Dear Clowns
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IhateClowns
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I get asked this question at least twice a week on my radio show. By radio show I mean I never really get asked this question. Do snakes stretch? No they don't. To relax they actually constrict. They are stretched all day everyday. It is a pain in the ass for them to eat. They are stretched out and engorged on rodents. To relax they like to constrict and get under a rock. Then wait for a lost pedestrian to come along strike at them and then giggle as their partner pees on their ankle to numb the poison.
availableslave2u
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dear clowns,
why did santa choose reindeer and not moose to guide his sleigh?
do you think rudolph's nose was red from drinking?
how does santa get back up the chimney?
is a blow job an acceptable christmas gift?
signed,
wondering about christmas
why did santa choose reindeer and not moose to guide his sleigh?
do you think rudolph's nose was red from drinking?
how does santa get back up the chimney?
is a blow job an acceptable christmas gift?
signed,
wondering about christmas
mickyp123
JBQ's Dragon. Always
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Fangk you Clowns, did you mean pain in the Asp rather than ass?
kendra1980
book writing :)
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Dear Clowns,
I've often wondered...when does it stop being partly cloudy and become partly sunny?
Is there a line in the sky that tells you when to switch over?
I've often wondered...when does it stop being partly cloudy and become partly sunny?
Is there a line in the sky that tells you when to switch over?
IhateClowns
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Because trying to land moose upon rooftops would be a scary and hazardous task. It is difficult enough trying to land reindeer on rooftops because everytime they see headlights they freeze up and end up plummeting towards the street until Santa uses his taser gun to snap them out of it. Santas trip really is a harrowing ride and moose would just make it even worse.
I think rudolphs nose was red from all the crying sniffling and sneezing he did due to all the games he was never allowed to play. I think it was already red prior to him hitting the bottle. Once that peppermint schnapps kicked it it just made all the bad go away for him, but his nose became brighter and brighter.
Santa doesn't go down the himney in actuality. That is an urban myth. Actually Santa picks your front doors locks. He has become schooled in the art of breaking and entering. I mean how else do you explain him leaving presents under your tree when you don't even have a chimney?
Depends on who you are blowing to be honest. Oh and also how good you are at it. If you are a teeth raker I cannot imagine a more horrible gift to give someone then a skinned cock.
IhateClowns
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Look the Crocodile Hunter is dead. I don't think we should drag semantics into this...Just saying
IhateClowns
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Hmmmmmm I like your answers. I should have read down further to see that question had been answered. As you can see I have no clue what I am talking about and just pull shit out of my dome when I read the question. I never knew there were actual answers to these questions. Thank you friend for enlightening me....
IhateClowns
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Dear Atmospheric Pressure watcher,
Yes it is simple. We can do it together. Look up right now. Do you see the sun? If so then it is partly sunny. Did you see clouds because the sun had dipped behind them? If so then it is partly cloudy. If that doesn't work just lick your finger and stick it up in the air. That will tell you which way the wind is blowing.
NorthernPA4U
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Dear Clowns,
My daughter has been looking for just the right Christmas gift for her boyfriend. We have been traipsing through tack shops, even though he lives in an apartment downtown. (I just figured he was boarding a horse.)
Last night, she confided that she was looking for blinders. They weren't intended as a gift for his horse.
I have to admit, I really wondered if she was a bit crazy in her choice for a gift, considering everything that I saw.
My question:
What is a reasonable price for blinders this year? I think she paid too much.
Sincerely,
Retired Grinch assistant
My daughter has been looking for just the right Christmas gift for her boyfriend. We have been traipsing through tack shops, even though he lives in an apartment downtown. (I just figured he was boarding a horse.)
Last night, she confided that she was looking for blinders. They weren't intended as a gift for his horse.
I have to admit, I really wondered if she was a bit crazy in her choice for a gift, considering everything that I saw.
My question:
What is a reasonable price for blinders this year? I think she paid too much.
