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Dear Clowns

BradBigBrain said:
Dear Clowns,

I'm a big fucking fat dude. I'm huge. I'm not good looking. I have a great job, though, even though I'll be fired no matter what happens. I fucking swear a lot and it's part of the job, and that seems to get media people's attention. I don't spend a lot of fucking time at home because my job takes me to places all over the fucking US.

Now. Here's my fucking problem. I'm a fucking public person...and somehow recently a newspaper in the city that I work in has come across videos of what looks like my wife and her feet taken by someone (who is talking to her and sounds a lot like me) who really loves feet.

I'm not fucking say the goddam video was of her or not.

I just want to be fucking left alone with my game tapes and my bottle of baby oil. I mean...my wife's video and my team. Um not the baby oil....oh fuck it. I needs me some fucking advice on how to deal with the shitheads in the media.

Sign me...
Sexy Rexy
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I say own up to it Rexy. Everyone fell in love with you on HBO's HardKnocks. I say just own up to it and say yes I love my wife's feet. Fuck you at least i am not sucking on another woman's feet. Look around us all these guys have been caught cheating. So what if I like my own wife's feet.

I would vote for the first president to own up to smoking weed and having some sort of kinky sex fetish. Yes I pee on my wife but I have a solution for the debt we are in. Good deal tell me about both. You now have my vote.
 
Dear Clownz,

It's nice to see your smiling face.

That is all. :eek: Okay, I'm also going to be on the lookout for some good stories from you next year.

Oh wait-- have you ever heard of the comedienne Mike Birbiglia? He's my favorite and you remind me of him a little bit.

:heart:
Sidney
 
teknight said:
When did clowns get dear? And by dear I mean expensive.
Click to expand...

When the craigslist ads stopped getting answered. When Mildred decided enough was enough and needed to kick me out of her craft-o-matic adjustable bed. Her pocket book closing up around her bony hands crushed me. So now I charge for any servide rendered. You should have seen the grocery store bagger when I asked him for a tip.
 
Sidney_1 said:
Dear Clownz,

It's nice to see your smiling face.

That is all. :eek: Okay, I'm also going to be on the lookout for some good stories from you next year.

Oh wait-- have you ever heard of the comedienne Mike Birbiglia? He's my favorite and you remind me of him a little bit.

:heart:
Sidney
Click to expand...

There were a few good stories on this trip, I just need to find someone who can tell a good story to tell them for me. I tend to studder, rant, and ramble when I tell them. Half way through it the reader is pretty bored. I am working on it though.

Thank you for the compliment on the AV. Always nerve racking putting up a picture of yourself for the world to see. Maybe that is why I don't get many PM's anymore Hmmmmmmmm. Might need to take it down and quickly put up a sweaty, oiled, tanned fella with 6 pack abs huh?

Oh and never heard of the comedian. Will look him up ;)
 
IhateClowns said:
Thank you for the compliment on the AV. Always nerve racking putting up a picture of yourself for the world to see. Maybe that is why I don't get many PM's anymore Hmmmmmmmm. Might need to take it down and quickly put up a sweaty, oiled, tanned fella with 6 pack abs huh?
Click to expand...

I should think if you painted your face white, and overly accentuated your lips with a bright red coloring, and maybe pinkened your cheeks a little, the PM's would be flying back in.
 
Dear Clowns,

I have a cold...any recommended remedies that is sure to work like a treat? Be nice, play naughty.

Thank you.

From snotty Bo
 
Dear Clowns,

I want to make a list of New Year's resolutions, but the only ones I can think of are the same ol' same ol'. You know...lose weight, get into shape, quit all of my vices, etc. etc.

Do you have any that us Litsters could all resolve to at least give a try? I'm thinking stuff like - use no alts, post who you really are, quit using others' photos for your own, no more keyboard kourage (with respect ONLY to flame wars, not nekkid lady pictures).

