay, and my salary is already a month late ?

I'm quitting the job next week. I dare you to find anyone who can bring in as much money as me on the nonexistent salary you pay.

Yours,
Giving you the finger behind your back employee.

 

[misfortunex]

Dear AS or BB or FF (my pet names for you depend on my mood)

Just dropping you a quick line, to let you know, that have you have clearly mistaken me for someone that gives a fuck.

Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

Fondest regards

Someone who really doesn't give a fuck

 

[Polynikes]

Dear shoulder,

I know. I know I swung too hard, too often. But dammit, that guy had already hurt two girls playing bad volleyball, he NEEDED to have the world "Wilson" tattooed across his forehead and I wasn't going to stop swinging until it happened. Thank you for lasting until I got him good, and I promise not to swing hard at tomorrow's game at ALL.

Unless he comes back for more.

Sincerely,

It's a satisfied hurt

 

[MrEd63]

Dear Management,
Thank you for doing the right thing by me ,
A very grateful employee

 

[misfortunex]

Dear Ethan

I love you. Your jeans. Your tee. Your scarf. Your hair. Your voice. Your choice of KOL. Your call to your mom AWWWWWWWW you.

Hopelessly devoted and all that....

 

[kendra1980]

Dear Libido...

While you are typically VERY good to me, I think today you are a bit hyper.

No, I know you are.

While I like the effect when someone is with me, when I am home alone, and have already been through the boot box, am thinking of the shower massage, and you know...that one doorknob looks interesting...

What was it I was saying?

Oh, yes....please take it down to a dull roar.

 

[theravenfox]

Dear X,

I find it very difficult to want to talk to you, interact with you, much less fuck you, when you spend all of your free time chewing on my ass. I know I'm not perfect. I know I should be more attentive to you, but you are really creating a vicious cycle.

Arguing is not foreplay. Criticism is not good conversation fodder. You want to know why I spend so much time on Lit? You'd be hard pressed to find a single person who's had a negative thing to say about me. And you are supposed to love me!

Signed,
Achy from the beatdown

 

[GoldenGams]

Dear Heathers 1, 2 and 3:

Enjoy your QB antics while you can. This Veronica is taking her skills and what's left of her health and sanity and moving on.


Dear Hubby:

I really appreciate you eating a pound of Golden Oreos in front of me while I'm trying to keep it clean for a while.


Dear Rude Callers to the Office:

I don't care who you are ... I do not play the "who is this" game. You called me, damnit!

 

[RavenousRae]

Dear Football teams,

Please don't suck, just try. It would make me happier.

Sincerely,
Still your fan

 

[DoRaMe]

Dear Life....

You suck sometimes...

Feel Like Running Away Litster

 

[theravenfox]

Dear X,

Perhaps you did not receive my previous correspondence. I can only assume you did not because you have once again jumped on my ass and have commenced chewing. It is an honest shame that we could not last the car ride home without you getting back into critical mode. The car ride, in case you weren't timing it, was ten minutes long.

This particular argument that you started...even giving the standard disclaimer before beginning ("I don't meant to pick a fight, BUT...") is an old one. It's gotten to the point we have it almost daily. I have stated my opinion each and every time you bring this up. I am not going to change my opinion. The subject is my property, by way of our agreement when entering into this business. Therefore, I have to make the final decision. And I have made that decision. I am confident in that decision. I am sticking to that decision. Standing there yelling "This time, I'm right" is rather meaningless when you think you are ALWAYS right. You have even made the statement that you are always right. In those words. Yes, you really do come across as obnoxious and abrasive when you say that and I cannot tell you how COUNTERPRODUCTIVE it is to any and all arguments you try to present. My ears close, my mind shuts...I no longer care what you have to say once you have made that DUMBASS statement.

In any case, I'm tired of arguing with you. The sad thing is, I'd been planning on fucking you when I got you home. I was in the mood, but I couldn't get you to shut up long enough to keep me there. So, you talked yourself out of an awesome fuck and you didn't even know the offer was on the table.

So, what have we learned? Obnoxiousness + Deliberately Picking A Fight = No Ticket To Paradise

Sincerely,
She Of The Opposite Opinion

 

[border_humper]

Dear Brain--

It is about time you got around to realizing that this is such a kick butt thread. What took you so long? Are you a moron?

Remind me to never get into an argument with any of these folk. I'm pretty sure I'd get my ass handed to me on a platter. Don't even think you might get lucky and catch a break.

Regards,

Humper's Subconscious

 

[call_me_Melody]

Dear Friend...
It is so not you. You know it's not you. Trust in yourself and what you know and what he said not what he didn't.

Life is good and what you make it and its time for a little chase I believe.
In the meantime... eat some chocolate and get some sleep.

Melody

 

[theravenfox]

Dear Fists,

I remember the days when I gave you free rein. I remember the times when I let you handle my conflicts and resolve my differences. You were good to me. I could clench you and back down most adversaries. You gave me confidence. Then, I matured, and decided that I should put you away for good...allowing Logic and Reason and Vocabulary take up the good fight.

I just want to say that I thought about you tonight. I wanted to take you out, dust you off and KNOCK HIM ON HIS ASS. Thank you for showing restraint even though it is not in your nature. Thank you for refraining from shutting him up like he so richly deserved.

Sincerely,
The Brain

 

[Azuldrgon]

Dear Beast of Burden:

Okay, you win.
I am taking you to the mechanic Monday morning. I have a feeling the other two are ignorant of what is really wrong with you.
Once you get fixed, you are committed til next March. Otherwise, the thought of C4 in your engine is still a fresh thought within my brain.

Glutton for Punishment

 

[bisolom]

Dear Fists,

I remember the days when I gave you free rein. I remember the times when I let you handle my conflicts and resolve my differences. You were good to me. I could clench you and back down most adversaries. You gave me confidence. Then, I matured, and decided that I should put you away for good...allowing Logic and Reason and Vocabulary take up the good fight.

I just want to say that I thought about you tonight. I wanted to take you out, dust you off and KNOCK HIM ON HIS ASS. Thank you for showing restraint even though it is not in your nature. Thank you for refraining from shutting him up like he so richly deserved.

Sincerely,
The Brain

Dear The Brain,

I will gladly volunteer as a punching bag if that helps.

Grizzly Bear Guy

 

[hdlynnette]

Dear Husband,

I give up..you win.

 

[kendra1980]

Dear Husband,

I give up..you win.

Dear Gorgeous Blondey Girl....

come talk to me, I'm staying home.

...and he wins, cuz he got you, didn't he

 

[misfortunex]

Dear White Bits

GMTA. Whatever you want it to be.

Thinking

 

[karie44]

Dear pubic hair,

BYE!