Creative Plagairism: a Cut & Paste Challenge

[shereads]

Create an essay, poem or story composed entirely of sentences and fragments plagiarized from the Authors' Hangout. Please don't plagairize your own posts. That would be cheating.

****

Special thanks to plagiarized authors WOK, SUBJOE, BRIGHTLYBURN, CHARLEY H, BOOTA, SNP, SLICK TONY, HELLACIOUS, WIERD HAROLD and ZOOT whose posts at the Sex Ed thread are rearranged here. Sue me.


Cut & Paste Sex Ed

A Synopsis of Authors' Early Sexual Experiences

While having my penis treated for bee stings, my "willy" would sometimes go up. Which is especially perplexing because that's what my vagina is for. One April Fools Day, a nurse was able to put a rolled up sock and that damn banana in my dyookas. I immediately hit the STOP button to refresh the load, and rushed home to address "body" issues.

There were two reasons something so ephemeral could produce such a physical response. One, I was in the emergency room, dreaming of naked store mannequins. Two, teasing by my sister.

I asked my mother about the unexplained hardons. She was using a shower attachment and wearing a raincoat and said "Leave it to dad." He explained my fascination with genitalia using Readers Digest, parenting magaznes and a picture of bad guys tying up Lois Lane. I had my first orgasm. But I was still confused.

When the bastard said 'babies come from the stomach,' I knew he was dead wrong. I proceeded to tell him that babies come from, you know...THERE.

"NO!" After the initial look of shock and the burst of stomach cramping laughter, he got angry. "We'll run away and you try to find us."

I can be painfully naive.

For my sixteenth birthday, a lovely Swiss girl told me exactly how gross and funny sex was and what was expected of me. I just zoned out and stared.

It took me until I was 19 to unravel things. I discovered porn. Boy was I ever shocked! Somehow the concept of insertion never occurred to me.

 

[Guest]

Create an essay, poem or story composed entirely of sentences and fragments plagiarized from the Authors' Hangout. Please don't plagairize your own posts. That would be cheating.

****

Special thanks to plagiarized authors WOK, SUBJOE, CHARLEY H, BOOTA, SNP, SLICK TONY, HELLACIOUS, WIERD HAROLD and ZOOT whose posts at the Sex Ed thread are rearranged here. Sue me.


Cut & Paste Sex Ed

A Synopsis of Authors' Early Sexual Experiences

While having my penis treated for bee stings, my "willy" would sometimes go up. Which is especially perplexing because that's what my vagina is for. One April Fools Day, a nurse was able to put a rolled up sock and that damn banana in my dyookas. I immediately hit the STOP button to refresh the load, and rushed home to address "body" issues.

There were two reasons something so ephemeral could produce such a physical response. One, I was in the emergency room, dreaming of naked store mannequins. Two, teasing by my sister.

I asked my mother about the unexplained hardons. She was using a shower attachment and wearing a raincoat and said "Leave it to dad." He explained my fascination with genitalia using Readers Digest, parenting magaznes and a picture of bad guys tying up Lois Lane. I had my first orgasm. But I was still confused.

When the bastard said 'babies come from the stomach,' I knew he was dead wrong. I proceeded to tell him that babies come from, you know...THERE.

"NO!" After the initial look of shock and the burst of stomach cramping laughter, he got angry. "We'll run away and you try to find us."

I can be painfully naive.

For my sixteenth birthday, a lovely Swiss girl told me exactly how gross and funny sex was and what was expected of me. I just zoned out and stared.

It took me until I was 19 to unravel things. I discovered porn. Boy was I ever shocked! Somehow the concept of insertion never occurred to me.

Yep. You're the best.

 

[NoJo]

Which PM's to delete?

I trawled through my PM's before deleting them, and came up with

...if that IP address doesn't work, try this one: (IP ADDRESS DELETED)

...I'm getting something that looks like a thumb...

...turn the light around...

...omigod, omigod OMIGOD...

...WTF is that? Your elbow?

 

[neonlyte]

Reduced to this! You should be ashamed of yourself.

It's difficult enough to understand what they're saying first time around, now I've to give nonsense a life?







PS Any idea where I can get a quote from SubJoe that rhythms with fellatio?

 

[Boota]

That's good! LOL. Glad I could help.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Stamp collecting is a relaxing and absorbing hobby that teaches the young philatalist about the wonders of our small and varied world.

--Zoot

 

[NoJo]

Stamp collecting is a relaxing and absorbing hobby that teaches the young philatalist about the wonders of our small and varied world.

--Zoot

Fuck. That thread must have appeared while I was away.

 

[cloudy]

Welcome to the hangout!
It is a hymn to food
I would hate to have to throw you out.
for bitching about the new layout.
but the tips are pretty good!

**thanks to Abs, Og, and Rob

 

[shereads]

Writers. Screw 'em.

 

[TheEarl]

Writers Fuck. That thread is a relaxing and absorbing hobby that teaches plagiarized authors whose small and varied Screw is the best. You should be good!

From this thread.

The Earl

 

[Kassiana]

I know a lot of older people that don't know anything worth while. Drives me bat fucking bananas. Frankly if I get my point across who gives a flying leap!

Sorry, did you guys say something?

 

[TheEarl]

From the 'Dazed and Confused' thread

OK, I'll admit it. I think at the end of the day I've just been a sick, twisted and demented person. I like young verile 19 year old boys who are about to masturbate to some really good porn. White shirts clinging to their bodies from the lesbian porn. It was priceless.

