Dear Clowns

[Bianca_Bowwell]

I don't see a question...hmmmmm

Oh, the irony.

 

[IhateClowns]

Oh, the irony.

I suppose there is a smidge of irony

 

[Marlini90]

Dear Clowns,

Is it safe to use a tampon for a gunshot wound?

Please hurry!

 

[Bianca_Bowwell]

Wow, that's a relief- I thought for a while there I had the singular power to halt a thread completely in its tracks. Good thing we got that straight-before I made a complete ass of myself by going after my housemate next Alright, here's a conundrum: when a newbie, clearly low in blood sugar gets caught up in the chase and forgets the hunt should she: crawl back to the short bus and resume licking the windows -or- pick herself up and continue running after the big dogs until she finds her own bit of funny?

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Is it safe to use a tampon for a gunshot wound?

Please hurry!

Shit hopefully you took it upon yourself to do just that. Otherwise they might be dead. Listen if you can get a tampon and pad to catch the gush coming from a woman's hatchet wound on a monthly basis I can tell you that it would work wonders on any bleeding hole.

They are sanitary when thy havent been used. I would highly suggest you take one out of a package as opposed to sifting through a trash can, but in the time of a gunshot wound you have to do what you have to do. The applicator though will help you keep a steady hand as you plus that wound. Then you can wrap the pad around it to keep it sturdy.

Please realize that you should keep the string out from under the padding. That way when it comes time to pull it out you have something to grab a hold of. Make them bite down on a stick, grab that string and pull in one swift motion. Kind of like a band aid. I hope you have saved their life by doing this. If so you are a hero and I hope to see your story on 20/20 one day.

 

[IhateClowns]

Wow, that's a relief- I thought for a while there I had the singular power to halt a thread completely in its tracks. Good thing we got that straight-before I made a complete ass of myself by going after my housemate next Alright, here's a conundrum: when a newbie, clearly low in blood sugar gets caught up in the chase and forgets the hunt should she: crawl back to the short bus and resume licking the windows -or- pick herself up and continue running after the big dogs until she finds her own bit of funny?

Hmmmmmmm I think if you lick the windows then you will fit in quite well here. If you look around for a while you will notice that there are alot of window lickers on lit. There are alot of people who have to wear helmets and are not allowed to eat chocolate. Lit's favorite holiday is Labor Day and they always rase a lot of money for Jerry Lewis and his orphanage. You will fit in quite well here, problem is there are not a lot of big dogs on this site. Most like to bark a lot but their bite is pretty weak.

 

[msmaggie]

Dear clowns, I've been wondering, why does Pluto live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?

 

[Mrs.H]

Dear clowns, I've been wondering, why does Pluto live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?

*giggles* Who cares sugar, your AV is so HOT!!!!!!!

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Dear Clowns...

I just filled out your application, I've yet to hear back. Are you out w/ Mildred...AGAIN?!

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
there's a question that's been on my mind for awhile and i'm hoping that you can clear this up for me. exactly how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
curious about wood

 

[availableslave2u]

Dear clowns, I've been wondering, why does Pluto live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?

good question! and if i may add to this, why does donald duck only wear a shirt and no pants?

 

[availableslave2u]

excuse me your supreme clown haterness, but i have yet another question......how do you get rid of a song that's gotten into your head and you keep humming it over and over and over?
tired of humming funky town

 

[Bianca_Bowwell]

Must be something in the air... My next door neighbor is running around the yard screaming "Banana and Blow" should I be afraid? Or just lock up the fruit ?

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear clowns, I've been wondering, why does Pluto live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?

Simply put Pluto is a democrat and Goofy is a republican.

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
there's a question that's been on my mind for awhile and i'm hoping that you can clear this up for me. exactly how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
curious about wood

I went to see the rascal at Around the rugged rock the rugged rascal ran and he said 8 pieces because they have bad backs.

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
what would you advise someone who might have a crush on a certain advice columnist?
just curious

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
what would you advise someone who might have a crush on a certain advice columnist?
just curious

I have always found Dear Abby hot. You to huh? Amazing coincidence. I din't think you swung that way but now I am even more jealous I don't get any of your affection.

