Could use a different point of view

[shiresa]

I am writing a story (not erotica sorry) where the main character has, almost against my will, become a homosexual woman. She has kids and an ex husband, (I am thinking about adding to it how her new sexual preference lost her custody) but is now very unhappy with men in general.

Being neither female nor homosexual I am asking if any of you who are (either) could give me some ideas about attitudes that wouldn't occur to a hetero male.

She is a very outgoing and commanding person and not really bitter. She is in great physical and mental health. She is (at least as well as I can portray it) a wonderful mother.

I am just hunting after little things to make her seem more real to the people who understand her better than I ever could.

Thanks In Advance.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I would suggest reading a few stories from the Lesbian category. Find an author or two whom you like and whose style you appreciate and then ask them specific questions.

 

[shiresa]

I would suggest reading a few stories from the Lesbian category. Find an author or two whom you like and whose style you appreciate and then ask them specific questions.

great idea! thanks

I really have the character pretty well set. I just always worry too much that readers won't like my characters as much as I do.

It's the details that kill you after all

 

[Guest]

You couls start with some of Collen's. My bet is you'll learn a lot. And not just about the lesbian mindset.

 

[shiresa]

It is the thoughts that matter to me. And how she would react if she had to come back (she dies) in a man's body to save her daughter from a terrible fate.

I guess I just hadn't read the right stories but I was having a hard time finding any that were that internal to the characters thoughts and feelings

 

[Liar]

I am writing a story (not erotica sorry) where the main character has, almost against my will, become a homosexual woman. She has kids and an ex husband, (I am thinking about adding to it how her new sexual preference lost her custody) but is now very unhappy with men in general.

Being neither female nor homosexual I am asking if any of you who are (either) could give me some ideas about attitudes that wouldn't occur to a hetero male.

This might get contested by others here, but I really do believe that people are people are people foremost. A gay female, a straight male, a bi-curious accountant or a nymphomanic gardener... the difference in thinking and reacting to a situation is still more attributed to individual traits than gender or sexual preference.

I have written from the perspective of a homosexual female. The only difference between her and a straight man was the social situation that came with it re society's prejudices against her. Read up on that, or transfer it from another situation of prejudice and discrimination thst you might be more familiar with.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The trouble with homosexuals is that they're so damned much like everyone else.

It's really quite disappointing.

 

[Guest]

Sounds to me like a good situation to explore the conflicts of having that woman's mind trapped in a male body and where they are coming from. Good way to develope the character and the rest will follow as the character becomes more solid.

 

[Never]

Shiresa:
" I am writing a story (not erotica sorry) where the main character has, almost against my will, become a homosexual woman. She has kids and an ex husband, (I am thinking about adding to it how her new sexual preference lost her custody) but is now very unhappy with men in general.

Being neither female nor homosexual I am asking if any of you who are (either) could give me some ideas about attitudes that wouldn't occur to a hetero male."

Your request is a difficult one. In order to tell you what ideas about attitudes I have that a heterosexual man doesn't, I'd need to have been a straight man at some point, wouldn't I?

Liar:
" the difference in thinking and reacting to a situation is still more attributed to individual traits than gender or sexual preference."

That's a nice thing to say but not something I've seen consistently borne out. Gender, for instance, tends to lead to significant differences in how a person thinks, speaks, approaches a problem, or even what they consider a problem. A black lesbian and a white, straight male are likely to have had difference experiences and come from different backgrounds. The idea that the writer need only apply a coat of paint to a character and change their dangly bits to switch from one to another doesn't hold with me.

Also, the idea that society's prejudices are the only difference sort of rankles me.

 

[matriarch]

The trouble with homosexuals is that they're so damned much like everyone else.

It's really quite disappointing.

 

[shiresa]

Ok I have failed utterly to get the question phrased correctly.

Yes people are people. I am sorry if I insinuated in any way that I think of lesbians as some alien species.

I know who this character is. As with all my characters I love her dearly (yes even the bad ones).

What I was asking for were little quirks and ideas, Little attitudes and behaviors that are common around you. I know there isn't a secret handshake. I just wondered if there were any things you could think of to suggest that I might use. Not to make her more real to me. I wanted to make her more real to other women.

Yes I realise no one can change sexes and orientations just to tell me how it feels.

