Aftercare After Punishment

[barefootgirl69]

The question was posed in another group about whether aftercare should be given after punishment.

Out of the first twenty or so answers, only one said NO...and, honestly, it stunned me. It's not something I've really  thought about, but it just seems that not giving it is two punishments.

That's my opinion. What's yours?

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

Not just after punishment. Impact play isn't my thing but If I've been a good little sub and given everything I have to my dom, and allowed him to degrade and humiliate me, I need a lot of aftercare to bring me back into the real world and to be reminded that my Dom loves and cares for me and that I'm not really just a piece of worthless meat.

It's worse than two punishments, it's cruelty.

No aftercare? No submission. It's part of a dom's job.

 

[DpropertyofR]

My response to the person who said no would be, “Tell me you’re just an asshole LARPing as a Dom and have no idea what you’re talking about without telling me you’re an asshole LARPing as a Dom and have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

[seela]

Hmm. That’s an interesting question and maybe I shouldn’t even reply, as I don’t really have much experience of any sort of punishment dynamic, because that’s not how I roll.

But if I were to engage in a dynamic where punishment plays a role (an actual punishment that has the function of paying for my misdeeds and correcting my behavior, not a “ooh I’ve been a bad girl, teehee” funishment), I can’t imagine aftercare being part of the punishment.

If I expected aftercare after a punishment, I’d feel like I’m making the D have to deal with one more aspect of my fuck up, thus making my transgression even bigger an issue than it maybe was.

So yeah, I’m in the no camp personally.

 

[Boat1]

Not just after punishment. Impact play isn't my thing but If I've been a good little sub and given everything I have to my dom, and allowed him to degrade and humiliate me, I need a lot of aftercare to bring me back into the real world and to be reminded that my Dom loves and cares for me and that I'm not really just a piece of worthless meat.

It's worse than two punishments, it's cruelty.

No aftercare? No submission. It's part of a dom's job.

I FULLY AGREE with your views on this in most cases, except mine.
Note: I frequently am told "You ain't right in the damn head!"... That said, I'm innately hardwired as an extreme Masochist who has been blessed in finding a perfect Wife/Domme.
EVERYTHING She does, She does with love, care, appreciation, trust, and respect, regardless of how physically demanding and brutal it might seem to others.
The blissful mental state She brings me to is indescribable, thus, the best "aftercare" I can receive, ALL the aftercare I want or need, is to see the beautiful, POWERFUL look of satisfaction and contentment on Her lovely face, in Her sexy eyes, in Her walk and the beautiful way She carries Herself.
I hope this makes sense.

 

[Boat1]

Hmm. That’s an interesting question and maybe I shouldn’t even reply, as I don’t really have much experience of any sort of punishment dynamic, because that’s not how I roll.

But if I were to engage in a dynamic where punishment plays a role (an actual punishment that has the function of paying for my misdeeds and correcting my behavior, not a “ooh I’ve been a bad girl, teehee” funishment), I can’t imagine aftercare being part of the punishment.

If I expected aftercare after a punishment, I’d feel like I’m making the D have to deal with one more aspect of my fuck up, thus making my transgression even bigger an issue than it maybe was.

So yeah, I’m in the no camp personally.

@seela EVERY single post of yours that I've read (which are numerous) absolutely ring and resonate true wisdom with me!
Hat-Tip and Kudos to you, Ma'am!

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

Hmm. That’s an interesting question and maybe I shouldn’t even reply, as I don’t really have much experience of any sort of punishment dynamic, because that’s not how I roll.

But if I were to engage in a dynamic where punishment plays a role (an actual punishment that has the function of paying for my misdeeds and correcting my behavior, not a “ooh I’ve been a bad girl, teehee” funishment), I can’t imagine aftercare being part of the punishment.

If I expected aftercare after a punishment, I’d feel like I’m making the D have to deal with one more aspect of my fuck up, thus making my transgression even bigger an issue than it maybe was.

So yeah, I’m in the no camp personally.

IF your pubishment was a bit of a talking to for not cleaning the toilet, you're right.

Punishment in BDSM terms is often for an imaginary transgression, or just because it suits the master and sub for bruises to be inflicted. I've only been put in the zone by being reduced (in my mind and my master's actions/words) to sub human meat. I have to feel some self-loathing and self-disgust for letting him do the things he does to me.

You can't just say "serves you right, off you go" after that.

 

[seela]

@seela EVERY single post of yours that I've read (which are numerous) absolutely ring and resonate true wisdom with me!
Hat-Tip and Kudos to you, Ma'am!