Sincerely,
Retired Grinch assistant
IhateClowns
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You can get them at the Dollar Tree store right now. They are on sale for .99 cents. They are right next to the 1/2 ply toilet paper and toothbrush with 3 bristles. If you paid more then that then you got completely ripped off.
NorthernPA4U
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The perfect stocking stuffer
1/2 ply toilet paper for under a dollar? How many rolls in that package, and do you think they will be sold out if I leave right now?
1/2 ply toilet paper for under a dollar? How many rolls in that package, and do you think they will be sold out if I leave right now?
Last edited:
mickyp123
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Nooo, its my fault, after all the question was addressed to you so there is no reason why you should think it had been answered
i deleted mine cos of the different answers lol.IhateClowns
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They just got more stock in so you should be safe. There is nothing better then 1/2 ply TP...that razor burned swap ass feeling you get from wiping with it is truly refreshing. Nevermind the 10 minute under scalding hot water hand washing you have to do due to the paper ripping to shreds as it glides between your cheeks.
NorthernPA4U
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IhateClowns
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Nooo, its my fault, after all the question was addressed to you so there is no reason why you should think it had been answered
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO no deletions allowed in this thread otherwise half my shit would be deleted by now..LOL
IhateClowns
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Hand washing?
I meant finger licking
NorthernPA4U
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I can't top that one!
But, of course, having moved to Oklahoma, you had an advantage on me.
IhateClowns
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LOL touche' my friend
DayMaker
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Dear Clowns,
What do I get the twatwad, who has everything, for Christmas? He spends exactly 92 seconds picking out something for me, so I (being in the totally giving mood) want to carefully spend the same amount of time finding that special something for him. He likes zombies, boobs, comic books, and himself.
Any insight you could give would be much appreciated.
Yours truly,
I'm so over it
What do I get the twatwad, who has everything, for Christmas? He spends exactly 92 seconds picking out something for me, so I (being in the totally giving mood) want to carefully spend the same amount of time finding that special something for him. He likes zombies, boobs, comic books, and himself.
Any insight you could give would be much appreciated.
Yours truly,
I'm so over it
IhateClowns
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I would buy him a subscription to playboy and a bottle of lotion....
DayMaker
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Thank you! However, I think I'm going to sub the Playboy for a mirror.
Merry Christmas!!!!
ivantheterrible
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B
BradBigBrain
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Dear Clowns,
I'm a big fucking fat dude. I'm huge. I'm not good looking. I have a great job, though, even though I'll be fired no matter what happens. I fucking swear a lot and it's part of the job, and that seems to get media people's attention. I don't spend a lot of fucking time at home because my job takes me to places all over the fucking US.
Now. Here's my fucking problem. I'm a fucking public person...and somehow recently a newspaper in the city that I work in has come across videos of what looks like my wife and her feet taken by someone (who is talking to her and sounds a lot like me) who really loves feet.
I'm not fucking say the goddam video was of her or not.
I just want to be fucking left alone with my game tapes and my bottle of baby oil. I mean...my wife's video and my team. Um not the baby oil....oh fuck it. I needs me some fucking advice on how to deal with the shitheads in the media.
Sign me...
Sexy Rexy
I'm a big fucking fat dude. I'm huge. I'm not good looking. I have a great job, though, even though I'll be fired no matter what happens. I fucking swear a lot and it's part of the job, and that seems to get media people's attention. I don't spend a lot of fucking time at home because my job takes me to places all over the fucking US.
Now. Here's my fucking problem. I'm a fucking public person...and somehow recently a newspaper in the city that I work in has come across videos of what looks like my wife and her feet taken by someone (who is talking to her and sounds a lot like me) who really loves feet.
I'm not fucking say the goddam video was of her or not.
I just want to be fucking left alone with my game tapes and my bottle of baby oil. I mean...my wife's video and my team. Um not the baby oil....oh fuck it. I needs me some fucking advice on how to deal with the shitheads in the media.
Sign me...
Sexy Rexy