Again I am sorry that I offended you. My original post was not thought out.

 

[TheEarl]

Ok I have failed utterly to get the question phrased correctly.

Yes people are people. I am sorry if I insinuated in any way that I think of lesbians as some alien species.

I know who this character is. As with all my characters I love her dearly (yes even the bad ones).

What I was asking for were little quirks and ideas, Little attitudes and behaviors that are common around you. I know there isn't a secret handshake. I just wondered if there were any things you could think of to suggest that I might use. Not to make her more real to me. I wanted to make her more real to other women.

Yes I realise no one can change sexes and orientations just to tell me how it feels.

Again I am sorry that I offended you. My original post was not thought out.

I get what you mean. I asked very similar questions as I wrote my first (non-erotic) novel, as the main character was gay. The thing about asking the big open question like "Can you give me a guide as to how a lesbian woman would react/think" is that you generally get woolly and very un-useful answers. You're better off starting by asking some specific lesbians "How would you react to suddenly being in a man's body?"

Lots of little questions will get you a better response. Plus I cannot overstate the value of sticking around here and watching the lesbians in the wild . As a man, you can make some wrong assumptions, but you will learn a lot if you hang around and talk to people and find out their experiences.

The Earl

 

[Liar]

Yes people are people. I am sorry if I insinuated in any way that I think of lesbians as some alien species.

Hey, aliens are people too!

 

[mrmgp]

I wouldn't have her as being bi-curious or having a history of dabbling in lesbianism years ago (it's an overused cliche). If you want her to end up being in bed with another woman, have her meet a woman who happens to be a lesbian, and have that woman start seducing your character. Have your heterosexual character not just suddenly swoon under the seduction, but have her slowly realize that here she is with someone who is attracted to her and attentive to her needs, and once, just once, she would like to experience lovemaking from someone who actually cares about her as a person. Just make it a moment of emotional weakness in the character that makes her decide to go to bed with this lesbian character.

 

[TheEarl]

...have her slowly realize that here she is with someone who is attracted to her and attentive to her needs, and once, just once, she would like to experience lovemaking from someone who actually cares about her as a person...

Excuse me. There do exist blokes who fit this criteria.

Women do not have the monopoly on unselfish and deeply personal lovemaking.

The Earl

 

[mrmgp]

Excuse me. There do exist blokes who fit this criteria.

Women do not have the monopoly on unselfish and deeply personal lovemaking.

The Earl

Sorry, My Lord. Please allow me to elaborate. The woman mentioned in the thread is pretty much burned out on men, probably from too many bad relationships. She's probably reached a point where she doesn't want to risk being hurt by yet another man, so she's shutting herself off from them regardless of the fact that there are caring men out there.

I'm kind of going through the same process myself now. I look at the whole dating scene as one big minefield after being burned so many times. Sure, there are good women out there, but you also have to contend with potential realities that looks something like this:

Hey, that woman seems nice. I'll hook up with her.
<BOOM>
She just gave you an STD.

or

Hey, I really like this woman. She seems like a really great person. I'll take a chance with her.
<BOOM>
She's still in love with an ex, and after you've become emotionally involved with her, she decides to reconcile with her ex.

or

Hey, this seems like the girl of my dreams. I think I'll marry her.
<BOOM>
She's got serious hidden baggage that comes out a few years after you marry her and completely blows the marriage all to hell.

You tend to see these possibilities more than happy endings. That's probably the mindset the woman in the story is in.

 

[mrmgp]

The trouble with homosexuals is that they're so damned much like everyone else.

It's really quite disappointing.

I'm more understanding of lesbians. I mean, any woman who likes pussy as much as I do can't be all that bad.

 

[TheEarl]

Sorry, My Lord. Please allow me to elaborate. The woman mentioned in the thread is pretty much burned out on men, probably from too many bad relationships. She's probably reached a point where she doesn't want to risk being hurt by yet another man, so she's shutting herself off from them regardless of the fact that there are caring men out there.

Oh I get that. It was the implied assumption that a lesbian relationship was automatically going to result in a more personal, tender and caring lovemaking. I think a lot of the lesbians on the site can confirm that women have just as much potential to be self-absorbed evil selfish partners.

The Earl