Coping Mechanisms

[Recidiva]

Sometimes, just sometimes the world can seem like a cruel place.
I'm not wearing rose tinted glasses and I'm a realistic person. I'm not ignoring the bad nor am I an ostrich.
I know there is bad stuff happening in our world all the time but there is also good. If we only look for the bad then that's all I believe some will see.


Of course it would be impossible to measure the good versus evil and see where that comes out on a Good vs Evil-O-Meter™

There are cruel people who do heinous things and I'd love to wipe them from the face of the Earth with extreme prejudice. I don't plan their demise nor visualize it but I wish bad shit would happen to them.

IMO, the media for the most part blasts us with negativity and the good stuff gets a byline on page 3.

Sort of like drama gets thousands of views here and someone's thread about a job interview that went well or the funny thing they found online and wanted to share gets a few replies then drops off page 1 and gets buried as more drama happens.

I was raised by a very religious family and at the very first opportunity I ran away and never returned. I'm not religious at all but I have a very strong sense of wanting the world to be a better place for my loved ones and future generations.

I can do little things and would do bigger, better things if I could. In my world if most of us did little things to make the world a better place then you just never know it might make a tiny bit of difference.

So, how do I cope?

I have family, friends and animals who I love dearly.

I have a silly sense of humour and so does bigrednz. The Kiwi sense of humour is a bit warped and we tend to poke fun at bad stuff and try and laugh it off.

I love to read and watch scif fi and horror movies. (scare not the gore, gore, gore for me) Learning new things and how things work fascinates me. I find people fascinating too. Especially when you watch them when they unaware.

I love laughter and the look on someone's face of surprise or genuine happiness.

I'm the weirdo who smiles at strangers, who will let you go before me at the checkout, who will wave you into the traffic and has to resist the urge to bring any stray puppies, kittens etc home.

When my children were younger I adopted their friends who came from crappy homes and fed them when needed and did whatever I could to make them feel better.

Yes, I do it because it makes me feel better to good things but I don't expect anything in return.


'Scuse me my halo is slipping.

On a really bad day I go punch my pillow, cry in the shower, go quiet and then life goes on. I cope with bad shit at the time and have a mini melt down in privacy.

Stay calm and carry on as my English Grandmother was fond of saying.

I do believe the universe is viciously cruel in the way that a volcano is cruel. It's beautiful and amazing, but also entirely disinterested in the fact that you might have a home in its path or even think it's beautiful and amazing. It is not "out to get me" because it doesn't care about me. I'm not taking it as a personal dig. The volcano didn't decide "I hate her. Let's melt her. Yeah." It's just what it is. It also will never decide "I know the building pressure is hard to bear, but I'm going to hold my breath for one day and hope she packs a bag, I'm worried about her!"

Those are options that people have, that the universe does not have. The world of entropy and physics are a separate thing from the world of human interaction.

Physics means if we don't breathe for a ridiculously short time, we die. It means that if we don't sleep, we go crazy. We can't tolerate relatively tiny changes in temperature. Pain is mindless and has no way of saying "Hey, your radius is shattered" but you just get "AAAAAAAH! AAAAH! AAH! AH!" until the radius is no longer shattered.

That is my idea about physics and genetics. It's so cool! It can produce wonders and awesomeness and also create suffering and horror.

You have the right of it, we have limited scope and limited abilities. Do the best with what you can and let the rest go.

One of the hardest things I had to learn was to leave take a loss and walk away. I see many people throwing good effort after bad for no gain other than to try to be "right" and make everybody agree with them.

Divorces are one of those things. Social stigma, judgment, all sorts of unfair and knee-jerk things. It would have been a terrible, terrible idea to remain married. I walked away and started over, maintained a good relationship with them if possible and I shudder to think what would have happened if I had stayed so I could be "right" about all of my choices.

So yeah, you walked away from your family. Your FAMILY. That's a huge thing. It crops up and is important and stark and then over time you're grateful you did it, you took the chance to build something new. But with each new person you meet, there's that story to tell. You can be judged by it or accepted for it or best of all, someone can shrug and say "Doesn't matter, let's have hot chocolate."

 

[tactful]

A reflective Pondering thread.
Does this mean reality is returning to the GB? If so, kudos to you, Recidiva.

 

[Recidiva]

A reflective Pondering thread.
Does this mean reality is returning to the GB? If so, kudos to you, Recidiva.

Reality, no. I don't have that kind of power.

These are my favorite threads though. Many people do not share their realities due to the nature of the internet except in very tangential ways, but I appreciate the real stories and real reflections.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

A reflective Pondering thread.
Does this mean reality is returning to the GB? If so, kudos to you, Recidiva.