Haha well thank you.

IF your pubishment was a bit of a talking to for not cleaning the toilet, you're right.

Punishment in BDSM terms is often for an imaginary transgression, or just because it suits the master and sub for bruises to be inflicted. I've only been put in the zone by being reduced (in my mind and my master's actions/words) to sub human meat. I have to feel some self-loathing and self-disgust for letting him do the things he does to me.

You can't just say "serves you right, off you go" after that.

I made the distinction between punishment and funishment in my post for a reason. Imaginary transgressions would be funishment territory. No one is truly disappointed, no real transgression has happened, no punishment, even if for someone looking at the scene from the outside it might look very harsh. I also don’t think punishment has to be particularly harsh to be effective, but that’s beside the point.

Aftercare after a non-punishment session is in my opinion a completely different topic to this one.

 

[DpropertyofR]

I’ve only been punished twice in almost two years with my Dom. He doesn’t dole out punishments without good cause. In both instances, it was because I violated some established protocol in our dynamic. Once the punishment was delivered, and it was clear I understood the reasoning behind the punishment and promised to be more mindful of the rules in the future, he was satisfied with approaching aftercare in the same way as he would at any other time. To me, not taking this approach implies that the Dom is still angry at the sub and is holding a grudge, which isn’t good for this type of relationship at all. Of course, there might be some subs like @Boat1 who enjoy feeling extra punished, but that has to be established from the start when both parties are discussing their needs and desires.

 

[13Fantasies]

I think it would definitely depend on how punishment is defined and the levels of punishment. As @seela Noted, low level punishments or funishments, not required.
For more serious transgressions and punishments inflicted, I would say it's a necessity.
Of course, the hard part is making sure both parties understand the line and the reality of what's transpiring.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Let's be clear, I'm not asking about "funishment" - which is something I'm not into. And I'm not talking about impact play - which isn't a punishment.

I am of the opinion that if I've broken rules and there has been a punishment, whether writing lines or especially a spanking, there needs to be the "okay, c'mere, let me hold you/rub your hand etc" afterwards. Punishment is over, no more is said about it.

But, I guess this is why I try not to get punished.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

The question was posed in another group about whether aftercare should be given after punishment.

Out of the first twenty or so answers, only one said NO...and, honestly, it stunned me. It's not something I've really  thought about, but it just seems that not giving it is two punishments.

That's my opinion. What's yours?

I am not a punishment girl, but with a former Dom who really enjoyed impact play, I for sure needed after care afterwards. A lack of such and I would have ended the relationship as it wouldn’t be mutually beneficial.

IF your pubishment was a bit of a talking to for not cleaning the toilet, you're right.

Punishment in BDSM terms is often for an imaginary transgression, or just because it suits the master and sub for bruises to be inflicted. I've only been put in the zone by being reduced (in my mind and my master's actions/words) to sub human meat. I have to feel some self-loathing and self-disgust for letting him do the things he does to me.

You can't just say "serves you right, off you go" after that.

Re: the bolded part above - sure you can. BDSM is a whole continuum of dynamics and what is right for this person may not be right for the next. There’s not one right or true way to do this. As long as the play/relationship is SSC/RACK, then it’s all good. You may not be okay with “serves you right, off you go,” but Seela and many others are. And that’s not wrong.

 

[13Fantasies]

Let's be clear, I'm not asking about "funishment" - which is something I'm not into. And I'm not talking about impact play - which isn't a punishment.

I am of the opinion that if I've broken rules and there has been a punishment, whether writing lines or especially a spanking, there needs to be the "okay, c'mere, let me hold you/rub your hand etc" afterwards. Punishment is over, no more is said about it.

But, I guess this is why I try not to get punished.

To me, I guess the level of impact matters. If my sub gas erred in some way and her punishment is lines...I guess I don't see aftercare as required. I might congratulate her on being a good girl and remind her not to err that way again.

To me, the higher level of impact, especially physical, the more aftercare is required

 

[barefootgirl69]

To me, I guess the level of impact matters. If my sub gas erred in some way and her punishment is lines...I guess I don't see aftercare as required. I might congratulate her on being a good girl and remind her not to err that way again.

To me, the higher level of impact, especially physical, the more aftercare is required

I agree. Either way, it's that affirmation I'd need that all is well.

 

[13Fantasies]

I agree. Either way, it's that affirmation I'd need that all is well.

Affirmation is something I think should be in every relationship, so I can agree with that.

When I think aftercare from impact play, I was thinking the more in-depth play from emotional and physical involvement