Crushes!!

[D's mariposa]

So. I have a question.. Is there a particular Dom or Top or slave or sub that you have a crush on? If you're in a relationship, does your complementary part know? If they don't, will you tell them? How will you handle it?

The reason I asked is I am active in another forum, and I had mentioned that I have a minor crush on a woman out here and D knows about it (they're friends) and he's cool with it. He knows that I will never act on it without his approval and/or direct intervention.

I took a lot of flack for it. Most people were Shocked and Horrified that I would dare to have a hormonal/emotional response to someone else besides my One True Dominant. Regardless of the fact that my One True Dominant is just FINE with it, thankyouverymuch... I did expect that some people would not approve, and that's fine; I did not espect a ton of flamage for it! Oddly enough, the worst flames came from some of the subs/slaves. I was expecting to get it from some of the Tops.

So I guess my question should have been, in your opinion, are crushes ok? Obviously, I'm of the opinion that if they are handled in a grown up manner and all boundaries are respected they're cool.

 

[MissTaken]

Crushes are way cool.

The day that my body and mind doesn't have some reaction to another individual, save for only one, is a very sad day!

Aren't crushes natural?

Whether you attribute it to chemistry, hormones, or whatever...it seems that there are times when we meet someone who just does it for us. This doesn't have to interfere with or negate our relationship with our One.

If each of us were to only be drawn to our ONE, poly wouldn't ever be an issue, yes?

 

[D's mariposa]

Crushes are way cool.

The day that my body and mind doesn't have some reaction to another individual, save for only one, is a very sad day!

Aren't crushes natural?

Whether you attribute it to chemistry, hormones, or whatever...it seems that there are times when we meet someone who just does it for us. This doesn't have to interfere with or negate our relationship with our One.

If each of us were to only be drawn to our ONE, poly wouldn't ever be an issue, yes?

The day my body/mind stop responding to others is the day they lay me in my grave!

 

[sub princess]

*giggle*..... and no comment!!

 

[lady-kat]

The day my body/mind stop responding to others is the day they lay me in my grave!

agreed, agreed, agreed....*smile*
(and will add: there are several lovely ladies here on lit that i have serious "lust" for .... *EG*....)

i am bewildered by the reaction of some to your posting of having a crush on someone, and why they felt the need to give you flak over it...


makes no sense to me why they would do so...

edited to add: because i never answered your question ~smile~... my s. other does not know. and will never know....

 

[D's mariposa]

agreed, agreed, agreed....*smile*
(and will add: there are several lovely ladies here on lit that i have serious "lust" for .... *EG*....)

i am bewildered by the reaction of some to your posting of having a crush on someone, and why they felt the need to give you flak over it...


makes no sense to me why they would do so...

edited to add: because i never answered your question ~smile~... my s. other does not know. and will never know....

Apparently since I have lust in my, er, heart, for some one that is not my Dom means that we're not well matched, or possibly that I am a bad bad submissive for acknowledging them (I should be fiercely squashing the feelings or something) or that I'm not a "true submissive" (I hate that phrase), because if I was a true submissive I wouldn't even allow myself to have these thoughts. Go figure.

 

[sub princess]

Apparently since I have lust in my, er, heart, for some one that is not my Dom means that we're not well matched, or possibly that I am a bad bad submissive for acknowledging them (I should be fiercely squashing the feelings or something) or that I'm not a "true submissive" (I hate that phrase), because if I was a true submissive I wouldn't even allow myself to have these thoughts. Go figure.

ImHo, flirting and crushes are healthy and normal. W/we are only human, so of course there are times that W/we will develope crushes. you are not bad, and it doesn't mean that you are not well matched with your Dom either, it just means that you have an open, er... heart. lol

This is why i posted *giggle*.. and no comment..... because a crush is simply that, it's infactuation.

 

[lady-kat]

Apparently since I have lust in my, er, heart, for some one that is not my Dom means that we're not well matched, or possibly that I am a bad bad submissive for acknowledging them (I should be fiercely squashing the feelings or something) or that I'm not a "true submissive" (I hate that phrase), because if I was a true submissive I wouldn't even allow myself to have these thoughts. Go figure.

cannot speak to the phrase "true submissive"... wouldn't know what it was/what it means to be..... if it bit me in the ass..... ~smile~ ... who is anyone to say who's submission is better/purer/more right than another's....... and i don't like the darn phrase either...lol...

but....
attraction to others is as natural as breathing.... even more. it adds spice to life....

i can see a hot looking man in leather and it pushes every button i have....lol... or hot looking woman for that matter.....

having a bit of lust for another, other than D, does not make U a bad "anything"... i am boggled that people would even say anything negative.... *shaking head*
& IMHO....

and some people are just too damn judgemental...

 

[lovetoread]

Of course I have a crush. He is not on here anymore though, and I miss him.

 

[InnerDarkness]

Hmmm.....yes, crushes.....hmmm....NATURAL i tell you!!!

There are definately people on here who have piqued my interest and who I am interested in. I have never truly submitted to anyone before, but if i were in a D/s relationship, I see no reason why my Dom shouldnt know my feelings...I would not be submitting to that other person of course....but heck....lusting after them...SURE THING!!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Attraction on a sexual or intellectual level is a healthy sign you are alive, but more important, honest enough to acknowledge your feelings. Acting on it is another matter, especially without knowledge or permission of your D.

The idealistic view a slave/sub should only ever be attracted to her/his D is harking back to the days of old when love was portrayed in a tunnel vision way. This does not mean you purposefully look for others who attract you, but you are human. I think the ones who gave you such a hard time over it are seriously in denial.

Catalina

 

[Richard49]

I have crushes (of sorts) on several submissives

The difference is that when I have a RT RL collared submissive
she comes first and formost ........