No. It means that 90% of GB readers will have nothing to contribute, cuz theyre ignorant fucks, and will troll the thread for attention.

 

[colddiesel]

My coping mechanism in your case would be to point and laugh.

Laughing is a good start. Laugh at me by all means, with practice you may learn to laugh at yourself - that'll keep you occupied for quite a while.

Pointing however, is rude.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Laughing is a good start. Laugh at me by all means, with practice you may learn to laugh at yourself - that'll keep you occupied for quite a while.

Pointing however, is rude.

Touche

 

[pink]

I am going through a particularly bad time right now and I'm not sure how I am making it through? I'm really scared. I won't go into details, it's just bad.


I keep hoping things will get better. That is how I cope. I keep trying things, action, doing, thinking of things that might work. Sitting around the house, which is really what I want to do, doesn't work. I keep going to my job, which isn't paying much, but I keep going.


Perseverance, I guess. I just keep moving.

 

[Recidiva]

No. It means that 90% of GB readers will have nothing to contribute, cuz theyre ignorant fucks, and will troll the thread for attention.

Despite being accused of being an attention whore, and a wordy attention whore at that, I do at least contribute something of myself to the conversation, something that is real or that matters to me or that I think is funny or that I think is interesting, if even fleetingly. That is why I actually eke out good conversations and find out things and make use of my time in the way I would like to make use of my time. Sometimes yeah, it's just poo flinging, but I can fling poo at great velocity and impact and colorful trajectories.

For people who contribute nothing but go about hopping up and down making accusations and saying essentially "I'm right, say I'm right!" they get what they get. If that's all they have to say and I otherwise no absolutely nothing about them except that they clearly dislike other people on the internet in various forms of butthurt giving and receiving.

There are others who have no opinions of their own but simply take other people's opinions and wear them like ill-fitting frocks.

People's opinions about me may not necessarily say much about me, but it may say a lot about them.

 

[Recidiva]

Laughing is a good start. Laugh at me by all means, with practice you may learn to laugh at yourself - that'll keep you occupied for quite a while.

Pointing however, is rude.

You may not have noticed, but the majority of my laughing is, in fact, at myself.

You I don't know much at all. If you want to be part of the conversation, cool, pull up a virtual chair and tell a virtual tale and I can react to that.

Denying my theory or my right or reason to talk about a thread, or discuss a subject is fairly rude.

You have essentially contributed...

"Nuh-uh."

You're allowed to do it, surely, but if you'd bothered to read the thread, it has some actual content and interesting stories that I liked hearing.

 

[Recidiva]

I am going through a particularly bad time right now and I'm not sure how I am making it through? I'm really scared. I won't go into details, it's just bad.


I keep hoping things will get better. That is how I cope. I keep trying things, action, doing, thinking of things that might work. Sitting around the house, which is really what I want to do, doesn't work. I keep going to my job, which isn't paying much, but I keep going.


Perseverance, I guess. I just keep moving.

Yes, and that's tough. I can't actually look at life as if it were going to get better, because I know there's no evidence of that.

I can, however, have faith that I can do my best day to day and be proud of myself when I go to sleep at night and that's the main thing under my control.

Positive thinking and expecting things to go up as a thought process became very frustrating for me because I am prone to leaps forward and hard crashes as far as chronic health issues are concerned. It helped me more to let go of that in the end, because if I was keeping score it just looked like I should realistically be at 567+ if things were fair, but they're not, so I'm at -237.

I gave up on fair or up as a norm. I put faith in my ability to heal, because I'd done it before. Take chances, follow my heart, do what's right and realize I live in a world where "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" and accept the punishment as the consequence of daring to do right. Admit my faults. Have fun.

When my brother killed himself I was in a huge funk of "NOTHING. MATTERS." and I couldn't function. Coming out of it I thought...hey..I could...if you..if I think of it as "hey, nothing matters" then I could create my own subjective meaning and strive for that.

I hope things get better for you and that you can find peace in where you are and not where you want to be.

 

[Aphro]

I am going through a particularly bad time right now and I'm not sure how I am making it through? I'm really scared. I won't go into details, it's just bad.


I keep hoping things will get better. That is how I cope. I keep trying things, action, doing, thinking of things that might work. Sitting around the house, which is really what I want to do, doesn't work. I keep going to my job, which isn't paying much, but I keep going.


Perseverance, I guess. I just keep moving.

I hope things get better for you soon. It sounds like you are making some strides towards improving your career situation, so that is great!

