Corrupt Wish

[Guest]

I nicked this from another fave forum of mine, and, although the topic isn't very authorly, I thought we could brush up on our writing skills and give our imaginations a workout with some inventive answers.

You make a wish and the next person grants it, but corrupts it by placing a condition or adverse consequence to the outcome of the wish.

Example (taken from the other forum):

Wish: I wish I could make my fantasies into reality.

Response: Granted, but you can't resist telling a friend what you got up to, in the living out of your dark and twisted fantasies. She writes them up as erotic stories and publishes them on her site. She quotes her source, because she's kind like that.

Ok, here's my wish...

I wish I could be more disciplined and exercise more.

Lou

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Your wish is granted. You are now a Gorean slave girl, and your master makes you exercise or punishes you; he also trains you to have self-discipline the same way.

 

[Guest]

Your wish is granted. You are now a Gorean slave girl, and your master makes you exercise or punishes you; he also trains you to have self-discipline the same way.

LOL! That might not be so bad.

In my initial post, I forgot to add this: after your reply, granting the wish, add your own wish at the bottom of the post.

Lou

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Oh, ok.

My wish: I wish to be the sole winner of the upcoming lottery.

 

[Alex De Kok]

Your wish is granted - you are the sole winner of the lottery.

Unfortunately, on the way to the bank with the cheque you are kidnapped by a Turian slaver and taken to Gor for enslavement.

Tal, pagan, Ta-Sardar-Gor!

Alex

I wish I could write fantasy, or science fiction, as easily as I write my indifferent erotica.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Oh, ok.

My wish: I wish to be the sole winner of the upcoming lottery.

Granted, but you're also the only better. So, your gainings will be the same as your bet, minus 50% for the organising institution, minus 50% of what's left for the television network, minus taxes.

I wish I could see a Keanu Reeves movie that wouldn't suck.

 

[rgraham666]

Fine, but remember what tax bracket that will put you in. Also, you'll slam a door in someone's face running to the bank to cash the check. The lawsuit will be for everything left after the tax people are done with it.

My wish? I wish I could speak and read French, German, Latin, Ancient Greek, Italian, Russian, Chinese and Japanese as if native born.

 

[Guest]

Wish granted.

But the Gov't has written a new tax which eats 50% of your winnings and to make up for past sins you are compelled to donate all but $50 to the battered wives shelter. The rest you spend on Ice cream for the neighborhood children.

I wish the novel I'm writing would become a blockbuster movie.

 

[Edward Teach]

Oh, ok.

My wish: I wish to be the sole winner of the upcoming lottery.

Your wish is granted.

You win the lottery, but have to split the money with me.

My wish is to use my lottery winnings to buy Katie and make her my slave.

Ed

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I wish I could write fantasy, or science fiction, as easily as I write my indifferent erotica.

Oh, that's too easy.

Granted. From now on, all pens, pencils, computer keyboards, pieces of chalk, stylets, or any other writing instruments your hands touch will instantly turn into lemon sorbet.

My wish still stands.

 

[Guest]

I wish I could see a Keanu Reeves movie that wouldn't suck.

Granted, he now stars in every movie churned out by Hollywood. He has a sole contract with every big movie producer. All other male leading actors are banished to TV ads. The chances of one of those numerous movies being any good are slim, but it will happen.

RG's wish was next: My wish? I wish I could speak and read French, German, Latin, Ancient Greek, Italian, Russian, Chinese and Japanese as if native born.

( Edited to add: Then Dranoel's: I wish the novel I'm writing would become a blockbuster movie.

And then Ed's: My wish is to use my lottery winnings to buy Katie and make her my slave. )

 

[Alex De Kok]

I wish I could see a Keanu Reeves movie that wouldn't suck.

Your wish is granted, but first you have to persuade a movie company that it is possible. Then you have have to find a script, a director, a producer, a scriptwriter and everything else you need, including the funding. Then you have to find a drama coach of incredible talent. Only when all these have been assembled, and the movie completed - based, of course, on one of my my superb science-fiction stories - which I dictated to a team of secretaries while I enjoyed my lemon sorbet - only then can you even contemplate the actual enjoyment of the movie.

Alex

I wish I'd never got started on this...