I once told a pair of extremely persistant ones that I was gay, but they just redoubled their efforts to overtly pop in me. Honestly no idea but it feels like heaven. It's been a long time since I stripped down, answered the door naked and entered my heroes list.

The Earl

 

[cloudy]

I'm confused on this. There are many things I find arousing that are physically impossible. How screwed up is that? I think they do it just to be cruel.

*from Subjoe, Black Shanglan, Lime, & jill999

 

[Kassiana]

Most of my stories are set in an imaginary location that is an English country town. anyway, i did research harriet tubman and the underground railroad. *snort* It's made me a Japanophile. We'll see how those rich Republican assholes feel about sending their own sons and daughters into harm's way.

 

[Kassiana]

And, just for fun, I "answered" all the questions in thread titles on the first page with other thread titles.

What's your mood today?
--Dazed and Confused

Why was my story catorgized different?
--It's the Oil, stupid!

Where has all the nonsense gone?
--The Challenge Club

Who Needs a Sex Contract?
--Artists of Erotica

Am I the only one who hadn't seen this?
--Spongebob Movie

Good Group Sex Stories?
--The Hooker Book

How do you cope?
--The "I Didn't Get Laid Today" Thread

 

[Guest]

Writers. Screw 'em.

Wait for it, a bit.

 

[shereads]

"Say Something Nice" in Bizarro World

(With apologies to English Lady whose perfectly lovely, civilized thread was stolen and stripped for parts. "DoubleFelix" and "Bite_Me_Elf" I made up. Everything else was posted at "Say Something Nice.)


Cut & Paste Insults:

Originally posted by Bite_Me_Elf

DoubleFelix strikes me as a simpering suck up. His writing is totally without meaning or substance and he's stuck up about it, even though he's one of the minor writers here. Talk about totally dominating a thread. His constant nagging makes me feel really messed up.

Originally posted by DoubleFelix

Bite_Me_Elf is one of those people I can't respect socially, culturally or inter-personally. I can't see how an otherwise intelligent adult could read his pretentious, nihilistic remarks without thinking of kicking his ass.

Damn sexy AV, though.

 

[shereads]

Welcome to the hangout!
It is a hymn to food
I would hate to have to throw you out.
for bitching about the new layout.
but the tips are pretty good!

**thanks to Abs, Og, and Rob

Bump (from "Boycott Walmart")

 

[NoJo]

OK, I'll admit it. I think at the end of the day I've just been a sick, twisted and demented person. I like young verile 19 year old boys who are about to masturbate to some really good porn. White shirts clinging to their bodies from the lesbian porn. It was priceless.

I once told a pair of extremely persistant ones that I was gay, but they just redoubled their efforts to overtly pop in me. Honestly no idea but it feels like heaven. It's been a long time since I stripped down, answered the door naked and entered my heroes list.

The Earl

Brilliant.

 

[NoJo]

(from this thread)

Crzz! Crzz! In snapt Mm?

 

[English Lady]

(With apologies to English Lady whose perfectly lovely, civilized thread was stolen and stripped for parts. "DoubleFelix" and "Bite_Me_Elf" I made up. Everything else was posted at "Say Something Nice.)


Cut & Paste Insults:

Aww I feel so famous now -thanks shereads

 

[Guest]

I'll play the accordian for sex. Most important: You can start enjoying your own company.
I think that's on the list of Standard Scared Plagiarist Excuses.
No bed, no sleep.
you forgot your meds today didnt you?

 

[shereads]

(from this thread)

Crzz! Crzz! In snapt Mm?

Now do one with just punctuation!

 

[Lisa Denton]

Stamp collecting is a relaxing and absorbing hobby that teaches the young philatalist about the wonders of our small and varied world.

Also, makin atomic bombs from farts is a worthwhile hobby, but don't set them off in unventilated areas.

--Zoot

Hi dr.M, I added a lil to your quote, thanks for this firefox browser, it is working better than IE.

 

[LadyJeanne]

an apology

We always knew we loved each other. Eventually it became obvious. All those things you said: You look so beautiful. I'll cook for you. I don't watch TV; the remote is yours. I could teach you so much, honey. Are you able to stay awhile?

Exactly, and succinctly put, I'm the world's happiest, fuzziest person. I can fart in bed, I can roll on the floor covered in dog hair, lay around and watch porn when I want to. Apart from anything else, I love you.

Yes. The cute guy down at the hardware store is a sexy beast. I had the offer of a free room for 10 days, but you don't have to worry I'm looking for someone to kiss. I don't fantasize about other guys. You have a lot to offer a woman. Your hands know just what spots like to be played with.

"What the hell do you think you are doing with my wife? Get the fuck away!"​

I know what you were saying, "To kiss you is my job." But I secretly love a lil' bit of jealousy. It's foreplay. After 11 years of marriage, you take your chances.

"Freebies are rare."​

Are you saying I have to pay? But it's already been done! It turned into an evening of spankings in a tub of hot water. I had to know exactly what I had done wrong in order to apologise.

"That's not the same thing."​

oh i'm sorry
my bad

Come back. I think I'm losing my mind. The bed is damn cold. As long as you come home to me, you can eat cereal at 10 pm, for dinner, if you want to.




Thanks to nearly everyone who posted in Scheherazade's "Advantages of Being Single" thread!