I know during the times when I have thought nothing matters and everything sucks, sometimes just one little change would snowball, and the other pegs of my life would start falling into place. I really hope it's the same for you, Pink.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Despite being accused of being an attention whore, and a wordy attention whore at that, I do at least contribute something of myself to the conversation, something that is real or that matters to me or that I think is funny or that I think is interesting, if even fleetingly. That is why I actually eke out good conversations and find out things and make use of my time in the way I would like to make use of my time. Sometimes yeah, it's just poo flinging, but I can fling poo at great velocity and impact and colorful trajectories.

For people who contribute nothing but go about hopping up and down making accusations and saying essentially "I'm right, say I'm right!" they get what they get. If that's all they have to say and I otherwise no absolutely nothing about them except that they clearly dislike other people on the internet in various forms of butthurt giving and receiving.

There are others who have no opinions of their own but simply take other people's opinions and wear them like ill-fitting frocks.

People's opinions about me may not necessarily say much about me, but it may say a lot about them.

I think youre, at heart, a worthwhile person to interact with. I oppose about 80% of your cherished beliefs, but I'd trust my life with you. Most of the folks who abuse you I dislike cuz I think theyre shit to start with. So I don't think of me as your enemy.

I dislike most people cuz I think theyre evil or cowards. You cant trust either group. But I think youre trustworthy and honorable.

 

[Debbie]

At some level most of us prefer peace and harmony and liberty enough to enjoy life.

Steinbeck wrote EAST OF EDEN, and in it he addresses the Ten Commandments. He asserts that theyre choices, that we have choices when it comes to good and evil deeds.

I will go to the library and look for his book.

I believe we choose how we behave and we choose how we act and react.

I do believe the universe is viciously cruel in the way that a volcano is cruel. It's beautiful and amazing, but also entirely disinterested in the fact that you might have a home in its path or even think it's beautiful and amazing. It is not "out to get me" because it doesn't care about me. I'm not taking it as a personal dig. The volcano didn't decide "I hate her. Let's melt her. Yeah." It's just what it is. It also will never decide "I know the building pressure is hard to bear, but I'm going to hold my breath for one day and hope she packs a bag, I'm worried about her!"

Those are options that people have, that the universe does not have. The world of entropy and physics are a separate thing from the world of human interaction.

Physics means if we don't breathe for a ridiculously short time, we die. It means that if we don't sleep, we go crazy. We can't tolerate relatively tiny changes in temperature. Pain is mindless and has no way of saying "Hey, your radius is shattered" but you just get "AAAAAAAH! AAAAH! AAH! AH!" until the radius is no longer shattered.

That is my idea about physics and genetics. It's so cool! It can produce wonders and awesomeness and also create suffering and horror.

You have the right of it, we have limited scope and limited abilities. Do the best with what you can and let the rest go.

One of the hardest things I had to learn was to leave take a loss and walk away. I see many people throwing good effort after bad for no gain other than to try to be "right" and make everybody agree with them.

Divorces are one of those things. Social stigma, judgment, all sorts of unfair and knee-jerk things. It would have been a terrible, terrible idea to remain married. I walked away and started over, maintained a good relationship with them if possible and I shudder to think what would have happened if I had stayed so I could be "right" about all of my choices.

So yeah, you walked away from your family. Your FAMILY. That's a huge thing. It crops up and is important and stark and then over time you're grateful you did it, you took the chance to build something new. But with each new person you meet, there's that story to tell. You can be judged by it or accepted for it or best of all, someone can shrug and say "Doesn't matter, let's have hot chocolate."

Is a volcano cruel when it isn't sentient but just a mountain or hill that opens downward to molten lava below the earth? Like a pimple it is what it is without malice, harmful intent or meaning to be a PIA when you have your photo taken?

For me it wasn't a huge thing to walk away from my family. It still isn't. It was a logical decision based on who they were and how they did not nurture me but tried to wash my sins away with prayer, bible camp and what bordered on brainwashing. I was 14 and they were pious, judgemental ning nongs. I don't bear them any malice. I don't see the point.

My sin? My Catholic mother was pregnant to my Baptist Charismatic father before they were wed. I have laughed about it for years. There is nothing Christian in the way they behaved at all.

One of the funniest things I remember from my childhood as a coping mechanism was when another teen asked me why I was being dropped off by a social worker in a Social welfare car. (In America it is Child Protective Services?)

I answered:

"My Dad is dead and my Mum is schizophrenic and lives in a mental institution so I live with my Grandparents."

I was never teased about this. I guess my blatant honesty shocked.

I've been divorced. The marriage was physically abusive and I stayed too long. My sons almost paid the price for my stupid way of thinking. Their father had a terrible childhood and I thought I could help him and I was wrong.
It was rough but I am who I am because of the experiences in my life. Plus if I had not met the father of my children my life would have played out differently and I probably would not have found bigrednz in my life path.