 

[Guest]

Alex:

I'm gonna reply to RG's wish... My wish? I wish I could speak and read French, German, Latin, Ancient Greek, Italian, Russian, Chinese and Japanese as if native born.

Granted, but you can now only speak all eight languages at once. You've forgotten English and you can't distinguish between the other languages. Your brain is so brilliant, it has fused all eight. No other bugger in the world can understand a word you say.

Now Dranoel's: I wish the novel I'm writing would become a blockbuster movie.

 

[Guest]

Oooh no! I'm sorry, I've gotta do Dranoel's too!

I wish the novel I'm writing would become a blockbuster movie.

Granted, but because of Lauren's wish, the lead is taken by Keanu Reeves.


Now to Ed's wish: My wish is to use my lottery winnings to buy Katie and make her my slave.

 

[Guest]

Ok, I'll take Ed's, too, and get this back on track with my own duplicate of Alex's wish...

Ed's: My wish is to use my lottery winnings to buy Katie and make her my slave.

First of all: , then: Granted, but as soon as payment is made my schizophrenic mind finally blows and I permanently turn into Shock Chick. Your life is a living hell, because that bitch can't be controlled.



Ok, Alex's wish was: I wish I'd never started this...

My wish is the same.

 

[Edward Teach]

Ok, I'll take Ed's, too, and get this back on track with my own duplicate of Alex's wish...

Ed's: My wish is to use my lottery winnings to buy Katie and make her my slave.

First of all: , then: Granted, but as soon as payment is made my schizophrenic mind finally blows and I permanently turn into Shock Chick. Your life is a living hell, because that bitch can't be controlled.



Ok, Alex's wish was: I wish I'd never started this...

My wish is the same.

AARRRGG!!!

Tinney me god, matey, Aye'll walk the plank. Anything to get away from the "Chick." Help me please!

Yer wish is granted, me lovely, without nary a condition.

Just please get Shocky off me boat.

Ed

 

[Guest]

Ok, Alex's wish was: I wish I'd never started this...

My wish is the same.

wish granted, however, now that we've had to go back in time we have passed one another in a cyclonic wind tunnel and ripped open the very fabric of the space/time continum...everyone has imploded, making a very huge slimy mess on the face of the earth for aliens to sift through for scientific purposes.


i wish for whirled peas

 

[Guest]

wish granted, however, now that we've had to go back in time we have passed one another in a cyclonic wind tunnel and ripped open the very fabric of the space/time continum...everyone has imploded, making a very huge slimy mess on the face of the earth for aliens to sift through for scientific purposes.


i wish for whirled peas

Wish granted.

But you have to eat them with me.

I wish we all lived in the same Condo complex.

BTW: Keannu as a dragon..... At least we don't have to look at him while he acts badly.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I wish we all lived in the same Condo complex.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, we immediately get off on the wrong foot as one wants to watch the base ball game on the sports channel, another one wants to watch Terms of Endearment, a third one screams at all the others because the dishes haven't been done, a fourth one claims that it's not his turn to take out the garbage...

I wish I could juggle.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, we immediately get off on the wrong foot as one wants to watch the base ball game on the sports channel, another one wants to watch Terms of Endearment, a third one screams at all the others because the dishes haven't been done, a fourth one claims that it's not his turn to take out the garbage...

I wish I could juggle.

Wish granted. But you can't stop. And did we mention that you're juggling nuclear bombs?

I wish for a pure soul.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Wish granted. But this pure soul isn't your own, it belongs to another human being.

I wish I had a Pepsi.

 

[Guest]

Granted. But you can only drink it with a straw. And the straw leaks.


I wish I lived in Arizona.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Granted. But you can only drink it with a straw. And the straw leaks.


I wish I lived in Arizona.

Wish granted. Welcome to Arizona, Greenland: Population 1.

I wish for a cookie.

 

[Guest]

Granted. But you can only drink it with a straw. And the straw leaks.


I wish I lived in Arizona.

wish granted but you have to live inside a cactus and your allergic to its fluid and break out in horrid rashes that make you incapable of full erections.

I wish i could breath under water.

 

[gauchecritic]

I wish i could breath under water.

Granted, you are a fish.

I wish to not have a wish.

Gauche