I say just tell her. Let it be known. Scream it from the roof tops. By the way is she still alive? If not might I suggest Helois? She seems to know her shit as well and has helped me get bubble gum out of hair one time. I smelled lke jiffy for a week.

 

[msmaggie]

dear clowns
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

 

[BradBigBrain]

Dear Clowns,

At my divorce hearing, I told the judge that my wife wasn't crazy...that she was fucking goofy, which is true...she really is. Now I'm in jail for contempt of court and my cheating mousy bitch of a soon to be ex-wife won't bail me out. Neither will my good-for-nothing, car-driving, condo-living dog of a former best friend. My only other friend is willing to help a bruthah (I am black, by the way) out, but he wears no pants and since he talks and walks like a duck, the deputy at the jail can't understand a fucking word he says. So no go.

I need your help!
~Mickey M. in Orlando

 

[Guest]

Dear Clowns,

At my divorce hearing, I told the judge that my wife wasn't crazy...that she was fucking goofy, which is true...she really is. Now I'm in jail for contempt of court and my cheating mousy bitch of a soon to be ex-wife won't bail me out. Neither will my good-for-nothing, car-driving, condo-living dog of a former best friend. My only other friend is willing to help a bruthah (I am black, by the way) out, but he wears no pants and since he talks and walks like a duck, the deputy at the jail can't understand a fucking word he says. So no go.

I need your help!
~Mickey M. in Orlando

You win. the thread is over.

 

[BradBigBrain]

You win. the thread is over.

Damn. I so liked this thread, too.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Dear Clowns,

Did I really kill your thread? I'm so sad.

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Dear Singular sensation,

You stumped me on this one. I suppose it is because whoever came up with the English language was in a very high state of mind, otherwise two moose would be called meese. We as English speaking citizens wonder why we are looked down upon. It isn't because we invade other countries at will, it is because we are so pompous our language only makes sense to us.

Live, Live
tough, rough, enough, through
I before E except after C

I mean come on. No wonder I have always been better at math.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

At my divorce hearing, I told the judge that my wife wasn't crazy...that she was fucking goofy, which is true...she really is. Now I'm in jail for contempt of court and my cheating mousy bitch of a soon to be ex-wife won't bail me out. Neither will my good-for-nothing, car-driving, condo-living dog of a former best friend. My only other friend is willing to help a bruthah (I am black, by the way) out, but he wears no pants and since he talks and walks like a duck, the deputy at the jail can't understand a fucking word he says. So no go.

I need your help!
~Mickey M. in Orlando

Dear Mickey,

First off you have to understand that Goofy is hung and well since you don't like to fuck doggy style she needed to go straight to the source. You also have to understand your wife's frustrations. She is always playing second fiddle to you and well since the feminist movement kicked into high gear, well she has been searching on the internet and becoming more and more empowered with the information she is reading.

Also a woman needs a mans man. Not someone who's voice is so high pitched everytime he talks her twat shrivels and dries up. Not to mention the shrieking that comes out of your mouth is so high pitched it attracts bats and most women are afraid of bats.

Now please realize as tough as this might be that one of your best friends is a psychotic duck with a serious temper tantrum. Who wanst to be seen with someone like that? She surely doesn't. He wonders around town with no pants and a sailor shirt and hat on for goodness sakes and well that is just creepy.

Now as for your bes friend Goofy can you blame a brother. Look at him. He is well Goofy. A serious over bite, floppy ears, very gangly. Can you blame him when your wife comes onto him? He probably hasn't gotten laid in forever and well when she craves doggy style that is right up his alley.

There is one problem though. Rumor is she is smearing peanut butter all over her coochie because she hears dogs like that. Please let her know that Goofy is ready to go and because he doesn't know any better he just assumes that your wife is a Jiffy sponsor and under contract to use that stuff.

I am sorry I cannot bail you out. I cannot blame a female mouse for trying to get some canine loving. Especially when her spouse's ears are larger than his cock.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Did I really kill your thread? I'm so sad.

Na just taking a bit of a break from Lit is all.....