My greatest revenge for the abuse my ex dished out? I have watched his sons go through childhood and grow into two amazing young men who choose not to have anything to do with him and choose not to be angry individuals who use their fists against women to deal with their issues or to try and control their women.



Everyone has a sad story or tribulations that have happened to them.
Everybody copes differently with what happens in their lives. Everyone sees the world differently. That's what makes people so fascinating.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche.

We choose to be stronger or grab a blankie and pull it over our heads. There is no right or wrong way to cope IMO.

 

[Recidiva]

I think youre, at heart, a worthwhile person to interact with. I oppose about 80% of your cherished beliefs, but I'd trust my life with you. Most of the folks who abuse you I dislike cuz I think theyre shit to start with. So I don't think of me as your enemy.

I dislike most people cuz I think theyre evil or cowards. You cant trust either group. But I think youre trustworthy and honorable.

I oppose a lot of your beliefs, but I believe the same thing about you. You are also not a troll, despite appearances. I don't think I've seen you sustain a repetitive, preachy argument anywhere near as long as I would. You don't over explain or repeat as I do.

You're willing to stand up to a mob and that's not nothing. I get a lot of praise and support and always have. You do not. And your behavior has altered a little. A few more people have seen through what you do and are more willing to cut you some slack, so you are able to converse with them and show more humanity.

Oddly enough the GB gave you a much better chance at being listened to for your content than the Author's Hangout will ever give you, despite your writing ability and interest.

 

[Recidiva]

Is a volcano cruel when it isn't sentient but just a mountain or hill that opens downward to molten lava below the earth? Like a pimple it is what it is without malice, harmful intent or meaning to be a PIA when you have your photo taken?

For me it wasn't a huge thing to walk away from my family. It still isn't. It was a logical decision based on who they were and how they did not nurture me but tried to wash my sins away with prayer, bible camp and what bordered on brainwashing. I was 14 and they were pious, judgemental ning nongs. I don't bear them any malice. I don't see the point.

My sin? My Catholic mother was pregnant to my Baptist Charismatic father before they were wed. I have laughed about it for years. There is nothing Christian in the way they behaved at all.

One of the funniest things I remember from my childhood as a coping mechanism was when another teen asked me why I was being dropped off by a social worker in a Social welfare car. (In America it is Child Protective Services?)

I answered:

"My Dad is dead and my Mum is schizophrenic and lives in a mental institution so I live with my Grandparents."

I was never teased about this. I guess my blatant honesty shocked.

I've been divorced. The marriage was physically abusive and I stayed too long. My sons almost paid the price for my stupid way of thinking. Their father had a terrible childhood and I thought I could help him and I was wrong.
It was rough but I am who I am because of the experiences in my life. Plus if I had not met the father of my children my life would have played out differently and I probably would not have found bigrednz in my life path.

My greatest revenge for the abuse my ex dished out? I have watched his sons go through childhood and grow into two amazing young men who choose not to have anything to do with him and choose not to be angry individuals who use their fists against women to deal with their issues or to try and control their women.



Everyone has a sad story or tribulations that have happened to them.
Everybody copes differently with what happens in their lives. Everyone sees the world differently. That's what makes people so fascinating.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche.

We choose to be stronger or grab a blankie and pull it over our heads. There is no right or wrong way to cope IMO.

On a side note, I didn't know what a PIA was and I love "ning nongs" as an insult. It is self explanatory.

I'm not sure I've met bigrednz in my travels here, I don't remember the name. But I'd like to!

I think that's part of what makes me careful about people, the idea that someone is having a really bad day.

When other people sees someone swerve in traffic they might think "What an asshole!" and I might think "I wonder if their mother just died."

Yes, I generally err on the side of "cutting people huge swaths of slack" in reality. It might get me a label of naïve sometimes, but I'd rather err that way than the other. I usually give people plenty of time to show their true character and opportunities to do so. I watch, but I don't tell them who they are first, or that's me making it true. I let them be a good person in theory until they prove me wrong.

If you give people the opportunity to be kind in the context of being kind to them, they'll be suspicious, but they might give it a try. It is also the only way to meet truly nice, generous people.

If you think that the best way to treat people is to "get yours first" then the only people willing to hang out with you will be likeminded. And then you will have confirmed by your own behavior that the world is a terrible place. Maybe YOUR world is. You will also inspire people to do the same to you because you so clearly deserve it, whether they would have otherwise. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I try to leave space for surprises.