Thanks,
B
 
NorthernPA4U said:
I should think if you painted your face white, and overly accentuated your lips with a bright red coloring, and maybe pinkened your cheeks a little, the PM's would be flying back in.
Click to expand...

Then I would look like some of the folks in the AmPic threads. No offense to them as it takes serious balls to throw yourself out there like that but I guarantee I would enjoy the pics more if you didn't paint your face up like a whore and maybe cleaned up around you a bit.

Nothing more unsexy then a woman trying to be sexy with a ton of make-up and her baby crawling around in the back of the pic :rolleyes:
 
BodaciousBitch said:
Dear Clowns,

I have a cold...any recommended remedies that is sure to work like a treat? Be nice, play naughty.

Thank you.

From snotty Bo
Click to expand...

I had a thread dedicated to my cold and I learned one thing. Wait it out. I tried a bunch of different remedies and none really worth. The only thing that did wirk for me was medicated hazes. Those at least numbed the pain a bit.

I am sorry you are going through it especially during the holidays. Medicate and drink lots of fluids. When they pass out the champagne tonight grab two glasses ;)
 
Dear Clowns

I looked for the lap wriggling thread, but couldn't find it so.........*bends down to whisper in your ear* I hope the new year is full to the brim of everything you could wish for' ;)

Hugs from the rock tosser
 
BradBigBrain said:
Dear Clowns,

I want to make a list of New Year's resolutions, but the only ones I can think of are the same ol' same ol'. You know...lose weight, get into shape, quit all of my vices, etc. etc.

Do you have any that us Litsters could all resolve to at least give a try? I'm thinking stuff like - use no alts, post who you really are, quit using others' photos for your own, no more keyboard kourage (with respect ONLY to flame wars, not nekkid lady pictures).

Thanks,
B
Click to expand...

There are lots of NY's Resolutions I could think of for Lit members including myself. I think first and foremost NO MORE COCK AVs. Seriously I am tired of opening up a post and seeing something trying to poke me in the eye. I appreciate the fellas who use the wide angle zoomed lens to make their dicks look like a baby's arm but bottom line is we all know it is 5-6" and as thin as a #2 pencil so enough already.

For those of you that don't have avs it makes it kind of difficult to rate yours so unless you have an av I am going to skip you on the av rating thread. The whole point of the thread is to rate your av. If you do no have an AV go to the letters threads and post a 100 words. I know that is alot but look at it as a homework assignment from lit. Find a 100 words in the dictionary and type them in. Then you can put up an av of a young fella with muscles galore or a woman with a perfect figure and pass it off as yourself. I mean who cares if you are 50 plus years old with an av of a 25 year old Abercrombie and Fitch model.

I mentioned the last one above but will again. If you are taking the time to post pics of yourself do it with some sort of class or dignity. I mean the baby toys in the background is a bit much don't you think? The half eaten pop tart and Budweiser Tall Boy is NOT a lovely addition to the photo of you bent over the couch with a babydoll look on your face. It detracts from the pic believe it or not. Oh and if I can see the cam or camera in the reflection of your make-up then I am letting you know now you are wearing too much.

Why can I judge you since I don't have a picture thread? Simple because I am a slob, I have terrible lighting in my house and I wear a TON of make-up so I know better.
 
Morrigu said:
Dear Clowns

I looked for the lap wriggling thread, but couldn't find it so.........*bends down to whisper in your ear* I hope the new year is full to the brim of everything you could wish for' ;)

Hugs from the rock tosser
Click to expand...

Yeah Santa retired after the lack of feelings in his upper thighs became permanent. Thank you for the well wishes. I hope you get everything you wish for and more. Me? I just want some rice krispy treats. For some reason those sound really good.

Happy New Year M
 
Dear Clowns,

I've never written to you before, but you give out such wonderful advice I just had to drop by.

How do I convince all of my new friends here on Lit that, although I find them all wonderfully flattering, that I can't possibly accomodate all of their perverted requests? I'm really not that kind of girl.

Innocently yours,
ella
 
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