 

[dragonlace]

I used to have crushes on several Doms i knew but once i gave myself to Master the rest of the world seemed to just fade and He was all that i could imagine. Since that time, i have not thought of another for He owns my heart, my love, and my self.

 

[Netzach]

If either M or I stopped looking at other people we'd be in need of resuscitation.


And I like it that way. Good to have a horny boy!

 

[His Flower]

Apparently since I have lust in my, er, heart, for some one that is not my Dom means that we're not well matched, or possibly that I am a bad bad submissive for acknowledging them (I should be fiercely squashing the feelings or something) or that I'm not a "true submissive" (I hate that phrase), because if I was a true submissive I wouldn't even allow myself to have these thoughts. Go figure.

Can anyone really define a "true submissive"? A long time ago, I thought I can.....but as I'm experiencing and understanding more nowadays, I'm starting to wonder. To me, this is a very interesting topic. I'm attracted to women, I'll admit, and sure I have a huge crush on one of my best friends. But do I ever want to pursue that relationship? No, I really don't. I care about her a lot, but that's all there is to it. Sir knows about it, but nevertheless, I'll only submit to him.

Sorry, it's late guys, and I'm not feeling well...so I'm not sure if I'm making any sense.

~His Flower~

 

[Shadowsdream]

Crushes can be intoxicating and fodder for amazing fantasies and daydreams. Light hearted desire that fuels the imagination yet need not take away but enhance an existing relationship.
They are complimentary and when shared with the SO can be utililized in incredible teases and maybe ifs!

 

[MissTaken]

I have decided

I want to crush on someone.

Any volunteers?

 

[FungiUg]

So. I have a question.. Is there a particular Dom or Top or slave or sub that you have a crush on? If you're in a relationship, does your complementary part know?

Yes, and yes. My partner knows, and I'm pretty sure the sub in question knows too.

So I guess my question should have been, in your opinion, are crushes ok? Obviously, I'm of the opinion that if they are handled in a grown up manner and all boundaries are respected they're cool.

You'll get different answers from whoever you talk to, I suspect. Depends on your relationship, on your personality, and on the person being "crushed" (the crushee?)

As far as I am concerned, they happen, they're fun, they can add spice to my life. So rather than worry about whether they should happen, I just accept they do and enjoy them.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: I have decided

I want to crush on someone.

Any volunteers?

Oooooh... tempting...

 

[~ Emmeline ~]

So. I have a question.. Is there a particular Dom or Top or slave or sub that you have a crush on? If you're in a relationship, does your complementary part know? If they don't, will you tell them? How will you handle it?

The reason I asked is I am active in another forum, and I had mentioned that I have a minor crush on a woman out here and D knows about it (they're friends) and he's cool with it. He knows that I will never act on it without his approval and/or direct intervention.

I took a lot of flack for it. Most people were Shocked and Horrified that I would dare to have a hormonal/emotional response to someone else besides my One True Dominant. Regardless of the fact that my One True Dominant is just FINE with it, thankyouverymuch... I did expect that some people would not approve, and that's fine; I did not espect a ton of flamage for it! Oddly enough, the worst flames came from some of the subs/slaves. I was expecting to get it from some of the Tops.

So I guess my question should have been, in your opinion, are crushes ok? Obviously, I'm of the opinion that if they are handled in a grown up manner and all boundaries are respected they're cool.

I have a major crush... on my Sir. I tell him about it on a regular basis, too!

Regarding your situation on the other forum, I'm guessing that some people that responded in a judgemental fashion may have been doing so for the benefit of their own position with their personal Dom/me or submissive. Basically, to make themselves look good in another's eyes.

* * * * * *

There is a flip side to crushes, however, that hasn't been mentioned yet. Sometimes, it can be very hard to deal with those that have a crush on your Dom/me and feel free to flaunt the fact in online posts. You put up with it for a while, knowing that nothing will ever come of it. When the "crush" posts persist over a long period of time, it gets to be a pain in the butt. I'd never confront the one creating the situation, but I wouldn't hesitate to discuss the situation. I lose respect for those that act like this.

In your last paragraph, you stated: "Obviously, I'm of the opinion that if they are handled in a grown up manner and all boundaries are respected they're cool. "

That sums it up. Crushes can be a positive thing, or a negative thing -- depending on how they are handled. I can even see where they may benefit some relationships. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could handle their crushes in an adult manner?


Emme

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I have a huge crush on ...myself? I mean, damn! I'm smart, funny, and great in bed!!






























....and modest too!

 

[FungiUg]

Apparently since I have lust in my, er, heart, for some one that is not my Dom means that we're not well matched, or possibly that I am a bad bad submissive for acknowledging them (I should be fiercely squashing the feelings or something) or that I'm not a "true submissive" (I hate that phrase), because if I was a true submissive I wouldn't even allow myself to have these thoughts. Go figure.

Crap. People feel attraction, lust, interest, and yes, even crushes. Who you love is your choice, whereas who you are attracted to is purely instinctive. I can feel attraction to many, but I choose to love one person. That is "real".

So go ahead, and be yourself, and feel proud of yourself! After all, it was that acknowledgement of yourself and your needs, wants and desires which led you into D/s in the first place!

Remember, we "Dom/mes" are only human, and we can be mistaken.

 

[FungiUg]

....and modest too!

Damn, I blinked and missed that bit!

 

[lovetoread]

Re: I have decided

I want to crush on someone.

Any volunteers?

Is there an application?

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Re: I have decided

I want to crush on someone.

Any volunteers?

Hmmm...I volunteer...but really, with all the folks I'm sure crush on you, you won't have to go far to find volunteers!