You've always been a wonderful posting presence, and I'm glad you're here.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I oppose a lot of your beliefs, but I believe the same thing about you. You are also not a troll, despite appearances. I don't think I've seen you sustain a repetitive, preachy argument anywhere near as long as I would. You don't over explain or repeat as I do.

You're willing to stand up to a mob and that's not nothing. I get a lot of praise and support and always have. You do not. And your behavior has altered a little. A few more people have seen through what you do and are more willing to cut you some slack, so you are able to converse with them and show more humanity.

Oddly enough the GB gave you a much better chance at being listened to for your content than the Author's Hangout will ever give you, despite your writing ability and interest.

A fist-fight is always more appealing than a hug.

 

[mamasota]

Coping.

Crying, ignoring and sucking cherry chupetas, means lollipops, but sucking is a really
soothing mechanism for coping

 

[Recidiva]

A fist-fight is always more appealing than a hug.

I like both. If I fist fight someone I'm working on my technique if it's consensual, and if it's nonconsent I'm just making sure the asshole stays down and can't get to someone else.

Hugs are really nice but should also be consensual.

 

[Recidiva]

Coping.

Crying, ignoring and sucking cherry chupetas, means lollipops, but sucking is a really
soothing mechanism for coping

I looked it up...chupetas can also mean blow job, pacifier, dummy and comforter.

They all sound like they have their uses, and could come in cherry flavors.

 

[SigmundFraud]

I like both. If I fist fight someone I'm working on my technique if it's consensual, and if it's nonconsent I'm just making sure the asshole stays down and can't get to someone else.

Hugs are really nice but should also be consensual.

I hate California because everybody hugs and kisses each other on the cheek. So phoney.

 

[mamasota]

I looked it up...chupetas can also mean blow job, pacifier, dummy and comforter.

They all sound like they have their uses, and could come in cherry flavors.

that's the idea, amiga!

 

[Recidiva]

I hate California because everybody hugs and kisses each other on the cheek. So phoney.

I was in the theater business, and everybody hugs everybody and is instant friends.

I suppose that means people that are supposed to be socially charming couldn't possibly dislike someone or be disliked. It's proof of concept.

But Californian manners bother me because it is superficially supersweet and in execution incredibly bitter.

I am a New Jersey girl. Say what I mean and if that means I hate you or I love you, hate doesn't mean I would scratch your eyes out, it means I would like you to leave, please. You can go to the line and try again, but please don't waste my time.

I've seen that many people from New Jersey would actually scratch eyes out, but not me.

 

[Recidiva]

that's the idea, amiga!

Excellent methods! Those can come in watermelon flavors too!

 

[SigmundFraud]

I was in the theater business, and everybody hugs everybody and is instant friends.

I suppose that means people that are supposed to be socially charming couldn't possibly dislike someone or be disliked. It's proof of concept.

But Californian manners bother me because it is superficially supersweet and in execution incredibly bitter.

I am a New Jersey girl. Say what I mean and if that means I hate you or I love you, hate doesn't mean I would scratch your eyes out, it means I would like you to leave, please. You can go to the line and try again, but please don't waste my time.

I've seen that many people from New Jersey would actually scratch eyes out, but not me.

This is exactly what I mean.

First time in California my wife and I met a realtor to find a short term lease while I was there for work. The realtor greeted me with a jive handshake and a shoulder bump. I'm like WTF kinda professional are you, in my head of course. Then he hugs and kisses my wife which I immediately shoved him. He was very surprised. I told him where I'm from men don't kiss other mens wives unless you are old friends. He was all apologetic. I had a hard time adjusting to California and was very happy when we left.

 

[Recidiva]

This is exactly what I mean.

First time in California my wife and I met a realtor to find a short term lease while I was there for work. The realtor greeted me with a jive handshake and a shoulder bump. I'm like WTF kinda professional are you, in my head of course. Then he hugs and kisses my wife which I immediately shoved him. He was very surprised. I told him where I'm from men don't kiss other mens wives unless you are old friends. He was all apologetic. I had a hard time adjusting to California and was very happy when we left.

I grew up in fairly relaxed circumstances. In the 1980s my best friend, who was gay, competed in the local "Miss Your Town" competition and won the scholarship money. He wore the tiara. There was just lots of tolerance and cooperation and productive uses of time. I didn't encounter much actual hate or venom.

Moving to California was a shock. People seemed nicer but were not actually nicer.

I was relieved to leave and I will probably never go back, but that is because I was in so many earthquakes that I'd have to think hard about it before I even went back to visit family or a national park. Yosemite would probably be safe, but very little could get me to go to San Francisco or Los Angeles again, and I'd have to fly into one of those two destinations to get anywhere I want to go.