Corrupt Wish

[Guest]

wish granted but you have to live inside a cactus and your allergic to its fluid and break out in horrid rashes that make you incapable of full erections.

I wish i could breath under water.

Granted. But now you breathe only water and you live in the cactus next door to me.

 

[Guest]

Wish granted. Welcome to Arizona, Greenland: Population 1.

I wish for a cookie.

Granted.

It's a chocolate chip cookie, weighs 855 lbs and you have one day to eat it.

BTW ypu're allergic to chocolate.

I wish I was 30 years old again.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Granted. You're now back to the wages you made back when you were 30 the first time.

I wish I could fly.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Granted, you are a fish.

I wish to not have a wish.

Gauche

Granted but now you have to spend all of eternity in a neverending dystopia and hell-like atmosphere that lacks the sexual promiscuity of a Hell and the only way you can escape is via a wish that you threw away and the other people were smart enough to hold on to their wishes and now are living in the Paradise-like twin and you're all alone except for me with a beer saying, yeah it sucks don't it?

 

[Guest]

Granted, you are a fish.

I wish to not have a wish.

Gauche

Granted, but in your wish to not have a wish you have actually made a wish, throwing the wish-granting fairies into a state of complete and utter confusion. The whole lot comes to an almighty head and backfires, causing the biggest case of fairy-squits ever known to fairy land. They have to leave their place of calm and solace and take up residence here on Earth, where they have to take the form of butterflies. They live for only 40 days and are so innocent in their thoughts and beliefs that they don't work out how to copulate in time, thus rendering the fairy-wish-granters extinct. I hope you're happy now.

I wish I could lie in my garden naked, right now (because it's so cool out there), without fear of being spotted by nosey neighbours.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I wish I could lie in my garden naked, right now (because it's so cool out there), without fear of being spotted by nosey neighbours.

granted, but then all the neighborhood children come by to play and you're forced to hide in the ivy bushes...little do you know that one of them is poison ivy.

I wish for a time machine.

 

[gauchecritic]

I wish for a time machine.

granted, at least it's a rolex.

I wish I knew if schroedinger's cat was alive or dead.


(thanks for your answer loulou to the other, now try this one)

Gauche

Edited to add the cat. soz

 

[Guest]

I wish I could lie in my garden naked, right now (because it's so cool out there), without fear of being spotted by nosey neighbours.

You are naked in your garden and the neighbors don't know it, but you left your webcam on and focused on the berry patch next to the hammock you're in and I am at this moment watching you do really smutty stuff to yourself and I think everyone here should have the url by now.

I wish I had an apartment in Venice (to live in!).

Perdita

 

[Lauren Hynde]

granted, at least it's a rolex.

I wish I knew if schroedinger's was alive or dead.


(thanks for your answer loulou to the other, now try this one)

Gauche

Granted, but to find out you'll have to be locked in the lead box with the cat and thrown you into a wormhole directly over the sun.

I wish I could read a story by H. P. Lovecraft where the narrator would just GET ON WITH IT and tell the story.

 

[gauchecritic]

I wish I had an apartment in Venice (to live in!).

Perdita

Granted, but it's only a car drive from where you actually live now. In the desert. No gondolas. No gondolier.

Edited: forget my wish go to Lauren's

 

[doormouse]

I wish I had an apartment in Venice (to live in!).

Perdita

Granted, but the apartment is built on a gondola which leaks.

I wish I could visit LDW ... NOW

 

[Guest]

Granted, but to find out you'll have to be locked in the lead box with the cat and thrown you into a wormhole directly over the sun.

I wish I could read a story by H. P. Lovecraft where the narrator would just GET ON WITH IT and tell the story.

wish granted, but the story is in see jane run, run jane run format and has made you quiver with excitement and you long to never read another book again.

i wish for a condo on the lake of lava to party with all my lit friends

 

[Guest]

Edited: forget my wish go to Lauren's

Ok, and since you gave up your wish you have to come with me and while I find someone to fix the leak you get arrested cos everything you say in Yorkshire sounds like obscenities to the Venetians, and in your jail cell you are forced to eat really spicy food and Venetian beer!

I wish I had a Nuyorican arse. P.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

wish granted, but the story is in see jane run, run jane run format and has made you quiver with excitement and you long to never read another book again.

i wish for a condo on the lake of lava to party with all my lit friends

Granted, but the lava is too hot for a boat to cross so you have no booze for the party.


I wish to no longer have any pain from that stupid wreck a few years ago.

 

[Guest]

I wish to no longer have any pain from that stupid wreck a few years ago.

I'm going to cheat. Your wish is granted w/o penalty.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

i wish for a condo on the lake of lava to party with all my lit friends

Granted. You're forced to wear asbestos bikinis due to the immense heat on the lake of fire and the asbestos itches you something fierce and you're laid up for six months and stuck at the listening desk for all souls who think they were wrongly sentenced to hell. Oh, and your 'DENIED' stamp runs out of ink on the fourth applicant.

I wish that I never need to shave my legs again and that the hair doesn't grow back.

 

[Guest]

Ok, and since you gave up your wish you have to come with me and while I find someone to fix the leak you get arrested cos everything you say in Yorkshire sounds like obscenities to the Venetians, and in your jail cell you are forced to eat really spicy food and Venetian beer!

I wish I had a Nuyorican arse. P.

Granted. But now you can't find clothes to fit. everything is WAY to small.

I wish I could type faster.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

I wish that I never need to shave my legs again and that the hair doesn't grow back.

Granted, you are now a man. And a hairless one to boot. And you still live in Texas.

I wish for a giant ball of energy that acts like a doggie and is bound by the three laws of robotics.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

I'm going to cheat. Your wish is granted w/o penalty.

Thank you.

 

[Guest]

Granted. You're forced to wear asbestos bikinis due to the immense heat on the lake of fire and the asbestos itches you something fierce and you're laid up for six months and stuck at the listening desk for all souls who think they were wrongly sentenced to hell. Oh, and your 'DENIED' stamp runs out of ink on the fourth applicant.

I wish that I never need to shave my legs again and that the hair doesn't grow back.

wish granted.
you have had elective laser surgery that has made all hair growth on your legs come to a complete halt, however, during the treatment they had a small glitch and did a reverse treatment that has you growing hair from your gash at an exponential rate and you develop carpal tunnel from trimming it ever five min.

i wish for the reversal of luckys wish

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Granted, you are now a man. And a hairless one to boot. And you still live in Texas.

I wish for a giant ball of energy that acts like a doggie and is bound by the three laws of robotics.

Granted, but now you have little balls of energy bouncing around your house and destorying all your breakable stuff.


I wish my kids would learn how to be quiet.

 

[gauchecritic]

I wish my kids would learn how to be quiet.

Already granted but you just had to go and give them free will and choice didn't you?

I wish I could fly (in my present form, and land safely too)

Gauche

 

[Guest]

I wish I could fly (in my present form, and land safely too)

Granted, but you must fly naked and try not to drip or you will land on your arse (safely of course).

I wish I could sing opera really well.

Perdita

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Granted, but you must fly naked and try not to drip or you will land on your arse (safely of course).

I wish I could sing opera really well.

Perdita

Granted, but whenever you do a metal band will accompany you.

I wish for a pet god.

 

[doormouse]

Granted, but whenever you do a metal band will accompany you.

I wish for a pet god.

Granted, but he will be the God of Gay men. He will honor you with a sainthood and you will forever be known as Saint Carroll

My wish stands.